He stayed long enough to finish his burger and another beer, and then he walked home. There was already two inches of snow on the ground and it was still falling heavily, but it wasn't too cold.
Fifteen minutes after he got home, she arrived with two grocery bags, which he took from her and carried into the kitchen. She smiled as she took off her coat and hung it up with his. She had always been impressed by his manners. Following him into the kitchen she helped him put the groceries away. He smiled at her. "You really didn't have to go shopping for me."
She looked in the refrigerator. "Yes, I did."
He put the last of the groceries away and turned to see her watching the snow out the window by the table. He just stood there for a minute, watching her. For once, he wasn't thinking, wasn't analyzing. He was just watching, and feeling. And what he felt disturbed him. She was his partner…he wasn't supposed to feel this way, not about her. But he did, dammit, and he couldn't help it. He walked over to the window, standing behind her, watching her watch the snow. He could smell her shampoo, her light perfume…which she never wore at work. He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind, telling himself to shut up.
She sighed. "When I was little, whenever it would snow and my dad was home, he would take me for a walk. We would talk, throw snowballs at each other…I guess that's part of the reason I love snow so much. It has nothing but good memories for me."
He didn't answer. He was just watching her. His childhood memories of winter had more to do with snow down his shirt and iceballs to the head, courtesy of his older brother. Not exactly pleasant memories.
"Bobby?"
"Yes?"
She turned her head to look up at him. "Would you do something for me if I asked you to?"
He raised an eyebrow and studied his partner. "Probably."
She grinned. "Go for a walk with me."
Well, that wasn't too bad. "Sure, Alex."
She hesitated a moment longer, looking back out the window at the snow. Then she spun around and ducked past him, her hand trailing across his abdomen. As she lifted her coat from the coat rack, he took it from her hands and held it for her. "You're spoiling me, Goren."
"Somebody should."
She looked at him as he reached for his own coat, but she wasn't able to read his face and he wouldn't look at her. He opened the door for her and followed her out of the apartment.
There was no wind so the snowflakes floated lazily to the ground. Although there was another inch on the ground since when he'd come home, it wasn't heavy snow. They walked in companionable silence for awhile.
"So what did you have planned for tonight before I called you?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. Same as every other night."
"You mean you couldn't find a date for New Year's Eve?"
The truth of the matter was he had recently lost interest in dating. Other women simply did not intrigue him, or attract him…not like she did. In answer to her question, though, he just shrugged. "I just didn't feel like it, I guess."
She was quiet for a while, until he asked, "What about you, Alex? Instead of finding a date for tonight or spending it with your family, you called me?"
She thought about that. He was right. But she honestly couldn't think of another man she wanted to spend time with. She was used to her partner, she was comfortable with him…truth be told, she simply enjoyed being with him. They spent most of every day together, and here it was, their day off, and they were together again. They were at ease with each other…and that was a good thing. She reached toward him, sliding her arm behind his and down so her hand could find a place within his. He looked at her, surprised, but he closed his hand around hers. She just smiled and said, "I called you because I wanted to."
He became quiet again. She didn't mind the silence. She and Goren were rarely uncomfortable with one another. But she wondered…"Penny for your thoughts?"
He looked down at her, a slight smile lighting its was across his face. A penny? No, not for a million dollars. He just shrugged. "Come on, Goren," she chastised. "You are always thinking."
"I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I was just…trying to imagine you…as a little girl…walking with your dad in the snow…"
She looked up at him. No one could surprise her like he could. "Now why would that interest you?"
"I don't know. It's another small window into the life that made you who you are."
"And what about the life that made you who you are?"
"What about it? There are no idyllic memories in my head…not from my childhood anyway."
She knew he'd overcome a difficult childhood, dealing with his mother's illness, his father's abandonment, abuse, neglect…a lot of things a child should never have to face. Yet, he overcame it all to become the gentle, caring man she knew. She wasn't afraid of his past, but she knew of no way to let him know that. He didn't seem to believe her words. "Are you happy, Bobby?"
He looked at her surprised. "What?" he said with a chuckle.
"Are you happy?"
God, that was a loaded question, and he wasn't quite sure how to answer it. He didn't know what she was looking for. When he didn't answer right away, she laughed and squeezed his hand. "It's not a hard question."
"Maybe not for you."
"You think too much. Just answer me. Ok…I'll make it easy for you. Are you happy right now?"
"Right now? Yes."
"Why?"
"Does it matter why?"
"It does to me."
"I don't know, ok? I don't plan to be happy or not happy. And I really don't take the time to analyze how I feel."
"Why not? You analyze everything else."
He laughed, amused. "Where are you going with this?"
"Nowhere. I'm just trying to figure you out."
"Out here in the snow, you decide it's time to figure me out?"
"Why not?"
She could be as unpredictable as he was. He looked down at her, and he liked the feel of her holding his hand. He sighed. "I analyze things I want to understand, things that matter to me. How I feel…it just doesn't…matter."
"Why is that? Why do you think it doesn't matter?"
"I don't know. Look, can we talk about something else?"
"All right. We'll talk about something else." She backed off, not wanting to upset or agitate him. "You choose the topic."
"Do we…do we have to talk at all? I was…enjoying the walk…"
She tightened her grip on his hand again. "Ok, we'll do it your way. We'll just walk and enjoy the snow."
Neither of them said any more. They just walked quietly as the snow fell around them, enjoying the drifting flakes and being with each other.
