Disclaimer: I used to own Inuyasha. Then I woke up. (pause for laughter so anyone even remotely interested in the idea that I might claim a lucrative intellectual property like the Inuyasha franchise as my own will understand that I am doing no such thing)
A/N: Hoo boy. Big busy ol' week or three around here, with boyfriends, brothers, bronchitis and whatnot coming and going and stuff going on. (Finals, too. Argh.) Here's a big chunk o' chapter for ye…might want to go to the bathroom and get your popcorn before it starts.
(And thanks for the heads-up about the first chapter, Sparky. 'Preciate it.)
...Why for no horizontal rules? Stupid page script thingy...dammit.
BeastChapter 29
When Kagome fully woke, shifting the sleeping bag aside uncomfortably in the small room's stuffy warmth, Inuyasha was already up, staring at the wall. Judging by the substantial light filtering in through the open door, it was almost midmorning, and judging by the way Inuyasha did not acknowledge her save for a twist of the ear, the hanyou was fully back to normal.
"Morning," she said pleasantly, rubbing her eyes on her jacket sleeve and sitting up.
Inuyasha grunted.
"Why, yes, I am hungry. Think anyone's still got breakfast in the kitchens?"
Another grunt.
"Why, no, Inuyasha, I don't know what you're thinking. My powers of telepathy must be hibernating. Why don't you fill me in?"
"Keh."
"You're completely right, Inuyasha, I—"
"Would you stop that!"
Great. She'd been up less than thirty seconds, and they were already at it. "If you'll stop doing your lobotomy patient impression, sure!"
"The hell is a robotomi patient!"
"It's someone who's had part of their brain removed!"
"What!"
"Never mind," Kagome snapped, raking a hand through her hair and grimacing. Great. When was the last time I washed my hair? Probably looks like birds have been having orgies in it by now… Unbidden, an image of Kikyou's stupid perfect stick-straight tresses came to mind, and her grimace devolved into a scowl. "Just…never mind."
Inuyasha grunted again as her fingers snagged on a tangle below her left ear and she had to stop to work them free with her other hand. "At least I don't get lost in my own hair."
Kagome said a few very unladylike words under her breath and tried to work the cluster of knots free. "At least I don't pick fights when I should be happy."
"Who's the one putting words in my mouth and telling me my brain's missing!"
"I was teasing! The way I've been teasing you for almost two months now, I might add, in case you haven't noticed!" Kagome couldn't believe he was being so standoffish, and her own temper instantly rose to the occasion. "What's your problem? I thought you'd at least be in an okay mood after last night."
"You thought wrong," he said curtly, turning his gaze back on the wall.
"Fine. I'll talk to you later, then." His eyes cut over to her in surprise and irritation as Kagome got to her feet abruptly, ducking to avoid the ceiling, and made her way to the door. Unfortunately, her eyes weren't quite as awake as her mouth, it seemed, and they directed her to crack her left shoulder against the doorframe instead of steering her through it.
"Keh" was all Inuyasha had to say, though his eyebrows knitted together when she cursed softly again and tried to make her way down anyway. "Where're you going? You're gonna kill yourself at this rate. Lemme see your—"
"My shoulder is fine, and I wouldn't want to risk inflicting that big damn scar on you this early," she snapped, evading his half-outstretched hand and clambering down the rope ladder with only a few scrapes and one misstep. Hell if I'm gonna stay and make myself look any dumber than I already have already. And what is it with the treehouse and my shoulders getting hurt!
Inuyasha noted something as he made his way to the door and stuck his head out; sure enough, as her feet touched the ground, she looked up to see him smirking at her. "Forget something, wench?"
Kagome collected the remaining shreds of her dignity and crossed her arms, ignoring the pile of some-small-animal droppings – maybe squirrel? – under her sock's heel. "I'll get my shoes later. I'm gonna go see what Sango's doing. See you l—"
"Don't bother. She's sick."
The casual words froze her mid-hauteur. Kagome lowered the foot she'd raised back into the droppings and turned to frown up at him. "How do you know?"
"Eh, I could hear her and three or four other servants come out earlier. Must've been something everyone ate. Bouzu didn't look so great, either."
"And you didn't do anything to help them?" she snapped, fists gravitating to her hips.
"I made sure someone inside took care of it," he snapped right back. His head pulled back into the treehouse, and his next mumble was almost lost to her ears. "What, you think I'd just let 'em puke and crawl back by themselves?"
"Oh," Kagome said lamely. "No, I didn't know. Sorry." So he left and then came back? She ducked her head. No wonder he was so irritable; whether the illness was food poisoning or something contagious, it meant potential trouble out the wazoo for everyone in the castle, especially him. Not to mention that, after he took care of that, he'd been sitting in the treehouse with her for who knew how long, brooding about who knew what else, possibly waiting to see if she was sick, too. And I start nagging him and acting like some token brainless klutz the second I wake up. Good one, Kag. That's exactly what he needs after our little adventure last night.
Almost on cue, like a B-movie flashback but much more vivid, the feel of cool, callused fingers on her side made her twitch reflexively, and Kagome rubbed the spot absently. Wonder if he even remembers doing that? With emotions running as high as they had been, plus their little summit afterwards, he'd probably put it out of mind. Jerk…
Well, no point hanging around here and making an ass of herself any further. Kagome sighed and started off, wincing as a careless movement of her arm disturbed the shoulder she'd banged on the door. Ow. This was not going to be a good day.
Inuyasha knew he should've gone after her, especially in light of last night, but the uneasyfeeling that had spurred him into action then was quiet now, and in its absence, uneasy thought rose instead.
First and foremost, as always, was guilt. Sometimes he figured that he'd spent his whole life either pissed at something he needn't necessarily be angry about, or pissed at himself for something he couldn't share with anyone because they'd just tell him he needn't be angry about it.
Come to think of it, maybe that was why he secretly enjoyed fighting with Kagome so much: their sparring gave him a trivial yet legitimate outlet for his energy, and no harm was done…as far as he could tell, anyway. Most of the time – especially lately – she seemed to enjoy it, too…and other times, like now, she just got mad.
Despite himself, Inuyasha had to wonder about it further; he never would've dreamed that one could technically argue with someone, an unpleasant pastime by definition, and yet have fun with it. He had hardly had the chance to find out before, either... Hell, Kikyou had never raised her voice back to him—she just ignored him, or looked at him quietly, and made him feel like a huge jerk. The idea of his priestess putting him in his place by calling him names was unthinkable, of course, almost as unthinkable as trying to imagine her waking up with her hair sticking out in all directions, or walking into doors, or getting caughtin a kugutsu's trap…or letting him kiss her, or touch her skin, or a million other little things he stopped thinking about as soon as he caught himself.
Damn. He was getting sick of this. Less than halfway through the night, he'd woken back up from ingrained uneasiness, and when sleep eluded him, he had had little choice but to go back to thinking of Kikyou, kugutsu, and the girl sleeping across from him. By the time his anger at Naraku and whoever else was responsible for Kikyou's death had simmered down into more coherent rumination, he was so intent on his thoughts that the usual dizzying rush of his demon blood returning and his inner ear shifting to accommodate his real ears' placement went almost unnoticed.
