A:N: Well, this is pounding in my head, screaming, "Write me, damnit! Write me!" so I'm writing it. The third chapter to Mary Sue Creations and the third chapter in the saga of our very own Lee (spelled L-E-E, not L-I). ^__^ Ai shiteru, minna! A special arigatou to Shada Bay: Thank you for all of the corrections--it's okay, I do the same thing too. Also, you guys will be very surprised at how OOC the Fellowship and accompanying characters are. It's that way for a reason, I assure you. Eventually--no, never mind, that would be too much. ^__^ Also, nycscribe46: Yeah, they're pretty stupid alright. They'll put any OFC as a Mary Sue. Why? They're getting desperate, what with the PPC and cool authors like us. ^_~ Heh...
Disclaimer: Lee is a figment of my warped, twisted, psychotic imagination. As is the MSC, as much as I deny it. Everything else—pff, yeah right!
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Chapter 3
Meet "The Boss"
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Lee gaped, her jaw scraping the ground for yet a third time that day. "You're a liar," were the first words out of her mouth. Immediately she cringed.
Legolas glared at her imperiously. "Dare you challenge the Prince of Mirkwood?" he asked haughtily. Lee cursed inwardly at herself and silently vowed to duct tape her mouth shut.
"Er, no, Your Highness. I just um er couldn't believe my eyes. Yeah, that's it!" Lee improvised on the spot, obviously lying. "I just couldn't believe that I was meeting an actual prince!" Even though Elves really had no true sense of hierarchy and it's just a bloody title she added silently. Obviously she was BS'ing her way through this little confrontation. If anyone couldn't see that, she really would duct tape her mouth shut.
"Many people feel that way as well," Legolas acknowledged, satisfied. He sat back down.
Lee's eyes opened wide and her glasses began to slip downwards on her nose. She pushed them back up. "Okay, where's the duct tape?" she muttered.
Elrond cocked his head (which disturbed Lee very much so). "What did you say, Milady?" he asked.
"Er, nothing!" Lee smiled a huge smile and began waving her hands back and forth in a very anime-style sort of way. "Eheheh I said nothing." Subdued at last, she took the only seat available.
Elrond nodded. "Now, let us move on with the Council. Frodo, bring forth the Ring." He motioned to the child-like shadow, and out stepped.
"Elijah Wood?!" Lee shrieked.
The Council all turned to stare at her.
"Uh, I mean, Frodo! Yeah, that's it!" Lee was becoming extremely flustered, seeing as her brain and her mouth didn't seem to have any connection whatsoever anymore. "So, your name is Frodo? Hi, how ya' doing? I'm Lee." At this point, she had no idea what she was saying. Words just seemed to be spilling out of her mouth like crazy. Lee began to resume cursing inwardly at herself. "Lee no baka!" she said aloud angrily without even realizing she was speaking. "You're acting like a movieverse fangirl! Start acting well um like you usually do!"
Everyone stared at her as she babbled on. "For chrissake, Lee, you're acting stupid! Well, then again, this is Frodo Baggins. I have every right to feel weird in front of the savior of Middle-earth. Argh," she interrupted herself, "no. You're just being a moron. Any minute now you're going to wake up at your computer and start looking for Lord of the Rings badfics to flame." She stopped and let out a sigh. Finally noticing everyone staring at her, she asked nervously, "What? What did I do now?"
Elrond finally coughed. "Um, milady, did you just talk to us?"
Lee blinked. "No," she replied slowly.
Everyone brightened. "Okay!" Elrond said cheerfully, and Lee twitched at the usage of modern-day slang. "Well, Frodo, do you have the Ring?"
"Yes," Frodo said, placing a golden ring onto a round table in front of Elrond. Boromir stared hungrily at the Ring; Aragorn eyed it nervously; Legolas tossed his head—or, well, hair; and Lee just blinked. She had more important things on her mind—like why was everyone acting so strangely? Arwen was acting as if she was bipolar, Elrond was suffering from delusions of grandeur and megalomania, Legolas was a stuck-up brat, Boromir would wink at every female to walk by him, Frodo was Elijah Wood, Aragorn kept twitching uncontrollably as if he was epileptic or something, and Gimli was nowhere to be seen. Somebody had seriously messed around with Middle-earth.
Lee suddenly remembered her "thought" earlier: "Any minute now you're going to wake up at your computer and start looking for Lord of the Rings badfics to flame." Oh crap! she thought nervously. I'm in a twisted version of Middle-earth where where I'm a Mary Sue!!
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"So, you see, Boss" Leo trailed off.
Elohir picked up for him. "Seeing as she was created in the Generator, we had to send her. It would contradict the Laws to not send her."
A musical laugh came from the shadowed desk. "Do not attempt to inform me of the Laws, Elohir," a voice said softly. "I made them."
