A/N: Welcome to chapter 2! Thanks to those of ya'll who have reviewed and I promise that the story shall get better as I continue… SO! Just read this and enjoy fools!

Chapter 2: A Tree's Dinner?

Previously: We last left a poor blond boy with a complaining talking tree. Let us see how this will turn out.

"Ooooh…. Link, I have to tell ye something of vast importance," the Deku Tree complained.

Navi and Link just stood there and stared at the Deku Tree for about ten minutes in silence as they waited for him or she or it to continue…

"WAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screeched the Deku Tree, shattering everyone's eardrums within a hundred mile radius and somehow formed tears from his nonexistent eyes. "I WANT MY MOMMY! YOU MUST STOP THIS PAINFUL CURSE FROM SPREADING! IT HURTS ME SO SO MUCH! IF YOU STOP THIS LINK I'LL…"

"Give me Saria as my bride?" questioned Link whose eyes turned to hearts as he interrupted the Deku Tree before he/she/it could finish whining.

"Uhh…." mumbled the Deku Tree as he was trying to gain his composure.

"I'll do it!" yelled Link as he jumped up and punched the air before the Deku Tree could even come up with a response. Of course Link happily agreed only because he thought he was doing this for Saria even though she beat him up earlier. But he could forgive her for that. Right? Well DUH! He is completely oblivious.

"Then enter brave soul," said the Deku Tree interrupting my thought process as he opened his mouth large and wide. "Cause I don't want to die!"

A foul stench reeked through the forest once the tree somehow opened his mouth. How he was talking with it closed earlier was beyond me.

"Ewwww. Gross!" exclaimed Link as he waved his hand in front of nose to divert the smell of rotting wood. When was the last time he had a breath mint? Thought Link.

Navi, knowing Link would not go in there without the proper motivation just smiled a little bit as she looked at Link.

"Saria will think you're brave…"

Suddenly, a track of smoke appeared from where Link was standing and led into the tree's mouth. Dang thought Navi. Boy sure is easy to order around with the right motivation.

"Uhh…you gonna go in too Navi?" questioned the Deku Tree to the fairy.

"No," said Navi bluntly.

"But you said you were his guardian fairy. I know because I hear all."

"Dang it!" complained Navi. "Me and my big mouth!"

Of course we all know how much her mouth causes problems for everyone else, but today it was her problem so she slowly flew into the Deku Tree to meet up with Link.

The inside of the Deku Tree was not what it should have been. No, it did not look like the inside of a mouth. Instead, our heroes found themselves in a humungous circular room filled with platforms, doors, ladders that lead up to those platforms, spider webs about a thousand feet high, and of course, a huge spider web covering a hole in the center of the room. Now Link's stomach started acting up on him because he had not used the bathroom since he left his house that morning. Meanwhile, Navi noticed a treasure chest a little bit away on top of a platform.

I think I need to poo thought Link as his stomach started to trouble him a little.

"Hey! Look! Listen!" exclaimed Navi very annoyingly to Link because she has to be like that. "There is a treasure chest a little ways from here!"

Ohhhh…I need to poo.

Link, of course followed Navi because he had no idea where else to go.

So they climbed up the ladder to the platform.

I really need to poo.

They made their way to the chest.

"There could be anything inside that chest!" exclaimed Navi annoyingly.

Please be toilet paper thought Link as he moaned towards the chest. He wasn't worried about finding gold and silver or the lost treasure of some pirates. He just wanted to relieve himself.

So…Link opened the treasure chest as a piece of paper flew overhead.

"YOU GOT THE TREASURE MAP!" Said an anonymous voice from nowhere.

Link paid no attention to the voice and grabbed the map quickly.

"Toilet paper!" he screamed and ran off to some unknown part of the inside of the tree so nobody could watch him.

"Link, that's not toilet…" started Navi but was interrupted by some heavy breathing. She turned around to see a hungry looking plant known as a Deku Baba eying her for dinner.

"HELP!" screamed Navi since she couldn't defend herself as she was but a weak fairy.

"Let me pull up my tunic first!" said Link a bit angrily.

"Uhh…Link?" said Navi frantically as she tried to back away from the hungry plant.

"All done!" said Link tossing away his poo stained treasure map behind him. Luckily, well unluckily for the plant, the Deku Baba somehow wound up with a poo stained treasure map for dinner instead of Navi as the tossed piece of paper landed in its mouth. Because of this, the Deku Baba killed over and died.

