Disclaimer: I have a headache. Inuyasha could probably be classified as one, if one wanted to get clever about it, but…no. So…no.
A/N: Yo again, all. Many apologies for the two-month wait, but I had a wedding to help plan, plus I got a new night-shift job, I'm moving to a new city and transferring to a new university, and so on. All the stress has not been conducive to writing, not to mention I am now working five nights a week in the space of time in which I usually have my creative juices best flowing. But now I'm better, ish, so here we go…
Beast
Chapter 38
Several years of training in the fine art of shutting her brain down for sleep failed Kagome that night, thanks in no small part to the muggy heat. She wasn't the only one; on the floor, Sango kept turning over restlessly, kicking her light cover off entirely at one point. Kagome hoped she'd done so in her sleep: being sweaty and cranky and tired and nauseous for however long could hardly be fun. At least my burn'll go away in a few days, barring any more brilliant ideas that involve me going outside to save the day. Stupid sun. Even Shippou, who usually slept like a furry rock, now slept like a furry rock in acute discomfort, tossing and turning and jolting Kagome awake several times till she pulled the blankets into a small barricade between them.
Even so, she'd slept in worse conditions, particularly sharing a room with her snoring, sleep-talking sisters. The real problem here was embarrassingly minor: her head was buried in the faint, dog-like scent of Inuyasha's hair, mingled with earthy-smelling skin and the stale, cottony fire-rat fur on her bedclothes. It had been comforting for a few hours, providing her with some amusing reflections on how his haori seemed to smell the same as it had when she first arrived, yet he never had it off long enough to get it washed. Maybe when he bathes…? Nah, doubt it, seems like he only has one, and it takes forever to dry. It's almost kinda stinky…but so am I, and he smells better than I do, anyway…but seriously, how does he wash that thing? And what about his hakama? Does he just have someone scrub him down fully dressed? Don't think anyone would enjoy having to wash a wet, cranky half dog demon…
That amused Kagome for a while, till it occurred to her that she wouldn't mind having the chance. It also dawned on her slowly that having the odor literally shoved into her face wasn't exactly conducive to sleep when all it did was quite merrily try to lead her away from dreamland. In fact, the way things were going, she'd be awake all night for no good reason, and that wouldn't do, particularly not if she gave the excuse that she had been up all night trying to remember what she'd said while she was drunk that had freaked him out so badly.
…What the hell had she said, anyway? All she remembered from that night was hearing Shimoko sing, eating chicken, figuring out Sango's condition after the slayer was forbidden to drink alcohol…a vague feeling of resentment…over that? …Ah! No, because she'd always wanted a family of her own some day, and here Sango had a husband and a bun in the oven already without even knowing it. That was why.
She rolled over, one arm hanging over the side as she shook her head in disgust. Trust alcohol to make her feel sorry for herself instead of happy for her friend. Stupid alcohol.
Well, once she got over a few twinges of guilt, that was actually a bit of a relief. There was no way she could've been plastered enough to say anything like that out loud, right? No way I'd say that—
Kagome's eyes popped open.
…Particularly not to Inuyasha…proposing they remedy the situation by making one for her? …Right? …Right?
Oh, craaaaaap. It was such a distinct possibility that all the embarrassment she'd been trying to ignore upon dozing off sprang back up and brought its friends, too, and it was all she could do not to get up and bang her head against the wall. Oh, God. That would explain the look on Inuyasha's face when he asked her if she remembered what she'd said. There was, after all, a slight difference between stealing a couple of hugs or kisses and inviting him to…
Crap. Now she was wide awake. Crap! Damage control, how do we go about that…? The sooner the better, of course. Should she go up there and explain now?
…In the middle of the night, all alone in his room, when the atmosphere was so unpleasant that his mood was probably somewhere between extremely bitchy and mass homicidal?
An irritating little voice decided to join in on the fun, as if to test just how much she could take. So, you go see him, and then what? You explain that you didn't mean it, except you actually did, confess your love, a big THE END pops up and your problems all go away? Or you apologize, make him feel bad for no reason, cry some more, get all snot-faced and then regress to toddler again and hope he puts up with it out of guilt?
Face stiff with an extra layer of red, Kagome curled into a ball on her side, flapping her shirt to cool off and cursing herself for having also perfected inner dialogue years ago. Do you have to remind me about that? I was freaked out, okay? I'm not—
This isn't a romance novel, y'know. Going at it like drunk bunnies is not going to make everything perfect. You're aware of this, right? It'll make things a lot worse in the morning, not to mention you're still overdone and any touching will hurt like hell. As in, you should probably just stay in bed. Your bed.
Kagome jammed her face into her pillow, trying to escape the voice of snide reason and ending up with another noseful of dog-musk instead. I know that! It's not like I can help it. If you're so superior, where were you when—
When you were drunk and asked him whatever it was, probably something to do with you, him, and sex? You pretty much killed me with all the booze. Thanks a lot, by the way.
