A/N: It has been a while, fellas. I have missed you all dearly. Why don't we make up for all the time we have missed lately by you all reviewing like crazay? I love you. I will buy you presents.

Disclaimer: DISCLAIM THIS! Nor do I own el Gilligan's Island.

Chapter… sumtin: The British Cell Fairy… like Disclaimer man… only not.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
a tale of a boy wizard
That started from this tropic site
aboard this tiny fic
The Fred was a mighty leader
the George not as cool
Six passengers set sail that day
for a one-shot fic, a one-shot fic…

The FFN started getting stupid
the ishlong fic was banned
If not for the courage of the fearless authors
this fic would be lost; this fic would be lost.
The fic took ground on the shore of this uncharted revised edition
with Fred, the George too
the Ron, and his Wife,
Ginny Weasley, Harry and sometimes others,
here in Wally World.

Once upon a time there was a little boy. This little boy had a name, as most little boys do. His name was Little Harry. Little Harry got stuck in Wal-Mart with some of his little friends. Little Harry was a champion at ball bouncin', but he did not know much about them cells.

Little Harry was on the ball aisle of Wal-Mart one Thursday bouncin' his favorite red ball when a dragon came along. "Oh, noes," said Little Harry. "These dragons are so mean. I hope this one doesn't steal my ball."

"I am a dragon! I am also Lord Voldemort. In dragon form… because snakes are over rated like crazy. Hear me roar." The dragon roared. "Now, I am going to steal your ball and there is nothing you can do about it! Muw hah hah."

The Harry of littleness looked at the VoldieDragon. "That was a horrible evil laugh."

"Whatevs, little man." The VoldieDragon stole Little Harry's ball, pushed him down, and then scampered off in to the night.

"Wah, wah, wah," said Little Harry, he didn't cry, he just said those words.

Suddenly, a fairy popped out of nowhere! "Hullo, I am a British cell fairy. I am also Fred," said the British Fred cell fairy that was wearing a Home Improvement shirt.

Little Harry looked very frightened as he stared at the FredFairy. "I didn't know there was such a thing as fairies."

"Dude. You just had a dragon push you over. A dragon!" said the FredFairy.

"Oh…yeah."

"Well, anyway, you need to learn about the cell cycle."

"Ugh. Why? I hate science," complained Little Harry. "My friend Little Ron is always telling me how pointless it is. He always says it is more important to get laid than it is to get science.

"Don't you dare say that! Science is so totally amazing! It's like Scully always says 'You can't ignore the science,'" said the FredFairy. Little Harry stared at him, clearly having no idea what he was talking about.

"You don't know X-Files?" asked the FredFairy.

"Um… no," said Little Harry.

"Kids today, they sicken me. As I was saying, the cell cycle. There are three parts to the cell cycle, much like there are three parts to a pizza cut into three slices. First, there is the interphase, which is the period of time between cell divisions. Sort of like the commercials between your favorite TV shows," explained the FredFairy.

"Like the Brady Bunch!" asked Little Harry.

"Yeah, sure," said the FredFairy. "Then there is mitosis, which is where it gets a little tricky."

"Hey, that sounds like "my toe, sis," how cool!" said Little Harry.

"You are a loser with a u."

Little Harry started to cry. "I don't have a sister. VoldieDragon killed her!" he said between sobs.

"Mon, I have read the books. You ain't got a sister. Anyway, mitosis is the process where the nucleus is split into two nuclei. But there are four parts that make up mitosis; these are prophase, metaphase, anaphase, and telophase."

"Wow, that sounds like television," interrupted Little Harry.

"What is up with you saying something sounds like something else?"

Little Harry shrugged. "I am cool," he said.

"Right, keep on telling yourself that. Now, I need to explain all this cool stuff, so hold up. Prophase is when the chromosomes become visible and the centrioles separate. Hizzah, everyone loves all that jazz. Metaphase is the phase when some stuff happens. Anaphase, which yes, sounds like the name Ana, is when some other stuff happens. Then of course, there is telophase. Telophase is when even more stuff happens.

"WOW! I changed my mind! Science is so keen!"

"I know, Little Harry, it is very tight. But we have another stage in the cycle to go." Little Timmy sat back down at started eating popcorn. I'm not really sure where he got the popcorn, but that is beside the point.

"Cytokinesis is when stuff no one cares about happens. Then it all happens over again!"

"Like, double wow," said Little Harry.

"I know. Now, go defeat that VoldieDragon with your new found knowledge."

Little Harry looked at his new fairy friend. "How am I supposed to do that?" he asked.

"Just go for it, man!"

Little Harry jumped up and screamed, "I will go for it! Now, high-five!" And he and FredFairy high-fived. Little Harry ran off and found the meanie dragon sitting under a tree in the park.

"Give me back my ball!" said Little Harry.

The VoldieDragon laughed at him. "Yeah, okay Little Harry. Why don't you come and take it?"

"I don't need to. I have knowledge about the cell cycle. What now, punk?" Little Harry threw all of his knowledge of the cell cycle at the VoldieDragon. The VoldieDragon could not fight the amazing-ness of the learnins, and he shriveled up and died!

The end.

For serious.

Annie Note: Yeah. I am cool. Are you cool? Lets see if you review-ool.