Chapter Three: Start To Feel The Emptiness

Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Eric Close, the F.B.I and Without A Trace, alas I only have the licence to dream. The plot is mine, my own, my preciousssssssssssss.

A/N:- Wow. Again wow at the feedback you guys have been giving me. I don't deserve it but thanks all the same. This chapter may not be particularly exciting but the next one will make up for that. Definitely.

Dedicated to:

Spooky Bibi, NightMage, Raspberry Muffin, Taintedpromises, WithoutATraceFreak, Ariel3JLP, Briana, Sam rules, Any, Scgirl-317, Give Love A Break, Agent Elrond 007 (I was aware of the music thing when I was writing it but I thought what the heck ….. it's 10 years btw and Idlewild were around then anyway! Hehe), Jtsideout389, Klutz101, Equestrian Babe, Lau

"You feeling okay?" Martin asked, wrapping his arms around Samantha and smiling at her happily.

"Never better." She grinned. Champagne was flowing all around them and the hall was fully of laughing couples and cheerful friends. It was the Prom. An event usually dreaded by Samantha but this year everything was wonderful. Martin had turned up on her doorstep holding a rose, looking absolutely gorgeous in his tuxedo. A chauffeur driven car had taken them to the hotel hired out by the school and Martin had never stopped complimenting her the whole evening. She had danced every dance, mostly with Martin but also with Robert, Zach and Tom at their insistence. They had certainly grown on her and they could all have serious conversations or a laugh together. She also had quite a few girls coming up to her apologising for their past behaviour, keen to make amends before they all met back for their High school reunion to find that Samantha was rich and famous and it was too late to be friends with her …….

Martin couldn't believe that there he was, at the Prom, with the most beautiful girl there as his date. His Mom had insisted on taking Samantha shopping for a prom dress but had refused to tell Martin anything about it so when Samantha stepped out of her door that evening, he was actually speechless. She wore a bluey-purpley strapless dress that swept the floor, showing off her figure fantastically. Her lovely blonde hair was curled and lay resting on her shoulders, contrasting wonderfully with the purpleness of her dress. Her make up was subtle yet beautiful and Martin was soon at a loss for words to describe how stunning she looked.

It had been the perfect evening and now as the last song started to play and Martin led Samantha out onto the dance floor, he began to fully understand the meaning of what he felt for her.

Samantha reached up and wrapped her arms around Martin's neck as they slowly moved in time to LeAnn Rimes' 'How Do I Live.' She could feel Martin's hands on her back but slowly move lower as he drew her into a lingering kiss. It was the perfect kiss.

When they pulled apart for air, Martin kept eye contact. "You're very special to me." He started quietly. "These past few months have been amazing. I've never felt like this before." He tenderly moved a strand of hair out of her eyes. "When I'm with you I feel like I'm above the clouds, flying and I never ever want to come back down."

Samantha looked into Martin's dreamy blue eyes. The way he was looking at her. No one had ever looked at her like that before. She felt like she was falling and there was no way out. The chemistry was there, she could hardly breathe, she felt so in …….lo- ………….

Just as Samantha felt like she could never be happier, something deep down in the murky depths of her heart started rising up. Images of all those other times she had completely invested herself emotionally in something only to have it all come crashing down, rushed through her head. She felt the pain, the hurt, looking into Martin's eyes right now, she could visualise the powerless wreck she would become if things ended between them. She knew her heart would shatter into a million pieces – and right now she was on the point of giving it her all. One more moment with him and there was no going back. The Samantha she knew was in control of everything, powerful, level-headed but now when she was with Martin she felt out of control, she no longer had the power over her emotions…………. Suddenly she felt scared beyond belief.

"Sam," Martin started. He could feel her trembling and she had such a faraway, unreadable look in her eyes. He was sure it was because she could feel the connection between them as well. "Sam, I think I'm-"

Everything was pounding very hard: her head, her heart, her chest. Her head and her heart were telling her two different things. She was petrified of what Martin was about to say, she was petrified of letting herself cross the line, she was petrified of flying without a safety rope.

She pulled away, turned, and ran out of the hall, ignoring the rivers of tears pouring down her face. She felt dizzy and sick and her heart was aching, aching like hell.

Martin felt her pull away and run and shock and confusion set in. Did she sense what he was about to say, had he scared her away by telling her how he truly felt – he was so sure that she felt the same way. A few people turned round to look at him curiously but most were too wrapped up in their own happy relationships to notice or care. Martin tried to push his way off the crowded dance floor and ran out of the hotel and looked around but he couldn't see her anywhere. He spent the whole night driving and looking for her all over town, calling her name, ringing her cell phone, but he got no reply. By 5am he thought that maybe she just needed her own space and tomorrow he would have her knocking on his door apologising.

Martin never saw Samantha again for another ten years.

Samantha took her seat at the conference table and fixed her eyes solidly on the wall in front of her.

