Chapter Eight: You Said You Feel Lost Can I Help You Find It

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, Without A Trace or the F.B.I. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.

A/N:- Will these two ever get their act together! Who knows? Thanks - you guys rock! I made it over the 100 review mark. Yay!

Dedicated To:

Berta101, NightMage, Charlotte Sheen, EquestrianBabe, Anika, Scgirl-317, Missusmesser, Jtsideout389, Bdoney, Tea, Newsyd

Ariel3JLP – I sleep at night by knowing how the story ends. What is it with people throwing things at me! Indeed I am very lucky that you live on the other side of the pond. I lied about the other review …. THIS is the longest review ever! Wow and thank you! I always find characterisation the hardest with writing. Obviously with fanfiction it's easier because the characters already have characterisation but, yeah. I'm glad that Samantha and Martin are very real – that's always a sign of success. Don't be in awe and don't apologise for the length! Hugs

Lu78 – Thanks. I like detail too!

Give Love A Break – No he didn't. He just has crap timing!

Without A Trace Freak – I'm sadistic and enjoying the torture. Not really. It's just it has to happen for the story ………

Spooky Bibi – Yay wet T-shirt fan!

Isabell89 – Oooooh another wet T-shirt fan! Funny how many of them there are! Hehe.

Samantha looked over from her seat at the conference table to where Martin sat at his desk typing names into the search engine and nibbled on her bottom lip nervously. They were back at square one. They both should have resisted the urge that night, following your impulses never got you anywhere – Samantha was living proof of that - and now things between her and Martin were tense again. The worst thing about it was she had a sinking feeling that if they had actually kissed, things wouldn't be as bad between them as they were now. Ever since the day at his apartment, Martin had closed himself off from Samantha, much like she had when he had first joined, and she couldn't blame him. He had undoubtedly pulled away from her because he was unsure about them and she gave him space. Keeping things strictly professional and focussed on work meant that awkward silences and nervous glances could be avoided. Well, definitely on his part anyway. For her, she found herself getting more and more distracted by him as the days passed. She instinctively told herself that it was because she was worried about him with his arm and all, but deep down she knew better. Sometimes she just wanted to run over to him and kiss him so passionately that he wouldn't know what hit him, instead of having all this playing around each other, but she didn't think this would be a good idea considering the mood Martin was in nowadays and the fact that he seemed to have retreated into a shell that Samantha didn't even know he had.

She picked up the file she had been looking at and walked up to Martin's desk and dropped it into his Intray. He was so busy concentrating on his search that he didn't even notice her standing there. Either that or he was ignoring her.

"Martin?" she said, calling him out of his trance.

Martin clicked the Enter button for once of his searches and then leant back in his chair, his eyes darting from the computer screen to the file she had just given him. "Yeah?"

Samantha sighed, knowing that he was signalling that she had his attention even though he wasn't looking at her. It was a rare thing for him to make eye contact with her nowadays. She had to admit that it was probably a wise thing. "I don't feel we've really talked much recently." she said. Martin didn't say anything as if waiting for her to elaborate on her point. "Things were fine and now they're just cold." Still he said nothing. "I just want to be friends but it seems impossible with the inevitable cycle."

"What cycle?" Finally he spoke.

"The cycle where things go from bad to good to bad to good and now to bad again." Samantha explained.

Martin shifted in his chair. "I think we're doing fine." he said.

That shocked Samantha. She didn't know what she expected him to say but that certainly wasn't it. "Right. Well …" she said, drumming her fingers on his desk. "Guess there's no problem then." she said turning round and walking bout of the office to the break room. She could feel his eyes follow her all the way out of the room.

……………………………………………………………….

Jack stood by window in his office and looked through the gap in the blinds out onto the bullpen. Vivian and Samantha were seated at the conference table going through statements and records for a suspect in their latest case whilst Danny was out on the field, running down leads. He looked across at Martin who was seated at his desk, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. He was holding a pen in his left hand which he duly put down and picked up a stapler, running his fingers over it, trying, praying that he could feel it. Jack swallowed hard. These past couple of weeks he had noticed that Martin had suffered a relapse. Mentally. Once Martin was allowed back at work, Jack saw how he had tried determinedly to prove to himself that his arm was not going to affect him and he had out performed both in the office and out on the field during the Freedman case. But now where his arm had previously been as small an issue as possible to him, it seemed it now haunted his every waking thought. Jack saw Martin throw down the stapler and place his hand over his desk lamp, clutching the bulb. His hand didn't react at all to the heat and he was getting angrier and angrier with himself.

