A:N: Woohoo! I love all of you reviewers! .:sniff:. And now I shall name all of my latest reviewers: Rylee Smith, NeverSayDie, DeeSarrachi, RobynPepsiGoddess1, Fireblade K'Chona, GoGoTorturegirlYeah, LegosGrl, Newmoon, and rominas firieth—I love you ALL! PHWEE! Free fudge for all who aren't allergic! As you can see, I am very happy. Hence the large smiley. I cannot do replies just now, but I swear I shall do them next chapter. I should probably be updating 'Kagome of Tokyo', or '40 Days and 40 Nights', but since I am not getting any inspiration whatsoever and I am favoring this fic, so be it. All of my InuYasha fanfic fans will tear me limb from limb. But I can't help it; it's just kinda happening right now. I have a PPC agent! Yay! However, I think that I shall throw Viviane in there just for kicks. After all, there's nothing like a sardonic, cynical Purist assassin. Fun times, y'know. Well, as for the Disclaimer, Radagast was asked for, and Radagast ye shall receive. Tell me anyone else you want to introduce the Disclaimer for next time. I'll make a list. Oh, and my best friend Megan, from whom Tiffie and I created Megolas from and who now is the proud owner of the nickname Megolas, thanks you all profusely for the compliments on her song, which I was given permission to write. So, in a sense, Megolas exists. She's quite crazy as well. I'd love to see what would really happen if we threw her into Middle-earth. Ta!
Disclaimer [by Radagast]: .:blinks:. Erm… yes. The Akai-Sakura does not… what was it again?
Akai-Sakura's voice: .:exasperated:. Do we need the cue cards, Radagast?
Yes, I believe so. .:squints to look at the cue card:. Ah yes. The Akai-Sakura does not own Arda and/or any of its inhabitants. The Tolkien estate owns them all, and she is not profiting by this in any way, shape, or form. In fact—wait. We are owned? By a person?
Akai-Sakura's voice: Uh…. Youheardwhathesaidfolksbye!!
No, wait! Who is this who 'owns' us? Why have I not heard of him? I am a Maia! I am of the Istari! I am favored by Yavanna! How is it that I don't know this person who—
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Chapter 7
Enter the PPC
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Lee bent over a bush. "Ohhhh," she moaned, clutching her stomach. "I feel all woozily." She fell to her knees and began to vomit again.
Boromir tried to be stern, but found himself softening. After all, it's slightly hard to stay angry with somebody while they are throwing up in a bush and have the look of utmost illness on their face. He held her hair back as the food rations came out again. "It happens. I remember my first few drinks. I was as sick as a dog, but it shall be better in the morning."
"Ohhhhh," was all she could manage. As she stopped retching, she said, "Well, at least I can honestly say that I had my first drink in Middle-earth." She brightened, then her face contorted. "Oh m'God…" She bent over the bush again.
Gimli was busy trying to clean off his and Boromir's boots—and failing miserably. He grumbled, "Can we not just dunk them in a river and be done with it?"
"They are leather, but do what you will," Boromir replied. "I do not wish to have the stink of vomit on my boots." He looked fairly amused. "But if you do not want to touch them…"
Gimli swore good-naturedly and went to go find a convenient stream/river/brook/pond. Or any other body of water sans ocean that this author forgot to mention. The ends of Boromir's mouth twitched up into a faint smile, then he bent down to look at Lee again. "Lee, are you done?"
Lee collapsed. "Yeah, I think so. My tummy hurts." Her eyes were already half-closed. "I wanna sleep. Can you find me a pillow?" She curled up into a ball.
He sighed and picked her up. "Hey, put me down," she commanded sleepily, and kicked feebly. "You and picking me up. I can walk. I have legs, thankyouverymuch."
"Can you put them to use?" Boromir asked pragmatically.
There was a silence.
"I could if I wanted to," came her muffled, half-asleep reply. Boromir chuckled and continued to walk towards where his companions sat. Lee stopped protesting and started snoring.
Loudly.
He winced. Was that drool on his shoulder? She certainly did fall asleep quickly. And she slept like a log. Boromir was sure that an army of orcs could attack them now and Lee wouldn't stir. He reached Aragorn's side and gently set her down. "She is tired," he said simply.
"After that song, I do not doubt it," Legolas replied grimly.
Gandalf managed to smile. "Come, Legolas, did the song perturb you?"
"Nay," the Elf muttered. Gandalf and Boromir exchanged looks. It was good to have their own Legolas back. Certainly it was an improvement from that simpering, huffy Elf that had taken him over.
Suddenly a voice bellowed, "GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE!"