Even with the half-welcome distraction of taking care of what'd smelled like minor but distinct illness amongst several of the servants, his mind had had no problem going right back to a jumbled loop of guilt – shouldn't have touched her again, shouldn't have lost it, shouldn't have tried dumping all the blame on Kikyou – worry – whoever's controlling those things is still out there…how the hell did it know about the stupid wolf, and that she'd trust him enough to fall for it, anyway? If Kagome gets sick, too, and that thing comes after her… – back to guilt, a kind of numbness over what could've happened, which slid into cold, gut-knotting fear at the thought of the skewered tree she'd been sitting in front of. Just a couple more inches and—
"Fuck this!" Inuyasha slammed to his feet with enough force to rattle the floorboards, nearly braining himself on the lower slant of the roof. If there was nothing to do in here but sit on his ass and think, he could always find something to do elsewhere.
Of course, nowadays, there wasn't nearly as much satisfaction in the thought of the solitary pursuits he used to be just fine with. Bouzu's probably babying Sango, and the wolf said he's "studying" somewhere by himself till the reek of sickness goes away. Doesn't leave much fun.
In fact, it only left one real option, which he justified by recalling the nasty sound of her shoulder hitting the wood. Bet my front fangs she's trying to take care of everyone and won't say a damn thing about it till it swells up bigger than her head. Stupid wench… He'd better go find her—not like I have anything better to do.
Shippou was dying—not of sickness, which couldn't penetrate his undeveloped but naturally sturdy immune system. Heck, he wasn't even sure if he could catch a human ailment, no matter how little he was or how severe the disease.
No, Shippou was bored. Very bored. One might even say he was very, very bored, but this would be insufficient.
Oh, the little fox understood perfectly well why no one was paying attention to him: those who weren't sick were either issuing orders, taking them from the head servants who ran the castle's day-to-day housekeeping to those who executed them, or doing chores outside. Kohaku and the other boys were busy chopping firewood to keep the increased need for hot wash-water met, a task for which Shippou was still much too small and wouldn't have wanted anyway. It wasn't like he really wanted to be outside now period, with all the rumors of something unnatural in the castle going around…but that didn't make having to stay out of the way all by himself any fun, either. He'd tried playing with Buyo, but attempting to get the cat up from his sprawl in the middle of the corridor outside Kagome's room was like asking a sleeping drunk to get up and play tag.
A familiar figure came around the corner, and the kit's face lit up. "Kagome!" he squealed, bounding straight up to her and landing safely in outstretched arms. He snuggled deeper with a blissful little sigh. "I missed you last night. What happened, anyway? You don't smell like a monster got you. You smell more like Inuyasha. What happened?"
"One thing at a time, Shippou-chan." Kagome bounced him gently against her uninjured shoulder, letting his affection dissolve some of her bad mood. Good to know someone is happy that I'm here. She'd also more or less anticipated the questions. "I'll tell you and Sango all about it later. How's she feeling?"
"She's asleep in your bed. She didn't want to, but Miroku said you wouldn't mind, and her futon smells funny, plus she spilled something on it when she was coughing earlier." Shippou's nose wrinkled gravely. "He's still in there. I think he's really worried about her, and he told me to ask you not to come in important and that he'd see you before lunch."
"Gotcha. Thanks for telling me." Kagome tried to keep her worry off her face. So it's really bad, or he's being overprotective, or both…either way, I still need to get in there sooner or later. Crap.
"Kagome-sama?" A maid Kagome knew slightly paused, stepped around the dozing cat carefully and bowed deeply around an armload of folded clothing, some of it hers. Kagome groaned inwardly. Everyone had learned that moving Buyo did no good: he picked sleeping spots and returned to them with amazing tenacity, regardless of whether humans liked it or not. "Please forgive us for quartering Sango-sama in your room while she's ill, but the houshi-sama was very insistent. He begs your pardon, but if you'd like to use the baths, they've just been refilled…" She proffered the stack.
A bath actually did sound like a good idea. Kagome eyed Shippou – his clothes were fairly clean, remarkably so for a little boy, so he could put them back on afterwards – and took three or four things from the servant's arms at random. "Thank you very much. I know there's a lot of work to do with everyone sick, but could you please bring a fresh futon to my room as soon as it's convenient?"
The maid promised to do so with all haste, and Kagome noted her slightly strained smile as the woman hurried outside, forgetting to return the rest of the things to their respective rooms first. "Is everyone that wound up already?" she asked once they were settled in the steaming tub.
Shippou nodded absently, squirting water up between his tiny hands the way she'd taught him. The sounds distracted him from her slight hiss as the flesh of her shoulder encountered painfully hot water, and that she only half listened to his reply. "Uh huh. Someone said that priestess lady told Sango something about a monster last night, and everyone's saying Naraku's still alive, or something like that."
"It should be okay. Sango killed the monster." Kagome forced her voice to remain light, smiling to convey ease she didn't even remotely feel.
"That's good." Shippou didn't look convinced, and though she quickly changed the subject by flicking water on his nose, Kagome had a feeling that he still wasn't sure by the time they were ready to get out.
She wouldn't have been, either, if she'd kept thinking about it. Ironically, it was her turn to be distracted a moment later, once she toweled herself and Shippou dry, then left him to put his clothes back on. Her own garments gave her significant pause,and she nearly let another volley of profanity loose before she checked herself: must…not… contaminate fragile young mind any further than we already have…!
The clothes certainly wouldn't help her to that end, though. They weren't even hers: some perverse twist of chance had made the servants locate and launder – and then led her to grab – one of Akemi's outfits, which Kagome recognized from a shopping trip they'd made not long before her fifteenth birthday. It consisted of red shorts and an admittedly cute white blouse that looked demure enough till one put it on and realized that the sides, tied loosely at the hem, were then slit nearly up to mid-rib, and the loose neckline had a tendency to "accidentally" droop forward, discreetly presenting one's assets much the same way a neon arrow subtly directs the eye. It didn't help that Kagome had exceeded her sisters a while back in certain areas, no matter how much they might rag her about scrawniness, and the novelty of steady meals the past seven weeks had filled her out just enough to enhance the effect.
Crap crap crap crap crap. Well, thanks to Akemi's greater height, the denim shorts were almost long enough not to be indecent. Almost. That was something…
Kagome made a face and tried vainly to stretch the shorts longer. There was no way in hell she was going to be able to wear this outside. Crap crap crap—
"Wow," Shippou said innocently, startling her out of her irate reverie. He sniffed the blouse. "It looks comfy. What're you waiting for?"
For the chance to beat Akemi into a pulp for dressing like a hooker. "Uh…" She did have to admit that Shippou had a point. Kagome looked at the shorts again, contemplating how hot it already was outside and how comfortable they probably were. Hmmm.
