I'll be Home for Christmas

Disclaimer: Stargate SG1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA. I just borrowed them.

A/N: A Hundred Days is one of my least favorite SG1 episodes, but it did bring out the fact that Sam's feelings for Jack were more than professional and Jack did resist Laira's attempts to get him into the sack until the very end. So, this story is set during the time when Sam has somewhat admitted her feelings for Jack to Janet and assumes that Jack was on Edora during the Christmas Holidays.

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Colonel Jack O'Neill had been stranded on Edora for well over a month. He was angry and depressed at the thought that he would never go home again. He would never see his friends and, for some reason, he was most upset by the fact that he would never see Carter again.

Jack had been helping the villagers rebuild some of their homes and barns, but at the end of the work day he always went to where the stargate had been and spent the remaining daylight attempting to un-bury the gate. He tried not to think about home, but the mind numbing tediousness of the work made it difficult. When he was out there alone his thoughts especially turned to the SGC, his friends and increasingly of her. Carter. Damn it! He thought as he dug furiously, She's my 2IC for God's sake! What the hell are you thinking O'Neill!

Back at the SGC Doctor Janet Fraiser was becoming increasingly concerned about Major Samantha Carter. Sam was working 20 hours a day on the particle beam accelerator that would hopefully allow them to re-open the gate on Edora and rescue Jack O'Neill. Janet knew that on more than one occasion Sam had worked 36 hours straight. The Major hadn't left the Mountain since Colonel O'Neill had become stranded on Edora.

The Doctor went to the Major's lab to check on her. "Sam?"

"Huh?" Sam replied not looking up from her work.

"Sam, It's 8 o'clock in the morning. You didn't go to bed again last night did you?"

"What?" Came the distracted reply.

"Sam, look at me."

Samantha Carter reluctantly stopped what she was doing and looked up at the Doctor.

"Sam, you can't keep pushing yourself this way. I know you miss him, but killing yourself isn't going to bring him back any faster. In fact, you would probably get more done and you'd definitely be more alert if you got some sleep."

"I know, Janet," Sam said as she closed her eyes and rubbed them with the heel of her hand. "It's just ...well, I don't want him to give up on us. I don't want him to think we just left him behind..."

"Sam, it's more than that."

"No, it's not." Of course it is! I love him! Damn it! She couldn't stop the thoughts from rushing through her brain.

"Sam, this is me you're talking to. Don't worry, I won't say anything. Besides the fact that I'm your friend, there's also something called Doctor Patient Privilege," Janet said with a grin.

"Ok, look, I care about the Colonel not only as my commanding officer, but as a friend. Satisfied?"

Janet looked at her for a moment then nodded her head. "It is a difficult situation for the two of you and I imagine you are still trying to come to terms with what you're feeling and trying to figure out how to deal with it. I just want you to know that I'm here if you need to talk about it."

"Thanks, Janet." Sam went back to her work and Janet stood in silence for a moment.

"Cassandra has been asking about you. She wants to know when you're going to take her Christmas shopping. It's your little tradition with her."

"Oh, God, Janet! What day is this?"

"It's December 19th."

"Crap!"

"What?"

"I just really wanted to have the Colonel home by Christmas, but there's no way. I'm at least a month away from making this damn thing work!" Sam said angrily.

"Look, since you're not going to be able to make this work for a least another month, why don't you take a day off and spend it with Cassie. You know that the Colonel was planning to take her to the Christmas tree farm again this year. Maybe you could be his stand in and take her..."

Sam took a deep breath and let it out. "You're right, Janet. Colonel O'Neill would be pretty upset with me if I let Cassie down. I'll take her shopping and help her pick out at tree tomorrow."

"Thanks, Sam." Janet started to leave the lab but stopped in the doorway and turned back to her friend "And get some sleep tonight. Don't stay up all night and then try to take my daughter shopping tomorrow."

"Alright," Sam replied with a weak smile.

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"Jack?"

O'Neill looked up to see Laira standing over him. "What?" he asked.

"It is almost dark and you have been working hard all day. Come home now and get something to eat."

