Anthology of Mediocrity
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: I hate my hairy arse, it's so unwomanly.
Round Three
Four men, obviously foreign visitors to Japan, looked over at the empty lot with a curious eye.
"Colonel," the man in a brown leather jacket and baseball cap nudged a white haired man, "what do you think that man's doing with that kid?"
"What?" the older man asked, grabbing a pair of binoculars and scanning the scene before him. His face darkened. "B.A., you and the Lieutenant come with me. Murdoch, you prepare for immediate evac."
Genma Saotome was putting the finishing touches to this latest attempt to teach his son the Neko-ken.
"You've already failed twice, Boy," the portly man sighed callously. "I'm beginning to doubt your commitment to The Art."
"What? Poppa, I'll learn it this time, I promise," a young Ranma Saotome insisted.
"Well then, see that you do," the balding man said as he picked up the restrained child.
"What do you think you're doing?" an older man called out in English, alerting the Saotomes to the presence of an audience.
"Back off gaijin, this doesn't concern you," Genma replied in Japanese.
The handsome one of the trio frowned and replied in broken Japanese. "What you doing to child?"
"Training him," the older martial artist answered before turning his back on the interlopers.
"Training him? I don't think so," the large black man said after hearing his associate's translation. He strode forward and grabbed a hold of the bespectacled man's gi.
Genma dropped Ranma on the ground to the right of the pit he'd dug. "Fine, let me show you how we deal with foreign filth like you!"
As the two muscular men grappled, the older foreigner lifted up the bound boy and sniffed. "Fish?"
Then he heard the mewing from the pit.
Genma had thrown his opponent to the floor and turned to face the other troublemakers.
That was when the one that had spoken Japanese smirked and cocked the large calibre pistol. "Not today. No worry, we make sure he taken care of."
"But that's my son!"
"Not any more," the white haired man said after helping his friend up. "Let's go, guys."
When the four foreigners and their rescued passenger were far enough away, the senior man introduced himself and his friends in English.
"Hi there, I'm John Smith, that man there's Templeton Peck, the man that's driving is Murdoch and the large fellow that fought with that man back there is B.A. Baracus."
Ranma looked blankly at the man, not understanding a word of it.
Templeton Peck slapped his forehead. "He doesn't speak any English – he won't start learning it in schools for a few more years. Let me try."
Ranma nodded in comprehension when he heard the introductions again in Japanese. "Saotome Ranma," he said with a bow. "Where're you going to take me? That was my dad back there. He's been training me in martial arts."
"Your dad?" Face replied with a frown. "Colonel, he says that man was his father and he was trying to teach him martial arts."
The Colonel frowned. "I know combat training, but I've never seen anything that has kids thrown into a pit that's got cats in it."
"Child abuse?" the black man growled angrily.
Ranma backed away from the scary man, only to see BA smile warmly. "Don't worry, kid, I won't let anyone hurt you."
The blue-eyed child looked to his translator.
"No worry, we keep you safe," the Lieutenant winked.
"Thank you," Ranma replied in heavily accented English as he bowed to his rescuers.
"So then, Ranma," Face started his interrogation, "why you learning martial arts?"
"To help people that are weaker than me," the young Saotome said, puffing out his chest in pride. "What do all of you do? Why are you in Japan?"
"We're here to help someone."
"So you're like me, you help people. Maybe I can help you help people?" Ranma asked excitedly.
Face turned to Hannibal and repeated the question in English.
"No, we can't take him with us," the Colonel shook his head. "I mean, we are fugitives, after all. It's not like I like the idea of leaving the kid in that monster's hands, but we can't raise a child on the run, you know."
The van pulled up at the airport, much to the displeasure of B.A. Baracus.
"I ain't getting on no plane!" he announced loudly.
"Colonel, how are we going to get back to L.A. if the big guy here won't fly?" Murdoch asked as he turned to join in the conversation. "My stomach's not up for a cruise back to the States. Besides, they're going to miss me back at the V.A."