...Well...maybe she was overreacting. A strategically placed safety pin would keep her chest from making eye contact with anyone, and the slits weren't too bad so long as she didn't move too much. Not a problem: she doubted they'd be playing Frisbee today. The shorts…well, she'd shown more leg than that before in skirts…I think…probably. "Nothing, Shippou-chan." If it proved too tartish after all, she could just locate other clothes and change later.
To her immense relief, as if some higher power was apologizing for the sitcom-esque situation, there was actually a small safety pin tucked into the lining of the shorts' right pocket. The denim felt cool against her almost-sweaty legs, and Kagome slid on the blouse with only minimal hesitation, smiling at Shippou's compliments as she did a couple of discreet tests to check the extent of possible damage in case of exposure – not too bad, since she had one of her more formidable bras on – and pinned the worst of the neckline on the inside, leaving only a tiny thread of silver visible in front. She bent over experimentally to scoop Shippou up, watching herself, and smirked when nothing was revealed. "You like?"
"You look weird," he said candidly, giggling as she tweaked his nose and dug her fingers into his ribs through the furry vest. "No! I mean that in a good way! It's really good weird!"
"If you say so…" Kagome arched an eyebrow at him, then tossed her head. The motion reminded her that her hair was still in considerably disarray, but she wasn't inclined to ruin the bathwater by washing her hair in it or create a sudsy mess all over the tiles of the cleaning area. Eh. I'll do it at the river later. She twisted most of the bird's nest into a loose bun and gave it a pat, satisfied for now. "Shall we?"
Shippou nodded, and she settled the kit in her arms comfortably, sparing her shoulder a discreet glance. The blouse just barely covered a slowly darkening bruise, but was light enough not to irritate the chafed skin where her collarbone met her shoulder muscles. It ached considerably less already, she noticed as they left the steamy bathing room, of which she definitely approved.
She was less appreciative of a large stain on the floor almost directly in front of their room, though. They came to a halt a safe distance away and stared, as if the mess would go away if they looked at it long enough.
It soon became apparent that their strategy had a key flaw, in that it wasn't going to happen. "Ewwwww," Shippou said aftera long pause, and covered his nose with both hands. "I think Buyo had too much to eat this morning." The four-legged blob was nowhere in sight, which confirmed his guilt: his naps usually lasted all day.
"Great…" How did animals know just when to lose their lunch? This couldn't have happened before she'd bathed and gotten cleaned up, of course…
Shippou's disgust turned to curiosity as she put him down, hurried back to the baths, found a bucket, and returned with hot water and a slightly used cloth. "What're you doing?"
"I can't ask the servants to clean up my cat's mess when they're all so busy," Kagome said ruefully, wrinkling her own nose at the smell. Shippou's eyes bulged as she dropped to her knees and dipped the cloth into the water. She glanced up and caught his expression. "Yes, I know I'm not supposed to, but I've been cleaning for years, and this isn't the first time Buyo's left me a present. Go watch and make sure no one comes and has to smell it, okay?"
"Okay…" The kit looked at her doubtfully, then shrugged and trotted down the corridor to the more-traveled end, disappearing around the corner.
Kagome made a face and held her breath. This never gets any easier… Thinking firmly of roses and sunshine, she mopped it up as quickly as possible and dunked the sodden, disgusting towel back into the bucket, half-running back into the baths to dispose of it, also as soon as humanly possible, and exhaled shortly.
"There we go," she murmured, kneeling again to inspect the patch of now-clean floor. Then she frowned, examining the wood more carefully. The clean spot was already fairly conspicuous in the midst of dirt and dust tracked by the unusual volume of traffic, as this passage could be used as a shortcut between the kitchen and the laundry area outside. Servants usually kept the area scrupulously clean so as not to offend her, but today…
Kagome frowned, mulled it over, and headed back to the baths on an impulse. As long as she was quick and Shippou did his job, she could help out a bit without having to endure Sango's or – God help her – Inuyasha's lectures about dirtying her hands. Nothing wrong with wanting to clean your own home, and this place is already as much a home to me as the shrine, she reasoned as she set to work. I'll just do this real quick.
Oddly enough, after a few nervous moments, Kagome caught herself almost enjoying the chore as she wiped the gleaming wood and dunked the cloth, squeezing it out and repeating the action every few feet. Her knees offered only token complaint, and it occurred to her halfway down the corridor that Mark Twain definitely had a point: however much she had disliked doing the floors at home, now that she was not only not required to, but discouraged from doing so, she found that the simple task was downright pleasant.
She couldn't help humming a little, chuckling to herself at the utter weirdness of the human mind. Mighty thin line between work and play…well, she surmised, pausing for breath and checking her blouse's safety pin again, it makes sense. If someone tells you not to, it's got to be fun by default, even if you've been doing it for years and it sucks. Otherwise we'd never do anything we're not supposed to, and we'd all drop dead of boredom. She winced at a twinge from her shoulder and switched the cloth to her right hand, pursing her lips thoughtfully. Maybe housework gets a bad rap. I mean, someone's gotta do it, and if you're doing it so someone else won't have to, what's wrong with that?
Of course, there were exceptions – Kagome devoutly hoped that Akemi and/or Nabiki had been cleaning up after themselves in her absence…and if they thought she'd return to maid status when she got back, they had another think coming – but she thought she understood now why her mother hadn't gone insane staying at home all those years instead of getting a job. I guess, so long as you choose to spend all that time cleaning up and helping people you love, that's as much satisfaction as any job. She yelped and shook her hand as a splinter jabbed her thumb. Not to mention stress. Conversely, she knew that the second someone ordered her to clean the floors, themenial labor would instantly lose any philosophical charm she'ddecided it possessed.
Her bemusement didn't translate to unhappiness, though, and Kagome caught herself starting up one of the tunes she'd sung in the kitchen not too long ago, an easygoing American pop song with lyrics she liked immensely. Yusaku's friends had been supplying him with burned copies of downloaded music for years now, and he was good about bringing them back from the city and sharing. The range of stuff he'd gotten was pretty decent, too: pop for Akemi, heavier rock for Nabiki and Ataru, and anime themes for Souta, who missed cable TVstill and never ceased lamenting his lack of knowledge of really popular shows, like the alchemist one he saw ads for sometimes in Yoshio's weekly paper.
Kagome was the only other one in the family with any real interest in learning more than curse words in foreign languages, so she usually got American or English-speaking groups' songs andkept her skills from dulling too much by memorizing verses and ensuring that she understood them—like the chorus she broke into quietly now, almost under her breath, as she wrung the cloth out and scrubbed at a little patch of mud that had somehow been missed before the floor's last waxing. "If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here…"
She snorted. How appropriate. But, despite herself, she continued singing as she scrubbed. "So lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares…" Blech. Change of subject, me.