"Home," Jack said sarcastically.

"Please, Jack."

The Colonel stood up, brushed his hands on his pants, picked up his shovel and put it at right shoulder, then fell into step beside Laira.

"You miss your home very much."

"Yeah."

"I sense there is something else that has you upset."

Jack and Laira walked in silence for several steps before Jack finally decided to talk. "Back on my planet this is a special time of year. A big holiday we call Christmas."

"And you are missing your family and friends for this... Christmas?"

"Well, there's a lot more to it, but yeah."

"Tell me about it."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Please. I want to understand you better and it may help you to speak of it."

"Well, A couple years ago we found a small girl on one of our trips through the stargate. Everyone on her planet was dead except for this girl; she was the only survivor of a horrible plague. We brought her home with us and...she kind of made Christmas important to me again. We were gonna go chop down a Christmas tree together. It was a tradition I started with her..."

"Maybe we could chop down a tree together and start your tradition here," Laira suggested helpfully.

"No!" It came out a little more forcefully than Jack intended. "Look, I'm sorry. I know you mean well, but...it's just not the same and I don't want to think about it or be reminded of it."

The two walked in silence the rest of the way to Laira's house.

After she had cleaned up the supper dishes, Laira once again suggested that Jack could sleep in her bed and not on the cold, hard floor. Jack once again declined.

As Jack lay on his pallet on the floor staring into the fire, he thought about Cassie's first Christmas when she asked him why he wasn't married to Sam. So many things had happened since then that kept strengthening the bond he felt for Carter. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to block out the thoughts. Finally he fell into a fitful, restless sleep.

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On December 20th, Sam Carter left the Mountain for the first time in over 6 weeks. It was a cold, crisp winter day with the remnants of an earlier snow fall still on the ground. She picked up Cassandra Fraiser and the two headed for the mall to pick out gifts for everyone on Cassie's list. Cassandra insisted that she had to get a gift for Jack and she would save it for him until Sam was able to get him home.

Cassie bought several blank video tapes and told Sam that she would tape every episode of the Simpsons for Jack until he got home.

"Sam, I don't care if Jack doesn't get home until the Forth of July, I'll still wrap the tapes in Christmas paper before I give them to him."

With the shopping done the only thing left was the trip to the tree farm. Cassie took Sam directly to the tree she wanted. "Jack and I looked at this tree last year, but it wasn't ready to be cut. The man told us that it would be ready to cut this year. Jack and I decided then that this is the tree we would get."

Sam felt as if Jack were dead. They were trying to keep his memory alive by buying a tree he had picked out himself a year before. It dawned on her that he could be dead. She didn't even know if he had survived the horrible "Fire Rain" on Edora.

Sam tried to push the thoughts out of her mind as she and Cassandra cut down the Douglas Fir Jack had picked out over a year ago. Sam took Cassie home and told her that she would see her on Christmas Eve for their traditional party, then she hurried back to the mountain to immerse herself in work so she would stop thinking.

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After working in the fields on Edora that day, Jack went to where the stargate had been. Instead of trying to dig it out he sat down on a large boulder and pulled a small Air Force issue note pad and pen out of his shirt pocket.

"Dear Sam," he wrote "Ok, I know this is stupid because I have no way of getting this letter to you anymore than I have a way of getting home. If I know you, you've tried every way you can think of to rescue me. It's been over 6 weeks now, so I figure it's never gonna happen."

He looked up at the sky as if the answer would come to him from the heavens, then he continued to write.

"Alright, ok, I have to admit something to you, even if I really am only admitting it to myself. I miss you. I have to face the possibility that I'm might die on this stupid planet without ever having told you how I feel about you. I care about you, Sam. A lot more than I'm suppose to. The thought of never seeing you again is killing me. You know I'm pretty much a 'bah humbug' kind of guy when it comes to Christmas, but this stupid, sappy song keeps going through my head, I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams. I have to tell you, right now it's my dreams of you that are keeping me alive. God, I miss you, Sam."

"Jack?"

