Thirteen

Chapter Sixteen

Rebuilding the Broken Woman

Admiral Nelena Cain still held her rank, but she no longer was in command of anything, and that suit her just fine. Since breaking down in front of her crew, she had been under the care of a psychologist from the Independence, Dr. Naomi Proctor. She was a petite black woman in her early 40s with a posh British accent that belied her background from her West End upbringing and her Oxford education.

Cain sat in her quarters on Babylon 5, in a chair next to the couch, staring off into space. She felt like a torn up rag doll that had been through the ringer in the hands of a young child, and then tossed away. She felt the loss of her daughter, Sheba, like a dagger to the heart, and still had trouble accepting it. She felt guilt at what she had ordered done to the Cylon prisoner Gina, as well as the rape of the copy of Sharon "Boomer" Valerii that had been brought from Caprica by Starbuck and Helo from the Galactica.

Her now former first officer, Commander Jack Fisk, still kept her informed of the goings-on aboard her former command, the Pegasus, with daily reports sent over to her room on Babylon 5. She appreciated the gesture, but she still hadn't wanted to read them. She managed to do so, if for anything but to rid herself of the boredom that she found herself in lately.

She watched some of Earth's television on the communications monitor, scratching her head at some of what she saw. She watched some of the sports, as she had a modest interest in it from her youth, and was impressed by the wide range of sports on Earth. The news programs were dull to her, as she always had a disdain for the media since she got into the Colonial Fleet. The entertainment programs, for the most part, were crap, and it seemed that they had the same quality problems in writing television programs as those who used to do them in the Colonies.

There was the history channel, though, and that interested her more and more. The Earth Alliance had been around for two centuries, and seemed to still have growing pains to this day. Yet most of the programs tended to focus on events in the twentieth and twenty-first century, especially the three World Wars and smaller conflicts. She knew that Colonial history was beset by conflicts and wars, but nothing like what this one world had seen.

She grew tired and went back to bed, dreading it because she never knew what nightmare she would get this night. Would it be a painful memory from watching Sheba growing up? Or would it be a memory of the attack on the Scorpion Ship Yards by the Cylons? She had to sleep though, as her body needed the rest, so she turned up the sheets and crawled into bed. She stared at the ceiling for a while; not trying to think of anything, and sleep soon overran her.

Admiral William Adama didn't like wasting talent, especially good officers. His critics always said he had too much of a soft spot for his crew, always giving them chances to earn their place back on his ship. However, he was proud of his crew, which had performed heroically in the time since the holocaust. There were plenty of times when it seemed like they would break, but somehow they had managed to keep it together. The Gods only knew that they almost fell into chaos when the Earth Alliance showed up out of nowhere to beat back the Cylons.

Since Colonial President Laura Roslin was on the way to recovery from cancer, he had decided to try and find a role for Cain to play in the new Colonial fleet. She couldn't go back to the Pegasus, as the crew had all been there to see her break down, and most of them regarded her as weak and wouldn't respect her command like they once had. Adama cursed that feeling because he knew full well how hard it was to deal with the death of a child, especially one who seemed on the brink of a long and fruitful life.

Those thoughts brought him back to his deceased son, Zak, and he sat back in his quarters aboard Galactica and stared at the picture of him on his desk. He remembered when Starbuck confessed to him that she had passed Zak in Basic Flight class at the academy, even though he had no business flying a Viper. At the time, he had been so crushed that he had been tempted to lash out at Starbuck, but, in time, he realized that the person he was most angry with was himself.

A man isn't a man until he wears the wings of a Viper pilot. He had had those words thrown back in his face by his older son, Lee, the day before the holocaust took out the Colonies. The two Adamas had been estranged at the time, and had only recently begun to bridge the gap between them. For the first time in a long time, he got the feeling that he and his only remaining son were finally growing closer after all these years.

Starbuck had been the liaison between the Colonial fleet and the two Alliances, Earth and Interstellar, but she had just left his quarters telling him of her new plans. She had decided to join the Rangers along with Helo and Anders, as well as the version of Sharon "Boomer" Valerii that they had brought back from Caprica. He was losing the best Viper pilot he had (as much as he loved his son Lee, he had to admit that he was a close second to Starbuck), but he knew it was for the best, especially given the broad plans that Hollifield had for reclaiming the Colonies.

It was on that thought that he went to the flight deck and boarded a Raptor, which took him back to the station. He didn't know if the others would go for what he had in mind, but it was the best idea he had for Cain. It wouldn't bring back her daughter Sheba, but it would help her to reclaim her dignity and respect.

"You sure you want to do this?", John Sheridan asked as they met in Roslin's quarters. She'd recovered enough to move to her own private quarters, still under the care of Dr. Rachel Biggs, but far enough in remission to be able to care for herself for the most part.

"I do. We know that Hollifield wants to eventually reclaim the Colonies for us, and we need someone from the Colonial fleet to help in making those plans. Despite all she's gone through, she is still an excellent officer. All she needs now is a goal, and this is the kind of goal that she could commit her abilities and her passion to achieving. All of us in this room know that this endeavor is going to take years to prepare for, so she's the most qualified person from our fleet to lead our side of this task." Adama replied.

"Makes sense. Hollifield could have her sent to Earthdome to work for him directly, teaming up with Ivanova to lead this. Ivanova's been sort of adrift for a while now, so giving her this purpose would help her as well. Besides, if anyone has the will to co-lead the fight to retake the Colonies, she has it." Garibaldi added.

They all agreed on the plan, and they went to her a few days later to make the proposal to her. Adama simply could have ordered her to do it, but this was something that was best handled by getting her to agree to it willingly. Besides, he had an idea that she would agree to the plan anyway.

Cain was thunderstruck when they told her of what they wanted her to do. It initially struck her as suicidal, taking back the Colonies, but the more they explained it to her, the more it made sense. She knew she needed a purpose in life, and now she was being handed one in which she could avenge the death of her daughter.

Sheridan made the proposal. "You will be given the rank of Brigadier General in Earthforce, but you would be answerable only to President Hollifield and General Ivanova. You will have a select staff of officers who will assist you in planning the assault, as well as Ranger liaisons who will help coordinate your efforts with the Interstellar Alliance. It will take years to plan this assault out in the way we want and keep it under the radar of those on Earth as well as the Cylons, but I know we could pull this off, especially if you sign on. What do you say?"

Cain looked at everyone in the room: Sheridan, Garibaldi, Ivanova, Adama, and Roslin. She knew what they wanted to her to say, and she knew that she had no real option. But she needed time to think about this, so she asked for a day to consider it. They left her quarters and left her to think about the offer.

She took out the scrapbook she had of her daughter and looked through it. She'd bent over backwards to be there for her daughter, shielding her from the brunt of the divorce from her father, and basically making life as normal as possible for her. Her own mother, Darla, had been a huge help to her in raising her child, and the Gods had taken her just a year before due to heart disease. She still mourned her mother, but she had accepted that passing because her mother had lived a long and full life.

But her daughter…her precious Sheba had been taken from her before she even had the chance to live her own life. She knew that if she went on this road that it would not bring her back, but, perhaps, it would bring her, as well as her mother, some peace.

The next day when they came to ask her for her answer, she was decked out in her dress uniform. She saluted Admiral Adama, and then said, "When do I start?"