Anthology of Mediocrity
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: There are always exceptions. Except when there aren't.
Round Two
This time I look at the possibilities when other people in the Ranma cast getting their hands on magical items…
As the crowd chased Ranma past the Tendo dojo, Kasumi frowned at the cause of this latest commotion.
Ranma had insulted Akane. Again.
Not what would be considered a newsflash, true, but Kasumi Tendo was not happy about the fact her baby sister couldn't get along better with Ranma.
As Happosai entered the fray, a mauve triangle fell from his black gi and onto the freshly swept ground in front of the eldest Tendo daughter.
Picking it up, the brunette frowned again.
"I wish that Ranma-kun and Akane-chan would stop insult each other forever," she muttered angrily. Or as close what passed for anger with Kasumi.
Out of the blue, almost cloudless sky two lightning bolts arced from the heavens.
Dropping her broom, Kasumi rushed to see if the freak electrical storm had hit anyone. When she arrived at the impact site, she was surprised to see the crowd stopped dead in its tracks.
"Was anybody hit by that lightning?"
"Y-yeah," Ukyo nodded, regaining her ability to speak first, "R-ranchan and Akane."
"The heavens giveth and they taketh away," Kuno said solemnly. "They free the maidens of Nerima from Saotome's accursed grasp, but they also take the life of the delicate flower that is Akane Tendo."
"Oh my…"
What? Are you going to tell me that there's another way for Ranma and Akane to never insult each other again?
Let's try another person and a non-wishing item…
Nodoka pondered the layout of the shop she'd entered on a whim.
"Is there anything I can help you with, madam?" a short, balding man in wire framed glasses asked from behind a cluttered counter.
"I was looking for something that would help prove my son's manliness," Nodoka replied.
"What's you're son like? Is he athletic, scholarly, heroic?" the man enquired looking up from a clipboard.
"He's very athletic, in fact he's one of the best martial artists in the world. I hear that he's not very scholarly, though," Nodoka admitted. "He has risked his life several times to save others. But he does have a Jusenkyo curse; he fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl."
"Hmm," the shopkeeper mused. "How do you feel about him having several girls willing to fulfil his every desire?"
"I like the sound of that," Mrs. Saotome smiled. "But how would he get girls to do that willingly? I don't approve of slaves or forcing people against their will."
"Simple, madam," the man grinned. "Give this potion to you son. It will also cure his Jusenkyo curse. I'd be very careful who you told about this, as there's only one dose and it will only work for a human spring curse."
"I'll be very careful," Nodoka bowed. "What is it?"
"I think it's called Instant Incubicle, some of the label has come off," the magic shopkeeper admitted.
Nodoka pulled out here purse. "How much for this…"
"Since the label is coming off, I'll let it go for a mere one thousand yen."
The transaction was quickly completed and Nodoka made her way to the Tendo dojo, intent on making her son's life happy.
Back at the Tendo Dojo, Kasumi was preparing the afternoon tea for the Saotomes, hoping that there would be no destructive excitement for the rest of the week.
The normal excitement was something that Kasumi could deal with quite easily – it was when people started breaking down doors and walls that she was tired of.
She sighed softly before taking the tea into the family room. After setting the tray down, she was surprised when Nodoka employed an obvious distraction technique on Ranma to spike his drink with a powder.
"Auntie Nodoka?"
"Don't worry, Kasumi-chan," the older woman smiled, "I think that Ranma will like this blend of tea."
The eldest Tendo daughter looked puzzled, but said nothing.
Ranma sipped his tea. "Oh yeah, this is great, Kasumi."
He drained the rest of his cup quickly, almost scalding his throat.
"Thank you, Ranma-kun, though I think you should have let it cool a bit more."
"Nah, I'm invincible," Ranma puffed out his chest. "Besides, you know how people like to interrupt me when I'm eating."
"True," Kasumi allowed. She blinked. "Oh my…"
Ranma noted the change in tone. "Is there something wrong, Kasumi?"
The long haired brunette shifted her shoulders. "I'm fine, just a little tense, that's all, Ranma-kun."
"Perhaps you could give her a neck rub, son?" Nodoka suggested from behind her cup.
