Disclaimer: I own Not Inuyasha. Good for me.
A/N: Hidey-ho, all. Next chapter, as promised.
But first, a word or seventy in response to a comment about Teh Angst: it has been noted that this story includes more than its fair share of angst as opposed to its Comedy/Romance distinction, and that angst is often used to prolong stories in lieu of plot, if I understand correctly. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I didn't quite consider how much angst would come into play in the later parts of the story when I was wading through all the shiny menus and stuff back when I first started uploading; if I wanted to get nitpicky, I could argue that Romance lends itself to more than fluff and relationship-related tomfoolery, but that's not the point here…particularly when I'm inclined to agree. That's also beside the point. (cough)
My best defense to using angst to drag things out is that, when Kagome's and Inuyasha's feelings have such a direct impact upon the plot itself – in this case, whether or not they break the curse, depending upon whether she decides to accept his nightly proposal – angst resulting from, say, her inability to let go of her reservations or his tendency to lash out instead of communicating—well, the results of their arguments are integral to the story, and those results are not always gonna be pleasant, or easily ignored. After all, feelings change, and change is not always very comfortable, especially when you don't know how to deal with it or want to acknowledge exactly how you feel in the first place. Now Kikyou's little nudge has effectively thrown them out of the remnants of their comfort zones, and they have yet to figure out what to do about it. Think of it as mental growing pains: it sucks while it lasts, but it's (almost) never permanent.
Off the soapbox now. Time to start settin' things to rights around here. Two more important notes: you'll notice I've officially upgraded from PG-13 to an R, partly because of this chapter, though not for the reasons many of you are hoping for. And credit goes to Midoriko-sama, my pretend 'Net wifey and co-consiprator on many parts of this chapter, for helping it to fruition.
Now, that said, get comfy, 'cause this one's a bit of a doozie.
Beast
Chapter 34
"I've never seen Kagome-sama so quiet," Kohaku whispered. The dismayed worry that had settled over his freckled features late last night was even more apparent now that it was daylight and breakfast had passed without a single word from the modern girl.
Shippou nodded solemnly. Sango had let the kit sleep in her futon last night to give Kagome some privacy, but more than once during the night, the kit's ears had caught sounds of distress from the bed. "Do you think we oughta try to make Inuyasha apologize?"
"An insincere apology will do more damage than none at all," Miroku said firmly, and they nodded agreement. "He knows perfectly well that he shouldn't have lost his temper, and he'll be on the defensive."
Sango rapped her knuckles on the bedpost for emphasis. "Well, we have to do something. I don't know how much more of this Kagome-chan can take."
"If you guys don't mind…" They twitched guiltily. After all, Kagome was sitting less than two feet away, and their stage whispers were more than audible. Instead of remonstrating further, Kagome sighed and shook her head. "I'm gonna take a nap now." She retrieved her Discman from the floor, climbed onto her bed, and slipped the headphones on, reclining on her side facing the wall.
"We'll be back later if you should need anything, Kagome-chan," Sango said tactfully. She motioned for the other three to follow her as she rose, Kohaku scrambling to gather the dishes and be out just behind the rest of the little group.
"Are you okay, Kohaku?" Shippou asked as the younger slayer nearly tripped over his own feet, jostling his weapon dangerously and nearly sending the stack of bowls to the floor.
"I'm fine." He ducked his head. "Didn't get much sleep last night. There was just…something weird in the air."
"Something in the air, you say?" Miroku moved aside to let a maid pass, smiling at her but keeping his hands to himself for once. "Don't tell me everyone heard their argument."
Kohaku shook his head earnestly. "No, houshi-sama, not that. Some of us…" He flushed. "I mean, some of the others had nightmares. No one slept much."
"I didn't have any," Shippou volunteered.
"You're demon, Shippou. I doubt you could be affected as easily as young humans." Miroku crossed his arms. "Some demons specialize in affecting their prey's minds. We'd better ask around – discreetly, of course – whether any of the other inhabitants have had similar problems. I myself slept fairly well, no thanks to Inuyasha."
"Maybe we should ask him if he felt anything," Sango suggested, though even Kohaku grimaced slightly at the idea as he excused himself with a bow and hurried back to the kitchens with the dishes.
"He wouldn't have noticed…but he was up all night, so maybe…" The monk gave a theatrical sigh. "If you think it would help, I suppose we can try. I'm not holding my breath, though."
Inuyasha was less surprised to get three unannounced visitors in his room – usually off limits to all but a few trusted older servants, except by invitation – than he was that they'd taken so long. Sleeplessness hadn't sharpened his wits, or what was left of them, but he wasn't stupid enough to think they'd just let last night slide. "Yeah? What?"
"What are you doing in bed still?" Sango advanced on him like a predator, and if his offense had been less minor, Inuyasha would have been slightly afraid. She glared at him, further incensed by his bored expression. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I'm hungry," Inuyasha said flatly. "There, you happy?"
Miroku swiftly moved between his lord and his lover before Inuyasha was fed his own entrails; he shrugged wearily to remind her that he'd known this wouldn't work, and merely said, "She does have a point, Inuyasha. This is hardly the sort of thing you can wait out in hopes that it'll go away. That's not the only reason we're here, either."
"You're not gonna tell me anythin' I don't already know. So go the hell away." Inuyasha leaned forward, hands on his knees. He wasn't actually inside his futon, contrary to Sango's remonstration, but sitting on it cross-legged. "Whatever else there is, it can wait till I get somethin' to eat."
"You're such a jerk!" Shippou leaped down, quavering for a moment as Inuyasha lifted the corner of his lip to expose a fang longer than the kit's hand. "You don't scare me! And you're always doing this to Kagome, and it's not fair!" When this elicited no response, the kitsune bristled, stepping onto the futon itself till they were almost face to face. "I wouldn't be surprised if she went and committed seppuku or something! If she does, it'll be all your f—"
"That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard!" Inuyasha lunged at the kit, catching him by the vest. "Did she say something about it to you!"
"Maybe she did!" Shippou kicked impotently. "Lemme go!"
"Keh!" The hanyou dropped him head-first onto the floor, refolding his arms. "Stupid brat. She's not highborn enough. She wouldn't even know where to stab. 'Sides, she's always whining about her family and how they need her—"
"Not with all the offers made to her family for this land," Miroku snapped, and was rewarded with a distinctly uneasy twist of Inuyasha's ears. "The idea of suicide was hardly limited to the nobility, either."
"Don't even bother, bouzu. They don't do it any more in this time." Flick. Flick. "She knows I didn't mean it. It wouldn't get to her that bad."
"Does getting run through hurt any less if it was done by accident?" Sango asked coldly. "Or does it hurt more because it shouldn't have happened in the first place?"
Flick flick. Inuyasha shifted his weight uncomfortably. "You're gettin' worse than her with the head games. She can just take it out on me any time she wants. It's not like I'm hard to find. And besides, how would she do it?"
"There are plenty of great heights around the castle. Kitchen knives, the river, one of Kaede's poisons…"
"And it's not like you're actually gonna tell her you're sorry," Shippou piped up.
"Indeed." Miroku folded his arms, and they looked up expectantly as Inuyasha rose. "Well? Will you come down with us and speak with her?"
Inuyasha put on a horrible imitation of a smile, then dropped it and jabbed a claw at the shoji. "OUT!"
