A:N: .:sneezes:. Whoops. Anywho, welcome back, my friends! I took a trip to el bien Mexicó, and it was bien. There are no more words for it. ^_____^;; Many pictures were taken, many smiles were captured on film, and (of course, seeing as we were in Mexico) many people were staring at my blond hair. -___-;; That was extremely uncomfortable. When we were at the Musèo de Historía in Monterrey—though most of our trip was in Zacatecas—I was coming out of the bathroom when a troop of elementary schoolgirls (very very tiny) walked past me in the direction I was going. (By the way, everyone in Mexico wears uniforms. All students. No exceptions.) They all stared at my hair and talked and giggled in Spanish. Unfortunately I didn't know what they were saying, so I just smiled like a loon and hurried out. ^_^;;; But I had a fun time nonetheless. And now, I give you what you're waiting for, if you are even reading this CHAPTER 6! You know you want to read it, so keep on going! Oh, and I need PPC agents to write in. Otherwise I shall have to use Viviane and nobody wants to see that. So if you are or happen to know any PPC agents, please let me know. ^_^ Arigatou!
Disclaimer [by Gimli]: I am unsure of why the Akai-Sakura wants me to do this disclaimer when she is in her right mind, but ah well. .:ahems:. The Akai-Sakura doesn't own the land of Arda, nor any of its inhabitants. She expresses her fondest desires to own such a thing, yet sadly the Tolkien estate holds full rights. So none of this suing' business she tells me about.
.:Newmoon runs up and gives Gimli a huge hug, then runs off:.
O_o .:ahems:. er, yes then. She would also like to know who you would like to see present this disclaimer in the future. .:holds up axe as if guarding himself from more crazed fangirls:.
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Chapter 6
Megolas
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Gimli began as Boromir sat down. "Lee tells me that she is one of the women from the sky. Yet she does not want to be here."
"Strange indeed," mused Gandalf. "Most of these women enjoy our travails."
Boromir frowned. "Are we able to trust her?"
"I do not trust her," Legolas huffed. "She is so not pretty. Unlike me." He fluffed his hair in a way that disturbed Gimli, Gandalf, and Boromir.
They ignored him, as obviously this was not their Legolas—it was what had been caused after years of women who worshipped the ground he walked on. Gimli, however, did send him a pitying glance, then returned back to the topic. "She has turned us back into the people we once were, before these wretched women and she has made me visible," he added. A silence ensued.
"Perhaps we can trust her but let us walk with her for a little longer, then see." Gandalf stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Then we shall certainly see."
A loud cackle broke the conversation. Five heads swirled to find the source.
Lee and the hobbits stood, laughing, taking swigs of dwarf ale. Lee was cackling in a way that can only be described as half-amusing, half-frightful. She let out another "laugh". "Sho, you guysh," she slurred, "let'sh drink urp and paaartaaaay!" She sat down with a loud thump.
Pippin laughed. "Lee, you are funny," he teased. "Have you never had a drink in your life?"
Lee attempted to shake her head. "Nuh-uh. But it'sh gooooood shtuff." She changed from a cackle to a high-pitched, girly, very non-Lee giggle.
Obviously the holbytlan were not as drunk as Lee. After all, they had drank before and knew their limits. Lee, being an American teenager, did not and as such decided to drink as much as humanly possible.
She immediately sprang up, then fell back down. "OoooOOooooOOooh," she giggled, "I wanna danshe!" Merry helped her up, and she started dancing.
Everyone stopped.
Lee began to do the Happy Dance™, which originated from her listening to The Pixies excessively. Then it started to apply to Badfinger, Free, and other 1970s/1980s rock bands. This dance should really not be described just know that it accompanies said music. That should give you all the information you need.
She giggled scarily again. "Do the Happy Dance™, everyone!" she cried.
The Company stared blankly at her. Except for the hobbits, who immediately started Happy Dance™-ing alongside her. Lee cackled. "Go shorty, it'sh your birfday, we gonna party like it'sh your birfday" she rapped. "We gonna ship dwarf ale like it'sh your birfday, and you know we don't give a fuck caushe it'sh your birfday!"
"What is that?" Aragorn ground out. Gandalf noticed with a faint amusement that he had stopped twitching.
"I am nearly afraid to find out," Legolas replied, a sense of his old self coming back. His eyes widened. "Is that supposed to be music?"
"Dear Valar, I sincerely hope not," Aragorn muttered.
"Actually it'sh shupposhed to be we gonna ship Bacardi', but I dunno if y'know what Bacardi ish," Lee said. "And dwarf ale'sh goooood" She cackled.
Boromir marched over to where Lee had slumped down, helped her up, and gripped her shoulders. "Lee," he said firmly, "that is enough. No more drinks for you." He gently tugged the flask of dwarf ale out of her fist.
Lee tugged back. "Nuh-uh, dat'sh mine. Getcher own."
"Lee, enough," Boromir repeated. "No more drinks."
