Author: Vee017
Disclaimer: Not mine, it's all George's.
Spoilers: None.
Setting: Pre-AOTC. Anakin is about 18.
Rating: NC-17 for sex and stuff
Summary: Anakin attempts to find out what everyone goes gaga over his Master for and makes some discoveries on his own. ObiAni slash
Obi-Wan stared unblinking at his now cold, undrank tea as if held all the answers to the universe. And he rather wished it did, because he didn't have any. Matters of the heart has always been so completely out of his league, not having anything more meaningful than a casual acquaintance or one night stand. Nothing special.
Not like Anakin.
And therein lay the problem. Yes, there was always some natural attachment and affection that grew between Master and Padawan but this, this went beyond anything that the Jedi Order would deem 'healthy'. Padawans sometimes grew crushes on their Masters but not the other way around. It just didn't happen. And if it did, Obi-Wan really wanted to know why he had to have landed in the minority.
He also wanted to know why he felt this way over Dream-Padme.
Hmmm, well maybe, his mind croaked snidely, it's because she's Anakin's little angel, remember that? And that he's a hormonally charged straight teenage male. Emphasis on teenage...oh, and straight.
Obi-Wan groaned. He was half way to forty and Anakin wasn't even twenty. It was wrong, and he had no right to feel bitter and just a tad bit resentful of a figment of Anakin's dreams. It was childish.
He was a Jedi Master for Star's sake!
Obi-Wan bit back a humourless laugh. A Master, right. Like that had ever helped him before. Just because he could say it, didn't make him feel anymore like the title with which he had been prematurely endowed.
He was prematurely endowed with a Padawan as well.
If only he'd been older, wiser, more intuned with the Force, and mindful of the universe, then maybe he would never have had this problem with Anakin. He didn't feel like his Master in the beginning at all. He was still a Padawan himself, and then all of a sudden he was without his own Master, slung with a child to raise and train as his protege. And it was a job much too large for one so inexperienced. He knew nothing of children and avoided the creche like the plague. It wasn't that he hated children, he was just...nervous around them.
They needed so much guidance and Anakin...well, he was special wasn't he? No previous Force training, no schooling in the ways of the Jedi, he wasn't a blank slate. He had already had nine years of motherly love and forced slave labour behind him. And then add the title of 'Chosen One'.
He hadn't gotten a Padawan, he had gotten a challenge. Anakin had been so needy, so clingy. And he had the saddest, most hurt face Obi-Wan had ever been subjected to when Anakin felt like he was being rejected.
Obi-Wan hated that look. The first night Anakin had come to him after a nightmare, he had been wearing it, so scared and fearful that Obi-Wan would turn him away, in need of a comfort his Master had never had, and didn't exactly know how to give.
He had pulled the covers back awkwardly and the boy had scrambled in and latched his arms around Obi-Wan's neck, clinging to him in near tears.
And that had been the start of Anakin's indulgence.
No matter what happened, or what Anakin did, Obi-Wan always found that he could never be firm enough, never tough enough. He either gave in, lightened his sentences, or lectured with a half-heart Qui-Gon's own lectures from memory. Anakin was just so hard to discipline. He was...loud, and brash, stubborn and head strong, he didn't listen.
And discipline had become even harder when Obi-Wan began to feel something more for him, and that feeling had to be shunned and buried deep. He was failing the boy as a Master, one petulant or innocent look from those long lash framed eyes and he couldn't help it, he was lost.
Obi-Wan got up and poured his tea in the sink, sighing as he looked over towards the door.
Maybe he should go after Anakin and...and what Kenobi?
He hung his head. Obi-Wan Kenobi makes a mess of everything. As usual.
Maybe waiting would be the best thing to do, let Anakin get over the majority of his embarrassment rather than being forced to face the person who was quite at fault for it.
Obi-Wan decided to lie down for a bit and wait for Anakin to return. It would give him time to think about what he was going to say. He had to do something to ease the awkwardness didn't he? An apology at least for pushing, but...that didn't even seem right. He'd been worried and it wasn't like he was expecting Anakin to be...well...