"That went well," Miroku said dryly as they descended the stairs, having just slowed their pace from a dignified jog. He glanced at Shippou. "Out of curiosity, Kagome-sama didn't really…?"
"Oh, no way," the kit snorted, wiggling his canine feet for emphasis. "She'd never do that. I just wanted to make Inuyasha nervous. I didn't think he was that dumb. You think he really believes it?"
No way they expect me to actually believe that. Inuyasha paced around his futon, glaring out at the grey horizon. She wouldn't do it. She wouldn't even think of it. Where the hell is my
"Breakfast, Inuyasha-sama."
The voice scared him half to death. Inuyasha glanced around. No fewer than five women were coming into the room. He took one look at their faces and froze, scalp prickling in eerie anticipation. Oh, gods. What now?
The first thing Kagome did before slipping off the headphones and out of bed was to check that her new jewelry was all in place: her cycle wasn't so consistent that she could be sure her smell would remain safe much longer. God forbid, he might forget how much I repulse him, actually touch me again, and then have to remember it once my body gets out of the mood. Thank God I got these back before…
She shuddered, fastening the choker and trying very hard to keep herself still. She'd done enough of that last night, replaying that horrible argument till the mere thought of seeing him again made her stomach twist. Well, thanks to the bracelets, he'd be able to keep himself in check, and as long as the word miserable echoed inside her head, Kagome knew she wouldn't so much as come near him if she could help it. Some of her most treasured memories had instantly been warped, twisted from moments of sweet-shy intimacy into objects of angry scorn by his vilification. She'd thought he didn't mind holding her, at the very least…if he hated it so much, why did he have to wait and tell the whole blankety-blank castle first!
She took a deep breath, willing her tears to recede as she exhaled sharply, selecting a heavy black sweater and dark jeans to fit her mood. No more wallowing. I'll just stay away from him. Judging from his sputtering, he had already been trying to apologize for his outburst as he left – or, rather, as she pushed him out – so he probably wasn't going to bother her much today. He'd forgotten to ask last night, for some reason, which meant he'd likely had to sit awake and think about it all night. Kagome tried to derive satisfaction from the idea, but it just made her chest hurt worse. Stupid damn movies and TV and romance novels. I thought these things were only supposed to have a little angst mixed in before you got to live happily ever after, not make you feel like a Gundam's stomping on your heart every time something goes wrong.
Thus occupied, and aware that her friends had gotten the hint earlier, Kagome forgot to steel herself against the castle's other inhabitants—until a jubilant "Oh, Kagome-sama!" scared her half to death in the hallway, and a pack of older women bore down on her, rendering escape impossible unless she could find an excuse to turn and sprint away.
This did not happen. Instead, Kagome gave them a sickly half-smile. "Good morning." I don't want to hear about what a monster he is for yelling, leave me alone—
"Isn't it wonderful?" The speaker, a woman in her late forties, was all but hopping up and down in place. Kagome's fake politeness dripped down her face into slack-jawed shock as the woman rushed on without noticing. "So good of Inuyasha-sama! And to think how badly we've misjudged him all this time, letting ourselves think…" She shook her head, and the half-circle bowed in eerie unison. "You must thank him on our behalf later, if we may be so bold, Kagome-sama. It's simply too much for us to say to him ourselves."
A chorus of agreement bounced off Kagome's numbed skull. She shook herself as their expectant smiles began to waver ever so slightly at her silence. "Uh…" Whatinthefrigginhell! "I'm…sorry, could you explain what you're talking about one more time, please? I…I've got a slight headache."
"Why, Inuyasha-sama's…dedication to ensuring our safety, of course!" Again, the smile and bow in perfect sync. "One would expect no less of one of his station, but we've had no word about this until last night, of course, Kagome-sama, so we thought you might have been the one to…" A tiny bob of her greying head. "We merely wished to share our relief. Surely you understand, and we wouldn't have you think we didn't know of it…"
Kagome made some sort of answer and turned on her heel, almost running away and leaving slightly puzzled but still-rejoicing servants in her wake. Of course they're all happy about it. Why should they give a rat's ass about his life or whether he yelled at me if it means they're gonna be okay? Once she calmed down, she'd probably be able to empathize. After all, they were only human. How were they supposed to realize how it felt to know Inuyasha would rather die than even remotely consider marrying her as an option?
That does it. She knew all too well that she had two choices at this point: go find somewhere to break down and hope no one found her, or calm down and occupy herself, maybe working a bit of energy off in the process. The latter was much more practical, and she set off to do so as quickly as she could.
The universe seemed cheerfully determined to drive her insane, though. Twice on her way to the closest side entrance, Kagome was stopped by unnaturally happy servants and greeted in the assumption that she must be as joyously relieved as they were; if it occurred to anyone that the happy news had been gleaned and distilled from her full-volume comment about ripping his own heart out and Inuyasha's angry reaction, the fact was politely avoided.
Inuyasha wasn't faring much better. He had never seen any of his servants look at him so affectionately; the shock of not getting silently browbeaten was bad enough, but…open approval? After the way he'd blown up at Kagome? What was going on here?
"Will Kagome-sama be leaving us soon, Inuyasha-sama?" someone asked cheerfully.
He almost choked, and they beamed at him. But there was no malice in their vapid grins, and Inuyasha finally made the connection: they'd been yelling quite a bit last night, including…
Fuck. Forget kugutsu, now his own servants were waiting for him to croak. Had they poisoned his miso? He sniffed at it surreptitiously, aware that they were waiting patiently for his reply, still smiling. Talk about concern. Rotten, dried-up… "I dunno. It hasn't come up." And if Kikyou hadn't let Kagome figure it out – how the hell had she…no, that was a stupid question, Kikyou knew him inside and out – then it wouldn't ever have had to come up. Crap, talk about a huge mess. "Go see if she needs anything."
"Of course, Inuyasha-sama. How very considerate." More smiles and bows all around.
The room was deserted moments later, his appetite also long gone. Inuyasha growled under his breath and got up. Great. Now they're probably asking Kagome about it and she's gonna be so pissed that she might…
Inuyasha smacked himself aside the head with the heel of his hand, willing stupid thoughts begone. No, just gotta get her to listen to me for a minute. Wench didn't hear a damn word I tried to say last night. That was just like her—he actually attempted a real apology for once, and did she listen? No, she lectured him and pushed him out of the room. If he could get to her before the servants drove her to throw herself in the river or something…
No, she can swim, dumbass. Somehow, the reminder didn't make him feel better. With another shake of his head, Inuyasha moved his almost untouched breakfast aside and willed himself into Kagome's room.
Nothing there, and the freshest traces of her still reeked from last night. Damn, did she wear those things to bed? It was highly unnerving having to track her by asking servants – all the more so because the women complied immediately and with warm respect – and he cursed Shimoko for the seemingly convenient gifts yet again. He'd always taken his nose for granted, and being robbed of the ability to find her by scent was like having one of his eyes put out.
He heard her voice around a corner, and paused to peek around the edge warily, unaware that the angle at which his ears stuck out rendered stealth highly impractical. Kagome was talking to a knot of younger women around her age, and judging by their jubilation and her uncomfortable posture, he was already a bit too late. "…sure it's never too early, Kagome-sama," one was saying eagerly. "We hope you'll be able to put it to good use."