Almost on cue, a mental image popped up…which Disney movie was it with the girl scrubbing the floor and singing, with the pretty soap bubbles and an evil cat messing everything up after the number was over? Snow White? No, she corrected herself with another chuckle, it was Cinderella. She'd felt so sorry for her when she first saw that part as a little girl that she'd asked her mother on the way home if they could get rid of their floors—not get carpet or new tiles, necessarily, but get rid of the floors entirely, so it could never happen to anyone in their house. Ah, to be that dumb again. Must be like being Inuyasha. …Well, maybe that was a little harsh…
Kagome couldn't resist a wry smile. If this was a fairy tale, she was more of a Bizarro-Cinderella: taken from a life of willingly serving her family, cruelly forced to be waited upon and forbidden to clean, even after herself. I doubt Cinderella ever called her prince a fuzzy asshole, either. Bet she didn't even say anything when Prince Charming stopped wearing deodorant and got a beer gut a few years after the wedding. Her loss…
She couldn't imagine being or being married to someone that bland. Come to think of it, that was probably what had bothered her so much about Houjou. Sure, he was nice, but talking to him was about emotionally and intellectually stimulating as watching her fingernails grow.
If only Inuyasha could develop something even remotely like sensitivity, he'd be perfect. …Nahhh, then he wouldn't be himself. Maybe if he could just not pick at me on days like today, develop a sense of timing—
Her only warning was a swiftly muted squeak at the corner behind her, and then Inuyasha's strangled voice hissed at her. "What do you think you're doing! Get your ass up! Now!"
Kagome gritted her teeth. Deliberately, without raising her voice or her head, she kept scrubbing and said, with every shred of pleasantness she could muster, "I'm almost done, Inuyasha, and unless you want everyone in the castle to come see, I suggest you shut up. M'kay?"
Inarticulate growls answered her. Heart thundering, Kagome made sure the last of the dirt was off, willing her palms to quit sweating at the scare he'd given her. "There. Done." It was only when she sat back on her feet and half-turned to meet his enraged gaze that she realized how far she'd been leaning over when he turned the corner, plus short shorts…
Kagome's face flamed, and then grew hotter somehow, and she tugged at the denim self-consciously as he advanced down the hall towards her. "I didn't think you were gonna come in so soon."
"Yeah, well—" Inuyasha stopped at Shippou's whine of protest. He glanced down at the kit, whose tail was dangling from his white-knuckled grip, and dropped him with an unceremonious thud. "Hell of a sentry you got. He was coming back from the kitchen just as I got here."
"Yeah? Well, how long were you watching her, then?" Shippou shot back.
Inuyasha snarled and drew his foot back warningly; the little fox shrieked, leaped for the safety of Kagome's arms as she held them out, and burrowed into her shoulder. The hanyou scowled as Shippou clutched tighter and she cringed, shifting him away from the sore spot as he wailed, "I was just hungry and I thought you were done and went to see Sango without me! I'm sorry Inuyasha was peeping at you and I—"
"It's okay, Shippou-chan," Kagome said tightly, holding him with one arm and gathering up her cloth and bucket with the other. She narrowed her eyes at Inuyasha, whose glare sharpened. "Let's just forget about it and not fight about something this pointless, okay?"
"I don't think making yourself look like that is exactly pointless, wench," Inuyasha said with exaggerated patience.
"Oh? Look like what?" Kagome tried to will the words back into her mouth a half-second later, but it mysteriously failed to work, and she flushed darker instead. "Everyone's busy, Inuyasha, and I was just trying to help out a little. If anyone had come by, I'd have just—" She bit her cheek. Calm down, happy thoughts…
Too late. Her temper flared, and she stepped forward wrathfully at his crossed arms and warning look. "Look, I don't have to justify myself to you! If my helping out or my sister's fashion sense or my bad luck or my stupidity offend you that much, that's your problem, and I'll be damned if I let you make me feel any worse because of it!"
"What…!" Inuyasha almost gaped at her. What the hell was "fashion sense," and where did her sister come into it? And where had this explosion come from! He was the one who had a reason to be mad, dammit! "I've explained a thousand damn times that this's what the servants are for, and you trying to do their work insults you, me, and them, 'cause you're telling 'em they're doing a shitty job! And how the hell are they supposed to respect you if you're squatting in a corner half-naked and I just let you do whatever the hell it is you were doing? Do you have any idea how stupid that makes you look!"
His voice had been steadily rising throughout despite Kagome's increasingly murderous expression, but as the echoes of his last shout died away from the corridor, the blood drained from her face as swiftly as it had rushed there moments ago. The flood of anger and embarrassment assaulting his nose died off, lingering for the barest of seconds as Shippou took one look at her and leaped down, scrambling away for safety. It occurred to Inuyasha, in the far-off and dusty corner of his mind not aroused by anger or the sight that'd presented itself so unexpectedly a minute or three ago, that the kit was probably wise. If she'd been angry before, Kagome was really not happy now.
The rest of his brain was treated to this fact momentarily, as a renewed wave of rage and something like embarrassment but much worse slapped against his nostrils, a split second before Kagome dropped the bucket, leaned back, and hurled the towel straight at his head.
Inuyasha ducked reflexively, and the sopping wad of cloth missed Miroku's head by inches as he slammed the shoji closed behind him.
One more good look at the scene, and Shippou decided quickly to make himself scarce, unnoticed. Wonder what's happening outside!
Meanwhile, girl and hanyou glared at the interruption—and blinked and gulped, respectively, as the normally levelheaded monk grabbed Inuyasha's elbow roughly, dragged him down the corridor towards Kagome, and jerked his head at her rudely to follow as they passed. She deemed it wise to do so, and they went past the bathhouse and came to a halt on the balcony outside, where several laundry servants stopped their work to gape at the trio.
Miroku didn't even spare their audience a glance over the shoulder. Instead, he nearly slammed Inuyasha against the wall, and his stormy expression told Kagome quite clearly that only ingrained respect and cultural strictures kept him from doing the same to her. She suddenly felt like a teacher had caught her fighting at school. Maybe I should say, "He started it!" and see if he buys it…
Inuyasha could have smelled the young monk a mile off, and he realized with an inaudible groan that he kind of already had: that last moment before Kagome threw the towel, that'd been Miroku's anger-scent from his left, not Kagome's. He frowned slightly. So then hers was just—
"I have the utmost respect for you, Inuyasha, despite your glaring faults," Miroku said curtly, snapping both of them to attention.
The servants went about their normal business as hard as they could, as if every woman wasn't holding her breath and listening with every fiber of her being.
"I've refrained from chastising you for picking fights at every turn, Inuyasha, shouting to hear your own voice and hiding behind your wounded feelings as an excuse not to treat others decently, especially others who treat you better than anyone so rude deserves."
Inuyasha's eyes slitted. "Now, you wait one—"
"No, Inuyasha, you wait!" Faster than any mortal should be able to move, Miroku had an ofuda out and ready, pointing directly between wide ruby eyes. "The next time you get into a stupid argument, you will wait and think about where you are, and if you disturb Sango again before she's fully recovered, I'll carve your tongue out myself and hope it teaches you some manners. Understand?"
