Pattings on the back from McGonagall: 7 (repulsive), Number of Robes Ruined: 4
Noon
McGonagall is in a particularly jovial mood while I, however, feel more irritable than usual. Not to mention that the purple growth on her neck has not shrunk, but done quite the opposite. I feel like either hiding under the blanket in my bedchamber or scouring the castle for Mrs Norris, who appears to have somehow gotten into my closet and shredded the bottoms of several sets of my good robes. Must either remember to remove all traces of catnip from my clothing before leaving classroom, or kidnap the animal and hold her for ransom until Filch agrees to hang her from the ankle braces on his ceiling.
Yes, the gray hairs confirm it.
Will go find her now.
2:00pm
Blasted cat is impossible to find. Thought I found her five times, and was somewhat disappointed to realise that it was only Miss Granger's monster of a feline. Unfortunately, the owner was nowhere in sight.
I mean fortunately.
Oh, sod it all. Might as well come to terms with it sometime.
All right, I like her.
I like her.
I like her.
Now, that wasn't so hard.
Oh, Merlin. Why do I feel the sudden urge to throw up?
~January 6th~ Tuesday
Robes mended: 2, threatened declawings of Mrs Norris: 7, threatened declawings of Mrs Norris that resulted in scars, pain, and threats of decapitation from Filch: 7, alcohol units: 3
5:50pm
Have come to the conclusion that neither Mrs Norris nor Filch has much of a sense of humor. I honestly was not serious in suggesting that they serve her as a special side dish with pudding. That would be disgusting. However, both of them seemed to take it as more of an insult, resulting in severe abrasions around my ankles. Plans for kidnapping are now beginning to take form in my mind.
Winky keeps bringing me odd memorabilia from the girls' loo. Among the findings are a "Teen Witch Weekly" with a headline on how to "Imperio Boyfriends With Only a Bit of Legal Charm" (I only hope that Miss Granger does not subscribe to such filth), a dating service flyer called "wiz*match", and an updated list showing that Draco has fallen into 7th and was replaced by Neville Longbottom.
I think I will burn that one and just continue to tell Narcissa that Draco is in first. I find it strangely reassuring to lie to her.
6:30pm
Hm, Teen Witch Weekly has actually proved to be quite interesting. The headline article was a bit boring, but besides that I find it a bit informative. I never knew there were so many charms to get rid of cramps and bloating. Well, that's not really the interesting part. The most amusing thing I found was something entitled "Those Magical Moments, When Everything Seems to Go Wrong".
I was staying at my boyfriends for the Christmas holidays
and had left my suitcase downstairs by mistake, not giving
it a second thought. The next morning my boyfriend, his sister,
his parents, and I went downstairs ready to open presents, to
find that the sanitary pads from my suitcase were now flapping
across the room, some were fighting with each other, and that my
boyfriend's little brother had stolen his mother's wand.
I've never been so mortified in my life.
Embarrassment Factor: ***
Mistaken Identity
My twin brother and I went to the British Museum with our Muggle
Studies class. The tour guide there was surprisingly young…
and surprisingly gorgeous. I was feeling fairly confident in myself
since he kept looking at me and smiling. Plain to say, I was delighted
when he asked me for my Floo grate address. Later, when his head
popped up in my fireplace, I started blabbering on about how glad
I was that he Flooed, but he blushed and asked if my brother was
home. He was gay! Fortunately, my brother is not, otherwise I
would have to kill him for snagging a potential interest of mine.
Embarrassment Factor: **
Why It Can Suck to Be a Veela
I'm a quarter Veela, and I've always prided myself in my long,
blond hair, like any normal, beautiful, part-Veela girl would.
One day, my class was taking a field trip to the German
Ministry to visit some foreign Aurors. However, their lifts
are a bit tricky. We all managed to pack into one, but I ended up
being the last one to cram in. But my hair didn't make it. It got
stuck in the doors and they wouldn't come open! The Germans
didn't speak a word of French or English and just cut all my hair
off. I was bald and unhappy, and I'm never going to Germany again.
Embarrassment Factor: *
I really hope that was Fleur Delacouer.
That's enough for today. It's probably not healthy for grown men to be reading teen periodicals.
Though I don't know what's better, the fact that these vain young women are most likely getting what they deserve, or that most of the letters written to this magazine are probably written by girls from Hogwarts.
~January 7th~ Wednesday
Miss Granger worried me greatly during Potions today. She didn't seem to be paying attention at all until I mentioned cosmetic potions that reversed premature aging. When we started on a sample, she ran hyperventilating from the room. Hope nothing's wrong.
~January 15th~ Thursday
Dumbledore approached me with a very odd request today.
At breakfast, he pushed a glossy brochure under my plate and pretended that he hadn't done anything.
"What is this?" I asked as he began to shovel porridge innocently into his mouth.
"What is what?" he replied, looking at me with all the ingenuousness he could muster.
"This," I said, pointing…well, pointedly, at the brochure.
"Oh," he said, as if he just noticed that he had put it there. "It's a brochure!"
"Yes, I realised that. But what is it for?"
"A mini-break," replied Dumbledore, simply.
"Why do I need a brochure for a mini-break?"
"Because you're going on one. January 23rd."
"What for?"
He muttered something that sounded miraculously like "chaperoning", and then swept off, claiming that he had important business to tend to.
Great. Now I have to fit this mini-break thing somewhere between "kidnap Mrs Norris" and "stop having an unhealthy interest in Hermione Granger". This will be a busy month. I wonder if they deliver Teen Witch Weekly at the inn?
A/N: The embarrassing moments from Teen Witch Weekly were inspired by various teen magazines. It's always amusing to make fun of feminine hygiene products.
Thanks to: tifsuz, xxGinnyxx (hmm...have you read Hermione's diary?), whee (yes! I love those books, though unfortunately I've only read the first two. This and Hermione's diary are both based on Bridget Jones's Diary.), Loah (they're Smarties. Kind of like m&ms, but better, in my opinion), Aindel S. Druida (argh, nothing seems right if people don't have the right accents. I remember I was watching "Amadeus" (odd movie) and everyone had an American accent. It drove me nuts), Dues Ex (hmm...Ron's could be interesting. But I don't think I would have enough material. Who knows, maybe I'll be inspired.), BDTfluTe07 (a cracker is something you pull on and it sort of explodes, and it's packed with toys or stuff like that. They aren't common in the States), Madame Plot Bunnie (you gotta love Smarties), PainfulLove (it's developing, but it's going to be a long and painful road, well, for me, anyway), anonymous (yeah, I always enjoy it when two stories entertwine together. For some reason, it makes me feel smart when I read them), SlytherinALan (yup...that part was inspired by the Godfather), ElyahGray (yeah...me too, for some odd reason. It's not really that funny but it just...is), Piggie, Zervius Snape (hmm, maybe in the next diaries), the soul cage (at a candy store!), pinkchubbymonkey, TwistedHeart (I'm saving the rest of the questions for much, much later), and Aredhel Tasartir for reviewing!