"Uh…" Kagome's back was turned to him, but he marked her sudden tension as she looked at something in her hands, evidently just placed there. "I'll…uh…thanks. You can go about your duties now."
The group chirped and fluttered away, and Inuyasha nearly jumped as Kagome looked down at her hands again, half-turning towards him so that he could see a small knife. She was staring at it in such distaste that his first-and-a-half reaction was relief. No way she's gonna do anything. That's just stupid.
Kagome sighed quietly, and the sound dissolved Inuyasha's hopes entirely as she rewrapped the blade – where the hell had the servants gotten that? – in folds of tattered grey silk and tucked it into her pocket. It was all he could do not to jump out and snatch it away from her. Even if…no, even though she wasn't going to use it, it was just stupid to carry anything with an edge around without a proper sheath. And what did she need it for, anyway?
He ducked back just as her head came up. Whew. …This seems familiar…except no fish-cookies or singing… Best not to come out and confront her yet, though. Even he knew better than to try talking to her without making sure she'd calmed down first. This way would also enable him to disprove Shippou's stupid accusation, too. Not that he really needed to, of course, but…
Had he lingered a moment longer, he would have caught her deadpan stare, for his sleeve and a drooping ear were visible around the corner. Idiot. If he wanted to stalk her instead of saying anything, that just made him a coward, too. Kagome set off at a brisk walk, mind and stomach churning. Forget him. Maybe I'll go practice archery or something and bore him into leaving me alone.
His newfound popularity proved disadvantageous in more than one way as he tried to follow; by the time he got used to and dealt with the fact that people were pausing to greet him genuinely and exchange pleasantries without smelling as if they'd rather be eating dirt, he'd lost her already. Dammit. It was just his luck: not being treated like a monster by everyone else meant that Kagome was pissed at him instead. Life was funny like that sometimes, he'd noticed, in the sense that it usually made him want to break something.
The sky was dark and somber, clouds threatening to dump more rain onto the sodden earth and forest. Inuyasha made a rude gesture towards it on principle, then dropped to the lowest level outside and circled till he located tracks made by Kagome's boots, the clunky soles of which stuck out like open sores amongst the sandal prints in the mud. There. Just gotta follow these. He smirked. Nothin' to it.
Another step sent him reeling for balance as Kagome's sigh drifted towards him, and he barely managed to regain his footing and leap back onto the railing high above their heads as she came back the way her tracks had been leading. Inuyasha glared down at her, heart thundering, and understood with a look to his right. She was probably avoiding Miroku and Sango, who were chatting with Kaede at the shrine. Oh, yeah, something else the bouzu wanted to talk about, 'cept Sango was busy trying to rip me a new one. If they could solve it themselves, all to the better. Meanwhile, he had to make sure Kagome didn't do anything rash. Not that she would, of course, but it never hurt to guard her. Just in case.
Inuyasha waited for her to disappear beneath the edge of the upper level, then dropped into the mud, landing neatly on both feet and following her at a slight crouch. He gave Kagome another minute or two to get a safe distance away, then strolled around the side of the castle and nearly had a heart attack.
It was several hours later when Sango, Shippou and Miroku returned to Kagome's room to eat a late lunch and discuss what they had found that morning: absolutely nothing. "Perhaps we should ask Kaede again," Miroku remarked as Kohaku entered, arms full of trays, looking askance at the empty bed. "Kohaku, have you seen Kagome-sama or Inuyasha today?"
The boy started to shake his head, and Sango had to rescue the tray he'd balanced atop it before it splattered and shattered all over the floor. He flushed. "No, I haven't, but I heard that Inuyasha-sama has been acting strange today."
"Strange?" He had their undivided attention, and his cheeks darkened at his sister's alarm. "How so? Are they fighting again?"
"I'm not sure, ane-ue, but Kagome-sama seems upset with him." Kohaku shrugged and began to lay the dishes out on minute tables. "I heard them shouting again earlier, but I didn't understand what they were saying."
Miroku massaged his head with his gloved hand. "I'm not even sure we should bother Inuyasha with this. At best, he'd insist upon keeping Kagome-sama in her room till everything is over, which would hardly help matters. At worst—"
"I'm going to kill him!" Coronary failure nearly reared its ugly head again, this time en masse, at a snarl behind them. Kagome stomped into the room, kicked her muddy shoes into the corner, and flopped onto the bed, steam almost visibly rising off her slender frame…half of which also seemed to be covered in mud. "I swear—!"
No one moved. Precisely eight seconds later, Inuyasha flung the shoji open. "What the hell is your problem!"
"Me!" Kagome jerked upright. "Unless I'm mistaken, you're the one who's been stalking me and going psycho all day! Either tell me what's going on and leave me the hell alone, or just leave me alone!"
"Psycho?" Miroku echoed.
"Yes! Psycho!" Kagome flung her hair out of her eyes, sending tiny chunks of mud flying. "What else do you call it when he tackles me, not once, not twice, but three times for no reason!"
"Tackle?" Sango repeated.
"I didn't tackle you, you moron!" Inuyasha's face was a lovely shade of mottled red, and he gulped as their audience gaped at him. "Well, what the hell was I supposed to think? She was rigging up some kind of rope from the beams outside!"
"Because one of the men was trying to get a string of lanterns hung, and his back was hurting him!" Kagome spat.
Inuyasha blinked. "Oh." He shook himself. "Why didn't you say so!"
"Because you almost knocked me over, and this happened!" Kagome stood up and jabbed a finger at her mud-stained garments. "Didn't you wonder when the old guy said he didn't think lanterns would upset you so much!"
The hanyou's leg twitched. He folded his arms into his sleeves stubbornly. "I had my reasons. You can always wash it off."
"I tried to!" Kagome was almost cross-eyed with rage. "You wouldn't let me near the river!" She threw up her arms. "And you didn't give me any reason!"
"I did, t—"
"'Because I said so' is NOT a reason!"
"Calm down, wench. It was just—"
"And then you grabbed me up by the railing!"
"You were almost over it, and you'd break your damn neck falling that far!"
"I had one leg up there! I was stretching!"
Inuyasha opened his mouth.
"Yes! I was! Think about it really hard, Inuyasha! Go on, we'll wait for you!"
Inuyasha bristled…then thought about it, and gulped. "…Well, it looked like you were about to fall to me." He scowled. "And where do you get off talking to me like I'm some kind of moron?"
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response. Later, Inuyasha." She gestured at him to leave, leaning down to pick up a small can from the floor.
"What the…?" As the girl clicked the tab open and the drink hissed, Inuyasha started, snatching it from her hands as she raised it to her mouth. A noseful of carbonation almost made him drop it. "What the fuck were you trying to drink!"
Okay. Weirdness, she could take. Hypocrisy in the form of him yelling at her and then persisting in grabbing her at every opportunity, that was borderline. But not letting her drink her own soda? "That is it!" Kagome managed a fairly credible growl for a human, dropping to her knees and rummaging for clean clothes under the bed. "Sango-chan, would you save some food for me, please? I need to get away from here for a while."