Jack sat down. "Samantha, I'm not asking for an explanation. I just need to know whether you two are going to be able to work together in the same team?" Jack asked diplomatically.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Samantha sighed. Martin nodded.

"Right. Onto our Hilky's case. We've had a call about a sighting near St Georges' Hospital, Samantha and Vivian I want you two to go and check it out, Danny take a look at her medical records. Martin you're coming with me to take a second look around her apartment." Jack ordered.

……………………………………

That evening saw the team back in the office having found Alison Hilky safe but locked in a cupboard by her crazy ex-boyfriend. Vivian and Danny were busy writing up reports and Martin was sorting out his desk.

Samantha stood up to put her coat on. Martin watched her. Now that the initial shock of seeing his childhood sweetheart who ran away from him, working in the same office as him was over, he expected to feel years of bottled up anger and frustration hit him but he wasn't cross with her at all. He just ached. He ached to be able to finally find out why she had run, why she had left him, why in that split second everything had changed.

"Hey Samantha, do you want to go grab a drink and catch up?" he asked hopefully.

Samantha froze. When the guy from her past walked into her life that morning her first thought was that she was dreaming. If truth be told, it had taken her more than a couple of years to completely get over Martin. She had spent many sleepless nights convincing herself that she did the right thing but each time her heart told her that she had run away from the best thing that had ever happened to her. Now she was going to keep her distance to avoid letting herself be reminded about all the wonderful things about Martin Fitzgerald. He was trying to be nice? Why was he trying to be nice? She had hurt him so badly, she had broken his heart, seeing her again should have made him mad at her. She knew that she owed him an explanation. Goodness knows how he had got closure without it. But where to start? How to drag up all that pain? How to justify her actions that, ten years ago, seemed like a good idea to her, but now seemed like the worst mistake she could ever have made? When Samantha Spade didn't know what to say, she said nothing at all.

She grabbed her bag and walked out of the office without a word.

Martin watched her go. Now he felt angry and even though he thought he'd buried all his frustration, he felt hurt. Twice now, she had just left him standing there without an explanation. Did she not expect him to want to talk about it? Why couldn't she just talk to him?

"I wouldn't worry about it." Vivian said, cutting into his thoughts. "Samantha can be, erm, temperamental."

"And it's not just because it's that time of the month." Danny added. "She's like that all the time."

Martin had spent the last two weeks since the Prom, calling Samantha at all hours, putting notes through her door, sending letters through the post, ringing on her doorbell until her father chased him away. No one had seen her. No one else could get hold of her. He hadn't slept in days. He was worried about her. He was scared that she had tried to end it all again until he had managed to get Alice Spade to talk to him long enough to tell him that she was fine but never wanted to hear from him again.

It had been a sweltering hot week but Martin had swept all of it indoors, locked in his room refusing to come out even at mealtimes. He avoided his father and refused to talk to his mother. His friends had tried to drag him out to the park or the beach but he had just ignored them. Now it was an insufferably stuffy night. He scaled the back wall easily and dropped down the other side into the Spade's back garden. It looked like no one had mown it for months. He looked up and saw the light was on in Samantha's room and she, like every other person in her road who didn't have air conditioning, had her window open.

"Samantha!" he called. "Samantha!" No movement. He started chucking pebbles at the window. "I know you can hear me Sam! Please, talk to me. You can't just run out like that and ignore all my calls and notes. If I've done something wrong I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Just please talk to me!" He didn't care that her next-door neighbour's curtains started to twitch. "Sam, please. This is eating me up. I need you. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything. Just talk to me, tell me what I've done wrong, that's all I'm asking. Please. Sam." he shouted.

Samantha sat on her bed, leaning against the wall. She could hear him calling for her outside again, the third night in a row. She couldn't stop crying. Every time she had to listen to his voicemail messages or heard him calling for her, it ripped her heart out. She had taken to deleting his messages and his notes lay unopened.

Suddenly she heard the backdoor open and her father scream at Martin. There was a thud and then she heard something go crashing into the trashcans. She couldn't bear it anymore, she pressed her face to the window and was about to call out, tell Martin how sorry she was but it was too late. He had got himself up and was running down the street with her father hot on his heels. She closed her eyes and fell back on her bed.

A/N:- Talk about irrational Samantha. Ouch. I feel so sorry for poor Marty. How are they ever going to work things out? Those of you looking for a deeper explanation of why Sam did what she did, it's coming in a later chapter!

You won't believe how long it took me to choose a song Martin and Sam could dance to at their Prom. Most of the music I own comes from the Rock genre and although it would be amusing imagining them dancing to Oasis or Idlewild, it would kind of ruin the mood so I dug out some soppy music and decided to scrap the originality and go for LeAnn Rimes 'How Do I Live'. If any of you wish to re-enact Samantha and Martin's dancing then I have it on good authority that it is possible to slow dance to it though I've never tried it myself. Hehe.