Jack's heart went out to him. It seemed like things had been going downhill for Martin recently and if he wasn't careful he would work himself into a state of depression. Something had happened, or nearly happened, at Martin's apartment that night after he left – Danny had hinted as much. However he didn't need Danny's hints to notice the gulf between Samantha and Martin that had reappeared overnight. He wondered whether the angst in one part of Martin's life had caused him to focus on something else which is why he seemed to be constantly dwelling on the problem of his dead arm which still had shown no sign of getting better.

There was a knock on the door and Samantha walked in to give him some old files from previous cases that had been cluttering up the office. Jack turned to her.

"What's going on between you and Martin?"

Samantha blanched at Jack's abrupt unexpected attack. "Nothing."

"Hmpf. That's what I was afraid of."

Samantha raised her eyebrows. "Sorry?"

Jack shook his head a little and moved on. "You know Martin better than I do, is it me or does he seem more down than usual nowadays? Two weeks ago he was fine and now I can barely get two words out of him." Samantha hesitated and Jack didn't miss it. "If this continues then he'll have to see the psychologist as well as the physiotherapist." he added.

Samantha sighed and sat down. "What do you want me to do?"

"Obviously his arm is really getting to him and I think he really needs someone to be there for him ….."

Samantha shook her head. "Not me."

Jack looked at her questioningly. "I thought you two had got over your past?"

"We had … until ….." Samantha trailed off awkwardly.

Jack knew better than to ask. "Well whatever happened, I'm sure he would really appreciate you looking out for him at the moment – he's just too macho to admit it."

Samantha opened her mouth to say something but Jack stopped her. "Samantha, be there for him in the way I know you want to be there for him."

Jack hid a smile as he saw he had achieved the near-impossible and stunned Samantha Spade into silence by his bluntness.

Just then Danny poked his head round the door to show that he was back and ready to make his report. Jack waved him in. "What's going on?" Danny asked, looking from Samantha to Jack.

"We were just commenting on how physiotherapy doesn't seem to be doing Martin a whole lot of good." Jack said, sitting down.

Something which resembled the closest thing Danny Taylor had to a guilty expression came across his face as he took a seat next to Samantha. "Maybe because Martin hasn't seen the physiotherapist for awhile now." he admitted quietly.

"What!" Jack thundered. Samantha turned to Danny in shock.

"I promised I wouldn't say anything but a couple of weeks ago, you guys had all left and it was Martin and I alone in the office. He was moaning about his physiotherapy session. To cheer him up I said I would come with him and we could go out for a drink after. Martin got so worked up in the session that he flatly refused to make another appointment."

"Why haven't I heard about it? If Martin wasn't attending the appointments then surely I would have had a Memo in my tray the day after?"

Danny shrugged. "I think the physiotherapist felt sorry for him and although she would hate to admit it, Martin's arm really is looking like a lost cause."

"Well, why didn't YOU tell me he had quit going?" Jack demanded.

Danny sighed. "Look, the guy's my friend and I was there. I saw what a waste of time the sessions were. She had him doing all these pointless exercises and tests when we all knew that the outcome would be the same. You should have seen Martin – it was like pure torture."

Jack sighed. "Well, I guess that there's nothing else we can do except give him the encouragement he needs." he said, with a pointed look at Samantha.

……………………………………………………

She'd timed it perfectly, positioning herself between him and the door so there was no escape. She looked at his jacket and his bag. "You heading off now? Me too." she said.

Martin nodded and looked at her as if she was dumb just standing there in his way.

"Want to go get a drink?" she asked offhandedly as if the idea had only just popped into her head.

"Erm, sorry. I can't." Martin said, looking straight ahead.

"Oh." Samantha said sounding disappointed.

"I'm busy." Martin stated.