She had nothing to say to that, other than to reflect morosely that it wasn't fair: her hormones seemed to have joined forces with her brain tonight in making sure she understood how much things sucked as clearly as possible. The two were usually very separate entities, content to make her miserable by fighting each other instead.
Speaking of which, her wrists began to itch again, and Kagome irritably slipped the bracelets under her pillow, kicking the anklets off. The sooner she started her cycle and could ditch them, the better. It would be nice to be around Inuyasha without worrying that she was being some kind of olfactory tramp. Not that there was anything wrong with that, of course, except for the fact that she'd already observed the stunning lack of maturity with which he handled physical attraction and had enough cleanup to do as it was.
…No, that wasn't fair, either. The problem's not "immaturity" so much as "five tons of emotional baggage and being forced to sit around all day with nothing to do but try not to think about it." Way to make things easier on him, molesting him and then yelling at him for wanting to set things right the only way he knows how, just in case he wasn't confused and emasculated enough by this whole stupid setup…
Thunder boomed in the distance. Kagome couldn't hear rain, but figured it must be coming down if it hadn't been already. Someone's in an even worse mood than me. Maybe it'll ease up the heat a little…?
Her brain did something extremely unfair. It slipped an idle question out for contemplation: Not that it's an option or anything, but what would happen if we went up and things got out of hand?
Imagination picked up and ran with that line of thought, and it was only with great difficulty that she could call it back a few minutes later. Shut UP! If we…no, you're me, so if I don't get to sleep soon, I'll be a zombie later, and God only knows what'll happen when I have to be able to talk to him. Good night.
To her pleased surprise, no further argument was offered. Willing the smell of his hair away wasn't quite as successful, though, even when she flipped the pillow over. Nor would the longing to be held just disappear because she wanted it to; with the added fillip of some very interesting thoughts fresh in mind, sleep eased further and further away till she buried her head under her pillow in utter misery.
It wouldn't have been so bad, really, if Inuyasha had at least been happy.
Another, louder crackle made Shippou whimper in his sleep. She freed her head from its sweat-soaked niche, groped around, located Shippou's vest by feel, and stroked his hair till the little boy quieted again, curling around her fingers without waking.
That did it. Ignoring her skin's protests, Kagome scooped him up, cradling the kit against her chest. After all, he needed reassurance, she needed to hold something, and he wouldn't mind if she cried for a while, no matter how wet his hair might get.
She lost track of time as her tears began to slow down, lessening into nothing but dull, heavy, sniffle-broken silence. With that small but potent release, though, her mind finally lost its hold on itself and allowed her to fall deeply asleep, Shippou still tucked, snoring, under her arm.
Kagome adjusted her seat, scanning her cards. One had her father's head, another Buyo's, while the last three appeared to be Sailor Moon characters dressed as ninjas. She glanced around the table, where her friends were also sitting and looking at their cards. A dream, eh? Good. She hadn't had a nice, weird one in a while.
She was just noticing that none of them had any clothes on when a hand lightly touched her shoulder. "Hi, honey."
"Mom!" Her folding chair fell over in her haste to be up and embracing her mother in as little time as possible; as this was not reality, the metal made a squeaky sound as it hit the floor, then vanished. Kagome didn't notice, busy as she was inhaling the mixed scents of floral perfume, lotion and foundation her mother had worn on special occasions when she was alive. "You're really here!"
"Yes, but no." Jurei Higurashi patted her daughter's hair gently. "I just noticed you were feeling bad and wanted to drop in. I always do, of course, but that's usually not allowed."
Kagome leaned back, puzzled at the slight catch in her voice. "What do you mean?"
"It means I cheated a little. Actually, I should be getting back now, or your grandfather will notice I've been gone." One eyelid dropped conspiratorially, and Kagome found herself grinning in response. "Don't worry, love, I'll see you again, just not for a while. Now, you should thank this lady here for giving me an opening—"
"Lady?" She glanced around and nearly jumped out of her nonexistent skin. "Who're you?"
"I thank you, and goodbye," Jurei said formally to the woman standing behind Inuyasha. She touched Kagome's shoulder again, smiled broadly, and was gone the next moment.
"Mom?" Oddly enough, the elation of having seen her mother remained in place, while disappointment at her swift exit flitted in and out too quickly to register. The strange woman looked at her steadily; Kagome felt transparent, but comfortably so, almost as if she knew the lady would find nothing at fault with her. "Who're you, ma'am?"