Kagome could've sworn she heard dust settling. Not for long, though, as Miroku, without moving his body, glanced at her coldly. "Kagome-sama, as admirable as your patience with this moron is, one would have thought you would have better judgment than to get into a fight where Inuyasha actually has a point, much less do so when your friend is just falling asleep after several hours of being very ill, partly with worry for you." Kagome flinched, and Miroku softened just a bit. "There is no justification for my rudeness, but I daresay if you're willing to forget about this, I am as well, particularly if it means peace and quiet around here."
"No, you're right," Kagome said quietly. Painfully aware of covert scrutiny from the women scurrying to and fro a few feet away, she bowed shortly. "I'm sorry. Please tell Sango I'll be in later to say hi, if she wants. If you'll excuse me…"
Instead of slipping out right away, and against her better judgment, Kagome risked a peek at Inuyasha, and her heart constricted painfully: he was scowling at her, probably wondering why she was giving in to being scolded instead of defending their right to argue, and giving in now of all times. It was the cement truck that broke the camel's back, and she grabbed for an image of the first place she could, desperately throwing herself there without further thought.
"My." Miroku lowered his arm, bemused out of his irritation as the women whispered excitedly. "That confirms our theories about her power."
"You self-righteous asshole!" Inuyasha had their positions reversed and an iron grip on the monk's throat in half a breath. The servants vanished like frightened quail, scattering to leave them alone in the small yard. "Why the hell did you have to do that in front of everyone!"
"To embarrass you," Miroku said severely, and they locked eyes. He refused to move as the sides of Inuyasha's claws dug into his neck, or to acknowledge one of the deepest growls he'd ever heard out of the half-breed. "I was angry and frustrated, and as I said, I have no excuse for it. You know that's not why Kagome-sama left, though."
Inuyasha bared his fangs, then clicked his jaws shut before he could do anything stupid or permanent with them. "I don't want to hear you blame it on me!"
"You never want to hear anything you don't like, you stupid bastard!" Miroku rasped, slipping out of his usual urbane manner and into the one he reserved for collecting debts, extortion, and dealing with anyone who made him exceedingly angry in general. His confinement in the castle had also imprisoned that persona—till now. "It's not my fault you lost it again! Why didn't you just call her a worthless whore and save yourself some breath?"
Only long-held discipline and self-control kept Inuyasha from tightening his grip and accidentally crushing his friend's windpipe like paper. He released him and struck a yard-wide hole in the stone wall next to them instead, forcing himself to step away lest Miroku push him any further. "Don't you dare pull that holier-than-thou shit on me now! You'rethe one who dragged us out here and chewed our asses in public, and unless my hearing's suddenly as crappy as yours, you told her I had a point!"
"I said that without thinking that she's probably smart enough to already know you had a point, and in case your memory's as screwed up as your reasoning, you crucified her for doing a chore she wanted to do instead of dragging Sango out or giving someone else busywork! You were right that she shouldn't've been doing it, but you treated her like she got caught in bed with three of the servants instead of cleaning!"
A beat of thick silence. Miroku smiled thinly as Inuyasha's ears flattened. Both gestures betrayed extreme tension, even as Inuyasha affected disinterest and the monk lowered his voice to a mock conversational tone. "Let me guess—did your bitching at her have anything to do with how her ass looks in those clothes?"
The next thing Miroku knew, he was about two feet off the ground, pinned to the wall by an even tighter grip on his throat. No sound escaped his lips, but Inuyasha could still read them through a haze of frustrated rage: That's what I thought.
"Very funny, bouzu." Inuyasha reminded himself again that he could not, must not and would not kill the monk…even if the stupid pompous hypocrite was full of crap and had it coming. "Almost as funny as you going mother-hen apeshit over Sango and then staring at Kagome's ass the next second. It would've been funnier when you were still screwing around—assuming you're not anymore now that Sango's laid up."
…Oops. Miroku's deadpan smugness vanished with no trace, and in its place was a look Inuyasha had never seen on his friend's face before. Deliberately, the monk eased one hand up and jabbed the arm suspending his body with two ofuda at once, forcing Inuyasha to let go with a string of curses. "OI! What in all the hells is wrong with you! If you hadn't hit my sleeve, it mighta taken my hand off!"
The monk snapped a suggestion regarding what Inuyasha could possibly do with his own severed hand and other soon-to-be-severed parts, rendering it so colorful and detailed that the hanyou blanched and backed off a few more steps. Few people knew just how bad Miroku's temper really was; Inuyasha had become one of the privileged by experience, and survival instincts were starting to kick in as he realized that, angry as they both were now, the human was the one about to lose it. Inuyasha was almost physically ill just from the smell.
He held up his hand, irritable but conciliatory. "Okay, I went too far, bouzu, but you've had a burr up your ass all day. Even you've gotta admit you started it."
"Sango was poisoned."
Inuyasha was sure he'd misheard for a second, even though mishearing was a luxury his ears had enjoyed very, very few times. "She was what!"
Miroku took a long breath and let it out slowly. A single muscle jumped in his cheek. "She was too ill too quickly. I checked her breakfast and found several large grains, fallen to the bottom of her rice bowl. When I checked the food served the others who were ill, the most anyone else had was half of half what had been put in Sango's. If not for that, I would say it had been accidental, but…"
The return of Miroku's calm façade was not contagious. Almost before the words were out, Kohaku emerged from around the nearest corner, nearly running straight into them in his urgency. "Are you sure, houshi-sama?" the boy gasped, tugging his sleeve and then dropping it with a mumbled apology.
"There was no way to mistake it," Miroku said heavily, nodding slowly at Inuyasha's disbelief. "It's some type of herb. Kaede recognized a stimulant that can cause severe heart problems if taken in excess. I put the bowls away safely if you'd care to look yourself. If you or Kagome-sama had been inside for breakfast, there might have been some in yours as well."
"Who would want to poison her?" Kohaku demanded shrilly, freckles standing out baldly as the color drained from beneath them. "Ane-ue hasn't hurt anyone!"
"Revenge," Inuyasha mumbled, shoving his hands into his sleeves. "Bet you anything it's one of the puppets left over. Sango killed one last night, and whoever's controlling them probably didn't like that."
"My thoughts exactly," Miroku agreed, clasping Kohaku's shoulder briefly and giving the boy a tense smile. "Can we trust you not to spread word about it until we've questioned the kitchen servants? The rumors are bad enough as it is."
Kohaku nodded, ducking his head miserably. "I just can't believe…"
"We'll catch whoever did it, kid, so don't start lighting incense yet." Inuyasha caught Miroku's hand twitching. Ha ha, can't whack me this time. That's what you get for forgetting your damn stick for once, bouzu.
Galvanized by their distress and his own irritation that someone would screw his life up even further by indirectly attacking one of his friends on top of everything else he had to deal with now, Inuyasha split up with them at Kagome's room and headed for the kitchens, mind churning darkly the whole way. If it was a puppet, maybe someone saw something, or I'll be able to smell one there and nail the fucking coward before it can hurt anyone else, maybe Kagome next time… Just the thought made him want to start taking heads off.