He sighed in frustration and ran a hand over his face. He needed to meditate.
>>>
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Anakin shut his eyes tight as he took his hands slowly away from himself. Was this all he was going to do from now on? Depress himself over what he could never have and jerk off in...his head shot up as he looked around.
Temple Gardens.
He was still in the Temple Gardens and doing a little more than the usual wank. Sweeping the area with the Force he was relieved to find that he was still indeed, blessedly alone as he did up his pants and rinsed his hands in the trickling stream.
Shaking off the excess water, Anakin dried his hands off on his pants and glared down at his now covered appendage. This was all its fault. Starting with the very bad habit of draining blood from the brain he should have been using in order to make him ignore everything else around him besides the need for release.
He just might start hating it as much as he loved it. Because wouldn't that have been the perfect end to a perfect day. Getting caught and having it explained to Obi-Wan. Even worse if it was Windu who caught him. Though in retrospect the shock of Anakin's audacity to 'desecrate' the 'sacred' gardens just might give him a stroke of some sort.
But then again, that too would get around to Obi-Wan. Everything did. Whether it was by someone else or Anakin admitted it out right. He shook his head. Obi-Wan could always get anything out of him. It didn't matter how stupid or apparently, how embarrassing. He just couldn't lie to Obi-Wan. Sure he could omit things or just not say anything. But to lie to his Master directly. There was just something about the way Obi-Wan looked at him. The way his eyes lost the green and appeared more grey, and that hauntingly disappointed look within them.
Anakin hated that look. And Obi-Wan would more than likely be wearing it if he ever found out what was going on in his mind.
"There are no attachments, Padawan."
"It's only a crush Padawan, you'll get over it."
Then he would give him that sad, pitying smile and that look.
It just told him over and over again that he wasn't good enough. And when he was hiding something, it hurt to think that Obi-Wan didn't trust him.
And he wanted him to trust him.
He wanted him to love him.
A Jedi shall not know love.
Tears danced down Anakin's cheeks as he stared at the semen stained grass below him.
He was pathetic.
>>>
When Anakin finally returned back to their shared quarters it was late. The sun had already sunk low beneath the Coruscant horizon hours before and his feet had only just now found the fortitude to follow the familiar hallways back home.
When Obi-Wan was most likely sleeping. Real brave, Skywalker.
He was more than relieved that the common room was dark when he entered and he could feel Obi-Wan's Force presence in his room. Anakin shrugged out of his cloak and tossed it to a nearby chair, not caring when it missed and landed on the floor.
He was nearly to his room when his legs stilled and refused to move. Looking towards his own door and then at Obi-Wan's, Anakin felt his heart clench as he moved a hand to touch the door and bit his lip. He shouldn't. He really shouldn't.
But then again, when it came to Obi-Wan, he was never quite able to resist temptation, whether it was to grate on his last nerve or to try and force a smile out of him. Anakin's mouth attempted to quirk into a smile of its own, but he stilled it as his hand palmed open his Master's door. The small lamp on the night stand was turned on and a data pad lay beside Obi-Wan's hand which rested lazily near his head.
Anakin grinned. Data pads put him to sleep too; at least Obi-Wan had changed into his sleep clothes this time. There had been a few mornings he'd come out of his room running a hand over wrinkled and creased clothes complaining about having to iron.
Walking deeper into the room, Anakin finally stood beside Obi-Wan's bed and looked down at him adoringly. His pulse sped up as if he were trespassing but he had travelled this route many times over the years; yet, not for these reasons.
There was no nightmare this time. No monster to chase away within the safety of Obi-Wan's arms. He just wanted to look at him.
And he was beautiful. And so much more lithe than his robes let on. He had more girth than Anakin though, the Padawan being all arms and legs at the moment; but one day, he promised that would change.
