A couple things will start this. One, i dont own sailor Moon, and two, i cant wait till SAW one is posted...read, enjoy adn review please...

Thoughts of the dead

Serena

It was as I feared. They were still alive, still trapped in this world. One by one, I carried their bodies in, and did the honoring falling solders' ritual anyway. With each trip, I felt my strength waning, but my determination grew. As I laid each to rest, and made is so they were only healing and in a coma and not permanently down, I remembered each of them, and now felt more distraught then ever. When the bodies were all in the proper places, I gave my respects to Pluto, who had already taken her place here, and intended not to cry or break. I did both of those, all the while, I never noticed how I kept slipping in and out of consciousness while I stood and did my duty.

I was kneeling next to Pluto's obsidian casket, and pounding my head against it, not yet completely sobbing. "Pluto, Pluto, you are the only one gone. How I envy you, yet hate you. You gave me your life! I did not want to be alive alone! I didn't want to be alive to face him again! I hate you!" The tears began to come heavier. "But I love you so much…why, oh why did this have to happen! Somehow, it's my fault. I did something to set this off, but what did I do!"

Here is where I really broke down, thinking about the people I just gave the chance to live again. "Jupiter only wanted to grow up, to become a chef, not to die in a battle she didn't ask to be in. Everyone else did the same, but why! Why wasn't I just another soldier instead of the princess we senshi were supposed to protect! Ami just wanted more time with her mother before she met me, to become a doctor, and even though Rei was alone, she was on her way to becoming a priestess…that changed because she met me…but I had nothing to do, nothing to become…I was the lucky one. I should have died instead of you…Uranus was out to become a race car driver, to have a happy life with Neptune, in peace, with out anything in the way…Neptune, Michuru, was becoming a musician, one that would have rocked the world…What came out of this? Did anything good come out of it? IF it did, then why is Tokyo going the way of the Silver Alliance? Did we do anything at all!" The tears kept coming, and the only thing that held me to my destiny was quickly diminishing, going with the tears…

I don't know how long I cried and yelled, nor did I care. I wanted out of there, out of this place, and not come back. Would the returning trip kill me? Would it kill Darien? Leaving that horrid hall, I took one longing look towards my own casket, and knew that with my luck I would never reach it in this life time. Damn being immortal, and damn my agelessness. Hell, I was a goddess with those qualities, or a soulless, tortured soul that will haunt the earth forever. I walked out of that horrid hall, hoping that I would return for only one trip, and that I wouldn't remember. My mother knew what I was doing, and in some ways, I blamed for it, but wasn't her fault. It was destiny, and its cruel joke.

I instinctively headed towards that little hyperspace room we fixed up, when we had been happiest, but outside the door, I felt myself detransform. I must be using my energy to refuel my physical body. I willed it not to happen, and called up the transformation again, feeling the affects of being over drawn and exhausted in everything. However, as I stood outside that door, I knew I had to keep going, to make the best of things. Feeling content in my decision to leave this behind me in the New Year, I finally felt composed enough to creep into the room, and wait for Darien to wake up from the sleep he most likely fell into so easily. I hated him. I hated everybody.

However, I didn't slam open the door as I entered, but was very quiet about it. I had gone to the place where I was dangerously calm, with an accent on 'dangerously', and now I felt the affects of over drawn-ness as I kept drifting in and out of consciousness, and it was no different than before except that I was now aware of them. I padded across the carpeting, and seeing Darien sleeping on the bed made me hate him more. He was bringing food which him told me that he had trusted me, even with out a explanation. I looked at it, and went through it, but even as I looked at it, I thought how I really should replenish before I teleport again. I pushed down the gagging sensation before I really did hurl.

I whipped away the food from my sight, and instead, opened my bags, which I had to thank Darien for bring with him. I dug in, and found everything I needed but a shower. 'Those should come in mini sizes', was one of my weary thoughts. I dragged my bag over to the other side of the bed, so as not to wake the weaker one of us from his beauty sleep. It was not that he needed it though. I looked down at my senshi uniform with disgust. I needed the glamour effect that came with it, but I was sick of the boots, mini skirt and all the bows. Quickly, I went behind the screen that us girls had put in here, and took all off of my senshi uniform as best as I could manage. My bodysuit and skirt came off easily enough, with it being underneath my wings, as did the boots, and tiara. I felt my crescent moon still on my forehead, however. Luckily, contrary to public opinion, we did wear underwear underneath our suits, but bras were what went with what we were wearing before. I had prepared for this, and worn one, like I usually do anyway.

