Author's Note: Ahhhh. Good to be back. I know you guys missed me. I know. I missed all of you, too. Why don't you tell me how much you missed (or hate) me by REVIEWING, YOU PANSIES! Goooood. So. HBP? What do you guys think about it?

Disclaimer: I am too tired to think of something witty. I do not own the Harry Potterness or anything else I talk about. I do own the X-Files movie on DVD, though. And the stupid commentary won't fricking work! I mean, I already had the movie on VHS back from when my brothers were obsessed with X-Files the first time it came through and I wasn't allowed to watch it. So, I really just bought it on DVD so I could hear the commentary. But nooooo. The world hates me. I think FFN had something to do with it.

Chapter Eight: HBP is a fanfic?

"Hey guys! Check this out!" Fred yelled from the book section of Wal-Mart.

"What is it?" Hermione asked from the food aisle where she was eating some low fat Sour Cream & Onion Pringles.

"It's the next year in our lives!"

Squeals were heard from all over the store as the Freds came running to join their leader on the book aisle.

Harry looked most excited. "I am sooo glad. I was getting really tired of being pissed all the time. So yeah, my parents are dead because of me and so is my godfather but really couldn't I still have gotten some action from Cho? Because that was one lame ass kiss JKR put in the last book."

Ron turned to Hermione. "Think we'll finally hook up in this book?"

"Nah, JKR is going to try and keep us apart for as long as possible. We got a more MulderScully thing going, we won't get together until after I have had your child even though I had no ova and you are abducted by aliens then buried alive. It isn't like DawsonJoey where we just get together after thirteen episodes."

Ron nodded. "True, true."

They all ripped into the books.

"Yay!" Harry cried. "I am no longer pissed! I'm all happy tra la la, nothing is wrong with my life!"

"But you still can't shoot lasers out of your eyes," Ron pointed out.

Now Harry looked dismayed. "Yeah, I know. I mean that is clearly what is going to happen. My eyes are green, which is important. Well, duh, I'm going to be able to shoot green lasers of death out of my eyeballs."

"There are so many theories out there, one would think someone would have thought of that already," said Ginny.

"Well, people are stupid. Look at all the Snarry fics out there," reasoned Hermione.

"YESSSS!" screamed Fred and George together as they jumped up and started doing a happy dance.

Everyone stared.

Fred danced.

George danced.

Michael Jackson was declared innocent.

"Why are you all so happy?" asked Harry.

"We are rich!" the twins yelled in unison. "Really rich!"

Ron sucker punched his brothers.

"Hey, Gin! Guess what?" said Harry.

"People are actually reading this?"

Everyone laughed. "Good one, Ginny. But, no. We hook up in this book!"

"Oh joy! I was so sick of kissing a mudblood."

"Yeah and there is lots of talk about a 'creature' living inside of me. Sexual innuendo much?"

Silenced filled Wal-Mart for a couple of hours as everyone finished the book up. Everyone in the world finished at the same time and slowly closed the book.

"What!"

"We didn't get together even though there was jealousy out the wazoo?" said Ron.

"I go all Spiderman at the end and dump Ginny because I'm afraid Voldie is going to snatch her?" asked Harry.

Hermione slowly looked around. "Hey guys, does this remind anyone else of a fanfiction?"

Ginny nodded. "Now that you mention it, the sixth book does seem very fanfic like. Not really like JKR writing it."

"Maybe in a couple days, JKR is just going to be all 'HAH! KIDDING! I totally tricked you.' And then the real book will be put out," suggested Ron.

"We can only hope, Ron, we can only hope," said Harry.

Harry noticed a wild pig running around the store. He stared at the pig and green lasers shot out of his eyes, killing the pig. Everyone had a big bon fire in the middle of Wal-Mart.

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Annie/Note: FINI! Well, not with the story but with the chapter. You like? You like? It was sort of different from other chapters. There was almost a plot and a central theme. I will try to never have that happen again. 799 words. Well, more now. Because I keep typing. I really like modern technology. Except, it will be the death of us all.