Samantha raised her eyebrows. It was half past eight. Unless he was seeing someone which she had no idea of, and she desperately hoped wasn't true, what else could he have planned to do at this time? "Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Doing what?" Samantha demanded. It was none of her business and she half expected Martin to tell her that.

"Busy going home and getting some rest." Martin said shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Come on, one drink, it'll be quick, I promise." she said.

"No Sam." he said with a tired sigh. "I don't think we'll be going out for drinks anytime soon."

Now that really irritated her. She kept the questions coming. "Why not?"

"Because things between you and me aren't exactly rosy at the moment are they?"

She stared at Martin defiantly. "I'm trying my best here. We have so many options - hell we can even pretend that nothing in the past few months had ever happened if you want - but you're not willing to give any of them a try." She took a breath. "Does our friendship mean nothing to you that you're not even willing to fight for it?" she demanded angrily. The way Martin had withdrawn into himself recently scared her because she had never seen him like that before, and it annoyed her because she thought she knew him.

It made Martin look at her for the first time in days anyway. "Sam, I've got some other important stuff to work through at the moment."

"More important than our friendship?" her eyes narrowed. Sure, she didn't mind admitting that at times she had a bit of a hot temper, but she had never ever got angry at Martin before because he never ever deserved to be at the receiving end of her anger, but now it was like she couldn't help herself. Martin didn't say anything to that. "I can help you work through that stuff. I can help you with your arm." she said, keeping her voice calm.

"Why? Have you been hiding some magic potion that the doctors don't know about!" Martin said with a small nasty laugh.

That made Samantha's temper flare up again instantly. Sure he was having arm-issues at the moment but he didn't need to have scorned her help like that. The old Martin would never have said something like that. But then again, this was technically ALL her fault. "Goddamit Martin, stop shutting me out. It hurts."

"That's rich." Martin muttered.

"I thought we were over that! Putting our past behind us and all that."

"So did I. Didn't seem like that the other night though, did it?"

"What's that meant to mean?" Samantha said, her eyes narrowing. She didn't give him time to reply. "You know what, maybe if Danny hadn't interrupted then maybe we would have kissed." Martin's eyes widened at her frankness. "But then what? Would you still be shutting me out? Would we still be standing here having this argument? Who knows? I know this is all my fault. Every time I look at you and see your arm in bandages, I know that I did that to you. Maybe I don't deserve to have your confidence. Maybe I'm the last person you want to talk to but I'm trying to take control of the situation here and you just won't have anything to do with it. Exactly how I was ten years ago when I shut you out. That was the worst mistake of my life and I don't want you to make that same mistake so I'm here trying to get you to let me help you." Samantha inhaled. She was so uptight and overcome with emotion that she was only dimly aware of the tears falling down her face. Martin was looking at her like a man who was in deep shock. "For what it's worth, I think Danny saved us from making a big mistake. We both definitely aren't ready for that kind of thing if we can't even be friends." she said. She let her words hang in the air.

"We wouldn't have kissed." Martin said.

"What?" Samantha replied in a voice that didn't sound like hers.

"And if we did, it wouldn't have meant anything. We were caught in the moment, caught up in our feelings of ten years ago." Martin took a deep breath. "I'd just saved you, and you were feeling guilty and in my debt or whatever. It was the rescuer-rescuee connection this time. Maybe that's all it ever was last time as well."

Samantha couldn't even find the breath in her to mouth the word 'What' this time. What was he saying? Did he really believe it? A part of her screamed out that it was just all talk. Of course he didn't mean what he said. Even though it was ten years ago, she would never forget the look in his eye when he looked at her. He had loved her. It wasn't just because of some of the bullshit crap he was coming out with now. He wanted to push her away – maybe Jack had been right about his depression - and this was his way of doing so – making her believe all their feelings had been a lie. However the other part of her reacted automatically to his words without giving her brain time to rationalise them. Her legs felt weak and she could barely make out Martin's figure before her because of her tears. She turned and fled.

If she had looked back, she would have seen the tears running down Martin's face as well.

A/N:- I know you guys really want the fluff to come and for Martin and Samantha to get back together so please don't hate me too much for writing things this way. It will all come together. Eventually.