Elohir and Leo traded looks. "But, Boss, she's she's normal," explained Leo. "In fact, she's abnormally so. How is this possible?"
The Boss laughed again. "Leo, my little Leo," said the voice again. "Did you ever think that, perchance, she is not a Mary Sue?" Leo nearly stopped breathing.
Stunned, Elohir jabbered, "But but that's impossible! All who are made in the Generators are Mary Sues! Otherwise, it would never do, to send them in without knowing." Actually, the idea had occurred to him, once or twice. But it (quite literally) was unthinkable to even formulate the thought so he had dropped it. Immediately.
His Boss cut him off. "Idiots!" the voice snapped, not quite so musical or soft anymore. "I know that! I created the entire idea of Mary Sue Creations! Do not dare to think above me again! Did you ever even think that maybe—just maybe—this Lee wasn't created in the Generators? That perhaps she was pulled in from the real world?" A plush, red velvet armchair swirled around to reveal a woman of such intense perfection it hurt the eyes to look at. "Morons!" she snarled.
Leo's eyes widened. Eight years on the job, and he had never seen the Boss. He didn't think anyone really had. She kept herself in obscurity so long that no one dared to look at her—plus, it really, really hurt his eyes.
She continued, "I was the first ever Mary Sue to step forth in Middle-earth. I have seen plenty of Mary Sues step into that realm. Now tell me, you two, how could this happen?" Her eyes narrowed. "I will not tolerate this."
There was a long silence, finally broken by Leo. "It may have something to do with the new 6.0 Generators that our engineers built. It just bases it off of what our calls say, so perhaps" He trailed off again.
The Boss nodded. "Alright," she said curtly. "Scrap all of the 6.0 Generators immediately. I won't take anymore of these these real girls walking around in my realm. Besides, at best we can get those Protectors of the Plot Continuum after her to kill her." At the words "Protectors of the Plot Continuum" Leo and Elohir winced involuntarily. She glared at them. "Well? What are you waiting for?" she snapped. "Alert the PPC on her at once. We're getting her out of there before she causes any more damage."
Leo and Elohir nodded, speechless, and scurried off. An evil smile curved on the Boss' face as she plotted. "I will get rid of that girl," she whispered to herself, whirling back around in her armchair. "I refuse to give in to such an urchin. She will lose. And Mary-Suedom will reign once more in Middle-earth."
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Lee gaped like a fish out of water. "Huh?" she said intelligently.
"We wish for you to join the Fellowship of the Ring," proclaimed Elrond, apparent-King of Rivendell.
She shook her head. "No."
Elrond blinked. "Excuse me?" he asked politely.
"I'm sorry. I'd love to, but I can't." Lee paused. "You see, that would destroy the numerology that Tolkien originally intended. Y'see, there are nine of the Nazgûl, so it makes sense that there should be Nine Walkers. That way, you guys are evenly matched. Not to mention all of the things that the number nine represents" Lee's babbling came to an abrupt halt when Legolas rose and rolled his eyes.
"OK, OK, we get it!" he snapped. "Now, just come with us so that we can do our task!" He fluffed his hair.
Lee opened her mouth for a nasty retort, then realized that this was how most Mary Sues started out. She and Legolas would argue, then later they would start having wild monkey sex as soon as no one was looking. She blinked and began to hit her head. Noooooo! she screamed inwardly. Don't think about that; it's gross!! He probably has cooties!! Thinking about cooties reminded her of when she actually believed in them, which was about how old her little sister was about now
Five minutes later, while Lee was oblivious to the rest of the world and still going off onto random tangents, Legolas cleared his throat. "That settles it, I suppose," he announced. "We will not be needing the services of erm, what was your name again?" he asked Lee.
She blinked, her eyes coming back into focus. "Who, me?"
Legolas, clearly exasperated, sighed. "Yes. You."
"Lee, spelled L-E-E." What Legolas had just said sank into Lee's brain. "And no, you guys don't need me."
"Nonsense!" Elrond spoke up. "You must go!"
Lee opened her mouth to politely deny when Aragorn replied, "Yes. Lady Lee, whether you wish it or not, you must come with us." He blinked rapidly, as if he were terrified of someone attacking him. "Something tells me that your part is not yet played."
She shut her mouth. Was it just her, or did that last sentence sound like the real Aragorn?
It was probably just her.
"Well, you know what, guys? I don't care. You go on without me, I'm sure you'll be fine," Lee said, waving her arms at the newly-formed Fellowship. "As for me, don't worry, I just want to sleep. I stayed up really late last night writing a term paper, so I need it. See you guys erm, in the books." With that, Lee began to power-walk away.
Thank Eru I got them off my tail, she thought irritably. Now I can just ask for a place to spend the night and then I can find a way—
She never finished her thought as everything went black around her.