6:45am
Upon other things, such as N.E.W.Ts, disastrous Hogsmeade weekends, dung bombs ending up in my desk drawer, and Winky's decision to go on an indefinite hiatus, Miss Granger has found that I make a particularly good question and answer bin. I keep receiving desperate owls from her each morning asking numerous questions, mostly related to questions that will be on the test, that I have no right to answer, even if I did know how to answer them. She could at least take a deep breath and ask them to me in person. At least then I would have the excuse to stare freely at her chest and pretend that I'm listening, then dismiss her, and, if lucky, assign her detention. But alas, it would be slightly odd to assign detention via owl, if it is even possible.
Dumbledore has announced that he's throwing another party to "lighten our spirits in these dark days". I don't know what he's thinking, having us chaperone. The man must have a death wish.
Though the elf is mad, I somewhat miss her. At least, I miss having hot tea in the morning. And coffee is not appetizing when it's cold.
4:50pm
I have decided, for the pure joy of it, to make a new target other than Potter. I suppose she is somewhat connected with him, since she is apparently shagging Ron Weasley, so the ripple effect should work quite nicely in throwing him off his normal routine. The chit needs to suffer a nice, long, painful death anyway.
Perhaps I can find a charm or potion that makes silicon explode?
8th April Friday
Tear-stained love letters received from Narcissa Malfoy: 3, tear-stained love letters confiscated from Draco Malfoy during Potions Class: 6, blood-stained accounts of how the Dark Lord is enjoying the turquoise waters of the Caribbean: 2. The Malfoy family should give up letter-writing all together.
Dumbledore is putting unprecedented importance on this bloody party (named the "Ruby Party" in a rather blatant nod to Gryffindor favoritism). Very annoying, especially as he keeps flitting around the staff room during our off time, bellowing loudly that everyone should find a date to the affair.
"Headmaster," Professor Sprout said with a slight roll of her eyes. "If you insist on all of us getting dates, you're begging for bad role models. We've all seen Trelawney after she's had a few too many Beach Sundays and there's anything of the male species around. We'll have to obliviate anyone within sight."
Trelawney said nothing to object, which was mainly because she had locked herself in the tower and was unaware, with all her psychic ability, that we were dissecting her faults in a group of more than a dozen people.
"What if she doesn't come?" Dumbledore said in his own defense, looking hopeful.
"We can't necessarily lock her in the tower," Professor Vector answered with a mournful sigh. "No matter how appealing that sounds. She'll get there somehow. She goes to every party. And she's not the only one I'm worried about, what about Flitwick?"
"What?" Flitwick squeaked, blushing a bright red. "What about me?"
"Come, 'fessor," Hagrid answered, his beard bristling as he fought off a grin. "Even Fang cou'n't find yur trousers after th'last party."
In a manner reminding me of Longbottom, the vertically challenged Charms Professor sunk so low in his seat that you could only see a tuft of silvery hair and a sliver of red forehead.
"So that settles it, either we lock chastity belts around everyone present, or there aren't any dates," Sprout said with a tone of finality. I always liked her.
Dumbledore looked crestfallen. "There must be a way…"
"No, there isn't. Alcohol and our staff does not go together, Headmaster. You know that."
"Yeh," Hagrid agreed with a bit of a grin. "So does Profess'r Snape. Eh, Severus?"
Everyone turned to stare at me, and I just shrugged, pretending to not know what they were talking about.
"Well," Hagrid continued on before I could shut the large thing up. "He mighn't look too excited righ' now, but I tell ye, he knows what it take-"
I am going to kill whoever overheard me in Potions. And then I will grind their bones into dust and send it to Muggle medicine manufacturers. That might do the job.
15th April Friday
Times slipped something into Mary Sue's cauldron: 4, protests from the aforementioned thing sounding remarkably similar to "I'm perfect! There's no way I messed that up!": 4, Sympathetic looks Mary Sue received from classmates: 0, Times saw Hermione Granger slip weight gain potion into Mary Sue's Evian bottled water: 3, Times did anything about it: 0
Since Winky has mysteriously disappeared, I have lost my grasp on the world of gossip inside Hogwarts. Therefore, I decided to take this task into my own hands.