The slayer was at a loss for a moment. Then, she suddenly remembered their threat/suggestion to Inuyasha that morning, and his behavior didn't seem quite so odd anymore. "Of course, Kagome-chan," she said levelly, though it was all she could do to keep a straight face. Someone's going to pay for this…
"Thanks." They blinked perfect, stupefied sync as she extracted a silk bundle from her pocket and handed it to Sango carefully. "The servants gave that to me. It's for Inuyasha, but I'll trust him not to use it in here and get blood all over my bed. Till then, I'm gonna go take a bath." Kagome gave her friend a bright smile, nodded to the others, and slid past Inuyasha. No one missed how Kagome flinched away from his half-raised hand in passing, and the hanyou couldn't conceal his hurt frustration fast enough.
That knocked some of the amusement out of the situation, even when Inuyasha sniffed curiously at the open can again and squeaked as something went up his nose. Once he could be persuaded to sit down, he was too busy glaring at his food to notice Miroku, Sango and Shippou trading helpless shrugs and mouthing Do you want to tell him, or should I?
Miroku cast around for other topics, sobering as he recalled what Kagome's dramatic entrance had interrupted. "We've discovered more activity by what Kaede thinks might be the kugutsu, Inuyasha."
Inuyasha glanced up. "Yeah? So? We know where it is?"
That was better than nothing, Miroku supposed. Sango answered for him as he took a mouthful of rice. "No, but she says the shrine's wards have repelled demonic energy twice in the past two days. That's without considering that Kagome's doses couldn't have been altered by anything but a human or the kugutsu."
"Which doesn't make any sense," the monk repeated for the third time since that morning, laying his chopsticks down as Inuyasha glanced up again with the beginnings of real interest. "The kugutsu shouldn't have made any impact on the shrine, and it did get in—so why the disturbances? And why put something so harmless in the herb blends? It could have done significant damage, but Kaede says she found nothing that didn't belong except a slight stimulant, perfectly safe for a healthy young woman. It makes no sense."
"Are you saying there's another demon around here?" Inuyasha's hackles tried to rise further, which was physically impossible at this point. "And the kugutsu's still running around, not to mention whatever's controlling it?"
"Perhaps the demon and the controller are one—but why would the demon try to get in where the kugutsu could with no trouble?" Miroku wasn't used to being unable to figure things out, and under different circumstances, Inuyasha might have been amused at the monk's near-petulant tone. "We searched the whole castle top to bottom, and none of the servants have seen anything unusual, either, except for a run of nightmares among the younger boys and youths."
Inuyasha toyed with his rice, glad for the chance to think about something else, anything else at this point. "What kind of nightmares? Past ones, like the ones some bug demons try to give humans so they won't notice they're being eaten?"
"No, those kind have to sting their victims first, and Kirara would have found any that might have gotten in." Sango also put her chopsticks down. Her expression became very firm. "Inuyasha, you may not like this, but may I ask you a direct question?"
He didn't like her tone, but he'd always preferred directness over cat-and-mouse. She deserved credit for recognizing that much. "Yeah?"
Sango waited for him to finish chewing his mouthful and look at her warily. "If you've chosen to…finish this by ending your own life, that's your decision—" She held up a hand to placate his angry start. "And I won't try to change your mind. It's not my place. But it's only fair to ask if you intend to try to find the kugutsu and whoever controls it, and eliminate them first. To leave them behind would be worse than irresponsible."
"Of course I'm gonna get rid of 'em," Inuyasha snapped, more than a little miffed at the implication. "What kind of lazy jerk d'you take me for?"
Her face lost its pensiveness, and became almost pitying. "And when were you going to tell Kagome-chan this? You didn't give her any indication of whether you planned to let the curse run out, or simply end things first chance."
"I…" Inuyasha gestured at the shoji. "C'mon, you saw how she is right now. She's not gonna listen to me, 'specially not if I bring it up. One of you guys can tell…her…" He faltered. Suddenly he glared at them. "Wait a minute. You told me she was gonna…!"
His suspicions were confirmed by a marked increase of activity in the room as the others hastily rose, Kohaku looking blank till he saw Inuyasha's face and started stacking dishes as fast as his hands would move. "I think it's about time we resumed our search," Miroku declared, smooth demeanor only slipping a notch as Inuyasha grabbed him away from the door by the front of his robes. "Now, now, Inuyasha—" He glanced around, and his calm slipped a little further. "Er…where are you all going?"
"I'm sure Miroku would be more than happy to explain everything, Inuyasha," Shippou said hurriedly, and Kohaku nodded rapidly, out of the loop but more than happy to get out of the room.
Miroku shook his head disbelievingly. "Sango, surely you wouldn't leave me in such dire straits…?"
"Don't hurt him too much, Inuyasha. It was Shippou's idea, after all." Sango bowed herself out of the room, wincing only slightly at Miroku's panic. A little honest fighting would do both men some good: Inuyasha could work out some stress, and Miroku…well, Inuyasha did still owe him from their other duel. Being beaten once in a while's good for you, Sango reminded herself, and walked away from the room with only the mildest of qualms. I usually give him worse than Inuyasha, anyway. I wonder how Kagome-chan is doing?
Sure enough, five minutes later, Miroku was safely away from the room, and Inuyasha was rather grumpily standing as close as he could to the shrine and its warding. "Oi! Hag? You there?"
"What is it, Inuyasha?" Kaede hobbled out of the tiny building and over to where her lord was sulking. It might look like normal standing to most people, but she'd known Inuyasha too long to mistake it. She glanced around. "Where is Kagome? The houshi-sama mentioned that Shimoko-sama has lent her devices so that herbs are not needed, but this old woman misses her company."
"She's takin' a bath." Inuyasha shifted his weight uneasily. Kaede's single eye was giving him that knowing look. On the whole, he'd preferred it when she was a brat and didn't have wrinkles and that creaky voice and a lifetime of experience to use against him. "So, what's this about a demon and the shrine?"
"The shrine's ward was tried twice the past two days, once very early yesterday morning, and once very late last night." She moved her frail shoulders in a helpless shrug. "Before I was informed they were not necessary, I had prepared two more doses for Kagome, and I found a weak stimulant mixed in when I took them apart to dispose of them."
"Mixed in? So, it's someone who's good with herbs, not just a kitchen server or something?"
Kaede shook her head. "Nay, I had none of the stuff of my own…" She chuckled. "In this case, it may well have been a prank, intended to be discovered. I've given that herb out myself more than once, and a few of the menfolk just might have their own stores of it."
"What, for energy or somethin'?" Inuyasha thought of the chores the men did – chopping wood, repairing sheds, maintaining and polishing weapons and armor – and snorted at the thought of anyone needing help with little things like that. "Why would someone put that crap where Kagome would take it? It's not poisonous or anything, right?"
The old woman made a funny noise, half cough and half chuckle. "Not precisely, Inuyasha. The herb in question is used more as an aphrodisiac than for strength to do menial tasks."
"Oh." There his face went again. He frowned, both at a new thought and at the fact that the hag had caught him blushing. She seemed perfectly at ease with the subject. "So, why would someone try to slip her some of that?" The frown became a low snarl. "One of the men thinking they could seduce her or something?"