After he showed them the dark, bitter-smelling grains he'd found in the food bowl, Miroku had halfheartedly offered to join him in questioning the servants. However, Inuyasha wasn't feeling up to having a rational influence around – not that the monk was much better than he was right now – and had had little trouble getting him to stay with Sango instead. Inuyasha doubted anything would come after her directly now, but there was no point taking risks.
Speaking of which… He hesitated. Should I go find Kagome? …No, maybe it would be better if she didn't know about this till he found the culprit; if he didn't know where she was, the odds of anyone else locating her were pretty low. Besides, he'd have enough trouble finding out what her problem was – or, more accurately, what he had done now – without telling her she might have to have all her meals tasted first from now on.
In retrospect, and considering his foul mood, Inuyasha was rather surprised at how smoothly it went: a few orders to collect everyone who had been in the kitchen at all since breakfast preparations had started; a few sniffs around the kitchen for the scent of that bitter herb, kugutsu, perhaps lingering fear or guilt; and a few minutes of terse questions as to what had gone into the food, whether anyone not usually seen in the kitchens had been in there, and whether anyone had any knowledge of herbs beyond cooking, was all it took to ascertain that no one had knowingly put anything in anyone's food that morning. The possibility of highly experienced cooks and servers mistaking a pungent, hard-to-find herb powder as seasoning seemed downright unlikely, too, and as no one was giving off any scent worse than uneasiness and slight fear of him, Inuyasha was forced to conclude that they were telling the truth and leave a lot of very bewildered people to go about their business.
Great. Inuyasha turned the facts over and over, trying to see where a puppet could've gotten into the kitchen. Sango always came and got her own meals, which meant that the overdosed serving had been intended for her. Even if a kugutsu had borrowed someone else's clothes, he bitterly reflected, this time he knew to look for Naraku's scent, too, and he would've been able to detect it even under all the cooking odors with the way he'd been straining his nose. Hell, he even dropped to all fours and sniffed the paths leading to and from the kitchens and storerooms, hoping to catch a whiff of the thing's feet, which would be thinly covered and betray its scent; to his relief and disappointment, there was nothing out of the ordinary.
Kohaku and Miroku were playing a quiet, two-person card game when he reported as much back in the room; Sango was still deeply asleep, and until Kaede came back in with a second dose of something she thought might act as an antidote, there was nothing to do but stay quiet and sit there. Inuyasha quickly grew bored with trying to figure out the game's rules, was shushed when he tried to say as much, and left the room in quiet irritation. Now, where the hell did she go…?
Though he hated to admit it, he was initially relieved when his search of the second and third floors turned up no Kagome, and when he couldn't smell her immediately outside. Inuyasha was not looking forward to adding more strife to what was already shaping up to be a pretty shitty day, and the more he thought about their latest fight, the more uncomfortable he got on several levels.
A rare flash of comprehension struck him as he stalked through the woods, and he came to a halt at the realization that he'd behaved like a complete and utter jerkoff. As justified as his anger had been, Kagome also wasn't in the best of moods, and she had had good intentions…not to mention the way he'd gotten caught ogling her and then blamed it on her, right before Miroku very uncharacteristically also turned on her, and after the crappy start she'd gotten that morning with her shoulder and her shoes…
Back to guilt. At least his mind was functioning correctly, for all the good that did him.
Wait…her shoes. Did she go back for 'em?
It was an excellent guess, but to no avail: the treehouse hadn't been disturbed since he left. Damn. There went his streak of sudden intelligence. He'd been doing pretty well there for a while, too.
So, the moral of this story was that she was out here, pissed, hurt, and shoeless, maybe defenseless if anything came after her. Inuyasha's ears drooped just thinking of confronting her now. Dammit!
Partly to stall and partly from concern, Inuyasha found one of his favorite trails and set off at a lope, scouting the area for the pervasive smell of Naraku or anything potentially dangerous. Whenever he scented Kagome, he could narrow his search and make sure she stayed safe. That should make it up to her. …I think. She probably doesn't want to see me, anyway. Somehow, that felt more cowardly than logical, but Inuyasha stubbornly decided that that would be best. …I think.
When he did catch her scent near the river and also detected Kaede's presence nearby, Inuyasha firmly ignored a ridiculous, suicidal urge to join them and swung back towards the castle instead. He could always send Kirara to watch them, and besides, there was still the kugutsu around somewhere…
Lunch soon came and went, with no major mishaps and no Kagome. Inuyasha had lost his appetite and watched instead as Kohaku toyed with his food and Miroku ate with an impressive semblance of calmness. Sango was still dead to the world, though, and Inuyasha soon lost interest in them yet again.
The impulse to go talk to Kagome reared its head again as he leapt up both flights of stairs in single bounds, ignoring his usual shortcuts in an effort to occupy himself, and he rejected the idea with more difficulty than before. Knowing her, she was probably working her anger off swimming or something…no, her shoulder would prevent that, not to mention the unlikelihood of her trying to swim in that flimsy white thing—it would be like wearing wet paper afterwards, even worse than the nonexistent "shorts."
…
…That probably wasn't the wisest line of thought, come to think of it. It did distract him from wanting to talk to her, but—
In desperation, Inuyasha headed for the practice room, unsheathed Tetsusaiga, and began practicing as fast, hard and mindlessly as he could, hoping to work off the physical and mental aches and irritations that'd built up over the past few days. After about half an hour of steady work, he was able to stop thinking almost entirely, reducing his entire world to the weight of steel and fang in his hands, the flap of his hair against his back on landings and the mat under his feet, till his stomach growled and he came to with a start. Almost time for dinner already?
He sheathed Tetsusaiga, pulled his clothes back on and willed himself outside in the front courtyard, mildly unnerved to see that it was only midafternoon. His stomach had lied to him after all. Can't trust anything, dammit. It growled defiantly. I don't care if you didn't get lunch! Quit your bitching!
…And he was back to arguing with himself. That did it. Inuyasha sniffed the air, noting that Kagome had been here not too long ago and that her scent was heading back into the castle. Came back, huh? Well, he wasn't going to put it off any longer. It wasn't like she could hurt him, anyway…physically…
Gulping, Inuyasha headed inside and towards her room, hand lingering on the shoji. Maybe Sango was still asleep and the otherswere playing cards again…with her tendency to do the opposite of what he expected, maybe she had everyone back to normal and was pounding the bouzu for creative interpretation of the rules. That'd be just like her, doing it on Sango's behalf while she's out… A corner of his lips twitched. Before he could start dreading it again, Inuyasha swallowed and quietly went in.
Kagome was seated on her bed, and Inuyasha's ears swiveled back in a reflexive cringe that he just barely kept off his features: she was giving him a melancholy little smile, but her eyes were red, and she had changed into a plain violet kimono. For some reason, he didn't know which was worse. She really had looked cute in the other ones, and it was hot, even inside the castle. "Hey."
Inuyasha nodded shortly and sat down near the door, aware that Miroku and Kohaku were giving him Looks. Sango was propped up in bed, slowly sipping what must have been a vile-tasting potion, judging by her grimaces and the stuff's smell. "Oi. You feeling any better, Sango?"
