Hallo everyone! OK, I was planning on writing this story after I finished "Into Ashes All My Lust", but I just got inspired a few nights ago and had to start! I'm not sure how often I will update until I finish working on my other story, but after that updates will come much more frequently. Well, I know this is a very alternative pairing but I think it's really cute and hope everyone enjoys it! Please review!
'Leave me alone, you faggot,' the words pounded into Ayame's head like a drumbeat, sending pangs of misery racing through his veins. He was shocked. Completely astounded by the boy's criticism. 'Why? Yuki, I just want to build a relationship with you. Why won't you let me? Why are you acting just like our parents?' Feeling a sharp clench in his chest, he looked away, trying to regain his composure. "Yuki-kun!" He managed to croak out. "Don't be silly! I know you really want to come and enjoy an evening with your big brother!"
Approaching the snake timidly from behind, Ritsu placed a hand on the other man's arm. "Ayame-san, are you OK?" He whispered in a concerned voice, quickly regressing from the physical contact as he realized what he was doing. "I'm so sorry," he added hurriedly.
"It isn't your fault!" With a breath, Ayame mustered a sparkling laugh, dashing all the sorrow from his eyes. "My Yuki-kun is just simply overcome with emotion at the sight of me!" Ignoring Kyo's snickers, he turned back to the small group of onlookers with an emphatic sigh. "But one of these days he will realize how magnificent my company truly is!" Sliding his arm around Ritsu's waist, the snake rebuilt his arrogant façade. "But come now, dearest Ritchan! I must escort you home!"
"Oh no," Ritsu waved his arms around frantically, his face painted with a look of sheer panic. "You've already done so much for me today! I couldn't impose on you like that! I don't deserve it!"
"But I want to take you, sweet Monkey-kun, and I hope you will not refuse me," gesturing to the two actors with false happiness, he called out to them as he passed. "Farewell, Miss Tohru. Bye bye, Kyonkichi! Tell Yuki 'good bye' for me!"
"Bye Ayame-san," Tohru met him with a sincere grin. "Thank you so much for coming!"
"Oh, it was my pleasure!" Ayame chuckled at her politeness, bowing in an exaggerated motion. "We both really enjoyed it! It was simply superb!"
"Good bye, Tohru-san and Kyo-san," the monkey squeaked courteously, falling into a bow as they exited the stage.
Watching the pavement rush underneath him, Ayame sighed inwardly, trying to revive his cheerful spirit. But Yuki's words left him disquieted and depressed, the memories hanging heavily in his chest. 'I was a fool back then, wasn't I? I had but one opportunity to have a brother, and I lost it! I can never get it back!' Turning to his companion and noticing the way the streetlights played on his features, the snake felt his stomach jolt. 'I had my chance with Ritsu, too. But that, too, became a victim of my childhood ignorance! Now that I fully understand how fabulous he is, it is far too late. He's afraid of me, and I might not be able to do anything about it!'
The only feeling Ayame hated worse than being ignored was helplessness. As a child, he had always been able to catch the intrigue of the people around him and charm them into adoring his every word. Then, he felt capable of accomplishing anything. 'But things started to change. I realized that I couldn't do everything alone. And when I saw that, I knew I lacked the love of those people I really needed.' Sighing painfully, he swept his fingers through his hair, slowing his pace.
Ritsu stopped, stealing a meek glance in the taller Sohma's direction. "Is something wrong, Ayame-san?" He appeared terrified by the other man's actions, his eyes anxiously scanning the snake's face for any sign of discomfort. "If you don't want to walk anymore, that's OK! I'm so sorry for imposing on you like this!"
"No, no!" The silver-haired man assured him, regaining some of his vivacity in hopes of consoling the cross dresser. "Of course not, sweet Ritchan! I simply adore your company! I could not bare to have you walking all alone at this time of night. I would just die of misery if something happened to you!" Listening to his over-enthusiastic reply as it echoed down the deserted street, he shrugged his shoulders, replying, "I was only thinking to myself. It was nothing concerning you, of course."
Ritsu looked uncomfortable, ringing his hands as he stared at his feet with bittersweet fascination. "Ayame-san, I," his words faltered as his shoulders fell forward in embarrassment, "well, I, I just, um, I'm so sorry about what Yuki said to you." He bit his lip, trying to suppress the apparent tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes. He chanced a peek at Ayame, trying in vain to gauge his response. "I'm sorry, please excuse me. I shouldn't have mentioned it!"