"Nay. It has no effect on judgment unless mixed with sake or more potent drugs, of which there were none. Kagome would hardly have lost her wits and been vulnerable to unwelcome advances after taking it," Kaede said calmly, assuming a grave expression to keep from smiling at Inuyasha's unwilling relaxation. The boy couldn't have been more transparent. She turned away, sauntering toward the forest and speaking casually. "I would be more concerned about ensuring peace between friends, so that ye might work together and not against each other."
"Don't look at me," Inuyasha grumbled, staring up at the low-hanging clouds. "She's so pissed off, she won't even talk to me."
"And without reason?" Kaede's tone slaughtered any hopes he might've had of her not knowing the particulars of their argument. "Have ye even tried to apologize?"
"I did! She wasn't listening!" he protested. Much as he hated whining, especially coming from his own mouth, there really wasn't anyone around more qualified to listen to it than Kaede, and he knew it. "And she's still avoiding me today." He grimaced, thinking of the looks she'd given him when he pulled her away from the rope, or stopped her from going to the water, or away from the railing…or even just out of the room. "It's like I have the plague or something."
The old woman was quiet for so long that he wondered if she was going deaf, or just ignoring him. Then, as thunder rumbled warningly overhead, Kaede glanced around at him. "My husband had much the same problem, except the other way around."
Inuyasha tilted his head a little. "How's that?" He took a step closer. Kaede might be old, and was probably going to turn this into a lecture, but she was the only woman he could actually talk to besides Shimoko with experience in these matters, and he'd be damned before he gave his niece the satisfaction of asking.
"Whenever something went wrong, anything at all from poor crops to our son dressing the horses in our best festival outfits and getting dung all over them, he would blame himself." Kaede chuckled. "Never before or since have I heard a man apologize so much. He was certain that everything was his fault, and though many things were – no one is perfect, least of all a new husband and father – he would say nothing but 'Please forgive me' for days on end."
"Sounds like a wimp." Despite himself, Inuyasha was mildly interested. "So, how is this like me again?"
Kaede laughed quietly. "The same feeling, expressed different ways. He made his guilt clear by apologizing constantly for it, while a certain hanyou of my acquaintance knows nothing of unburdening himself except to act as if none of the fault is his."
Lecture time. Great. Inuyasha shrugged. "What's your point?"
"For some, Inuyasha, it requires great courage to apologize." Kaede sighed, rubbing the skin around her bad eye with age-twisted fingers. Inuyasha had a very unsettling moment, wondering how long it would have taken Kikyou's hands to look like that…and whether Kagome's ever would. "It depends upon one's personality. In his case, it wasn't the ability to confess mistakes that was lacking. And in this hanyou's case, the ability to recognize and feel remorse for wrongdoing is alive and well, hardly requiring an old lady to tell him precisely what he should not have done or said."
Inuyasha started to ask for the point again, though he was less than okay with the way this lecture was going. He couldn't even really dismiss it as one; Kaede hadn't raised her voice yet, or said anything too touchy. It was almost like listening to Kagome, except that he had nothing to look at for distraction now.
"Tell me, Inuyasha…" Kaede was looking away again, either ignoring or unaware of having interrupted him. "If the hanyou could apologize to her right now, would he?"
"Hell yeah, if she'd listen." Inuyasha glanced around to confirm that no one was eavesdropping. "But she won't."
"Not so long as ye say she won't. Tell me one more thing: does it require more sacrifice to apologize repeatedly, or not have to apologize in the first place?"
There it was. He'd known it was coming, but that didn't make it much more palatable. "What, you think I like blowing up at her or something? It just kind of happens. I don't like it, but—"
"I heard much the same thing from another man once. He said so when I asked him why he'd broken his wife's arm for the third time."
Rage nearly made Inuyasha forget that this was an old woman, and his love's younger sister, and that he had no right to hurt her. "Don't ever compare me to some fucking human coward! You think I'd ever hurt anyone weaker than me, much less Kagome! What the hell is your problem! Anyone tries to hurt her, and I'll kill them!"
Kaede remained still. The scent of old skin, robes and herbs remained unruffled, not even a trace of fear striking through. "Ye know very well that there are different kinds of hurt. If gossip remains reliable, Kagome is now hurt by the assurance that her presence is offensive, and unless ye specifically correct it—"
"I want to!" Inuyasha almost tore a chunk of his scalp off as he forgot his claws and jammed a hand into his hair. "I told her I liked having her around. What else am I supposed to do? She won't listen to me."
"What carries more weight, the shout of disgust, or the whisper of reassurance?" Kaede let him digest that a moment. "A young woman may very well suffer more from harsh words out of a trusted friend's mouth than any blows, particularly when she is already inclined to believe the worst about herself. Don't roll your eyes, Inuyasha—" He twitched. Her back was still turned. How did…? "She either blames ye, or herself, or both, and apology may not be sufficient to undo the damage. It's frighteningly easy to convince someone of the worst, but persuading her that she is not a source of constant misery will take a great deal of work."
"So what the hell do I do?" The notion of having scarred her for life wasn't one he'd even considered, and it made him feel sick. Shit. I'm no better than her dad. The thought appalled him, and he shook his head in near-desperation. "Okay, so I fucked up big time. What do I do!"
"First, do what my man did. Stop wasting time blaming yourself." The old woman's voice sharpened. "Nothing less than a genuine apology will reach her. There is great difference between realizing ye were wrong, and coddling guilt to the point of being unable to acknowledge it for fear it may expose weakness, or of clinging to it instead of learning from the mistake and changing for the better." She finally creaked and shifted around to stare at him piercingly. "I drew a likeness between ye and the abusive husband because ye share a great fault. Your inability to stop behavior ye know to be wrong stems not from a character defect that decrees ye must always hurt loved ones, but from your own refusal to change it. Much easier to lose your temper, apologize and hope it doesn't happen again than to remember to stop and look at things calmly the next time ye start to get angry, isn't it?"
"Oh, come on. You make it sound so nice and stupid and easy, la la la—"
"If it was easy, no one would ever make a mistake twice, Inuyasha. What is easy is to refuse to even try, and continue to blame your upbringing or heredity or temper for your behavior, instead of acknowledging that these things do not force ye to act a certain way, that it is possible to hold your tongue and wait till the proper words come to explain that ye do not hate her, it is only frustration and dislike of yourself that makes ye lash out."
"Have ye…you been practicing this in case I'd stop by or something?" Rain began pattering gently on their heads. Neither moved, barely blinking as they spoke. "And did the servants write the whole argument down or something? They know all of what we said better than I do."
"Are ye selfish enough to keep hiding behind your feelings, or will ye at least try to make amends and keep them mended?"
"I'll think about it. Get inside before you melt or something." He turned around.
"Don't think about it. Do it. Courage helps one to apologize, but character prevents the necessity."
"I said I'll think about it. I've been known to take things the wrong way, so I'd better be careful before I do anything," he snapped.
"As ye wish." Kaede continued her unhurried tread back to the shrine, and Inuyasha was suddenly very sorry that the wards kept him away. He would've preferred to carry her, or at least shield her from the rain as she walked. Pushy or not, she had just been trying to help, and watching her hobble slowly through the rain was more than he could bear.