Anakin scanned his eyes down along Obi-Wan's body, stopping to linger at the small bit of hair peeking out from the 'v' of his shirt, across covered chest, to stomach, and...Anakin swallowed hard at other places...to his well defined, yet short legs. Anakin couldn't help the smile that formed. His tiny little Master. Though he was nowhere near Master Yoda's height, Obi-Wan was usually half a foot or more shorter than most of the other Jedi.
Including himself.
Anakin loved Obi-Wan having to tilt his head up to scold him. He knew it annoyed him that he was so much taller and remembered when Obi-Wan had first noticed his new growth spurt. He'd realized he had been starting to lecture at Anakin's neck before stopping to look up at his face.
"When did you get so tall?"
His tone had gone from irritated to wistfully soft. Anakin had given him his best smile and informed his Master that he could now reach things from the top cupboard for him. He only had to ask. Obi-Wan had shot him the dirtiest look and had been more than likely biting his lip to say that he could use the Force. For then his lectures about frivolous use of the Force would be lost on his Padawan. As if it hadn't been already.
Anakin brought in a steadying breath to stop the overwhelming urge to brush his fingers through Obi-Wan's cinnamon hair, to run his hands along the edges of his face, along his neck and...
But no, he could not, would not touch. No matter how much he wanted to. Watching Obi-Wan sleep was what had gotten him into this situation to begin with.
Sighing softly in resignation, Anakin reached towards the end of the bed and pulled up the light blanket that was always folded there. Anakin had never quite gotten fully used to the temperature change from Tatooine to Coruscant, and even if Obi-Wan thought it was usually warm, Anakin didn't want him to be cold.
He had to again fight his mind's urgings to touch, when Obi-Wan shifted and that stray strand of hair that always fell into his eyes, found its place. It was mocking him. That strand knew what he wanted, knew that he wanted to touch. It was goading him.
He clenched his jaw and fists before turning on his heel and moving out of the room quickly and silently before he went insane. It was a piece of hair for Star's sake. And pieces of hair couldn't consciously tempt someone.
>>>
When Obi-Wan awoke, it felt like a tremor had gone through the Force. The air in his room circulated and whirled as if disturbed.
Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, Obi-wan noticed a blanket fall and pool in his lap. His brow furrowed. He didn't remember covering up with a blanket. His confusion ended however, when he felt his Padawan's force signature resonating from the direction of his room.
Anakin.
He smiled lightly. The boy had always been concerned with his welfare, even something as small as a light chill. It was his signature that enveloped the room...and it was a swirling mess.
>>>
Anakin stripped himself of his clothes and settled himself into bed on his stomach. He pressed his face deeply into the pillow and groaned. Why did he always have to be so caught up in his emotions? The only place they ever usually led him was into trouble. He just...
Maybe Obi-Wan was right. He was usually always right anyway. Maybe he did need to work harder on controlling his emotions. Obi-Wan hadn't said anything about suppressing, only controlling.
If you can't master your emotions Anakin, they will master you.
And that's exactly what they were doing now. Just the thought earlier, about Obi-Wan having more than friendly feelings for someone else had deflated him. He had been ready to rip a few training droids apart but instead found himself in the silent solitude of the gardens. Which had thankfully stayed silent and near empty, given what he had been doing.
He sighed and whined softly. No good could come of this.
He was jolted slightly out of his reverie when the sound of his door swishing open caught his attention.
"Anakin?"
"Asleep." Hadn't Obi-Wan been sleeping? Anakin cursed in his head if he had woken him up. He really couldn't do this right now. He didn't want to talk about what happened, and if Obi-Wan brought it up he'd...
The bed dipped to accommodate Obi-Wan's weight as he placed a hand on his Padawan's back, thumb rubbing gently at the skin.
Anakin froze.
This had happened before.
The door, Obi-Wan calling him, sitting on his bed with his hand on his back. He clenched his jaw and shut his eyes tight. Force please no, not another dream. He wouldn't be able to look Obi-Wan in the eye tomorrow if he had an additional dream now and Obi-Wan wanted to reassure him that wet, sticky sheets were nothing to be ashamed of.