"Hardly." Sango's voice was a dry croak. Miroku handed her some tea as Kagome took the drained medicine and set it aside. "Please tell me that's all I have to take."
"Kaede said you need three more doses, Sango-chan," Kagome said apologetically. "You should be up and about by the day after tomorrow or so, though."
"Good." The older slayer lay back with a sigh, closing her eyes. "Did you find the culprit, Inuyasha?"
"Culprit?" Kagome repeated blankly.
"No. No one knew anything, and none of them were lying," Inuyasha said tersely. He got up, sick once more of the smell of illness and the feeling of being an intruder. "I think I'll just—"
"We need to talk, Inuyasha." Kagome didn't raise her voice. She rose and nodded to her friend, bowed to Miroku and Kohaku, then stepped forward and rested her hand on his forearm. "Now."
Inuyasha wanted to shrug it off, but the light touch seemed to sink into his flesh, till he was almost afraid to try to separate it. "Feh."
No one was fooled by his indifference, and he was shocked out of it by Kagome leading him gently to the corridor, looking up at him gravely—and they were out on the pavilion, the sun beating down on them and the wind ruffling their hair. Inuyasha's knees went weak, so much so that he almost had to sit down and couldn't disguise it. "What the…!"
"Oh, don't freak out. If I can take myself places, I figured I could drag you along, too. Looks like it worked, and it saved you some work." Kagome released his arm to stroll over to the side. She nearly gave him a second heart attack by sitting down at the very edge of the roof and dangling her legs over the side. "Kaede and I talked for a while."
"Crazy wench," Inuyasha grumbled, settling down in a crouch next to her and watching her sideways lest she do something else unhealthy. "If you fall, don't expect me to catch you."
Kagome made a careless noise, but he noticed with another pang that her hands withdrew into her sleeves as he shifted a smidge closer. She smelled tense and uncomfortable. "Like I said, I talked with Kaede a while. I haven't really talked to her in a long time."
Inuyasha made no reply. The air grew more still, and the sun's assault resumed against their heads and backs as it emerged from behind a few wisps of cloud.
"You know, I don't think your problem is me, or that mine is you…most of the time."
"Huh?" Inuyasha frowned at her. That was more direct, yet more cryptic than the tirade he'd been expecting. Somehow, he rather would've been yelled at.
"You don't like you, so you assume no one else does and you act accordingly—like a jerk. I technically like me, but I'm human, and when I act like an idiot and then get yelled at five million times in a row, I tend to get upset." Kagome let that hang for a moment, then stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, though, the yelling was your fault. I guess that means half my problem is me and the other half is you."
"More of this crap? Tell me you have a point." Inuyasha didn't know where this was going, but he definitely didn't like it.
"Kind of." Kagome shifted uncomfortably as sweat stung her shoulder. Inuyasha eyed her hair and wondered how much heat it was attracting, considering his own white mane felt ready to burst into flames already. The uncovered pavilion was ideal for late-night relaxation, but they would bake if they stayed out here too long this time of day. "I got Kaede to tell me about her…family life." Inuyasha stiffened slightly at the implication. "No, actually, Inuyasha, she did have her own family after things went nuts here. She got married when she got older and a new priestess came to the village she was living in.She had a son and everything. He left when he was fifteen, then her husband died and she wandered back here."
"Keh." Inuyasha was surprised, yet not taken too much aback at the idea. Kaede's powers had paled in comparison to her sister's, and she could still function as an herbalist whether she was a maiden or not; once the mild shock wore off, he could even be happy for the little girl who'd come back an old woman so many centuries ago. "So…"
"I know you don't like yourself, Inuyasha, and you know I think it's crap, for what it's worth," she said quietly, and he scowled at the conversational about-face. "People have treated you pretty badly for incredibly stupid reasons. I'm sorry they did, and I understand that you act a certain waybecause of it." Her voice hardened. "But that does not give you the right to act the way you did this morning. I've gotten used to most of your quirks, and I even like most of them, God knows why, but there's a line between being cranky and being an abusive jerk. You had no right to put me down like that just to try to make a point, and you really upset me, too. For crap's sake, you even set Miroku off."
Inuyasha's head was hunched down almost to his chest by this point. Her quiet inflexibility was downright unnerving, but the words neatly punctured every defense he could offer and made apology seem inadequate. He remained silent.
Kagome sighed and flapped a sleeve at her sweaty face in a vain attempt to cool it. She chanced a peek to her right. She had been correct: he must have felt bad to begin with, or he'd be snarling back at her now. Knowing she was right gave her no pleasure. "I'm not going to lie to you, Inuyasha. I'm sick of this."
Inuyasha felt a little sick himself. Was she going to wash her hands of him now? Surely she wasn't that mad…was she?
"I've been jealous of Kikyou the past…ever since I first saw her, really." Kagome sensed Inuyasha's complete confusion at the new topic, and plowed on. "Just try to imagine this, Inuyasha: you find out that 500 years before you were born, someone who had your face and your soul first was alive…" She wiped her face on her sleeve. "Sometimes I wonder how many people have had this soul. It feels weird knowing a basic part of your being has been handed down through the centuries like an old hankie, and you never know where it's been.
"Anyway, imagine finding out about this person, except…" Kagome swallowed. How much was too much to reveal? "Except everyone tells you that she was basically either an ice queen or perfect, or both, and then you find out that she died tragically and…" And the guy you love is still carrying a torch for her and you know it and you're too stupid to turn your feelings off. "And it's weird as hell. Even after she got out of my head, sometimes I felt like she – or everyone else around me who knew her – was always watching me and thinking what a loser I am compared to her."
"Don't even think of starting that shit up again," Inuyasha snapped, turning to glare at her for the first time. "You're different, okay? Not bad different, just not her. I don't wanna hear it."
"Now you know how I feel when you mention how worthless you are," Kagome said lightly, hoping he would attribute the pink on her face to the sun. She'd been testing him a little, and his instant defense had made her almost lightheaded with pleasure. Focus, Kag. She flapped her sleeve again. "I'm gonna let you in on a secret about females, Inuyasha. We don't like ourselves. Period." His scowl deepened. "I'm serious. I don't think it's just a modern thing, either. We're always convinced, deep down, that we're not smart enough, we're not pretty enough, we're not as good as we should be, blah blah blah blah blah. We learn to live with it, but it's always there. Some people it's worse than others, of course, but—"
"What don't you like about yourself, stupid?" Inuyasha seemed torn between exasperation and bewilderment. "Do you have any idea how many people I hate more than you?"
In Inu-ese, that was the nicest compliment she'd ever gotten, and she ducked her head to avoid grinning at him and ruining the effect. "Thank you, but that's just the point. I've never been that jealous of anyone, and it's been wearing on me for a while now. That was partly why I got so upset when you were a jerk earlier."
Inuyasha's ear flicked restlessly. Holy flaming horse shit, she thought I was serious! If all this crap was true…well, no wonder women were so damn touchy all the time.
