Holy dirty word this took a while to write. This is a really long chapter so I hope you like it. review please. kinda angsty near the end. More of John's past will be revealed in later chapters. but please review. enjoy. ttfn.

Drown

John shifted in his sleep and felt something grab his waist and pull him closer. Slowly he opened his eyes to find he wasn't in his disgusting room, but somewhere else. He looked down at his chest and saw a woman sleeping.

'Wait a minute...Holy Shit its Claire'

Quickly he undid her hands around his waist and tried to get out of the bed. True he didn't mind that Claire was sleeping in the same bed as him, but he would like to know she was there in the first place. Plus he didn't want to get sent to jail right at present.

"John?" Claire asked groggily as she felt John try to carefully get out of bed.

There was no answer just a loud thump on the side of the bed and a hiss of pain.

"John!" Claire said as she crawled over to the side of the huge bed.

"Jesus God, why do you hate me so" John mumbled under his breath.

"Are you okay" Claire said as she started to check him over for any re-opened cuts.

"Why were you in bed with me" John asked in confusion.

Claire looked away from him and said "You were having a nightmare, I came in and tried to calm you, I knew if I left that the dream would start up again so I stayed with you."

John looked at her in disbelief 'Did she just say that'

"You would risk getting caught by your parents for sharing the same bed as a criminal, then let me have a bad dream"

Claire smiled at him and said "My parents aren't even here...but if they were I still would have done it."

John smirked at her and said in a joking voice that imitated Claire's mother "Claire Standish, are you attracted to that criminal"

Claire stood up and said "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't."

John looked at her in shock 'Holy dirty word, she just said she was attracted to me...but why, dammit now I'm confused'

Claire chewed her bottom lip "Come on" she said as she offered John her hand. John took it and stood with Claire's help.

As the two walked to school Claire began to think

'Oh my God, I just told him I was attracted to him, what is wrong with me his father just beat him and I'm worried about if he likes me or not...John was right I am conceited.'

"Claire" John said uncertainly

"Yes John"

"...Did you mean what you said back at your place...you know about the being attracted to me?"

Claire paused 'What would he do if I say yes, would he laugh at me and give a snide remark.' "Yes I meant it" she said ignoring the negative thoughts she had.

John glanced at her and smiled slightly.

Claire smiled back and the two got closer until they were finally holding hands.

When the school came into sight John's hand left Claire's and his walk slowed, so that Claire wouldn't be seen with him.

"John, what are you doing" Claire asked confused.

John smirked and said "Don't want you to ruin your reputation now do we."

Claire shook her head and grabbed his arm and pulled him next to her again.

"Claire...what the hell" he said as they came closer to the school.

"I don't care about my reputation any more, considering I can't get it back now"

"Huh?"

"I flipped Alise and Lauren a bird on Monday in Geometry"

"Congrats princess, I didn't think you had it in you"

Claire smiled at him, she was grateful that he was with her today. Monday and Tuesday had been living hell with out him.

As they climbed the steps of Shermer High school, whispers surrounded them.

"Isn't that Claire Standish with John Bender?"

"Are they holding hands, that's disgusting"

"He's probably making her walk him, you know so he won't rape her"

John cast his head downward as he heard 'so he won't rape her'.

'Fucking pricks, I wouldn't dare do that to her. She's too beautiful a person to hurt in any way.'

John's thoughts raged at the people around him. Claire noticed that he was having a hard time with the rumors flying around.

"Don't listen to them John they aren't worth it"

John smirked at her and they traveled down to their lockers.

It was fifth period which meant lunch for the members of the breakfast club.

"Hey John, you doing ok" Brian asked as he sat down in front of him.

"I've been better" John said as he lifted his head off the table and tried to stretch.

Looking around, John noticed that the princess group were staring at the new group that had formed. He glared at them and put his head back down on the table.

"Hey John, what are you going to do when schools over" Andy asked in concern.

Again John lifted his head up off the table and said "I'm going home. Why?"

"You're going home!" Claire said in confusion.

"How...How can you go home after...after what happened" Brain stuttered.

John shrugged and was about to put his head back down when he heard Allison say "He's got no where else to go."

John shook his head and looked at each of his friends. And for the first time they saw fear in John's eyes.

Getting up from the lunch table he said "I need some air, I'll see you guys later."

Claire made a move to follow, but Allison grabbed her hand and shook her head 'no'. Sighing in defeat Claire sat back down and picked at her lunch.

John walked through the halls not caring about where he was going or if he got caught. He really didn't want to go back home, but what choice did he have.

True his father would probably kill him, but John figured he'd be dead by the age of 19 so it didn't really matter, no one would miss him.

No, four people would miss him. Andy, Brian, Allison, and most of all Claire would care. Once again his hand absently made its way to his left ear; he flinched when he touched the torn flesh.

