Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and Monty Python do not belong to me. So don't sue please!
…
Spam
By Charles Xavier
…
Cid Highwind had opened a new cafeteria, and it was booming with business. In just ten minutes the place already was packed. Selphie and Kairi were the next customers to step in and seat themselves down on the last available table…
"Hey, you two!" Cid waved at them. "Nice to see you drop by here!"
"It's nice to see you too, Cid." Said Selphie, ignoring the grumbles her stomach was making. "We're starving here…what have you got for us?"
"Well, I've got sausage and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam egg sausage bacon and spam; spam spam sausage egg and spam; spam tomato spam spam sausage and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam beans spam spam spam; or a deep fried pan mozzarella pizza with sausage, beef, olives, anchovies, pepperoni, peppers, onions, barbeque sauce, pineapple, mushrooms, and spam!"
"Wow." Selphie commented on the variety. "That's quite a…wide selection."
"Cid, do you have anything without spam?" Asked Kairi.
"You can try the spam egg sausage bacon and spam. There isn't much spam in that."
"But I'm allergic to spam."
Everyone in the room suddenly gasped, jaws dropping and eyes glued to Kairi…
"Surely you can't be serious!" Cid exclaimed, deeply inhaling his cigarette.
"I am serious!" Kairi replied. "And my name's not Shirley, it's Kairi!"
Selphie was surprised to hear this from her best friend. "Gee, Kairi. You never told me that you had any allergies."
"Could I order the spam egg sausage bacon and spam without the spam?" Kairi kindly asked Cid. "It'd make things a lot easier me."
"EEEEWWW! That's gross!"
"What do you mean gross? I can't have spam!"
Just then, Kairi felt something crawling up her legs. Selphie almost screamed when she sprung from her seat. From out of the blue, Moogles began to rise from under the tables and chairs. Dressed ridiculously as Vikings wielding spears, they chorused together:
"Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!"
"This is scaring me…" Selphie mumbled.
"Shut your holes! I don't pay you damn Moogles to sing! Get back to your mopping!" Cid grabbed his broom stick and threatened menacingly at the dancing Moogles. "Kairi, you can't have spam egg sausage bacon and spam without the spam."
"But I already told you. I can't have spam!"
"Don't worry, Kairi." Said Selphie. "I'll have your spam, it's my favorite! I'd like to order spam spam spam spam spam spam beans spam spam spam and spam!"
"Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!" The Moogles continued to chorus.
"We're out of beans." Cid answered, shooing away the Moogles dancing on the tables.
"Well, then. Could I have Kairi's spam instead of the beans then?"
"What? You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam…"
More Moogles spawned out from the kitchen and the bathrooms' toilets, drowning everybody's words including Cid's.
"Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam! Spa-a-a-a-a-am! Spam! Spa-a-a-a-a-am! Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Wonderful spam! Wonderful spam! Wonderful spam!"
"ACHOO! ACHOO! ACHOO!" Moogles waved chunks of spam in Kairi's face, making her sneeze uncontrollably as her face turned ill red. "Ugh! I can't take this anymore! ACHOO!"
Kairi scrambled for her life out of the cafeteria, leaving Selphie behind.
"Kairi! Where are you going?" She shouted.
"I'm off to McDonald's…I can live my life being fat!"
…
Owari
…
Author's Note: Happy New Year everyone! Don't forget to review before you leave (no flames, of course)! Oh…and can anyone spot the Airplane in-joke I've put? (grins)