Whether it had helped or not, well, that remained to be seen. He'd never really even considered not yelling, changing himself so fundamentally for someone else's sake. The only two people he'd ever loved had also been the only people in whose presence he'd always felt guilty just raising his voice. Everyone else was used to it. If they didn't like it, they didn't have to be around him, and he didn't give a crap if he hurt their feelings or not. Kagome would have to throw that out the window. Gods knew she'd screwed up everything else…
Unaccountably, the thought made his lips pull up slightly, without his noticing. If he'd screwed her life up, she'd returned the favor more than admirably. That sounded just about right for Kagome.
Then he remembered what had brought the subject of change up, and the smile was gone. Inuyasha lowered his head and sprinted back to the castle, almost welcoming the wet sting on his back-swept hands and upturned face as the sky opened up. Maybe he could take that as a sign of catharsis, purging and renewing himself and finally breaking the damned cycle of normal-angry-shout-shout back-cry-guilt-normal. Now, all he had to do was talk with her and get her to see that he'd just been stupid, and it had nothing to do with her, and he was going to try not to do it anymore. Kaede had made it sound almost insultingly simple—why hadn't he thought of it?
Because it's a friggin' impossible pain in the ass, he thought furiously, about three or four years into dinner. That was what it felt like, anyway. How the fuck am I supposed to make up with someone who won't say a damn word to me!
If he didn't know better, he would think she was trying to offend him. Whenever they reached for the same dish or even adjacent ones on the little table, Kagome would freeze, or draw back quickly, taking extra care not to come into contact with him. Her whole body was tense, making him perversely grateful for the bracelets, which were probably saving his nose a lot of grief.
"I told you last night, I didn't mean it," he said testily as she withdrew her hand yet again at the threat of his a half foot away. She looked him in the eye for the first time, and his temper rose steadily at the anger, disbelief and hurt that met him. No, no, she's got a right to be mad, I bitched at her in front of the whole fucking castle and they've been telling her how great it is all day. Can't snap at her. "Don't look at me like that."
"I do apologize, Inuyasha," Kagome replied airily, sending his stomach plummeting into his knees. He knew that tone. "After all, we all know how much cow eyes offend you."
His legs jerked convulsively. "Look, I said I'm sorry! You want me to say it again now that you're actually listening?"
"Now that I'm actually listening?" Her voice rose to a painful pitch. "You throw everything my pathetic little self has been clinging to back in my face, reduce me to an annoying nothing for everyone to hear, and now you accuse me of not listening! How dare you!"
Kaede hadn't told him how to handle this one. Inuyasha clamped down on every bitter retort that sprang to mind, aware that she was probably going to get louder before she got quieter, and that adding fuel to the fire would be suicidal. "I know, I know. I didn't mean any of it, okay? I'm sorry."
It felt sincere, and he knew for a fact that it even sounded sincere. But Kagome merely sat back on her heels, glaring at him coldly, eyes hard. "You didn't mean it, huh? That makes you the best damn liar I've ever heard. And the loudest."
The picture she presented looked and sounded a hell of a lot like him, now that he thought of it. Why not? She's seen it and heard it enough…
Inuyasha was treated to a brief mental recap of Kagome trying to apologize to him for—what was it? For kissing him that first time, back in the treehouse. She hadn't really even done anything, had she? And now she was the one refusing to accept the apology, and considering that he'd actually earned this, he knew she must have felt like shit back then, saying she was sorry just to keep him happy. I yelled at her last night for kissing me, too…
Nuh-uh, no guilt, remember what the hag said? Waste of time. Inuyasha sat up straighter, unconsciously lowering his head till it was below Kagome's, a faintly canine gesture of humility and supplication. "You're right. And I forgot to tell you, I'm not…going anywhere till after we find the kugutsu and make sure everyone's safe. I wasn't just gonna let you wake up to find me dead tomorrow morning."
"No, you were going to let me wake up and find you dead sometime next month so I could spend the rest of my life wondering why I didn't realize it sooner."
Frustration almost choked him. "Dammit, Kagome, I'm sorry! What else do you want me to say?"
Kagome laughed abruptly, in sheer disbelief. "What do you care?" She saw that that hurt him even more. The bitterness she'd been trying to ignore all day had quietly roused itself the longer she sat here, roaring back to life at his clumsy but honest attempts at apology, and now she couldn't stop its outpouring. Pain at hurting him back just fed the malevolent energy, almost like another person speaking from within her, so that the rest of her prayed he would stop trying and just let her go: this wasn't her, she just wanted to stop this and get away… "I'm going to bed." Knees were forced straight, body unbending and feet gliding toward the door as if nothing was wrong.
Inuyasha did not know this, and he reacted the only way he knew how. "Where do you think you're going!"
Things happened very swiftly. Inuyasha moved to block her path. Kagome scowled at him, tried to duck under his arm, and twisted away with a yelp of protest as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Would you stop that!" She backed away, eyeing him like a cornered animal. "First you don't want me touching you, now you grab me every chance you get! Make up your freakin' mind!"
"Get it through your head! I didn't mean that shit about you making me miserable, all fucking right! Is that why you're acting like I've got leprosy?"
Her mood shifted instantly. She very deliberately walked toward him, stopping less than a foot away and studying him with absolutely no apparent emotion. "Did you ever kiss Kikyou?"
Inuyasha's heart skipped a couple of beats. "What?"
"Did. You. Ever. Kiss her."
"…No." The word dropped into the silence like a ball of lead. His scalp prickled again.
Kagome assumed a mock thoughtful expression. "Wow. That sucks. Maybe it's a guy thing to wait and get your tonsil-hockey practice on someone you don't actually care about." She stood on tiptoe to hiss directly into his shocked face. "Or maybe that's why you didn't mind taking some of the nicest moments of my whole life and turning them into a dumb chick entertaining herself while you put up with it. For everyone to hear, of course." Her smile was brilliant. The force of it scared Inuyasha worse than Naraku ever had. "Now, every time I remember hugging you, there's nothing happy or secure or even friendly about it. You've reduced all those nice little kisses to something we do when one of us gets bored or mad or horny, and not one shred of anything else in it. The thought of touching you at all now makes me feel so stupid, I could be sick. The sacred has now been thoroughly and permanently defiled. Congratulations." She reached up and patted him very, very gently on the cheek with her open palm. "I'm going to my room now."
"Kagome…" There was no anger, only complete bewilderment. He had had no idea of any of this. How was he supposed to know one stupid sentence could have ruined that much? "You…" He reached for her face blindly, unaware that he was speaking aloud. "How do I fix it?"
"You leave me alone." She delicately took his wrist between thumb and forefinger, returning it to his side and stepping back with an elaborate bow. "Ask, unless it turns out you don't like sleep, either."
"Kagome, I didn't know—listen to me!"
"One more chance."
Snap. "It's not my fault your brain went and blew one single stupid fucking thing I said into the end of the world! Excuse the hell out of me for trying to own up to something for once! I was wrong, but hell if I'm gonna lick your feet any more! Now, will you marry me!"
Kagome smiled again. "Whyever would you want to marry a neurotic barnyard animal like me? Of course I won't. Good night." She willed herself out of the room before the dam could break.
Inuyasha stared at the spot where her head had been. He was curiously numb, treated perhaps to the same sort of detachment that had buoyed her last night. Now she was more demonic than detached, he thought—or was that just what raw honesty looked like? No wonder people constructed so many lies for themselves and each other. If that was honesty, he was pitifully grateful that he'd never had to be honest with Kikyou. Life with the priestess had been so simple…well, until the hideous tangle of deception and seeming betrayal surrounding her death had presented a little snag. And their plans to run away together, both evading their responsibilities and living with the knowledge that they had left behind people who needed them: perfectly simple. Trust Kagome to screw it all up.
