Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Hazardous Sanity Chapter Five: Harsh Reality
If you listen, listen close, beat-by-beat,
You can hear when the heart stops.
I saved the pieces when it broke and Ground them all to dust. -AFI, Bleed Black
The rest of the day passed slowly; painfully. All attempts to reach Ginevra's brain in class was useless. She was so anxious about her confession to Hermione that when Professor Sprout asked her an easy review question, she only looked at her blankly.
"Really, Ms. Weasley! We just went over this! Ms. Otero, do you know the answer?"
A klutzy Hufflepuff girl with a round face started. Her large, round glasses magnified her brown eyes so they looked too large for her head. Tania Otero's messy short hair stuck up in odd places as she ducked her face quickly in her Herbology book. Ginny suddenly realized why the girl caught her attention so sharply.
Tania Otero was like a healthier, female version of Harry Potter.
The large glasses, the messy hair, the drifting off, and the instant feeling you were with someone truthful and nice.
"That's fucking idiosyncratic," Ginny's mouth suddenly spouted.
The other Gryffindor girls just stared at her bad language before Tania answered clumsily. Fortunately, when Hufflepuff was awarded ten points they just turned and scowled. Ginny grabbed at her throat.
Why did I just say that? And what in the thousand gates of Hell does "idiosyncratic" mean?
It was the same thing all day. Ginny would say or think something she had no intention of and wonder where it came from.
"Probably just lack of sleep," she murmured tiredly.
"What did you say?" Harry asked. He was seated on the other chair near the fire.
"Nothing," Ginny replied quickly. Too quickly. Harry's eyebrows furrowed and he went back to staring at the fire. He had a potion's book opened on his lap but he didn't seem able to concentrate. There was something haunting about his expression. Maybe it was the glow of flames on his tired face, or the deep circles under his bright green eyes, but he looked defeated and spiritless.
She was just about to ask him what was wrong when Hermione's bushy head popped into the common room. Immediately, Ginny knew something was off. Hermione's face was screwed into one of frustration and embarrassment. She seemed really unsettled about something.
Great, two emotional problems for me to deal with. All I need now is for Ron to come barging in saying he's fell in love with Dumbledore and I'm set for the day.
Of course, when Ron did barge in Ginny was perplexed. Luckily, it wasn't to confess his eternal love for the Headmaster. In fact, it wasn't to confess anything at all. As soon as he entered the room he ran up to the boys' dormitories.
"Ginny, you wanted to tell me something, right?" Hermione asked, startling her. Harry lifted his gaze from the fireplace to watch them.
"Yeah." Ginny hesitated before getting up abruptly, grabbing Hermione's hand, and leading her to a quiet corner. Harry watched them closely and Ginny swore she glimpsed a flicker of hurt and curiosity under his weary emerald eyes before he put his mask back up and turned to the fire again.
Hermione followed her gaze and gave hima very mournful expression. "I'm worried about him, Ginny," she said softly. "He hardly talks, he skips meals, and Ron says he's been getting nightmares almost every night now (her voice broke). In classes he falls asleep, he always jumps when someone touches him, he's gone all night sometimes... I don't know what to do," she squeaked. There were tears streaming down her face and she was trembling.
"It's all right, Hermione," Ginny whispered, embracing her and glancing over her shoulder at Harry.
I knew something was wrong with him, I just didn't know it was this bad. I better go speak with him later. If he won't talk to any of us, I'll have to tell Dumbledore.
That would probably just get Harry royally pissed off, but Ginny never liked to see him suffer. Even though she wasn't straight, she still loved him (like a brother). They had something, a bond maybe, that not many other's could have. Voldemort. Harry and Ginny both survived encounters with him when he wanted to kill them and they both survived having him in their minds.
Harry peeked over at their corner quickly and she saw the concern for Hermione in his expressionless face. That's another thing they shared. For some reason, he suddenly looked lost and dipped his head down. The black fringe of his hair covered his downcast face, so Ginny gave up trying to pry into Harry's emotions. So many years of watching him in obsession and hero worship gave Ginny a rare gift. She can easily decipher Harry Potter's emotions even though his face looked blank. It was all in his eyes.
Emerald windows to the mind, as Ginny used to put it.
"Ginny," Hermione sniffled, "what did you want to tell me?"
Taking a deep breath, she blurted it out fast. Like when you take off a bandage, the faster you say it, the less it should hurt.
"Iamgaypleasedon'thateme."
"What?"
"Sorry. I'm gay, Hermione."
"Oh." It didn't seem to have sunken in yet.
Hermione stepped back, blinked, and shook her head. "You're gay?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
A sharp pang of annoyance pinched Ginny's stomach. "Oh."? What is "Oh." supposed to mean?
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure! I've been sure since last year," Ginny snapped.
"Oh."
"STOP SAYING THAT," she bellowed at the other girl.
Hermione flinched. "Well, what do you want me to say? I'm kind of surprised is all."
"Don't you care?"
"Not really," she said, but there was a strange look on her face. "We're still friends, right? Nothing's changed between us."
Ginevra's heart clenched painfully. That hurt. That really, really hurt. But what was she expecting? Hermione jumping into her arms and snogging her senseless?
"I'm going to sleep," Ginny sighed, rubbing her face with her hands.
"Okay, I need to have a talk with Harry, anyway." Without even saying a good bye, Hermione walked away towards the warm fire and Harry's aimless stare.
Ginny ran up the steps and threw herself onto her bed. The pillow was used to stop the flood of tears and quiet the gasping sobs erupting from her throat. Soon, sleep beckoned and she grabbed the invitation eagerly.
Lana Gwen opened her eyes to the sweet darkness that always roused her from her prison. Yes, her prison inside of Ginevra Weasley's mind. Days full of watching the world from Ginny's eyes and feeling the things she felt, it was worth it to finally be alive.
Of course, she sometimes couldn't awaken from her slumber. So those nights were spent with Tom or with her own thoughts.
Yes. It was very good to be alive.
Tonight was a special night. Tonight she would lure Hermione into her firm grasp; and never let go. Lana looked into a mirror before leaving. Shiny black hair gleamed beautifully from her head. It was perfectly straight and feather soft. Her gray eyes were lined lightly with eyeliner and her perfect lips were a blood red. When she gave a smile they revealed straight white teeth.
Lana Gwen's skin was a pure kind of white, like the moon in a clear sky. There wasn't a blemish or imperfection on it. The only thing she detested about it were the freckles. Brown spots splayed like paint drops over the bridge of her delicate nose. On the bright side, they gave her a captivating angelic look.
Tiring of her excellence, Lana left the dormitory and stepped down a few stairs with her dainty feet. A white nightgown, light and sheer, was draped around her body and the chill in the air sent pleasurable shivers through her.
Lana paused.
What was that noise?
There it was again. It sounded as if some of her house mates saw fit to snog in the common room.
The nerve! On the night I was to capture my lover!
Refusing the urge to slice each of the Gryffindors into a thousand little pieces, Lana crept down a few more steps and peeked under the railing.
There, on the couch in the middle of the common room, were Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley.
A/N 6/18/05: Edited. Wow, a cliffhanger. Aren't you new readers lucky that you have all these other chapters to look foward to? You don't even have to wait!