"Hmm, the Captain's got a point," Hannibal mused as he pulled out a cigar.
Ranma frowned. These people seemed like they helped people a lot, like his father insisted that martial artists did, but they felt they didn't need his help. Then a thought occurred to him.
Reaching over, he jabbed a finger in B.A.'s neck, causing the large man to slump bonelessly in his seat.
"How did you do that?" Hannibal asked, intrigued as to what skills this young kid had.
"Poppa taught me it, he said that sometimes you need to get people to be quiet," Ranma answered. "He used it on me lots of times."
"Why were you wrapped up like that?" the now smoking man asked, gesturing to the fish products and rope.
"Neko-ken."
"Wait? Did you say Neko-ken?" Murdoch demanded.
"H-hai," Ranma nodded, almost ashamed at his failure to learn the "unbeatable" technique.
"Captain, do you know something about this 'Neko-ken'?" Hannibal turned to man in the baseball cap.
"Yeah, there's a guy in the hospital that's scared of cats, says that he was thrown in a pit of them. Colonel, we need to help the kid," the pilot insisted. "I can get him help."
"Besides, Hannibal, he'll be better off in foster care in the US than he will be with that maniac," the Lieutenant added.
"Ok," the Colonel sighed. "Kid, it looks like you're coming with us to America with the A-Team."
Over the years, Ranma learned a lot from his new friends. It was a more varied syllabus than he would have from going to school.
For instance, very few municipal schools would have taught escapology, the manufacture of non-lethal weapons and how to generally evade the authorities.
That's not to say that the young Saotome hadn't had his run-ins with the Department of Social Services during his stay in foster care, but that was mainly because of his repeated absences to join in on the adventures of the US Military's most infamous fugitives rather than him stealing cars or dealing drugs.
At the moment, he was being questioned upon his return by a Colonel Decker, a stern individual that had pretty much threatened him with his strong-arm tactics.
"If you don't tell me what you know about the A-Team, I'll have you thrown in Juvenile Detention!"
Ranma remained stone-like throughout the whole interrogation barring a nervous tick in his face that made his jaw close shut, the sound of his teeth click-clacking together infuriating the authority figures greatly.
Colonel Decker's left eye was twitching. He'd read the file on the Japanese youth, though he wondered exactly how much mental trauma he'd gone through and how much of this was an act.
"So be it, kid, we'll be watching you."
As the MPs left, Ranma slowly stood up and left for his room, he needed to warn his friends that there was a danger that Decker would try to use him as bait.
Settling down at his desk, the part-time member of the A-Team began writing his coded letter to the only one he could count on receiving it.
"Howling Mad" Murdoch was enjoying his art therapy in the mental ward of the Veteran's Association's hospital when the mail clerk told him that he was the recipient of a letter.
Frowning at the already opened envelope, the pilot read through the text, the second paragraph telling him that this was a coded message. Reading between the metaphorical lines, he deciphered communiqué.
"Murdoch, I'm sorry but that jackass Decker's on to me. I can't risk any of the Team, so I'm heading out to Japan for a while. I've made the arrangements already, but I don't know when I'll see you guys again."
Next came the non-coded bit of text.
"I've found out that I've still got some family, but I don't know what they're like. Maybe they're ok, maybe they're slime like Pops, so I guess I'll find out when I get there.
"Take care and thanks for all your help,
Ranma"
Murdoch smiled as he put the letter away.
"Something up, Captain?" one of the psychologists asked pleasantly.
"One of my friends is having a family reunion," the "crazy fool" replied. "It's been a while since he saw any of them."
Ranma Saotome sat in the departure lounge in LAX waiting. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of an undercover agent and smirked insufferably to himself.
"Probably thinks that I'm running off to meet Hannibal and the others," the wayward youth mused. He decided that he might as well do something to help his cover story and made his way to a public computer terminal.
