How to Compare

Time to Think- Inuyasha

"Inuyasha . . ." Came the sickly sweet voice of Kagome. ". . .Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit!"

I lay there, waiting for the effects of the rosary around my neck, to wear off. During this time I had many long minutes to think, and since this happened often, I had thought more in the past three years that I had all my life. And the thoughts that crept into my head the most were ones of Kagome and Kikyou. I realize (though many may not know it), that Kagome hates it when she is compared with Kikyou, but sometimes it's hard to resist.

Over the last three years Kagome has unknowingly (unless she is conspiring against me. . .) softened my heart and taught me what love truly is. Sure I knew what 'parental' love was, my mother had given me that. But Kagome was the first to show me 'unconditional' love.

Kikyou had said that she loved me but everything was about her. She wanted me to change into a human so she could be seen with me. She had wanted me to use the jewel so she could live a normal life. But I had never been asked what I had wanted for most of my life. After my mother died, I was told to leave the village or I would have been killed. I was bribed by Kikyou into using the jewel for her if I wanted to spend my life with her.

When I look back now, I think, that I thought, that I loved kikyou, because I had been so lonely. I was starved for affection and kindness and I didn't know it. But when Kikyou had been kind to me and shown me how truly hungry I was, I had thought that that was love.

Than I finally met Kagome. When we went on into our second year of knowing each other and being friends, (and as amazing as this sounds) I started to realize that what I had had with Kikyou was a close friendship. But it was nothing like the growing love that I knew I had for this confusing girl. . .no, confusing young woman from the future.

Since I have come to the conclusion that Kikyou is a cold-hearted bitch, I have also come to the conclusion that Kagome is the exact opposite. It brock my heart everytime that I went to Kikiyou, only to comeback to see Kagome in tears or close to it. The only reason that I went to her was because I felf obligated, I had made a promise that I would always protect her. I had also made the same promise to Kagome but to follow through with my promise to Kagome, I had to finish my promise to Kikyou.

I had decided long ago, that I would not go to hell with Kikyou because I needed to stay here with Kagome. But I also needed to give Kagome a reason to stay here with me. But I'm scared and that scares me.

Sometimes I wonder how the icy stare from that stoic brother of mine, doesn't scare me, but telling Kagome that I love her scares me fucking shitless. But I know that I love Kagome. Fuck the whole of fucking Japan probably knows that I love her. . .except Kagome . . .