O'Neill snapped the small notebook shut. "Yeah."

"It is getting dark. Please come home now. The children are worried about you."

"Why would they be worried about be?" he asked gruffly.

"Because they care about you."

Jack let out a breath, climbed down off the boulder and walked beside Laira, back to the place that was becoming home.

The next day, when Laira went to wash Jack's shirt she found the small note pad in the pocket. She took it out and read the words he had written. "Sam,... that was Major Carter's first name wasn't it?" she questioned herself. "He must mourn for 49 more days." She closed the notebook and put it with the rest of the Colonel's things.

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On Christmas Eve Daniel, Teal'c and Sam came over to Janet's house to spend a few hours with Cassie as had become their Christmas tradition. No one was in a very cheerful mood and after supper everyone opened their gifts then made excuses to leave. Cassie asked Sam to tuck her in before she left, just as Sam and Jack had done the year before.

Sam agreed and when Cassie came out in her pajamas she took Sam by the hand and led her back to her room.

"Sam, one of Mom's traditions is to buy me a CD with Christmas music every year. There's a song on the CD she gave me this year that I think must be how you're feeling."

Cassie hit the play button on her CD player and the soft sounds of the Carpenters filled the room.

"Oh, Cassie, I know this song and I really don't..."

"Just listen to the words, Sam."

Karen Carpenter sang "Merry Christmas, Darling. We're apart, that's true, but I can dream and in my dreams I'm Christmasing with you."

Sam closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "Cassie, Colonel O'Neill and I are just..."

"Don't say friends. Sam, I know what both of you say, but I know how both of you feel."

"Ok, Cassie. Thank you for sharing your song with me. I'm going to have to go now and work some more on the machine that I hope will bring the Colonel back."

"You'll bring him back, Sam. I know you will."

"Thanks, Cassie." She hugged the girl, turned off the light and left the room.

-x-x-x-x-x-x

Back on Edora, Christmas was just another day. After the day's work was done, Jack went to sit on "his" boulder. He pulled out his note pad and started to write.

"Hey, Sam. It's Christmas day. You'd never know it by the weather here on Edora. It feels like late August in Colorado, you know, warm days, cool nights. We're pretty much done rebuilding from the damage done by the "Fire Rain" and have started on the harvest. So... Christmas day. Right now I would so like to be sitting by the fireplace, soft music playing, you, me, Daniel, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie all together. But, then, in my dreams, everyone leaves and its just you and me sitting by the fire. I know, stupid and schmaltzy, but hey, it's my dream ok? Look, I haven't lost faith in you yet, Carter. I know you're gonna get me home. I'm going nuts here. I miss you laughing at my stupid jokes, I miss you smiling at me with that 1000 watt smile of yours and I miss looking into your beautiful blue eyes... Damn! This is so maudlin. Forget it! Merry frickin' Christmas Carter."

He snapped the book shut and began walking home.

Jack continued to write in his notebook, but as time went on he wrote less frequently. He had been on Edora for over 3 months when Laira came to find him at the boulder.

"I thought I might find you here. Paynan has asked you to come to supper."

"Why? He doesn't even like me."

"But you have helped everyone rebuild and you have helped with the harvest."

"Yeah, anything I can do..."

"I know you are sad. When my husband died I mourned for 100 days. I stayed inside, I didn't talk to people, I didn't go anywhere."

"What did you do after 100 days?"

"I went outside, I talked to people, I started to live again. Come," she said as she held out her hand for him.

Jack took Laira's hand and they began to walk back to her house.

"Jack, you have been here for 100 days. I know you have been mourning your friends, your world, and I know you have been mourning her."

"Her? Who?" Jack asked.

"Major Carter."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I,...ah,...saw you writing a letter to her one time when I came here to find you. It is time to let go now."

"What do you mean?"

"You have mourned her for 100 days, it is time for you to begin living again. This is your home now and we are your friends."

That night Jack wrote one last entry in the note book. "Carter, it was an honor to serve with you." Then he closed the book and tossed onto the fire before going to bed with Laira.