I hadn't really thought that I would be changing from my senshi uniform, but for again for once, I had packed a shirt that would work with wings. It seemed fate had more of a hand in my thoughts than what first appeared. It was one of those with a hole in the back, and a button that connected the collar, and the sleeves were 3/4, with a pattern of black and dark blue embroidery. Damn my wings though, I couldn't reach it. I had to leave that temporarily undone. I had brought with me a pair of jeans, even though sweat pants or sleep pants would really be more workable. Jeans made use feel normal, unlike Minako. Maybe she would wear a skirt monday. A crash in the near by corner of the galaxy echoed into the hyperspace room. Jolting, i felt the stylish 'skin tight' jeaneffect. It hurt. Alot.

So I would not be able to defend against a whole group of yomas, but then again, I haven't done that for years. I was really hoping that the shirt didn't need to be buttoned to completely cover, but my senshi uniform showed more, so I really didn't have much to hide. I had also brought a pair of flip flops for when I didn't go in uniform. Honestly, I had packed most of this stuff just by habit, so I was sure I had everything I needed.

I finally stepped out from behind the screen, and went to go rummage through my bag for baby wipes, a brush, and deodorant. Afterwards, I would brush my teeth again and find out what happens when you swallow toothpaste. I did like my abnormally fast metabolism, so I wasn't afraid of poisoning. I wanted to try again with that button, to see if I could go above my wings to get it. I would really feel better with it closed.

In my fight with my button, I never noticed Darien waking up, and crossing the bed to my side. Maybe I went out again, but that wasn't as likely as me just not noticing. While I had almost got it, my fingers had gotten slippery, and I really was about to scream or do something to vent. "Here, let me get it." I put my arms down, and I felt Darien's hands brush my neck. Maybe it was just all my emotional changes, but I felt a little zing of some kind, like magic intertwining with magic. "Thanks Darien." He finally closed the button, and I felt dressed.

"No problem Princess. You are aware that you should be resting, so you don't pass out?" He was sitting next to me, and had forced me to look at him. I didn't have the strength to fight his own, so I just went with it, along with grabbing my pillow with the little bunnies on it. I was too tired to be anything, so I just sighed. "Mother told you to?" Darien nodded, and I saw that the sleep he had just had, had done nothing for him. "You didn't sleep well?" Really, I don't know why I bothered to ask, or why I even cared. Maybe this would distract him from forcing me to do anything. "No, I didn't, but then again, you are the one that needs it before you pass out again." Apparently, he was confusing me with me. I looked away, a habit I had inherited from my mother. "I have been all night, but they have been short spurts." He gave a concerned look. I just stared at him. "Darien, sometimes we have to finish something before we can rest." He didn't buy it, even though I wasn't trying to hide anything.

He got up, and started to go towards his bags. I was preparing to flee from being force fed. Reye did it once before, after a kidnapping. That connection didn't even faze me even though it should have. "Don't worry; I am not going to chase you to eat." I relaxed, but I realized that he would do it another way, and he had me pinned from behind with his arm around my waist, and his other hand holding food. I struggled, but he was to strong, so eventually, I just stopped. He let his guard down to, as he began to hand the piece of wrapped food to me, and then I took my chance to escape, taking advantage of his wording. Darien just followed me with his eyes as I started to pace and watching him. He sighed. "I'm not going to chase you." I watched his relaxed form suspiciuosly. Darien spread his hands in innocence. "Good."

In all reality, he would have caught me in my current form. He stood up, but did not approach me. "Serenity, can you give me my bag?" I wasn't going to go near him. "Can you at least push it over here?" Doing that would make me get close to him also, since I had not the strength to push. "I can't." Darien looked victorious. "Why?" I watched him, and wondered what he was doing. "I don't have the physical energy left." He nodded, giving me a point. "Why can't you just send it over here with a flick of your hand?" Why was he doing this to my tortured brain, making it think? "I don't have the magic to cast." He smiled, and I saw his point. "So how are you going to get out of here again?" I glared at him, and went to my side of the bed, starting to feel the beyond tired feel that always came after exhaustion. "Fine. Give me the food." He sat down, farthest away at first, and eventually came closerbefore givingme the food.

I looked at it, and saw a sandwich in a plastic bag. "I'll eat it. Give a minute." I got up to go get a bottle of Gatorade and of water, but Darien was too quick. He was pushing me back onto the bed before I could get up. How was he moving so quickly? I closed my eyes in a blink, and then opened then to see Darien looking worriedly over me. "What?" I just remember blinking. "You passed out, hon." I blinked and this time woke up. "I did? Oh. Do you have the Gatorade and the water?" Now my stomach was beginning to sound its emptiness. Darien sat now at the same side as I was on, but farther down. He kept glaring at me until I had finished the sandwich and both of the bottles of liquid. "There, are you happy?" Great, now I could do the action part of the spells. Darien nodded satisfied for the moment.

It was evident that I would keep going until I passed out for enough hours to gain back my energy, so Darien decided to get a few questions out of the way while I brushed out my hair. Unfortunately, I needed a mirror to get the hair things out, and that involved getting up. Long ago, my muscles stopped hurting, but now they were just exhausted, and I had to force myself to stand up to do that.