Boromir, Gandalf, Legolas, and Aragorn jumped. "What was that?" Aragorn asked, tensing.
Legolas' eyes were fixed on the horizon. "I do not know, but hopefully it did not wake the hobbits. And where is Master Dwarf?"
Boromir chuckled. "Out washing the stink off of our boots."
The voice came again: "NO MR. CADER, I HAVE MY HOMEWORK!"
They jumped again.
"BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!"
Boromir chanced a glance at Lee, then did a double take. "My friends, I believe I have found our culprit."
"What?" Legolas asked, slightly confused. Boromir pointed to Lee silently.
Lee's mouth twitched, and she shrieked, "DON'T LET THE TOASTERS GET ME, MOMMY!"
Gandalf and Boromir hid matching smiles. Aragorn looked annoyed. Legolas twitched, but broke out in a smile. "Perhaps we should gag our companion in hopes that she does not alert the Enemy to our presence?" he suggested, eyes wide with mock innocence.
Aragorn broke the silence by snorting in an extraordinarily Lee-like fashion, and Boromir had no choice but to laugh. Gandalf chuckled, and Legolas smiled.
The four of them were laughing when a soaked Gimli entered the scene. Silence ensued as they stared at him, until Gimli asked gruffly, "What, praytell, is so amusing?"
That set them off into gales of laughter, and the Dwarf merely shook his wet beard and sat down.
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Come on in, Beth. The SO waved in the girl with a leaf. She should be here soon.
"Uh-huh." Beth was not fazed. "Why am I being called in for a partner anyway?"
The SO paused. We got an anonymous call. And not 'anonymous' in the nice sense of we-protect-their-name-so-we-REALLY-know-who-called. It's anonymous in the sense of we-really-don't-know-who-called. Which is not so nice. And apparently the 'Sue is horrific. Horrific enough that the person didn't find any need to send a copy of the story. But they sounded heartbroken enough over the phone.
Beth raised an eyebrow. "Aaaand nobody traced the call because…?"
Caller ID is on the fritz. The girl rolled her eyes. Anyway, you won't stay with the partner long. Just long enough to eviscerate the 'Sue.
"Well! Somebody was reading the dictionary lately," came a drawling voice. Beth turned toward the door to face a tall girl with (quite literally) tar-black hair and too much eyeliner. The strange girl popped her gum.
"Gum. Nice. Where'd you get it?" Beth asked, adjusting her glasses.
The girl popped the gum again. "Package from home. I love having a concerned sister."
The SO cleared his throat. Er, Beth, this is Viviane. Viviane, Beth. Be gentle. Please.
"Wait." Beth paused. "Are you the same Viviane they mention in basic training?"
"It depends," Viviane replied, playing with her gum nonchalantly. "What do they say?"
"The nicest terms were psychotic bitch."
"Ah." Viviane's face brightened. "Then yes."
She has a bit of a problem driving her partners off the edge, the SO remarked dryly.
"Hey. Most of them weren't far from said edge anyhow," Viviane argued. "Especially Billy. Can I help it if he was obsessed with his ex-girlfriend?"
You didn't have to name your side of the console Amanda.
"Why should I deny my console a name?"
Or ask about Amanda-the-ex constantly.
"So I have a faulty memory."
Or keep asking for a new partner.
Viviane winced. "Yeah, that was my fatal flaw, huh?"
"Okay, as much as I enjoy heartfelt conversations about crazy ex-partners," Beth broke in, "we do have a job. Where is the 'Sue and what can we do?"
The SO wrung its leaves. Apparently the 'Sue is on her way to Hollin. It's quite recent, but from the sounds of it, it's ugly.
Beth winced. "How ugly?"
I believe her name is Li, and she was singing last I heard. Apparently she has a "lovely singing voice, like that of a nightingale and a dove".
Viviane looked slightly incredulous. "I don't think I've ever come across a Chinese girl in Middle-earth yet," she said.
Well, there's a first time for everything, the SO noted sourly. Now can you get on down to Makes-Things? He'll give you a portaller.
"Mine's operational," Beth interrupted. "In fact, most of my things are."
Then keep them away from Viviane, the sunflower shot.
Viviane scowled. "You know, when you say things like that, it hurts my feelings."
Good.
Beth made a small "ahem"ing noise. "Er, can we go now, Viviane? Let's not let the 'Sue get too far ahead of us."
Viviane blinked. "Okie-day," she agreed semi-cheerfully, and waltzed—literally—out of the office. Speechless, Beth followed. Well, this will definitely be fun... she thought for lack of anything else to think.