Gimli strode over to the two. "Lee, please hand over the ale immediately," he urged. "You have had enough."
"Why do you all shay dat?" Lee slurred blurrily. "I tink I know when I've had enuff." She snatched the flask back and, before Boromir or Gimli could muscle it away from her, downed the contents.
Boromir cursed under his breath. "Lee, you are drunk," he said. "If you drink anymore—"
"Hey lookit! It'sh Leggy-lash!" Lee had ambled over to the Elf and poked him in the stomach. Legolas looked surprised.
"Yes, Lee, tis I." His voice was slow and worried.
"Cooooool," she giggled. "Hey I betcha you dunno bout Megolash. She'sh real cool-like." Legolas raised any eyebrow at the name "Megolas", or what he assumed to be Megolas. After all, Lee was extremely and excruciatingly sloshed.
"No, I believe I do not know this Megolas'."
Lee frowned. "Well den, I'sh gonna hafta shing da shtory, huh?"
"No, no singing, Lee," Gandalf said hastily, but Lee ignored him. She grabbed yet another flask, hauled herself onto a tree stump, and began her shtory—I mean, story.
"Well, I'll tellsh ya, Megolash ish a very intershting pershon," Lee started. "I can shing da shong for ya." She swayed slightly.
"Ohhhh
Megolas was an Elven lass
Who wandered through the woods
In search of a small clearing
In which to eat her favorite foods."
"She was a fair sort of lass
With eyes of cornflower blue
And hair of raven beauty
Many men sought her to woo."
"As she spread the picnic cloth
And waited for her friends
An Elven man she came across
And smiled to dismay's ends."
"Hello, fair maid,' the Elf doth bragged
My name is Legolas.'
The lass did smile and then replied,
I am called Megolas.'"
"Your hair is surely long and fair,'
Megolas duly noted.
Legolas merely smiled and replied,
As many women have doted.'"
"Megolas frowned at the Elf
Himself he was full of
Legolas merely fluffed his hair
And said something like, Nyuf.'"
"Why, how dare you nyuf?'
Megolas said in consternation
My hair can surely outflip yours
And yours looks like a dead carnation.'"
"Legolas opened his mouth in shock
But then decided to show her
He was the best, oh yes! By far!
He'd take her down by thunder!"
"He steadied himself and readied his hand
In hair-flipping position
He gave it his all, which was quite a lot
He was sure he had achieved his mission."
"But to his surprise, Megolas laughed
She giggled and chortled with glee
Is that all you've got?' she managed to say
To a dismayed and disgruntled he."
"Can you do better?" Legolas retorted
And Megolas batted her eyes
She said, "Why yes, yes indeed
You'd be quite surprised.'"
"So Megolas steadied her head
Gave it a few small test throws
Legolas watched with bated breath
Anticipation had him in its throes."
"Megolas threw back her head
And before the Elf coud say, Hey now!'
His mouth was full of raven hair
And all he could manage was, Ow.'"
"So,' the lass said, smiling ferally
What did you think of that?'
Legolas fell to his knees and said,
You amazed me at your turn to bat!'"
"Told you so,' Megolas sniffed
And tossed her hair once more
Glancing back, she gasped in shock—
Legolas was no more!"
"The extra toss must have killed him off,
The lass named Megolas pondered
And, checking round to make sure no one saw
Away she ran and pretended to wander."
"No more shall the tale of Megolas proceed
It is here in its whole
And such you know the death of Legolas
We blamed it on the animal called
The mole."
Lee ended the drinking song. Everyone gaped.
The hobbits broke out in cheering. "'Twas a good'un, Lee!" a drunken Sam chortled.
"Indeed!" Merry called, laughing. "I enjoyed it."
Lee took a bow and toppled over. Boromir helped to lift her up. "Lee," he muttered darkly, "this is ridiculous. Enough drinking, enough drinking songs you are resting."
"Oooooh" the girl moaned. "I don't feel sho good" Her sentence was abruptly ended as she clapped a hand over her mouth and dashed towards a tree. The rest of the Company could hear the sounds of vomiting. Boromir sighed.
"Gimli, if you could assist in taking care of Lee," he called over his shoulder. "I do not yet trust the rest of our Company."
Gimli nodded gruffly and hurried off after Boromir's long stride. Gandalf heaved a sigh and turned to Aragorn and Legolas sternly.
"Legolas, Aragorn," he said grimly, "stay and take care of the hobbits. In their state, I am sure they will need your help." The two nodded, struck out of OOC-ness by the combination of the drunken Lee and the drunken Lee's song. Gandalf turned and walked off towards where Lee was busy retching.
Aragorn turned to Legolas. "Well, my friend," he said, shooting a glance at the holbytlan, "it looks like we have some trouble on our hands." The Elf nodded dumbly.
"Truly," he managed to croak. "If we cannot help with Lee" He sent a helpless look to the hobbits, who were laughing like loons on loon tablets. "Let us do what we can."
They sighed again, as everyone before them had, and walked to the hobbits to calm them down.