After paying for some internet access Ranma typed in his surname in the Find-o-matic™ search bar and returned 10,000 hits. "Damn. Let's try 'Anything Goes martial arts'."
The part-time soldier of fortune blinked when he saw that there was only one hit: – the Tendo Dojo.
"Looks like I'm visiting Nerima," he said after clicking the link.
Ranma woke up as shortly before landing at Narita airport. Trying to stretch, he noticed that someone was leaning on him. Looking down, he was surprised to see a pretty young lady smile gently as she rubbed her face on his muscular arm.
"Excuse me, Miss, but we're going to be landing soon," he said in an attempt to wake the blonde.
"What? Already, but I was just getting to the good part," the fair-haired maiden pouted. Then she realised what she'd said aloud. "I'm sorry, I'm not like that! Really! I didn't mean to fall as sleep on you like that, honest!"
"It's ok," Ranma smiled. "You didn't bother me at all."
Shortly after landing, Ranma caught the train to Nerima, though he didn't know what he would do if the Tendos couldn't help him.
'I guess I'll sleep rough and take from there,' he thought with a shrug. Then he blinked. 'Was that a hand on my ass?'
Turning around, Ranma looked across the carriage to see a pair of schoolgirls standing close to him trying to look innocent.
Deciding that he was imagining things from a combination of his eleven hour flight and change in timezones, he turned to face the window once again.
Seconds later, he faced the two girls that were now blushing like mad, having been caught in the act of fondling his butt.
"So, do either of you two have any plans for this evening?" Ranma asked in Japanese, turning on the charm. "My name's Ranma Saotome, by the way, what're yours?"
"I'm Minako Aino," the blonde winked.
"I'm Makoto Kino," the tall brunette said from her bow. Which, incidentally, allowed Ranma a glimpse at some impressive cleavage. "I'm free this evening, what did you have in mind?"
"Well, I've got to see someone in Nerima, but depending on how that goes, I could be free in an hour or not until morning. What day is it? I'm a little jet-lagged right now. Just flew in from L.A."
It's Thursday," Makoto answered. "Where are you going in Nerima?"
"To the Tendo Dojo," the blue-eyed youth said. "They might be able to help me find my family."
"The Tendo Dojo? That's where I'm going, I'll show you the way," the brunette insisted cheerfully.
"I'm going there, too," Minako chimed in. "I'm good friends with the heir to the school, Akane."
"Well, then it's all working out nicely," Ranma said in the suave manner he learned from one Templeton Peck.
"¬Nerima. Nerima.¬" the train's speaker announced.
As the trio of teenagers walked towards the Tendo Dojo, Ranma was careful how he answered the girls' questions. While he doubted that Decker and his cronies were that cunning, he couldn't be sure that this wasn't a trap.
The girls thought Ranma was great. He was tall, handsome, well built and well travelled compared to the local boys.
Plus he had that air of mystery about him!
A figure came running in front of them at the intersection. A closer look told Ranma that it was a she.
"Hey, Akane!" Makoto called out, waving.
"Makoto!" the jogger called back. She trotted up to them. "Here for your lesson, Makoto?"
"Yep," the brunette nodded. "I can tell that I'm getting close to that 3rd Dan."
"That's good," Akane smiled. "Who's your boyfriend, Minako?"
The blonde smiled at her friend's inference. "This is Ranma; he just flew in from America."
"Hello," Ranma bowed politely. "I've got some business at the Tendo Dojo."
"Well, it's nearly lesson time," Akane said, not sounding terribly impressed with the "Ranma" fellow.
"I'm home!" Akane called out, reaching the front door ahead of her guests. "Mom, Dad, there's someone here to see you."
Reiko Tendo wiped her hands on her apron. "Yes?"
Ranma bowed formally. "I'm Ranma Saotome. I apologise for doing this, but I was hoping that you would be able to help me find out about my family."
"Oh?"