He groaned helplessly. "Not again."
With his face buried in his pillow, he didn't see the look of hurt that flashed across Obi-Wan's eyes.
>>>
Obi-Wan looked away and held back from speaking. He should have known that Anakin would be expecting another lecture, or maybe he thought that Obi-Wan was going to dig some more at embarrassing situations.
It was too soon; and Anakin was clearly uncomfortable, given the tension in his back as soon as Obi-Wan touched him.
He lifted his hand away in defeat. He'd just have to wait then. Anakin would either talk to him eventually or this would just become another thing they ignored and never acknowledged again.
"I'm sor-"
"Another dream. This is just a dream."
Obi-Wan's brow furrowed. "Anakin?" He jumped a bit when Anakin's hand placed itself on his knee and moved down his thigh as the boy sat up and faced him. Obi-Wan's heart tore at the sad, downcast expression on his Padawan's face.
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to ask what was wrong as Anakin's hand came up to caress the side of his face. He thought him acting a bit odd but still, nothing prepared him for the shock of Anakin's full, red lips pressed firmly against his own. His startled gasp gave the boy's tongue all it needed to push its way inside his mouth.
It was...incredible. It was Anakin. His rash, impulsive Padawan pulling him further onto the bed and straddling his thighs. Obi-Wan was dreaming. He had to be. He had fallen asleep waiting for Anakin and he had never woken up. This was all in his head, it had to be.
Obi-Wan met Anakin's exploring tongue tentatively with his own. He felt like the finest silk; soft, sweet lips that demanded to be given more; teeth clashed together with tongues that left no corner of either's mouths untouched.
It was too real. The feel of Anakin's lips melting against his own, and the Force...he could feel it. This was definitely real.
>>>
It was a bittersweet bliss for Anakin Skywalker. To know that he was dreaming but being able to move about freely. He had done the same thing the last time but had been confused by it at first. This time however, he knew what he wanted, and he didn't care if it was real or not; for it was as close as he'd ever be to Obi-Wan and he would make the best of his dream; this way he could be with him without him really being there.
But this kiss...it was amazing. Warm and alive, and oh so responsive, a tongue trailing his own and invading his mouth. The familiar scratch of his beard against Anakin's skin.
His chest felt like bursting as he pulled reluctantly away from Obi-Wan's lips in desperate need of air.
It was familiar, so familiar. It felt exactly like the kiss he had stolen from Obi-Wan on that mission, only now he was awake and giving to Anakin as much as he got back.
When he felt his lungs calm, Anakin immediately fused their mouths back together as his hands trailed down Obi-Wan's chest and slid underneath his sleep shirt. Anakin groaned at the feel of the light hair that covered his Master's chest and ground their hips together. He knew what he wanted.
>>>
When Anakin started to grind against him, all thought from Obi-Wan's mind fled. He was already half hard and Anakin's movements weren't making it any easier for him to think the situation through. Something was trying to tell him that this was wrong, but another part of him didn't seem to listen.
Obi-Wan nearly jumped out of his skin when Anakin led his hand between his legs. His burgeoning erection pressed firmly against his palm. He groaned as Anakin took his bottom lip between his teeth and sucked it into his hot mouth.
His hips jerked hard as his Padawan's hand found its way into his sleep pants and gripped him. The friction and sensations building between his thighs caused his mind to blank. There was something he should be remembering but he just couldn't quite care. Anakin was on him, over him, around him, he was everywhere.
And while his own hand began stroking and tracing the bulge in Anakin's shorts, his brains seemed to work together to reach a most important conclusion: Anakin was definitely not a boy anymore.
>>>
A/N: I hit a bout of Writer's Block. I went to write my Andromeda chapter, then I came back and all of my plans disappeared. I couldn't remember what I wanted! and of course I don't write anything down. So I redid it all, fighting through the block. I think it turned out okay. Thanks for reviewing! Happy Holidays!