John had done a good job at hiding his bruises especially his torn ear. He didn't need anyone whispering about his bruises let alone him and Claire together.

"Well, well Mr. Bender, what are you doing wandering the halls, heading out to get some dope" Mr. Vernon said behind him.

Turning around, John said "Actually asshole, I have free period right now so why don't you fuck around with someone else right now."

"Well someone's pissed off today, what happened John someone steal your dope."

John flipped Vernon a bird and turned to walk away.

"Hey, don't you walk away from me boy" Vernon said angrily.

John stopped as he heard those words; his father had used those words when...John didn't want to think about that right now, he needed to get out of here.

Hearing Vernon approach John began to walk again, but this time a little faster.

"Boy, I told you not to walk away from me" Vernon said raising his voice.

John froze; he didn't know what to do. Vernon's words sounded too much like his father's that it un-nerved him. Flashes of what happened in the basement of his house began to plague his mind.

Again Vernon walked towards him, but this time John didn't move. He couldn't, old fears forbid him to. So there he stood, in the middle of an empty hallway, listening to why Vernon thought he was useless.

"You'll never do anything right Bender, you're just a waste of space" Vernon said as he finished his tirade.

John looked at him, his eyes haunted by nightmares and horrors that no one would even begin to believe. Smiling weakly he said "Your right, I can't do anything."

"You think this is some game, you think you can make me feel sorry for you because you can pull off puppy dog eyes, is that your game today Bender huh?" Vernon yelled.

John cast his eyes down at the floor but kept smiling as his father's angry shouts filled his head. He couldn't even hear Vernon, flashes of memory John thought he pushed back into the darkness of his mind came back.

Locked up for days, no food, and no water; Just an angry, pissed off, drunk, horny father and a chained up, half conscious, badly beaten son. The makings of a home made hell.

Vernon was getting pissed at John not paying attention. Figuring Bender would just push him off, Vernon grabbed John by his denim jacket and slammed him against a locker.

John was violently thrown out of his bad memories, when he felt Vernon grab him by his jacket and slam him up against the lockers.

John's newest cuts reopened and began to bleed slightly as John slumped down to the floor gasping for air. He couldn't believe it, Vernon betrayed him. Sure they hated each other but they respected each other enough not to fight each other.

John tried to stand up but only succeeded in opening his wounds more. "Jesus God, why do you hate me so" John mumbled.

Vernon stood in shock as he watched Bender try and get back on his feet. He had actually hurt him, He, Richard Vernon had taken down the biggest tough guy in the school.

"Come on, on your feet Bender now" Vernon said sternly.

John tried to do what he was told but slipped and fell flat on his face. Vernon looked at him in worry as John coughed up some blood.

"John?" Vernon asked with a hint of concern in is voice.

John felt a hand on his shoulder and the fear and anger he tried to suppress came full force.

"Get the hell away from me" John yelled as he stumbled to his feet. "Don't you ever fucking touch me again."

Vernon watched as John ran out of the school to the football field. Looking around he finally noticed the smeared blood on the lockers and floor.

"Dick" Vernon heard someone say behind him. It was Carl. "What did you do to him?" Carl asked in shock, his arms hanging down loosely next to him, his broom lying on the floor.

John ran all the way to the bleachers and collapsed in the darkness of his hidden sanctuary.

His body ached and he was confused, so confused. Dick was only supposed to yell at him, not hit him, he had his father for that.

Angry words filled his head, while sticky blood traveled down his aching body.

"God save me please. I'm sorry for living this long, just make it go away God please" John said as he broke down.

"Claire help me" he whimpered.

"She's not coming for you" A voice whispered in his ear.

"What" John said looking around for the owner of the voice.

"I said she's not coming for you, you're just a convenience. She doesn't care about you" the voice whispered.

"Shut up" John said harshly.

"You don't like the truth do you" the voice said in satisfaction.

"Whatever you are, you're a liar. She'll come for me."

"No she won't" the voice whispered happily.

John sniffed and violently wiped his tears away, he tried to stand but found he was too weak.

"You're so worthless, you can't even stand. Look at you, you're pathetic hiding behind the bleachers cause the principal hurt you, suck it up boy."

Again John tried to stand but fell to his knees as he tied to walk.

He could hear the voice laughing at him; could hear his taunts that sounded so much like his father's.

Memories clouded his vision and all he could see was blood, all he could feel was pain, and all he could hear was his screams and a cold heartless laugh.

John sat motionless leaning up against a support beam. His breaths were shallow and tears stained his cheeks. The voice laughed at the weakness the young man was showing.

He sat like that drowning in his own fears and memories until the end of the day when his salvation found him again.

review please or no more chapters. ttfn.