I was honestly expecting the girl's loo to be empty. I was. It was during dinnertime, on the third floor, and I was certain that no one would go through that much trouble just to go to the lavatories. Of course, I forgot one certain thing: females don't make sense. Ended up startling a large gaggle of second year Ravenclaws who were huddling around the mirror, giggling and flipping their hair while one read aloud from a new issue of "CosmoWitch", which, apparently, is not intended for younger audiences.
As soon as I walked in, numerous girls looked toward me in what must have first been curiosity that quickly mutated into horror to see that I was standing, in all my horrible glory, in the middle of the girl's loo.
"Give it to me," I commanded, holding out my hand. They all stared at me now, even the spotty Ravenclaw that was clutching the magazine, who had formerly been engrossed in an article that didn't look like proper school material. With a tiny squeak, she handed it over, and I tried not to smile with satisfaction.
"Go to dinner. Now."
They all scuttled out without a second glance in my direction. Ah, power.
Now that I had the girl's loo to myself, I took advantage of this opportunity to tear down the posters and flyers that lined the board on the wall. Among them was a post of who was taking whom to the Ruby Party and a recently updated list of "The Top Ten Most Fit Boys at Hogwarts" (so it seems they have changed vocabulary, or this is just a different list). Draco has fallen into ninth. Most interesting is that this new list has comments. I was amused to find that Draco's were rather negative.
"Draco used to be in the top three, at least, but his recent spiral into something just short of cowardliness has sent him plunging down. If he keeps up those wistful sighs in Potions and long stares in Hermione Granger's direction, he'll be off the list in a week's time."
He should give up, really.
Was also very pleased to see a badly drawn doodle of my new target on the back of a sheet: a stick figure with big boobs swinging from a noose, holding a sign that says, "I'm perfect in every way." At least I may be gaining some fans in this mission.
Almost thought I didn't see Hermione's name on the list of people with dates to the Ruby Party, and after overlooking her twice, I saw that she was going with Colin Creevey.
The girl must be desperate. I only hope that his camera will hold more interest for him. That way I might have a chance.
CosmoWitch is disgusting and vulgar. Yet somewhat informative. Too embarrassed to go into detail.
I never knew that that was possible…
A/N: Sorry that this took so long to get out (and that it's short). I've been on holiday, been working, been wrapped up in another story (which is now finished), and a whole other host of excuses that don't really mean anything to you guys. Well, here it is now, and I'm not making any more promises other than I will finish this story...eventually.
Thanks to: Ariel S, BDTfluTe07 (Draco's a bit...well...off. His parents are nuts, his dad is having an affiar with McGonnagal, and that's just half the story. Not to mention he's obsessive. I can't blame him for not being normal), Lana Manckir (You probably know this already, but Bushy is finished (which is why I am now updating this one, sadly. I felt guilty), Joshua Glass, cte, elisa0984, Kaylariana, crissy, Fanasy, crazley, thefutureMrs.Kaiba (x3), pickles87 (x2. Hmm....maybe I'll be kind and post another update on your anniversary...), sallene, tall freak (yes, his is quite close to mine, also :)), hyparly4suger, artemisgirl, Mr Padfoot1 (thanks! And I did do well on my exams, must have been everyone's best wishes :)), sweet775 , Aindel S. Druida, judybat46, the soul cage, MoJoBe, MatureImmaturity, Jojo, Rory3, Kerichi, Niam (x5), I-want-to-fly, Cleopatra Selene, SxG39luver, and faereitalegoddess.
And, of course, since I'm ready to update, will be in read-only mode for the next few days. If it's not too much trouble, starting tomorrow through Wednesday, if you want to review could you e-mail them to me at (with in the subject line). I'm being an awfully selfish review whore, but that is Wonk for you. Thanks.