"Oh no, sweet Monkey-kun!" Despite his surprise at the younger man's bold comment, he wrapped an assuring arm around the redhead's shoulders. "It is magnificent of you to be concerned about me. Positively lovely!" Feeling a tingling sensation rush through his veins at the contact with Ritsu's body, he enjoyed the other man's warmth, cherishing it. 'Ritchan, you are truly amazing! I just want you to know how much I care about you. Even if I didn't always act like it, I see now that I've loved you all along. Please let me show you.' Waving his other arm with a dazzling 'swish', he offered the monkey his most enchanting smile. "Of course I know that Yuki really did not mean it!" He lied.
The redhead bit his lip, tugging away and quickening his pace slightly so as to break stride with the other man. "It's just that, well, I, um," quivering, his blush deepened until it seemed to glow in the pale moonlight, "I, I, I hate it what people call me that word." He forced out his statement in one breath before inhaling deeply, looking horrified by his own shamelessness. "Oh, I mean, it's nothing, I just, I didn't want you to be sad."
A weight seemed to fall in the snake's chest, causing him to feel dizzy with astonishment. 'He's been called that dreadful name, as well?' Ayame gasped dramatically, his hands flying to his mouth. "Who calls you that, my little Ritchan? They certainly cannot mean it!"
"I'm sorry, please forget I said it," he bowed in response, speeding up once more as he fought to catch his breath. "I really shouldn't be imposing on you like this. You don't want to hear about my problems, I mean, I just couldn't-."
"Silly Monkey-kun!" Ayame stretched out his willowy arms, catching the other man in a suffocating embrace. "You aren't imposing on me at all! Sometimes the very best way of solving a problem is to talk about it! I, of course, do just that whenever I am bothered by something!" Remembering his unwillingness to open up about his troubles with Yuki, he mentally added, 'Well, almost always.' Smiling, he released his grip on the redhead, gazing into his eyes with a look of seriousness. "You know that you can always talk to me about anything! I give the most splendid advice!"
"I know, I just," Ritsu's voice was much quieter as he responded to the silver-haired man's boasts. "I, well, I don't think I should." He trailed off, meeting his companion's stare with a teary blush. Sighing, he conceded. "People used to call me that in school," he opened up, hiding his face in his hands. "But it's OK now because I'm older and it doesn't really bother me. I'm so sorry for mentioning it!"
Extending his fingers to soothe the trembling monkey, Ayame lightly caressed his cousin's hair. "Oh, Ritchan! It's OK! I understand your feelings entirely!" He attempted to keep his flamboyant tone, but it cracked tragically, dissolving as a flood of memories overpowered him. "When I was younger, my parents decided that I was not behaving as they saw fit for a boy. Whenever I was with them, I was terrified to speak or act because they always accused me and insulted me." Looking away, the silver-haired man bit his lip, trying to find the strength to keep up his façade.
Ayame's chest heaved as he suppressed the sob that climbed up his throat. "It was something completely new to me. I was so accustomed to being accepted and even idolized by the people around me. Everywhere I went, people told me how wonderful I was. So when my parents criticized me, I was shocked. I had never dreamed that anyone could be embarrassed by me or want to change me." Losing control, one sparkling tear danced from the snake's green eye as all the rejection of his past haunted him once more. It seemed as if it was happening again, hurting him again, and he hated it. "I just simply could not believe it."
Wiping his eyes tentatively, he took a deep breath and continued, "My father was the worst. He always used to tell me how shameful I was. I knew I could never be the son he had dreamed of having, and it was horrible." Choking on his tears, the snake broke down, resting his head on the other man's shoulder. "He told me that he hated everything about me, and for the first time in my life, I felt like a failure. It was such a shock to me, because I'd lived a life of self-adoration for so long. But it is miserable knowing that nothing I achieve in life will ever be good enough for him. He'll never share my happiness."
"I'm sorry," Ritsu cried, meekly accepting the other man's touch as he let one arm slide lightly around Ayame's waist. "I'm so sorry. But you, you, you're so good at everything!"
Ayame's heartbeat quickened as he felt the smaller man responding to his caresses. Sighing quietly, he embraced him once again, this time smiling as he felt no resistance. "But I did not fit his ideal. I was too different, perhaps. When Yuki was born, the taunting stopped. But to them, I became invisible. They shut me out of their lives, and I happily turned away from them and found other sources of attention. I filled my life with pleasure and excitement, and sometimes I even forgot their cruel words."
"But tonight, hearing Yuki talk like that, it just seemed like they had returned to me, screaming at me and trying to beat me into submission once again. I just keep sustaining myself on the hope that he is making a mistake, that he does not mean what he says, but I'm starting to doubt my own lies."