Standing up quickly was the worst thing I could have done, for the next thing I saw was Darien about me again, holding me by the shoulders from behind. "You did it again." I snarled at him, which brought him amusement. "Ha, ha, now could you please let me go over to the mirror on the wall?" He smiled from what my partial vision could see, and began to lead me by the shoulders over to the mirror. Quickly looking around, he pulled the chair over with a gesture and forced me into it. I decided not to warn him as I took out my hair clips, pins, and jewels that he would be hit with a massive amount of hair. Maybe he would enjoy it, maybe not, but the look on his face as it all fell out at once was priceless, and amazed. "Sorry, should have warned you." He knew I didn't forget but said nothing. "What did that charade comment mean earlier?" My good mood that was brought on with his facial expression was lost. Slowly, I stood up before answering. The first step took me a few seconds, but eventually, I was slowly heading over to the bed again, and sitting down. "We don't always stay in senshi uniform. We have a life out side of this that is used as a cover up."

Thinking, maybe it would be nice to tell my secret, to quit the charade even if it is around only one person for a short amount of time. Looking at Darien, I opened my mouth to tell all, but a memory took over as I passed out again. It was when Jadeite had learned Rei's, Ami's, and mine identities, and was threatening to spread it around then kill Tokyo if we didn't meet him some where. I remembered a comment he made about my brother not making it home from school…I shook myself awake again. "We keep it up to protect our family and friends." I didn't know how long I had been staring at him, but Darien really didn't notice, or so I hoped. Darien had a thought that looked intriguing. "What, Darien?" He opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. "Am I in danger, knowing about this, and you?" I slumped, knowing that we both knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it. "Yes, but not immediate. As long as no one else knows, though, you may have time to escape."

Darien had a look a little kid uses when they don't want to tell their mom what they did. I sighed, and hoped that who he told was still alive. "You told Andrew." He looked at me. I had to defend my slip up. "I notice who you know, to see or prepare for this situation." Well, it was true, if not exact. "If he tells no one, and you leave before the invasion is completed, you may be safe. Is he aware?" Darien nodded, wondering what danger he put his best friend in. "Are your friends in danger?" Darien was looking for some one else, so he was not the only one. "No." Darien inquired about that. "They are dead, and two of them are already aware of the danger they are in. The ones that are alive, at least. A few people don't know I am who I am, and therefore don't know me, so they are safe."

I let him think about it as I went into my bag for a hair tie. I had to braid it, but braiding it required energy. Darien looked like he needed a distraction. "Can you braid?" Maybe a lighter subject would relax the air. He was about to answer, but looked actually shy for a moment. "You are holding my secrets. I can hold yours." I flipped my hair around my shoulder to clarify my question. He reached behind and scratched his head. "Well, um, I can." Why was he being so shy about it? "Do you mind braiding my hair for me? I can start at the base if you need it." (A/n- I am starting to use both points of view, but I am not going to go as into detail.) Darien was thinking franticly for an excuse not to, but he found himself brushing out and braiding one of the females of his dreams hair, and she was actually relaxing with it. 'This might put her to sleep quicker...' "Serena?" Why had he called her Serena? Did she just smile? "Hm?" Oh, it was working. Darien took his time in braiding her 7 feet of silver hair, and before she could start to wake up again, began to massage her shoulders.

Eventually, he worked up the courage and went around her wings, down to her waist and back up again. When he stopped, she fell against his chest, asleep and not not-fainted. "That worked better than expected..." He really didn't want to wake her, so he carefully brought her up to the pillows, successfully trapping his arm underneath her neck. That meant that he had to lie on his side, and had to put his other arm somewhere. The best spot would be her waist, where he would be killed less in the morning, or whenever she woke up. Unfortunately, her wings posed a problem. Her right wing could fold under and not get in the way, but could her other wing curl over her body? That was the only other spot for it, plus, it could serve as a blanket, covering his arm, and her small body. Unconsciously, she snuggled into the warmth, and he did the same, until finally, both slept.

From the door, Selenity watched as Darien and her daughter cuddled to keep warm. Hopefully, it was other than necessity that she, her stubborn daughter, agreed to do it. It was just luck that Darien had found the key that made her sleep, which had been working with her hair. Selenity sighed, wishing she could kiss her daughter on the forehead, and feel how cold this ruin of a palace was. If she had tears in her spirit form, Selenity would be crying over her daughter, her troubles, and her gifts. She also missed Hades, Serenities father. Maybe this guardian of the earth would stay on the earth, and not go under it.

Like? Hate? Review? The story is finally beginning to go remotly near an ending...thanks for comments!

This is chapter 9 of SAW 1 by Saturns Darkness.