"What I miss?" Link asked Navi as he returned from relieving himself.

Navi ignored him and looked at another platform next to them that was within jumping distance.

"Jump over there!" said Navi, trying to force Link to do her bidding.

"Shut up! You talk too much!" said Link angrily as his emotions changed quickly like a woman during pregnancy.

"I'm sor…" started Navi.

"Quiet or I'll kill you!" threatened Link as he took out his brand spankin' new sword.

Navi just fluttered away and followed Link from a distance.

Link jumped to the platform anyways. He would have done it no matter what but he hated being bossed around, especially by a jabbering fairy.

Link noticed something crawling amongst the webs among the wall. They looked like spiders except with skulls on their backs.

"Ooooh. Spider!" said Link in a happy mood since being angry was so ten seconds ago.

As he reached his left hand out to touch one, it bit him, leaving his hand bleeding.

Link started to cry since he was so over being happy.

"That's it!" He cried. "This place is scary! I'm leaving."

Then Navi got an idea. She got a wonderful awful idea. Since Link was mean to me. I'll be mean to him. Since he is so scared now, I'll make it worse.

Navi snuck up behind Link quietly as he continued to whine.

"BOO!" screamed Navi, making Link pee himself and screaming like a little schoolgirl. He ran down the platform into the nearest room. As he entered, the door slammed shut and bars covered the door, preventing his escape from the room.

"A…ghost…here…" Link said terrified.

"Uhh…," said Navi always wanting to state the obvious. "Did you notice that we are locked in?"

"AHHHHHH! THE GHOST WILL GET US HERE!" Link screamed at the top of his lungs.

"There is no ghost you fool! It was only me trying to scare you!" said an angry Navi. "Heh. You should have seen the look on your face. And you peed yourself. Priceless."

"But we're trapped!" said a terrified Link! "I don't want to live in a tree for the rest of my life!"

Navi was about to tell him he had been doing it for ten years but decided to let it go.

That was when her keen eyes notice a switch on the floor at the end of the ledge at where they were standing.

"Hey!" said Navi in that annoying high-pitched voice that we all loathe. "If you step on that switch Link, something good may happen."

Link knew anything was better than being trapped so he stepped on the switch and three platforms rose out in front of the ledge leading to another ledge which housed yet another treasure chest.

"Jump over there using those platforms to get to the chest!" screeched Navi. Yes, she screeched.

"Well," said Link going from calm mode to pansy mode. "This is a bit scary so I'm doing it with my eyes closed."

He started running the wrong way so Navi decided to be nice for once. So she grabbed him by the hat and started to carry him to the chest. That was when she remembered that she could only power lift five pounds and dropped Link on the ground near the chest. Navi of course had his hat because she didn't really drop him. His hat just slipped off.

Link opened his eyes, covered in bruises and dirt. "I made it!" He said gleefully. "Wait a minute… I feel bald," said Link touching his head. "Where's my hat?"

He then looked up at Navi. "Give me my hat you flying blue golf ball!" he yelled to the evil fairy. She reluctantly dropped the hat, but Link didn't care. He just could not live without his favorite hat.

He started to eye the chest lustfully.

"Please make me rich!" he said excitedly as he opened up the chest.

"YOU GOT A COMPASS!" said the mysterious voice once again as Link's cool levitation powers allowed him to hold the compass up.

"Aww sweet!" said Link eyeing the compass. "A new shield! This is better than my hunk of wood!" And with that, he tossed his wooden shield aside.

"That's not a new…" started Navi as a flying piece of driftwood smacked her upside the head.

"Now to get out of here," Link said heroically.

Somehow, he made it to the other side and stared at the barred door.

"How do I get out of here?" Link questioned as he saw a Deku Baba in front of him.

"Yes, some blood," said Link as he got battle ready with his sword and…compass.

Navi was about to rant about how impossible it was for plants to bleed while she carried Link's old shield, but she did not want to miss this amazing battle. Even though a fight between a kid and a plant is pretty pathetic. Good thing the enemy is weak because from what I have seen, Link is a total wuss. Navi thought. Actually, I may just sleep through the fight. I would be worse off watching this sorry scuffle.

"Here I go!" screamed Link as he charged at the plant.

So, will Link be able to defeat the Deku Baba with the Kokiri Sword and a… compass for a shield? Please Review and I'll update as soon as I'm able to, But only if you review! Mwahahaha! I love cliffhangers. Next chapter shall be entitled: The Fundamentals of Slingshots.