The redhead bit his lip, shifting awkwardly as he seemed to be struggling for words. "I'm sorry," he repeated his mantra, however, this time his voice was filled with more than panic and distress. It was filled with empathy. A complete understanding of the other man's pain. "But Yuki loves you! Everyone loves you! You're so talented, and funny, and you have so many friends. Your family must be proud of you for that."
"I cannot understand it myself," Ayame shook his head, clearing the tears from his eyes as he plastered another shining grin on his face. 'He really feels that way about me?' He was flattered by the other man's adoration, pleased by the attention from his new crush. "I am an accomplished individual, yes, but I've also made a few mistakes in my life. I mistreated Yuki, so I suppose I might not deserve to have his love. But that does not make it hurt any less, of course."
Nodding his head, the monkey let his body relax slightly against the taller form. "Maybe, maybe, well, you could apologize to Yuki. I think he might forgive you if he knew that you are sorry. I, I, I mean, it happened so long ago-."
"So it is possible," Ayame's pulse quickened unexpectedly at the other man's advice, "to forgive someone who senselessly broke your heart for their own enjoyment? That isn't too hideous a crime to be forgotten?" Studying the redhead's delicate features, he sighed, bringing one finger to wipe a tear from his cousin's cheek. 'Would it be possible for you to forgive me for what I did to you? Would it be so easy, just because it happened long ago? Oh Ritchan, I am so sorry. My guilt follows me day and night. Please forgive me.'
"Y, y, yes, I mean, I think so," the smaller man looked confused, staring with unfocused eyes at some point behind Ayame's head. "I mean, well, I would. But I don't know for sure about Yuki! I'm sorry for saying things I don't really understand! I'm so stupid!"
"I was not referring to my issues with Yuki-kun, my dearest Ritchan," the snake corrected him, cupping the redhead's cheek and forcing him to meet his gaze. 'Beautiful.' His smile softened as fondness for the monkey swelled in his chest. Taking a deep breath, he assembled his apology. "You must still remember that dreadful day when we were children. You brought me a cherry blossom flower, remember? And I so thoughtlessly laughed at you with Gure-kun. I was so selfish. I did not even think about how my attitude might make you feel. But I know now that I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?"
Recollection instantly dawned on the other man's face. "Oh, no, it's OK! You shouldn't worry about hurting me! I deserved it!" Pulling away from the embrace, Ritsu looked away, beginning to walk once more as he avoided Ayame's gaze. "That was such an ugly present! I'm sorry."
"It was a lovely gift, sweet Monkey-kun!" Ayame felt bereft of Ritsu's touch, sashaying forward in a desperate attempt to regain the redhead's attention. "I was just too foolish to realize that at the time. When we are young, we are often blind to true beauty!" He caught the smaller man, wrenching him back into his arms as he stopped him in his tracks. Pressing his body against Ritsu's back, he sighed, basking in the other man's warmth. "Little Ritchan, I hurt you, and I was wrong to do it. Do you forgive me?"
"I, I," turning around, Ritsu offered a shy smile. His eyes glowed with both appreciation and disbelief, glistening with fresh tears as they surveyed the silver-haired man. "I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago." His whisper seemed to disappear into the night air, and he blushed. Yanking away from Ayame, he ran down the street toward the Sohma main house, leaving his companion to chase after him.
"Ritchan!" The snake rushed to bring him back. "Oh, little Ritchan! Come back here! Stop being silly!" Chuckling, he slowed to catch his breath.
"I'm, I'm sorry," the redhead called in response. "I'M SO SORRY! I SHOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED YOU LIKE THAT!"
"Sweet Ritsu, you are going to wake up the whole town!" He felt amused as he heard the other man's screams echoing off the trees and houses. "And I expect to see you sometime soon. I'm taking you to dinner tomorrow night, and don't you even try to refuse me!"
Receiving no response, the snake halted, watching the smaller man's retreating form as it disappeared into the gated courtyard of the Sohma estate. 'He forgives me!' The memory of the redhead's words caused his heart to melt. 'Dear Ritsu,' he sighed passionately, recalling each moment spent with the other man in a rush of infatuation. The way he moved. The way he smiled. The way he cared for others. Even his desperate apologies. 'Being with him is exciting and comforting. He's so different than me, thinking through every statement so as not to offend anyone else. I admire that, and I love him for it. Even if my parents ignore me, and even if Yuki rejects me for the rest of my life, if I can have Ritsu's love, I will be satisfied.'
No language lesson this chapter! Amazing!
Next chapter...Ayame and Ritsu's big date. ha ha!