Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Hazardous Sanity

By Emerald Riddle on 7/05

Chapter Thirteen: The Void Between Life And Death

The sword of time will pierce our skins,

It doesn't hurt when it begins,

But as it works its way on in,

The pain grows stronger...

Watch it grin, but...

Suicide is painless,

It brings on many changes,

And I can take or leave it if I please…

Suicide Is Painless by Marilyn Manson

The pain drowns me. Kills me. Or am I already dead? I never thought dying would hurt this much, but it does… and now I am not sure if any of it is even real. Thoughts, unspoken, unleading to any real trail of succession of completion. I lose each thread like fragile spider webs and they sound so howling and poetic it brings tears to my eyes. Am I this intelligent? Or is it just madness?

I feel Lana, touching me, feeding on me, being me. She was me once, I admit. But Voldemort has changed her into something unlike me. Perhaps it is she who holds my few thoughts and weaves them into poetry, so they are easier to complete. Or perhaps… it is her who is the lead weight; pulling me down in the rivers of pain until my lungs plead mercy…

I don't know anymore. I just wish it would end.

--.--.--

Oh, the pain!

Oh, the agony!

Why is dying this hard to finish? I want to die! I want to end this suffering!

Ginevra floated, feeling torn between one place and another. Reality and mentality. Life and death. Love and hate. Such thin lines, so easy to cross and smear.

Lana was Ginny. Ginny was Lana. Ginny loved her, because she was her. Ginny hated her for the same reason.

Evil, I'm evil.

Then the thought would float away as pain slowly drove Ginny to madness. Lana was a part of her, but she seemed alien. One soul, one body, two minds. It didn't fit.

I love you… They will pay for your… What am I doing here?… Pain… She's you… I'm you… No… We're one… We're two…

Which thoughts are mine?

Use your eyes… Ginny… We're two… From your loving brothers, Forge and Gred… Gred and Forge… HOW-DARE-YOU!…

Which are yours?

Oh God, no… You ruined my life…

Are they even real?

Everything's falling apart …

And it did.

Everything in the delicate reality shattered.

--.--.--

Ginny was tossed into a silence so loud it buzzed her ears, and then she heard each small crack of the dark shadows restricting her. It hurt, it hurt so goddamned much. But then it was black, and Ginny felt no more.

Something was different. The air was less thick and easier to breathe. There was warmth on her skin. There was an orange light on the inside of her closed eyelids.

Light. It's sunlight.

Ginny still felt weak. Way too weak to move, even open her eyes. Or maybe she was just too tired and refused to. She fell back into an uneasy, confused sleep.

--.--.--

There were hands on her. Two small, petite hands. They were gentle and warm and caressed her fingers. It was so comforting that Ginevra thought she must be dead and with angels. But that made no sense. Why would she be with angels? Why wasn't she burning in Hell? Then there was a voice.

"Ginny?"

Ginny's ears perked up at her name, but she couldn't find the strength to reply. The voice sounded sad, resigned somehow.

"Ginny, I'm sorry," the voice whispered in a choked sort of voice.

It was a girl. But who was it? She sounded familiar, and Ginny knew she was supposed to remember her, but she didn't.

"I shouldn't have-I should have-" The girl's voice trembled and she sobbed.

"I should not have gotten mad at you, I should have helped you, I should have-I should have-" She sobbed again and Ginny felt the coolness of tears hit her hand.

The girl seemed to inhale unsteadily. "I was jealous, Gin. I was jealous. I didn't mean to scream at you, but I thought that-I thought that we-"

The cut off sentences were bothering Ginny. Why didn't the girl just tell her why she was so sorry? Who was she, anyway? What did she scream at me about? Ginny wondered.

"I-I'm sor-I lo- Thank you."

Then there was a feel of cool lips on her forehead, and something bushy touching her face, and Ginny knew who it was.

Hermione, she wanted to scream. Hermione, come back! Please, please, please come back! What were you going to say? Tell me, please!

But there was an echo of footsteps and a sound of the door shutting. Ginny was alone again. If she had the strength, she would have cried.

--.--.--

The hours went by quickly and she mostly slept through them. Sometimes somebody was with her, but she could never summon the strength or will power to remember who they were. She was being lazy and she knew this. If Hermione came back, she never noticed.

A door opened in the distance and Ginny, somewhere in the back of her mind, heard it.

"Albus, you should know better than to disturb a patient while they're resting!" A snippy voice from Ginevra's left scolded.

The reply was one of a tired, old man. "Yes, yes, I know Poppy. But hasn't Miss. Weasley been resting long enough? It's been days. Perhaps it would be better if you woke her."

Poppy sounded scandalized. "Headmaster! You know very well I can't do that! She has been through a lot of emotional and physical trauma!"

"It would be best if you woke her, Poppy. I need to have some things straightened out, and I think she would like some explanations. No doubt she is still in a lot of pain. From what Voldemort has done to her mind, I am not surprised."

Poppy was silent.

"She may be a victim of insanity if we cannot get through to her," he urged.

She sighed. "Oh, very well then."

A hand, gentle yet firm, held Ginny's shoulder and shook it lightly. Ginny knew she was awake but she had no strength left in her. The hand shook her again then a spell was whispered. "Ennervate."

Ginny's eyes popped open. Madam Promfrey seemed thoughtful. "Have you any power to move? Blink once for no, two for yes." Ginny pooled all of her concentration on blinking once slowly.

The med witch bit her lip and went over to the potions cabinet. She pulled out a small vile. The liquid looked like silver colored water and tasted vaguely of fish. But the strange taste was worth it, for Ginevra found that she again had power over her limbs. She opened her mouth experimentally and coughed. Her throat was very dry. She was given a glass of water and the Headmaster sat at her bedside.

"Now Ms. Weasley, I have some questions for you."

Ginny nodded, knowing a lot of explaining was in order.

She just hoped that some of her questions could be answered too.

A/N: Sorry, I know this was supposed to be longer, but this is all my mind permitted. I didn't want to keep you guys waiting very long for a chapter and I'm still working on the update for Shards. A few loose ends are going to be tied in the next few chappies, and more of Draco probably. I would like to know what you think of his character so far. And, as always, reviews feed my muse and make me update faster ;)