51) Despair and hope
The afternoon hurried past in a blur of feverish activity. Even Christine didn´t have time for pondering anymore. Leaving the cellars, being greeted by the chorus girls and having the usual excited conversations with them, dancing a little to get a feeling for the stage – all that had passed with an alarming speed. Now it was half past seven; the opera would begin in thirty minutes. The girl had withdrawn to her dressing room and admired herself in the mirror.
"Is everything all right with the costume?", Anne, a young woman who had helped her dress, asked with a kind smile. Christine looked at herself once more, turning in this and that direction. She wore a light pink dress with a long skirt that enveloped her legs like a cloud when she was dancing. Ballet shoes in the same colour and pearly white tights completed the costume.
"The dress is wonderful, but do you think my hair is fine the way it is?", she wanted to know. Her curls were tied into a bun on top of her head. Only a few strands fell onto her shoulders, tickling her sensitive skin. Somehow she felt reminded of Raoul. He loved kissing those spots. A slight blush crept to her cheeks, yet it was almost invisible under the stage make up. "It looks very good.", Anne assured her. "May I go now? La Carlotta insists on having two people assist her with the costume. She still behaves as if she was the prima donna…"
Christine nodded, and Anne left the room quickly. Yet for some reason the door didn´t slam shut. Turning around the girl realised the someone else had come in. "Meg…", she muttered. This was the last person she´d have expected to visit her. "What are you doing here?" It only occurred to her that this question wasn´t very polite when it was too late.
"I wanted to wish you luck.", Meg answered, sounding a little hurt. "But if I´m disturbing you, I can as well go." "No, no!", the other girl said hastily. "I´m glad you´ve come. We´ve hardly talked since…" "…you were abducted by the Opera Ghost.", Meg finished the sentence. "I was simply jealous of you. You could spend so much time with Erik, whereas all we did together was arguing. Besides, I´d have loved to play the Princess."
Christine hardly dared take a breath, afraid of interrupting her friend. She had rarely experienced somebody being that open. "You should have had the role.", she told her gently. "You know, Erik has written it for you. He just didn´t want to bother you with it when you had… those problems." She moved a little, so that both of their reflections could be seen in the mirror. "This should be your costume.", Christine said, pointing at her dress. "Light pink isn´t my colour anyway." "But you look great in blue.", Meg pointed out. She wore that colour, like all the other girls who played one of the Ballerina´s friends.
They were silent for a moment. Then Meg said in a much too cheerful voice: "Well, it´s not that important. I´m sure Erik has made the right choice… I´ll better go now.". "No, wait!", Christine called, grabbing her friend´s sleeve. She couldn´t let her leave thinking that Erik preferred his student to the woman he loved. "There´s one more thing I have to tell you." She hesitated for a second or two. Her teacher had forbidden her to talk about it. But then, what else was she to do?
"This whole opera is about Erik and you.", she explained. "He´s the Tin Soldier with the missing leg, who thinks the Ballerina won´t ever love him because of his imperfections. And you´re the Ballerina. He chose that story because it represents your relationship. It´s meant to show you how much he loves you. Could he make it any clearer than by singing about it in front of hundreds of people? They won´t understand it, but you will." She looked at Meg very seriously. "Do you really want to wait as long as the Princess? She´s only re-united with the Tin Soldier in death! Erik and you could be happy together for many years"
Christine stopped her speech, noticing that Meg was staring at her wide-eyed. She had given her friend a lot of things to take in. "Would you like to talk about all this with Erik?", she asked softly. "He´ll be here in a few minutes to help me with the warm up for my voice." Meg jumped. "No! Not yet… it would be too soon!" With these words she went out of the room hastily.
The other girl had just closed the door behind the dancer when the mirror slid open. She almost had to laugh. Today people were lining up to meet her. "Was Meg just with you?", Erik wanted to know, crossing the threshold and stepping into the room. "I thought I heard her voice." Christine nodded. "You only missed her by seconds." Looking at her teacher she admitted: "I might have done something stupid.".
She saw the little part of Erik´s face that was visible growing pale as he muttered: "You didn´t… tell her that you´re in love with me, did you?". This was a terrible idea to him. What would Meg think of him, knowing that Christine and he had spent hours and hours alone in his home? "I´d have never done that.", the girl assured him. "But I… I told her that your opera is about the two of you… and the love you feel for her. I was afraid she mightn´t understand this message right away. Was it… wrong to do so?"
"I don´t know.", he replied honestly. "No… I guess it was all right." He felt obliged to comfort her. After all, she had only meant well. "How did Meg react?", he asked. "She said nothing and fled from the room when I mentioned you´d be here soon.", Christine answered uneasily. "Oh…", he made. "Let´s start with the warm up, shall we?" Not a single word about Meg was spoken during the remainder of time, but the girl could sense that Erik´s mind was miles away from the opera.