"Yes, you see, many years, my f-father," Ranma twitched when he spoke that word, "told me about the Tendo Dojo, and now I was hoping that I'd be able to find out about my mother and see if I have any other family."
"Akane, could you call your father, please?" Reiko asked with a smile. "Please, do come in."
A few minutes later, Ranma was sitting in front of Soun Tendo, his father's old training partner.
"Yes, your father mentioned that you might come by after you calmed down."
"So you do know my family? What can you tell me about them?" Ranma asked eagerly.
"Well, I really only knew your father," Soun admitted. "But he did seem disappointed that you ran off with those foreigners."
Ranma frowned.
"But that's not important right now," the Tendo master of Anything Goes decided. "What is important is the fact that we can now join the schools of Anything Goes. You have been training in Anything Goes, haven't you?"
Now it was Reiko's turn to frown. "Anata," she whispered in his ear, "don't you think that you're pushing things? I mean he just walked in off the street and you're trying to marry off one of your daughters?"
Soun gulped. "That's not what I meant, dearest. I meant that Saotome-kun and I thought that it would be nice if we were to unite the schools with the marriage of our children."
"Oh, ok," Ranma nodded. Though on the inside, he was suspicious of the man's motives. "What happened to my f-father?"
The Tendos noticed the young Saotome's reluctance to admit that Genma was his father. Not that they were terribly surprised by that, they had seen Nodoka's rage when Genma had told her why Ranma was nowhere to be found.
No-one had seen Ranma's father since, though Nodoka had assured them that she hadn't killed the man.
"We haven't seen him for some time, Ranma-kun," Reiko admitted. "Your mother didn't like what he had to say when told her about your disappearance."
"Oh," was all Ranma could say.
"Never mind that right now," Soun smiled. "I'll get my daughters and you can decide which one you want to marry."
"Ok," Ranma nodded. "Wait! You're serious about this arranged marriage thing?"
"Yes," Soun said, adjusting his posture to seem imposing. "Why? Are you suggesting that my daughter's aren't good enough for you?"
"Not at all," the pigtailed young man replied. "But don't you think it's a bit sudden to engage your daughters to someone that's just walked in off the street?"
"That's right, Daddy," Nabiki admonished as she walked in with her sisters. "He's cute alright, but marriage? And so soon?"
"But your mother and I married soon after we met…" the Tendo patriarch replied, his voice sounding weaker and weaker as he felt the glare of his wife boring holes into him.
"Perhaps it would be better if everyone got to know each other better?" Reiko suggested. "That way we can see who makes the best match."
"Ok, I think that's reasonable," Ranma nodded. "I think my business here is done for the day. Do you know anywhere I can stay?"
"You can stay here," Soun offered after sparing his wife a glance. "I think that would be easiest for everyone."
"But what if he's a pervert?" Akane demanded.
"While I don't like the inference, your daughter does have a point," the visiting youth said in an even tone. "I don't think it would be appropriate if I stayed here."
"Nonsense, I'm sure that I can trust the son of my best friend," the moustached man insisted.
"What makes you say that? The fact that I wasn't raised by him?" Ranma asked with a smirk.
Nabiki and Reiko's giggles distracted Soun for a moment. "Such a lack of respect for your father, Ranma-kun."
"Well, I found out that you're not supposed to train your child with insanely dangerous techniques. But that's not important right now. If you really want me to stay here to get to know your daughters better, I will, but only on the condition that you help me find out about my family," the blue-eyed young man offered.
"Then it's settled," Soun declared happily. "This is Kasumi, she's 19, Nabiki, she's 17 and Akane is 16."
As you can probably tell, this is a "Ranma raised by someone other than Genma" fic.
Sorry for the lack of originality in concept, I hope I made up for it with the execution.
I didn't, did I?
Ne'er mind, I could be convinced to allow someone to continue this idea or even continue it myself for a chapter or two. All you need to do is drop me a line and we shall see what we can see.
Until laterer comes…