The very next day Laira was on her way to throw Jack's things away when she heard Major Carter talking to Teal'c on the Colonel's radio. She wanted to throw the things away and not tell Jack what she had heard, but she knew if she did and Jack found out he would be upset and angry with her. She took the radio back to Jack and told him she heard voices.

Jack ran all the way to the stargate calling Teal'c on the radio. When he was finally able to free the Jaffa from the underground cavern and reveal the stargate, Jack's only thoughts were of going home.

When it was time for Jack to leave, he was torn by his feelings for Laira. He had grown to care for her very much. She had accepted him from the beginning and he didn't want her to think that he had used her. Especially after they had just made love the night before. There was never any doubt in his mind about whether to stay on Edora or go home, but since Laira knew that he had feelings for Carter, Jack wanted Laira to know that she was special too. Jack asked her to come back with him, knowing she would say no. Her life was there on Edora just as his was back on Earth.

What the Colonel didn't realize was that Carter overheard him ask Laira to come back with him. Sam thought about all she had done to bring the man home, and now she wasn't sure he wanted to come home. It was obvious that Jack had feelings for Laria. It was so painful to her that Sam had to look away as Jack kissed the Edoran woman.

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By Valentine's day, Jack had been back on Earth for over a week. Cassandra Fraiser insisted that Janet had to bring her to the SGC so she could give him his Christmas present. Janet called the Colonel's office and asked him to come to the infirmary.

"What is it, Doc?" Jack asked as he entered the infirmary. "Do you want to do more poking and prodding?"

"No, Jack," said Cassandra. "I asked Mom to bring me here so I could give you your Christmas present," the girl replied with a grin.

Cassandra held up a box neatly wrapped in red paper with green Christmas trees printed on it and a big green bow.

"Wow!" Jack said as he took the package from Cassandra.

He torn the paper open and looked at the video tapes. Cassandra had neatly written the date and title of each Simpsons' episode on the tapes.

"I taped all of the Simpsons episodes for you while you were on that planet," she said.

"That's the best present anybody has ever given me, Cassandra. Other than Carter getting me home."

"Have you told her that, Colonel?" Janet asked.

"Have I told who, what?"

"Sam. Sir, she's under the impression that you really didn't want to be rescued. Something about that woman Laira and you..."

"Damn!" It suddenly dawned on the Colonel that Sam had witnessed him telling Laira goodbye and asking her to come with him.

"You should talk to her, Sir."

"Uh,...right," he mumbled. "So, Cassie, did you get the tree that we picked out last year?"

"Yeah, Sam took me to the tree farm and I took her right to the tree we picked out last year. It was still there so we got it, but it just wasn't the same without you."

"Well, next Christmas will be better. Ok?"

"Ok," said Cassie as she gave the Colonel a big hug.

Jack left the infirmary and reluctantly headed for Sam's lab. He hated talking and didn't know what he was going to say to her.

"Hey," he said as he entered her lab.

"Oh, Sir, Hi." She replied uneasily.

"Um,...Cassie was here. She gave me a Christmas present. She taped all of the Simpsons episodes for me."

"It was her idea, Sir."

"Right." He stood in silence fiddling with a small alien object for a time before quietly saying "Carter, thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing me home. I understand you worked day and night to build that particle... thingy."

"Well, no one gets left behind, Sir," she replied formally.

"Sam,..."

She looked up when he called her by her first name and found herself looking right into his eyes.

"I thought I was never coming home."

Sam looked down at the floor. She could feel tears beginning to burn her eyes but she was not going to let them fall. She made a choice, the SGC needed her and the world needed her. She put duty, honor and country before herself. So why was she feeling so jealous of this woman?

"I wrote you letters," he began "The night before I came home I burned them. I had given up hope."

Sam looked up at him again. "You wrote me letters?"

"Yeah."

"What did they say?"

He shrugged. "Stuff. What it was like on Edora, the weather, how much I missed everyone,... you know."

"I missed you too, Sir."

He tilted his head, looked at her and said "Sweet."

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