7:35am
Seems that some of my Valentine's gifts came late. "Anonymous" has bought me a subscription to Teen Witch Weekly (sick, sick person), while I received a gift basket from the same person (or someone who also goes by that name), and whoever it is very, very cruel.
The contents of the gift basket are/were as follows:
One bottle of wine (have tried hard not to drink)
Two wine glasses (one chipped but repaired)
A bundle of Blue Roses (still not withered)
A package of New Years Weasley Wizard Wheezes
Odd feminine hygiene products that I have never before witnessed
A collection of poems by Shel Silverstien
An unmentionable on a stick (buried in underwear drawer)
I don't know what this person had planned, but I sincerely hope that it wasn't meant to include me.
Noon
Was summoned to Dumbledore's office. That's never a good thing, but it seems that a new, clever, torturous idea has gotten a hold of his senile mind.
"You received a gift basket for Valentine's Day, didn't you, Severus?" he asked, his danged eyes twinkling, reminding me very much why I hate the word "twinkle" or anything that sounds like it.
I shifted uneasily in the chair in front of his desk. "Yes, I did. I don't know who it's from, so…"
"Oh, no." He waved a dismissive hand. "I'm not one to pry. I was just wondering if you'd be so kind as to participate in a bit of a…charity outreach."
Oh good Merlin, no.
3:25pm
Oh Merlin oh Merlin oh Merlin.
I am wearing a hairnet.
Screw "charity outreach", this is just Dumbledore's idea of a cruel joke. I don't know when Hogwarts started to have a staff campaign that promoted kindness to the Muggle homeless, but this is the first time I ever heard of it. It was also his idea that I hand out the items from my Valentine's gift basket to them, since I had no need of anything in it. Stashed away the wine, the crystal, and the unmentionable (out of sheer curiosity. I still don't know what it is), and hope that no one swallows any of the Weasley concoctions.
At a hall in Edinburgh right now, serving chicken soup to those that have seen better days. Was asked several times if I had any spare fags (why does everyone think I smoke?), and groped by a very large woman who then asked if I wanted the unidentifiable feminine hygiene products. I said yes. She took them anyway.
"I predict," Trelawney said, edging in close to me as she carried a large metal pan to the house elves working secretly in the back of the kitchen. "…that you will be asked on a date before you leave here."
"I'm sure," I answered, rolling my eyes. She just sighed and walked back. I stared determinedly at the jelly, which jiggled disturbingly as I drummed my fingers on the metal pan.
McGonagall still isn't back to normal. She has a dreamy look on her face and keeps giving everyone too much food. People are now running past me in line to get to her first, and all the ones I serve refuse to meet my eyes, trying to push the others out of the way. If McGonagall was in a correct mental state, I'm sure that she would just be as unhappy to be here as I am. Sometimes I thoroughly enjoy seeing her mouth pull itself into a tiny line.
There were a few normal people, actually, which was something I wasn't expecting with my extreme prejudice toward the unfortunate. There was a little girl with big brown eyes that reminded me of Hermione's (I loathe to admit that now everything reminds me of her. I think I'm cursed, I'm just wondering who would be so cruel to do such a thing) that came up and asked for seconds on cheese bread. With something that I thought was a smile, I handed her two. She made an odd sound and wandered away.
Was wondering if Trelawney would be right, and if she was, who would do the dirty deed. I scanned the room, narrowing it down to either the large woman that had taken the feminine products of her, herself. It wouldn't surprise me, the bloody woman has no sense of value.
When lunch was over and we were ready to wander away, the little girl came up to me and pushed the Styrofoam bowl across the counter. I thought she was going to ask me to give her more soup (surely the girl noticed that there was no more?), but instead she blinked at me and said, in a very sweet little voice, "What are you doing tonight? Do you want to see a movie or something?"
I told her I was married and slumped away, trying to ignore Trelawney's sniggers. I hate it when she's right.
Which is rarely, but still.
This day can't get any worse.
11:00pm
When am I going to learn to stop saying that?
Was wandering up to Dumbledore's office, considering resignation or asking for a very large raise, when ran into Herm-Miss Granger coming from the library, a sad look in her eyes and a rather large novel clasped to her chest.
"Miss Granger," I said with a cool nod, hoping that she was in a satisfactory mood.
"Hello, Pro-" Her eyes suddenly brightened and she looked hard at me, looking like she was trying hard not to laugh. "Professor," she breathed. Something was tugging on both corners of her lovely mouth. "I am going to bed. Good night."
Did not know why she was so amused until I caught a look at myself in a suit of armor.
I had forgotten to take the hairnet off.
~March 4th~ Friday
Weasley has dumped Hermione in favor of a walking pair of breasts. Poor girl is desolate, and am fighting all male instinct to comfort her.
I have to admit, I am rather happy. Will have to thank the breasts later.
Thanks to: clare_aden (it's harder than it looks. Well, most of the time. Unless you're making fun of someone), Mr. Norris, Aindel S. Druida, Romm ( I don't think he knows. We'll see :)), slytherinrules85, Joshua Glass (argh, I know. Fixed it), citrinecastle (maybe, if Snape is in a poetic mood), Daintress (I've taken that before! I'm such a prude, though. Believe it or not, Snape tends to have prudish tendencies, maybe he'll be able to work up to it in his next diary), CassandraTheEvil, PinkChubbyMonkey (aw, age doesn't matter. At least, that's what I keep telling myself concerning my future conquest(s)), PinkChubbyMonkey (man, I wouldn't my friends to read my journal. I'd be paranoid that I'd accidentally written something about them), Zervius Snape, the soul cage (oh, we will get there, my friend), artemisgirl, Loah, Fou Fou, sweet775, MoonRunner2003, Kaylariana, pickles, Feverfew (no! Not pervy! No!), Spiral-Digger (You know...that's a good idea...)
Sorry this took so long to get out. Reviews are encouraging! I honestly love it that my thank yous are almost longer than the chapter itself.