He headed directly for the little cache of sleeping powder in the corner of his room, unearthing enough to send three grown humans into permanent slumber, and dumped it in his water, heedless of the taste. All he wanted was sleep. Maybe he could even dream a little, and Kagome wouldn't be there.
To his disappointment, he did not dream. Instead, he woke to heavy sunlight, offensively warm and sweet on his face. Inuyasha shielded his eyes with one hand and instantly knew Kagome had indeed said all those things, and that he still wasn't forgiven, and his heart felt as if something had been chewing on it.
He didn't see Miroku on his way down, or the servants, though they might've been there. Her room was empty, and the smell was old, days old, no doubt thanks to those damn bracelets. By now his nose was beyond caring about niceties: it missed her, and so did he. Maybe she was in a better mood now…?
Not quite willing to believe that, but drawn as if by unseen and very long strings, Inuyasha's feet took him out into the light and beauty of a fresh spring morning. He saw where she had probably gone and followed. Out beyond the servants' silent huts, through dead woods and beyond, to the arm of the river tucked against the side of the castle, and Kagome was there, just as he'd thought.
"Heya!" His chest ceased hurting and felt strange for a different reason as Kagome unbent from where she had waded out to her knees. She was wearing something he'd never seen before, a short white dress that clung Everywhere but still looked exceedingly comfortable. She certainly moved in it easily enough, wading back till she was standing on the banks and water was running off white skin. No collar. No bracelets, only Kagome in that dress, grinning at him a little sheepishly. She waved, then bent to skim her fingers across the water's surface with a quick laugh. "Come on, it's cold! It feels great!"
Inuyasha exhaled shortly. He really was forgiven. He swore he'd never understand her, ever…not that that mattered, of course, looking at her hair curling a little over her bare shoulders and something shiny she'd put on her lips. She was definitely weird, but…good weird. Kagome weird. His
Stink
NoLegs moving, eyes turning to him, curious
"Kagome, watch—!"
Thunk and red, spraying everywhere.
Kagome looked down in mild shock, staring at the mass of unreal flesh jutting from between her breasts. Purple and red and dark, and why was her dress not white anymore?
Something howled behind her, but she didn't notice till the swipe of claws freed her. She didn't know she had to be freed till her legs buckled and the fullness in her chest slowly ceased to be full nothing and gradually became pain, sharp, tearing unreality sucking dark hurt into her. Her hand came up to touch it, but her fingers refused to come into contact and dropped away stubbornly. Huh?
Inuyasha killed the kugutsu with one stroke, leaping back in time to catch Kagome as blood fell and she followed to the ground. "Inuyasha," she said, not to get his attention, but out of surprise and no other words at hand. His face floated in front of her, and he said something, placed a hand on the not-nothingness and withdrew it as agony forced her voice to work again. "No! Stop…Inuyasha…"
"Kagome?" The hanyou cradled her, rocking the soaked form in his arms. A steady chorus of denial was chanting in his head, crooning Notagainnotagainotagain to a background of soundless whimpering. Dissolution of the limb piercing her torso did nothing to allay either of their suffering. "Kagome?" He shook her, and she looked at him reproachfully, as if to say, Hey, that hurts, jerk, and closed her eyes and died.
"KAGOME!"
His eyes burst, and when his vision caught up, he was staring at the ceiling in his room. Breath burning his mouth, Inuyasha's arms thrashed, seeking a wetly limp form in the sticky darkness. Nothing. No wet, nothing on him, no broken Kagome. Just futon, sliver of moon, window, walls. Nothing.
"Kagome?"
Dream. No, nightmare. Not real. No kugutsu killing her, no hate, no fear, no anger, no blood-stink, no red wet.
"Kagome!"
Yes, fear. Where was she? Safe?
"Kagome!"
No answer. He almost smothered in panic, then remembered her room. She'd be there. Then, so was he—
Kagome, not surprisingly, had had a godawful night. Almost the moment she stepped outside, the hate had deserted her, leaving her to lean against the wall and try to let tears come and clean some of the residue away. But she wasn't even allowed that. All she could think was, Now we're even. Pain plus pain, and we'll never ever be able to talk about it any more. I blew it. He'd tried to apologize, God knew why, but he'd tried, and tried, and she loved him and wanted to forgive him. But she couldn't. Too weak and too stupid to go back into the room and see how he reacted to a hug. Now the ball was in his court, she was going to have to sit and wait in case he came out and hugged her anyway and said it was all right, oh, and did she want to marry him, for real? No. Now he would leave it, and never bring it up again, and she'd earned it fair and square. Stupid.
The little wall of anger around her heart shrugged and asked what the use was. It wasn't like she should encourage him either way now that she'd effectively cut off the snuggly-wuggly crap, right? Better now than after.
Around what had to be four or five in the morning, not long but too long before dawn, she kicked off her suffocating blankets and eased off the bracelets and slid out into the muggy dead of the castle's night. It was comforting, in a way. She felt sheltered. Maybe if she stood still in it long enough…
The itch that had followed her in the back of her mind all day. In her room. Kagome's world shrank to that awareness, and she hurriedly backpedaled in the hall, stopping in a corner and not knowing why. What was he doing here in the middle of the night? Realized how much she'd insulted him and just now thought of a witty comeback? Hysteria rose, a giggle quickly stifled under the thud of her pulse.
Heavy, bare footsteps, heavier breathing, and the sudden stop. "Kagome?" Her heart slowed, then sped up, matching the brush of claws on her bare shoulder. "Kagome!"
Crushing warmth, swept off her feet by a huge embrace of Inuyasha's arms hugging her to his chest. Her world exploded outward, and suddenly she was awake, struggling against him in surprise and discomfort. "Inuyasha, what're you doing?"
That was her. Alive. Just a dream.
Kagome yelped as he bent over a little, allowing her feet onto the floor but resting nearly half his weight on her in the bargain. "Kagome…" He butted his nose into her neck, more of a jab than a caress, and inhaled deeply. His arms closed again with a shudder.
…………………I think I missed something. "Inuyasha? Inuyasha, put me down." She locked her knees, pushing against him carefully, then more forcefully. What the hell was he doing?
Resolve softened for a moment, betrayed by a soft whuff against her other ear, the sound a curious dog makes in the course of investigating a new person. It was so cute and unexpected that tears threatened, and she banged on his side weakly with the fist not trapped between them. "Inuyasha, let me go. Now."
Confusion heightened as he shuddered again, sleeves flapping against her back as he made a sound of denial and lipped her neck. There was no lust in the embrace or the gesture, only a kind of obstinate, wordless refusal to release her.
"Inuyasha, you're scaring me. I just told you…" He rumbled, crushing her again and making noise, possibly words. "What?" Kagome listened very hard to the mumble against her neck. "You…don't want to? Why?"
The shaking renewed, and despite herself, Kagome found a tiny, unattended wisp of hope making itself known. Is he upset because of me?
Aghast at her selfishness, Kagome nonetheless tried pulling away again as soon as he was still. This time his mumble was more clear, and Kagome felt lightheaded: "I thought I lost you again."