"You're right, in that a million girls would probably be weird enough to want to be in my shoes." Kagome tipped her head back and drank in the endless quiet, the empty sky. "Self-pity is one of the biggest wastes of time I can think of. When Kaede told me more about how a priestess had to live then, and especially with the Jewel…"
Inuyasha's attention shifted from the white curve of her throat to her words. His collar was suddenly a little too tight. "Yeah?" he growled.
"I would've died." He swallowed involuntarily at her simple admission. "Kikyou was an amazing person, but she was human, too, and people aren't supposed to be perfect like that all the time. I know she was dedicated, and she knew her job was important, but… I wonder how many times she looked at the kids, or at the servants, or even your mom, and wished she could be them."
Inuyasha wanted very badly to say something scornful and dismissive, to prove that this wasn't affecting him, but a lump in his throat kept him from even a "Feh."
"Long story short," Kagome said quietly, tilting her head to look at him steadily, "no one's perfect. She wasn't wrong for loving you, and you're not wrong for still loving her. You didn't even get to mourn her very long, did you?"
She was afraid she'd gone too far when his teeth grinding became audible, and she was too close to losing it herself. I'm not a saint, dammit. That's enough selflessness for today. "I think…I don't know how everything's going to turn out, Inuyasha. It's only five weeks till the curse ends." His eyes widened slightly. "Yeah, I know. See, I don't know about you, but we can't change the past, right? And we can't do much right now, either. Pretty much all we can do is wait."
Sparrows twittered madly at the other end of the pavilion, where some kind of informal avian caucus had been called to discuss whatever it was that birds talked about. Kagome waited for it to die down, painfully aware of Inuyasha's silence. Had she gotten too personal? Talking honestly was all well and good, but not if he clammed up on her again.
She decided to go for it anyway. "I have a very simple proposal, Inuyasha."
He choked slightly on the choice of words, and she laughed sheepishly. "No, not like that. It's like this—I figure, either I can wallow in 'I'm probably not good enough according to standards I arbitrarily set for myself' while you wallow in 'I'm a good guy with a personality that would kill a sea monster, but I'll just keep snapping people's heads off and feeling bad about it later in a never-ending cycle'…or not."
Blink.
"The 'not' means that we let go of all this angst and just be for a while, Inuyasha." Kagome drew her legs up and settled back down kneeling, speaking earnestly as he turned to face her again, face unreadable. "I'm not saying we should forget everything that's happened or go 'la la la la la' when something unpleasant comes up or anything. But you can't keep beating yourself up for…for everything, and I can't keep agonizing over my feelings when it just wears us out. It's not a crime to enjoy yourself once in a while without feeling guilty later…" They both flushed, and Kagome knew he had to be thinking the same thing, that she hadn't been referring to playing Frisbee. "…and with what's happened lately, I think we need to lighten up before we start trying to kill ourselves with our chopsticks."
"What about the kugutsu?" he asked after a moment of tense silence. "One of them put something in Sango's food, Kagome, and we still don't know how the other one knew about the wolf…or the new moon. What if it comes after her again? Or you?"
Kagome's insides went cold. So that's why she got sick…and that explains why Miroku was so pissed. "Well," she said tentatively, brushing loose hair behind her ear, "what can we do about it right now? You can smell them, right?" He nodded. "So, if I stick with you, I'm safe, then."
"It's not that simple," he objected, rapping his claws on the roof tiles. "What if another sneaks into the kitchen? Do you want to have to have a taster for the next five weeks?"
"We'll burn that bridge when we get there," Kagome said patiently, and he growled softly. "Please, just consider it, Inuyasha." She forced her voice into a gruff imitation of his. "D'you know how damn depressing it is watching you beat yourself up over shit you've already been forgiven for?"
"Very funny," Inuyasha said for the second time that day. This time, it was without rancor, though, and he offered her a hand without thinking as he got up. "C'mon, Kagome, I'm about to roast, and you've got your own bath in that thing."
"Better than looking stupid in the other outfit," she mumbled out of habit, grateful for the help in getting up on stiff legs.
Her chin was tilted up by the crook of his forefinger, and Kagome found herself looking directly into very irritated red eyes. "It was stupid of you to wipe the floors, but I was stupid for yelling at you like that, 'cause you didn't look stupid. Weird, but not stupid. So take your own advice and drop it." A gentle, almost unconscious stroke of his knuckle took the sting out of the curt order.
Warmth flared on her cheeks and made her stomach feel weird; mumbling something appropriate, Kagome ducked her head lest he see how much the tiny gesture had flustered her. Hoo boy…
Unseen, Inuyasha watched her curiously, pondering the workings of the female mind in general and how she could see through him like air, yet refuse to believe that she could be just as good as another woman without being anything like her. Stupid, she's never even connected me mistaking her with Kikyou, and how beautiful Kikyou was…is. ...Was?
He was treading in dangerous territory again. Best stop now, before he—
That moment was a turning point in Inuyasha's personal history: he suddenly saw, with excruciating clarity, that though his guilt might be well-deserved, he was fucking tired of it. He did still have work to do, but so long as he found Kikyou's murderer and shoved its own head down its throat and then pulled it out its ass…that and the sacrifice he was going to make had to count for something. A lot of something. It wasn't as if Kikyou sat inside his brain and kept score of how thoroughly he punished himself, either, so what the hell was the point?
It wouldn't be accurate to say that all Inuyasha's doubts vanished without a trace; they had lain too long and too heavily on his heart and mind for the impression to be gone so easily. He also had plenty of unfinished business, not the least of which involved sorting out his feelings for this infuriating, presumptuous and utterly captivating woman—but if she wanted to let things be for a while, who was he to refuse her?
Slowly, almost experimentally, Inuyasha placed his curled finger under her chin and directed her back towards him. "Kagome-sama," he said formally, frowning mockingly but almost smiling in bemusement at himself and her breathless surprise, "if you insist on ordering everyone to be happy, I insist that your brain's missing, but it's your problem, not mine." And, to seal the cantankerous little bargain and further throw her off, Inuyasha impulsively leaned down and placed a light fang-grazing kiss on her sweaty forehead. Then, as his pride reasserted itself and wondered what the hell he was doing, he took refuge in her speechless embarrassment, smirked and jerked his head towards the balcony. "You got us out here. So, what would you do if I made you get us back inside?"
A/N: Geeeeeez. Talk about pulling teeth. This one was possibly the hardest to write thus far. Hope I didn't suck it up too badly.
...I was going to have this chapter be a whole week, too...why? WHY can't I shut up?
Anyway, I've got the next one started already, weirdly enough, and if it wasn't for my finals tonight and tomorrow, plus my boy coming back into town tomorrow (Ikky happy dance), I'd guarantee chapter 30 up in the next couple of days. As it is, I promise to really, really try. I'll keep y'all up to date on my profile either way. (Let it be known that any typos, especially run-ons and words mashed together, are ff dot net at work and not me. Look at me older stuff if you don't believe me.) Till then, have fun.