Chapter Five: In Which Dracula, Harry Potter, and Luke Skywalker Make An Appearance

Bob was cornered. What could he do?

"Kill the Orc! Kill the Orc!" the angry mob of midgets, er, Hobbits chanted.

A big, fat Hobbit dressed in green lifted up his club to strike Bob. Was this the end of Bob the Orc?

Bang!

The big, fat Hobbit leaped into the air. "'Elp! I've just been shot in me arse! Oof! I need me Lucky Charms!"

Bob looked at the shooter. There stood Pippin, a big shot gun in his hands. "Run,
Bobby! Run!"

Bob leapt up and ran. He was so afraid he wet his pants. Pippin followed him, stripping of his tie dye Disco suit as he ran.

"Where will we go?" Bob asked.

"To Dracula's house!" Pippin shouted.

"Dracula? The vampire?" Bob asked.

"No, my uncle, Dracula," Pippin replied. "Great guy, Drakey."

"Is he a vampire, though?" Bob asked.

"Well, technically," Pippin said. "But he's also two feet high, so the best he can do is bite peoples' legs."

"Whoa..." Bob said. "Where does he live?"

"In the Magical Forest of Doom," Pippin said. "We have to make a quick stop, though.
He doesn't let anyone visit him unless they bring beef jerky and beer."

"Smart guy," Bob commented.

"Yup," Pippin agreed.

Once Bob, Pippin, the beef jerky, and the beer arrived at Dracula's house, they were greeted warmly.

"Get the hell off my property!" Dracula yelled, shooting several times at Bob and Pippin.

"This sucks," Sam said from inside Bob's tummy.

"Yeah it does," Merry said from Bob's tummy. "Not to mention the fact that you take up WAY too much room."

"Hey!" Sam said. "It's a glandular problem."

Merry rolled his eyes. "Suuuuuuuure it is."

Meanwhile, Bob and Pippin were running for their lives.

"What's plan B?" Bob asked.

"What do you suggest?" Pippin asked.

"Maybe we should go work for Taco Bell," Bob said.

"Great idea," Pippin said. "We can get free burritos!"

"Free burritos rock!" Bob said.

"Amen, brother!" Pippin said as he put on sun glasses and grew an afro.

"Okay, where's the nearest Taco Bell?" Bob asked.

"I think there's one in Gondor," Pippin said.

"But it'll take too long to get there!" Bob whined.

"Oh, no it won't!" Harry Potter said, magically appearing.

"Harry Potter!" Bob and Pippin gasped.

Luke Skywalker appeared right besides him, riding on one of those little, flying motorcycle thingys.

"We'll take you to Gondor!" Luke Skywalker said.

"Our hero!" Bob said, batting his eye lashes, which was sort of creepy.

"Harry Potter, I'm your biggest fan!" Pippin said, jumping up and down. "Can I have your autograph?"

"Why yes you can!" Harry Potter said in that super hero-ish way with the really loud,
deep voice as he stuck out his chest and flexed his muscles.

In a matter of two second, Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker had magically brought Bob and Pippin to Gondor.

"Oh, you're ever so kind!" Pippin said, looking up at Harry Potter.

"Goodbye!" Luke Skywalker said. "And remember: use the fork!"

"Adios!" Harry Potter said. "Remember: don't talk to strangers and always recycle!"

After they had left, Pippin and Bob felt like super hero/wizard/space dudes themselves.
Pippin, wearing a bunch of gold rings and necklaces, said, "I pity the fool that don't drink his milk!"

Bob gasped. "Why, Pippin! Where ever did you get all that bling bling?"

Pippin shrugged. "Ebay. Where else?"