Again? He's never… Cold doused the confusion and concerned hope. Kikyou. He had some kind of Kikyou nightmare, and so he comes to me to fix it! Anger reasserted itself, and she doubled her efforts to free herself. "Let go of me, you hypocrite!"
Of course, doubling next to nothing equals very little, and Inuyasha barely noticed other than to bury his nose in the other side of her neck. She was moving too much, but that meant she was alive, and her scent said she was fine. …Much better than that, really, though his mind was too frazzled to register more than additional approval at the moment. And that request. He didn't like it. "I don't want to."
"Too bad!" Kagome gave up for the moment, regaining her breath and forbidding herself to relax and listen to his heartbeat. She could feel it racing against her shoulder anyway. "Inuyasha, you're not thinking straight. Let me go so we can talk."
Her inner struggle had worked its way into her scent by now, and Inuyasha shook his head in mute objection. He didn't want to upset her, but letting go wasn't an option, either. "No. Hold still."
"Let go." Sweat was beginning to form along her front wherever they were mashed together, and her legs began to wobble. How much longer could she keep this up? Her eyes stung again. "Come on, Inuyasha, this isn't funny."
"Just…little longer."
Was he trying to kill her! "I don't…" Kagome swallowed hard. "I don't know what you're thinking, but it's not me. It's not right. Just…"
"Why not?" He smoothed her hair. That wounded quality was back in his voice, stiffening her spine and threatening to open the floodgates at once.
She forced herself to speak sternly, with some semblance of detachment. "Because I'm not Kikyou, and you're gonna regret this later. Now get off me."
"Kagome, I don't—"
"I don't care, Inuyasha. Let go."
"I can't."
"I said I don't care. Let go."
"Well, I do, and I don't want—"
"Don't tell me that now, Inuyasha!" Kagome gritted her teeth. Bitterness and blind hope roiled, disrupting what was already a highly precarious balance. She pushed feebly. "Off."
"I thought you were dead, and you're still mad—"
"You're darn straight on that one. Say whatever you like. Say you care. It doesn't matter. Now—"
"Kagome, please."
The balance veered crazily. All the hurt struggled with hope, none of it believing her ears or that he would almost beg her for anything. "……Inuyasha, I—"
"Please." A clawed hand slid up her back, tension melting beneath it like a hot knife parting bread and reforming in its wake.
"Don't do that." Kagome squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't let him in again. If she did and he turned on her one more time… "Please let me go. Please stop touching me."
"I told you, I can't." Lips on her neck again, nose tickling the sensitive flesh with his breath. "Had a nightmare…you got killed. Fucking scared me."
"You said I make you miserable." Broken record or not, that was what sustained the hate, and if she didn't uproot it, it would never be entirely gone. "You said—"
His haori scraped her cheeks as his shoulders lifted slowly. "I was lying, stupid. Just mad 'cause your smell messed with my head and I didn't know what to think. I like having you with me. You make me happy, even when you piss me off. You can't think I hate you. I don't."
Tears leaked from beneath her lids. Trust him to tell me so by yelling. Love seeped into her steadily, whispering over the poisonous hiss of her anger that she knew he meant it, that the emotion behind this real, and the outburst just a display of temper and ill judgment. With one last sigh of resignation, the wall came down, and Kagome almost crumpled. "You stupid jerk!" He let her thump him soundly with her free fist as she choked on a sob. "God, Inuyasha, I'm so sorry—"
"Shut up," he murmured, and the command was so incongruous with the scene and his demeanor, and yet so perfect and normal and Inuyasha, that Kagome snorted before she could help herself, giggling helplessly till she was having difficulty breathing more from laughter than crying. "Geez, wench…" He petted her hair lightly, frowning in the darkness. "Oh, c'mon…" Dimly aware that these were goods tears – the kind that don't heal entirely, but set the stage for a clean recovery, free of lingering darkness that might otherwise wait to reassert itself later – Inuyasha heaved a shuddering sigh of his own, content to let her soak his front while his nose soaked up the release of whatever had been holding her back, happy to have her normal scent back.
…Or maybe not so normal, as his mind eased itself out of panic and fear, fully back into the present, where Kagome was perfectly normal and had heard the truth, which had not killed him to say, to his half-serious surprise in retrospect. He might feel stupid later, but so long as she felt better, who the hell cared?
…And what was he thinking about again? Gods, her neck smelled good. Without thinking, he tasted it, and found nothing to complain about. So he did it again. Then once more, and then stopped. "Kagome?" She had gone strangely quiet.
"Did you just lick my neck, Inuyasha?" Her deadpan delivery was completely forced, of course, and his nose did not miss her body's acquiescence, but it did the trick. He grunted noncommittally, releasing her so that she was leaning against him with his arms resting around her shoulders. "Don't worry about it. It probably started up yesterday, except I had the bracelets on." Kagome forced another laugh. "No wonder I couldn't deal with anything. I'm a basket case when I have PMS."
"Don't blame it on yourself. I was the one being the asshole." With the moment beginning to fade, Inuyasha wasn't quite certain he wanted to continue this line of talk. "So, you want to go back to your room and get some sleep? Sango and the runt are probably worried about you."
"Are you going back to sleep? After that nightmare?" Kagome couldn't see him, but he could just see her face.
"What're you worrying about me for? I'll be fine, wench. Get your human ass back to bed." He patted her shoulder awkwardly, acutely aware that she was going to have to get the bracelets back on and keep them on permanently for a while. The mention of bed had propelled his mind into unhealthy regions, none of them pertaining to nightmares. Stupid. It would be just great to drool on her again and then blame it on her. No more, he promised himself.
"Um…" Kagome didn't want to push it, but her adrenaline was running high, and if he really wasn't averse to her, this would be the perfect chance to find out. "Yeah. Good night."
An attempted peck on his cheek missed and hit his chin instead. In the course of laughing and trying to correct her mistake, Kagome somehow found herself leaning up into his lips instead, and what was supposed to be a brief touch heated them both, searing her insides till she gripped his haori tighter and—
Blindling light, not figurative but very real and very painful, ruptured the darkness. "Who's there?" a young voice demanded, high with fright and the squeak of near-adolescence.
Kagome's jaw dropped, and she whirled away from Inuyasha, holding up her hand to block the light. The hanyou deftly maneuvered her back, Tetsusaiga at the ready, but Kagome tugged at his arm. "Souta? Is that you?"
The light pulled away, highlighting a very scared and relieved boy's face. "I knew you were in here somewhere!" The flashlight dropped to the floor as he leapt for Kagome, nearly knocking her over. Inuyasha supported her so she could hug him back, whispering questions and reassurances and questions as fast as possible.
What…the…?"Inuyasha." The hanyou yelped like a little girl, whirling to face the filmy outline standing in the corner. Kikyou's voice was very, very grim, and didn't do much to assuage his fears. "We have a slight problem."
A/N: …Gahhh, that was draining. (dramatic sigh)
Seriously, everyone, here's my public service message for the day: don't ever let pride keep you from admitting you're wrong. It just hurts everyone concerned, in any kind of relationship. I mean it. (stern looks all around)
That said, as you could probably tell, things will definitely pick up a bit (read: a lot) from here on. Hold onto your butts. Till next time, have fun.