"Yeah," Ranma nodded. "Would you like that, Kasumi?"
"Please," Kasumi breathed.
Moments later, Ranma was gently massaging Kasumi's neck and shoulders. Soon the Tendo cook was trying her best not to slump bonelessly against the young Saotome's chest.
"You look like you're having fun there, sis," Nabiki commented from the doorway.
"I am, Nabiki. Ranma-kun has magic fingers."
"Yeah, well they belong to my fiancé, so I get to enjoy them," Akane spoke up, adding to the conversation. "Come on, Ranma, it's my turn."
Patting a spot on the floor next to him, Ranma sighed. "Ok, Akane."
Soon Akane was practically ready to forgive all her fiancé's transgressions and drag him upstairs. "Hey, baka, it's time for you to give me the all over body massage."
Ranma could only sit open mouthed at the youngest Tendo's blatant come on. "But what about me being a pervert?"
"Well, you can be, but only if you're gentle," Akane blushed.
"No, Akane, as the oldest, I get to go first."
"I don't think so, Kasumi. Both you and Nabiki said that he wanted me, right, Ranma?" Akane said, stroking her intended's face.
"I'll buy him off you!" Nabiki blurted out. "Every yen I've got, plus I'll make sure that you get a cut of everything I make for the rest of my life."
"Why would you want Ranma, Nabiki-chan?" Nodoka asked with an amused tone. "I mean, I understand why Akane and Kasumi want to be with my manly son, but he hasn't touched you yet."
"I want ride the wild horse!" the middle Tendo pouted.
"What makes you think you deserve a turn?" Ranma asked, wrapping each arm around Kasumi and Akane's waists.
"What do you think you're doing with both of my sisters, Ranma?" Nabiki's tone turned angry.
"Well, I want to spend time with my fiancée, but we need a chaperone. That way we can be sure that we won't get up to anything too naughty," Ranma smiled.
"Yes!" Kasumi shouted. "I'll make sure you're not too naughty, Ranma-kun."
Did you like that? Well, I might be persuaded to write a Ranma lemon based that premise…
But on to the next idea…
Kuno sat in his inner sanctum, enjoying the latest additions to his collection of treasures.
"The pigtailed goddess is becoming more and more magnificent," he decided. "Yet my fierce tigress retains her tidy and beauteous nature. I fear that I may not be able to make the decision as to which of them I shall marry."
The kendoist sighed. "I should not have allowed myself to be swindled out that final wish by the mercenary Nabiki Tendo."
At the Tendo Dojo, Nabiki was grinning like a mad person. She'd managed to cheat the idiot pervert out of the last wish from the Wishbringer sword.
"Now to get my future secured and out of this hellhole," the short haired girl said, rubbing her hands together. She lifted the sword above her head. "Wishbringer, I wish for you to make all my wildest dreams come true."
"WISH GRANTED."
"Hmm, I don't feel richer, more loved or more powerful, perhaps it'll come in due time," Nabiki shrugged. "I'm thirsty."
As Nabiki made her way down the stairs, there was a knock on the door. Upon reaching the front door, she saw that Kasumi was speaking with their guests.
"I'm here to speak with Ranma Saotome."
"I'm afraid he's not here at the moment, but he should be back shortly if you'd like to wait," Kasumi explained with a smile.
"Yes, thank you," the woman bowed. "Oh, I do apologise for my poor manners, my name is Nodoka Saotome. I'm Ranma's mother."
"Oh my, hello," Kasumi bowed back. "If you'll follow me."
Nabiki followed the trio into the family room with interest.
"So then, I hear my son has a fiancée," Nodoka started as she sat down.
"Yes, he's engaged to our younger sister, Akane," Nabiki explained. "Are you here to meet them?"
"Yes," Nodoka nodded. "I need to speak with Ranma to see if he's suitable for his inheritance."
"Oh, and what's that?" Nabiki asked, not sounding the least bit avaricious.
"If he's suitable, Ranma will inherit the controlling interest of the Gowa group," the man in the suit answered.
"And you are?"
"I'm the attorney for the Gowa family. I have a copy of Ranma's grandfather's will with me so we can be sure of Ranma's suitability."
