TOP TEN WAYS TO TORTURE AND TORMENT SEVERUS SNIVELI SNAPE!
(The revised version)
1) Remind him that he'll never get to date Lily Evans if he doesn't take showers.
A) because we find it hilarious that his reaction is turning beet red and swearing.
and B) because we love James' reaction as well( immediately hexing Snape into a water beetle or some other form of insect)
2) Call him Snivellus, our special name for him, especially in front of his friends (The greasy git's got friends? -Padfoot)
3) Knock him out with a sleeping potion, and then, give him a makeover, and then, dress him in a nightgown, but wait, and then you stuff cupcake in his mouth, and tie him to a toilet in the girls bathroom! Brilliant!
(Good one, Wormtail. Padfoot and Prongs)
4) "You guys are really immatur–" "Stop it Lily! We're having fun!"
5) Tell him that greasy noses went out of style around the same time that greasy hair did.
6) The git's so obssessed with Slytherin and purebloods, that he needs reminding once in a while of the half blood he is. Do exactly that.
7) "Snape's got a girlfriend, Snape's got a girlfriend!"
"What? I do not, you filthy...you filthy... you filthy people!
"Only joking, Sniv. We know you'd never become semi- presentable without telling us!"
8) Have some holiday spirit, and dress up and Snape for Halloween! Yes, limp black wigs, greasy faces, no friends in sight (except for gits), the works! He loves that sort of fun.
9) AVADA KEDAVRA! (...yeah, we wish...)
10) Hang im' upside down from the Quidditch goal posts.( Levicorpus, anyone?)
"James!" Lily groaned disdainfully. "Why do you waste your time writing up nasty things like this?"
"A waste? Don't you worry, Lilykins, this will definitly not be put to waste!" said James with a mischievous gleam in his eye.
Next week...
"How the bloody hell did I get here!" yelled Sniv- I mean Severus Snape from a-toilet seat (!#?) in front of a crowd of laughing girls.
Except it sounded more like "Ho da body hew duh uh guh huh!" due to the fact that there was a...rainbow sprinkled cupcake in his mouth? (Wormtail, you're so creative.)
Next week...
TOP TEN WAYS TO TORTURE AND TORMENT JAMES ARROGANT POTTER
(The Permanent version)
1) "I will not go out with you."
2) My new boyfriend.
3) James, I just don't like the windblown look.
4) Go out with any boy who's a member of a Quidditch team other than Gryffindor's.
5)Go out with any boy, other than him, at all!
6)"Did I mention he's the new Slytherin seeker?" James turns beet red, steam comes out of his ears "No, apparently I haven't."
7)Go out with Sirius Black! (And he's not bad looking, you know, once you can get past his enormous ego.)
8) Or on a lower level, go out with Peter (Ew! Not in a million bazillion years, ever!)
9) "What part of 'NO! NEVER! NOT IN A MILLION LIGHTYEARS!' don't you get?"
10) Kill myself (Quite gruesome, but sadly enough, I think James would be more upset than me or anyone else, if I were ever gone.)
"Oh very good Lilykins. An absolute riot. A writer in the making, now, are you?" said James sarcastically.
"I knew you'd like it." Lily grinned.
Next week...
"James, meet Johnny!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Dear Diary,
as I read Lily's list, I realized something. I really wouldmiss herthe most if she ever died.
-James
Please Review, good or bad. Hope you loved it.