Time to Think- Kagome
"Inuyasha . . ." I spoke softly ". . . sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit!"
"Grrrrr!" sometimes Inuyasha could be (to put it in British terms) an insurable prick. I know that (sometimes) he means well but does he have to be so thick headed all the time. Doesn't he realize that I love him and (almost) since the time we met, I always have. And with all those demon senses he should be able to see that Kikyou lied to him, that she used him. But he still loves her, and no matter what I'll still love him. Sometimes I think that he loves me or at least thinks of me as more than his shard-detector. Sometimes I can see it in his eyes, than this wall just closes behind his eyes and all emotion is shut off.
After a big battle he will come to me to see if I'm alright, sometimes he will put his arm around my shoulders. Then I can't shake the feeling that there might be something there, something between us. The way he protects me in battle, it's not the same as the way he protects Sango and Miroku. He knows that we can protect ourselves but he seems like he needs to take care of me. He might give these subtle clues that he was worried about me, when he couldn't help me but someone else did.
But when he saves me and sometimes when he saves Shippou, he gives me this look that holds all the love in the world, or when he looks over Shippou in a fatherly way that is so adorable. But than he closes his eyes, and when he opens them they're not the same warm golden colour that they once were. They are cold with hatred for the one who tried to hurt us.
I think that we (Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and I) are now considered my Inuyasha as part of his pack. Miroku and Sango being a couple that he needn't bother with, when Miroku's wandering hands get the better of him. But Miroku, early on figured out that I was untouchable, to any grown male but Inuyasha. If any grown male did touch me or tried to hurt me and/or Shippou, he would react like the alpha dog protecting his family.
I still wonder though, if he realizes that I love him. I know that he loves Kikyou, . . .but sometimes I wonder deep down if he is over her yet. If he has made room in his heart for someone, someone like me. I would give up everything for him, everything modern, my family, my friends, just for him. So he could be happy again. When he is happy or when he smiles, my whole day brightens. On a gray gloomy day, it could seen bright and sunny if he smiles. But he has had such a hard life that it seems to scare him when he is too happy and carefree. Like he may lose sight of his true goal, to destroy Naraku.
I know I love him, in all his forms. Demon, human, and especially hanyou. When he is human he is less aggressive and more open, more gentle. When he is all demon he may be bloodthirsty but I have a feeling that his demon blood won't let him hurt me. But his hanyou side is both of those. He isn't bloodthirsty but he always protects me and doesn't intentionally hurt me. But he is also a little more gruff when he is a hanyou and not as open. He also hates other people helping him (in all forms) unless he asked for it (which is almost never).
He may not be gentle all the time or that mindful of others but he is my hanyou. And I will love him forever.