33) Without me
"I am the… the understudy?" Up to now Mme.Giry hadn´t considered the term ´understudy´ to be a swearword, but looking at her shocked daughter she decided to think about it again. "Yes, Meg.", she said calmly. "You´re the understudy for the role of the Princess. That´s how it is written down here on the list." The ballet teacher had intentionally read out Meg´s name last, hoping the other dancers would be gone by then. Yet it hadn´t worked. Everyone seemed to be very interested in who would play the leading role.
Meg´s face grew pale as she heard that she had been given this ridiculous part by none other than Erik himself. Of course she hadn´t always got the role she wanted to. Sometimes a patron preferred a certain girl for a part, and the managers, afraid of losing his money, complied readily. But Erik… she was the girl he loved. Or was she merely the girl he had loved? Was this some strange sort of revenge?
"And who will really play the Princess then?", a rather small chorus girl called Marielle asked excitedly, bouncing on the balls of her feet. All the people who were surrounding the ballet teacher like a flock of sheep already had their role. There was just one person missing, so nobody was surprised by the answer Mme.Giry gave. "Christine Daaé will play the Princess.", she replied. "She´ll practice at home and join us as soon as possible."
"No…", Meg breathed. "No, no, no…" It couldn´t be true. Surely she´d wake up from this nightmare in a moment, finding herself snuggled up to Erik instead of standing here being gawked at by at least thirty curious people. None of them could understand why there were tears welling up in her eyes. Some tried to comfort her, patting her back and shoulders awkwardly. "It´s just a stupid role, Meg.", they said soothingly. "The next time you´ll play the best part again." "There´s really no need to cry." "Who knows what these decisions are based on?" "He has always preferred Christine."
Their comments washed over Meg like waves over a rock in the sea. She heard their voice, but they could as well have spoken Latin. She was too busy with her own thoughts to care what they said. How could Erik do this to her? Even if he regarded their relationship as over, he could have given her the role because she was the best dancer in the entire corps de ballet. She was much better then Christine, and he knew it. In Meg´s opinion this humiliation was worse than what she had done.
"You may go now.", Mme.Giry dismissed her dancers quickly, seeing how they all waited for a reaction from Meg. She couldn´t blame them; usually her daughter just shrugged when she didn´t get a good part and congratulated the girl who had been the lucky one. And now she looked as if she had struck by a bolt of lightning. "The first rehearsal will be tomorrow morning at eight o´clock. Make sure you´re punctual – we don´t have much time." Within a minute the stage was almost empty. It didn´t happen often that the ballet teacher let them go earlier, and such a chance was too good to miss. Ariane was one of the first who vanished into the direction of the dressing rooms.
Only Antoine, a young dancer who had only joined the ballet troupe half a year ago, stayed behind for a moment. "Don´t take it to heart!", he advised the girl, pulling her into a brief hug. "Sometimes we´re simply not meant to be in the centre of attention. And being in the back row also has its advantages. At least the two of us will spend a lot of time together.", he whispered.
Remembering that Antoine was the understudy for the Tin Soldier Meg smiled after him faintly as he left the stage. When Pierre embraced her she just got sick, but with Antoine she had this certain sense of security. Maybe it was because she could be sure he´d never want more than friendship from her. As the girl watched his hand shyly seize the hand of Jaques, one of the violinists, she suddenly felt very lonely.
A single tear made its way down her cheek, but was stopped by a handkerchief. "Take this.", Mme.Giry said, her voice softer than most of her dancers would have believed possible. Meg pressed the white piece of fabric against her cheek. "And now you´ll tell me what´s the matter with you.", her mother demanded. The girl was too weak to protest or to make up a story. She simply began to talk. Things couldn´t become worse than they already were anyway.
When she was finished Mme.Giry looked at her for a long moment. Then she said: "I´ve suspected something like that could have happened, right from the moment you got the script. You started reading with so much interest and fascination, and I was surprised that you didn´t know it. Of course I had been sure Erik had shown it to you. And when I saw the list with the cast… But don´t you think you´re exaggeration a little? One argument doesn´t mean the end of a relationship.".
"This means the end of a relationship.", Meg told her, pointing at her copy of "The steadfast tin soldier". "I´m not allowed to play the Princess because he doesn´t want me to be in his precious opera." "I´m certain that if you just ask him nicely-", Mme.Giry started, yet her daughter shook her head. "No, maman.", she said. "I won´t beg. Not for a role and not for a second chance. I know it´s wrong, but I can´t do it. I… I simply don´t dare it." As Meg´s voice trailed off the ballet teacher did the only thing appropriate: She wrapped her arms around the girl. Meg pressed her face against her mother´s shoulder and let the tears flow freely at last.