"I see," Nabiki nodded. "What sort of person do you think that Ranma is?"
"Well, I was hoping that he's manly," Nodoka smiled wistfully. "You know, strong, handsome, stands up for what he believes in, that sort of thing."
"Well, that is Ranma-kun," Kasumi said with a smile.
"That's a relief," Nodoka smiled back. "I was afraid that he wasn't very manly."
"Well, there is his curse…" Nabiki trailed off.
"Curse?" the suited man asked.
"Yes, Ranma turns into a girl when splashed with cold water and turns back into a boy with hot. Is that going to be a problem?" Kasumi asked as she prepared some tea.
"What?" Nodoka looked at Kasumi as if she'd grown another head.
As if to prove Kasumi's point, Ranma appeared in his cursed form.
"Ah, hot water. 'Scuse me."
Ranma poured the hot water over his head and smiled when he turned back into a male. "Thanks."
"Wait, you're Ranma?" the kimono clad woman asked.
"Yes. And you are?"
"Your mother. I thought you were supposed to be manly."
"I am," Ranma insisted. "Look at these muscles!"
"Yes, they're very nice," Nodoka admitted as her son posed. "But I'm not sure that you meet the criteria for your inheritance."
"My what?"
"You're inheritance. If you meet the conditions, you'll inherit a vast sum of money and control of a large industrial empire." The man in the suit opened the brief case. "First off, are you fertile?"
"I don't know. It's never come up before. Next question?"
"Are you able to control the destiny of others?"
"Yes?" Ranma hazarded.
"In what way, Ranma?" Nabiki scoffed.
"I mean, I could make sure Ryoga doesn't bother anyone, and I could mention to the Health department about the fact that cats are seen in a Chinese restaurant."
"That works. Do you have violent maniac for a fiancée?"
"Yes."
"That's not so good. Do you have a lover?"
"No, not yet."
"Well, until you do have one, and I mean a veritable sex slave, then you don't qualify. I'm sorry, son," Nodoka placed a hand on Ranma's shoulder.
"Wait," Nabiki interrupted the pair of adults before they left. "Are you trying to tell me that if Ranma has a human sex toy, then he'll be stinking rich?"
"Yes," Nodoka smiled. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I belong to Ranma!" Nabiki declared as she glomped the Saotome boy.
"Y-you do?" Ranma asked, his pigtail standing out at an angle.
"Yes, silly," Nabiki smiled as she traced patterns on her former favourite mark's chest.
Ranma gulped. "Why now?"
"Because, if you and I are close, then I'll have plenty of money and power, plus I'm pretty sure that the sex would be great," Nabiki whispered into Ranma's ear.
"If that's what you want, then ok," Ranma nodded. "Mom, Mr. Lawyer Man, I have Nabiki to fulfil my every sexual whim. Can we go shopping now?"
"I don't believe you, son," Nodoka teased.
Ranma laughed. "Well then, how about this?"
He pulled in Nabiki for a deep kiss, his tongue probing her mouth to the point of almost tickling her tonsils as his hands roamed all over her body.
Ranma broke the kiss. "Did that convince you?"
"That's most improper," Kasumi admonished.
"You're just jealous that you're not going to be getting any," Nabiki taunted, though her eyes were slightly glazed over.
"Yes, you are manly," Nodoka declared. "Let's go spend some money!"
"Yay!" Nabiki cheered.
"B-but what about me?" Kasumi quietly asked.
"Wait," Ranma stopped in his tracks, "Nabiki's my sex toy. I need a fiancée that isn't a violent maniac, don't I?"
"Yes, you do," the lawyer agreed.
"Then what about Kasumi?" Ranma asked. "She looks bored, and I think that she'll object less to a threesome with Nabiki."
"What do you say, nee-chan?" Nabiki smiled at her sister.
"Yay, I get to go shopping!" the Tendo housekeeper cheered.
Go on then, tell me that those aren't Nabiki's wildest fantasies.
I mean, she'll be rich, loved and have a lot of power. She'll never have to work (or deal with Kuno) again.
Plus Kasumi will be looked after.
A winning situation all round, if you ask me.
Until laterer comes