38) On this journey that you´re making…

My dear Christine!

I´m writing this letter to tell you that I´ll leave Paris for the next weeks to travel to my family home in Brittany. There are many things I have to think about, and maybe visiting the familiar places of my, of our childhood will help.

You wonder where this sudden resolution comes from? Tonight I´ve been to the theatre with Ariane, and I´ve realised one thing: I´m not like you. You may be able to sleep with me, pretending I was him, but I can´t do that. When she kissed me, I felt nothing except that it was wrong. Why should I enjoy kissing her when the only one I love is you?

I apologise for not being able to serve as the outlet for your sadness in the next time, but perhaps this will give you the chance to find a new one. I will return to Paris at the first night of the new opera. Ariane told me you´ll play the leading role. Congratulations.

Please use the time you have till that date to make a choice. And do think about my question. If you´ll have talked to him by then and he´s willing to become the man at your side or if you´d rather be with another man, feel free to throw this letter away. But if there´s any emotion for me left inside you that even vaguely resembles love, please tell me.

I will always love you. Raoul

Christine looked up from the letter and turned around to Erik, who had been discreetly peering over her shoulder. "How could you know what Raoul wrote before I did?", she asked suspiciously. The envelope had been sealed. But then, Erik´s abilities as a magician were legendary. "I didn´t know the exact content of the letter.", he corrected her, taking the envelope out of her hand. The letter fell to the floor, but neither of them bothered to pick it up. "I´ve just noticed the shaky handwriting… and the stains. Tears, see?" He pointed them out to her. "How big was the chance that it were tears of joy, given the situation the two of you are in at the moment? It couldn´t be something pleasant."

Even though she was amazed by his power of deduction, the girl was too busy with her current problems, which seemed to double by the second, to praise him. "Poor Raoul!", she whispered. "I´ve driven him out of town." "No, you didn´t.", Erik said softly. "He simply needs a certain distance to think everything over. How could he do that as long as he expects you to visit him any moment?"

"But what am I supposed to do?", Christine asked. She looked utterly helpless. Two hours earlier Erik wouldn´t have hesitated to take her into his arms, but now such a behaviour was impossible. So he led her to the sofa and sat down at her side, carefully avoiding any more physical contact than necessary. "You should do the same he does.", he advised her. "And when he comes back you´ll be able to answer his- What is this question he was talking about?"

"He… he proposed to me.", she replied uneasily. "Oh…", he made. Proposing to someone who didn´t love him! What a foolish thing to do! But at the same moment he couldn´t help being just a little envious of the boy´s boldness. He had to love her very much to act this stupidly. Erik threw the girl a curious glance. "And you said nothing? Or did you just not give the answer he wanted to hear?" "I told him I needed time.", she said, sounding almost defiant. "Well, now you´ve got enough time.", he pointed out. "But where do you want to spend it?"

This was indeed something Christine had to consider. For the last months Raoul had been her safe haven. Now that he was no longer there she felt even lonelier than before. "I can´t go to Meg.", she declared. "I don´t think I could look her into the eyes after all that- you know. I suppose I can just stay here."

Erik shook his head. "The official version of your accident includes the fact that you´re living in a pension till your ankle has healed sufficiently.", he explained. "So you can´t appear in your dressing room all of a sudden before your leg´s better." He glanced at it disapprovingly. Despite his efforts the ankle was still swollen. "Of course we could really get you a room in a pension. I´d pay for it." Scratching his head pensively he went on: "I don´t know how we should proceed with your lessons, though. I doubt they allow male visitors at night.".

The looked at each other, the only possible solution obvious in the heads of both. "You will come-", "I´ll have to-", the started in the same moment, then stopped. "You go first!", Christine said with an inviting gesture. "Could you imagine spending one or two more days with me under the same roof?", Erik asked. "I guess I´ll survive it somehow.", she told him, trying to make fun of a situation that could easily turn out to be very unpleasant for them.

"Shall we go back then?", he suggested, holding his arms open for her once more. "Just a second.", she muttered. Quickly she picked up the letter from the floor and put it into her pocket. "Now we can go." He opened the mirror obediently, took his guest and her suitcase into his arms, and a few moments later the dressing room was empty again, looking as if nobody had ever been there.