"A messenger, yet not." The contralto voice was deeper than she'd expected—though, considering the speaker also wore feudal armor and had a rather formidable air about her even at ease, Kagome figured that was probably her own judgment at fault. The stranger's features were beautiful, almost delicate, yet regal and commanding, while her slender frame bespoke fitness gained and kept by plenty of hard work. This was no courtesan or noblewoman, but a warrior as formidable as any samurai of her era. "You have heard my name before. I invite you to explore the remnants of your past self, to better understand your present circumstances and perhaps aid others. Do you accept?"
"I…" A disturbance in the atmosphere made her trail off uneasily. It felt…wrong, for lack of a better word. By the scowl on the lady's face, she had felt it, too, and agreed. "What was that?"
"Come. Look." The woman's head turned to regard a TV that had somehow oozed out of the wall while she was speaking. It didn't occur to Kagome till much later that the two standing side by side should look funny, but didn't. "Attend closely. We will meet again soon."
Despite herself, Kagome obeyed. The card table vanished, as did her apprehension, leaving only curiosity as the TV flickered and a quiet test pattern came on. Mom and Midoriko already, now this? Must've been something I ate. Wonder what's next. …Midoriko…? Where do I know that name from?
The screen came alive, literally, expanding slowly outward till the images were life-size and then real. Kagome forgot her questions as she her feet began moving on their own, carrying her down a narrow track through very familiar woods.
Her dreaming mind cheerfully accepted the about-face, watching the bow clutched in her hands, her startlingly red hakama and white sleeves, then the leaf-scattered trail. Anything could happen at this point, she knew from experience, especially if it was something she particularly wanted. Let's see…how 'bout that card game? Strip poker? We didn't get to play at all. Mom was pretty good. Bet that priestess could've beaten us all, though.
The comfortable haze over her environment seemed to adjust itself, and Kagome suddenly felt…different, almost disconnected, as if her brain had decided to take over but let her stick around to watch. She now knew they were close to their destination, not far now so long as she kept her guard up. This was a dangerous area, after all.
Beside her, a girl in a clean but tattered kimono carried a small basket, betraying her nervousness only with an occasional glance around and a slight gulp. Kagome roused herself enough to want to reach over and tell her it was okay, but her body ignored her. Hey. My dream, and if I want to be nice, dammit, I will.
This did not happen. "It should be near," Kagome found herself saying instead. The girl nodded.
Darkness descended before she could get indignant about the lack of control; curious, Kagome glanced around, just in case. That was pointless. Back to everyone being naked now? Or Mom? Except not naked, of course—
Sensations washed over her, creeping down her awareness one at a time like sticky raindrops. Kagome couldn't see anything – particularly not anyone naked – but a warm breeze brushed her cheek and sunlight beat steadily against her hair. Some kind of stiff grass slipped through her fingers as she sorted…herbs, that was what that pungent smell was.
As information seeped into place, she found she could recognize roots, stems and leaves from memory by texture and shape, placing each in neat piles and then taking more from the bundles the children had gathered for her that morning. Her knees ached from a few hours too many in one position, but she preferred not to move till the cluster of maids doing laundry nearby were gone. Did they think she had nothing better to do than guard them so they could do their chores near the demon-infested forest in safety, away from their mistress' supervision?
No harm done. Kagome relaxed. It wasn't important. Her surroundings were familiar and safe for the moment, with no demons in the vicinity besides the few that still belonged to the castle. The inane conversation drifting around the corner of the shrine wasn't worth losing her focus…until one sentence stood out.
"He was at it again today."
"Was he?" Noises of dismay, like clucking, she thought absently. "What happened?"
Kagome stilled her features before they could betray her surprise—not at the fact that they were talking instead of working again, of course, but at her own reaction. She knew who they were talking about, and it annoyed her, far too much so. Why should she care if they wanted to entertain themselves with the same drivel every day?
"Oh, nothing too terrible. Three of his father's personal bodyguards deigned to practice with him, and he ended up nearly taking one of their heads off. Our men tried to warn them about the danger, but would they listen to humans? Never."
A vague, dry, almost tickling sort of sensation eased along Kagome's head, as if she had been wearing a too-tight mask and was allowed to peel it off just long enough to readjust. For a split second, she understood that this experience was not something her imagination was coming up with on the spur of the moment, and that she was—
The mask snapped back into place, her mind fully and comfortably reimmersed the next instant.
"Such a pity Izayoi-sama has been feeling ill lately," one girl was saying quietly. She heaved an expressive sigh, as if they hadn't been talking about this every day for over a year now. "With Sesshoumaru-sama gone, it's not as if anyone else can control him, and that temper of his is beginning to frighten me. All well and good to let Touga-sama keep him as a child, but what if something were to happen to Izayoi-sama? He might just decide to kill us all to spite his brother before Sesshoumaru-sama could return."
It didn't matter that she knew they were twisting the facts, even amongst themselves—the old dog demons had come to "visit" their lord's widow and assess the situation, probably in order to curry favor with Sesshoumaru, and insulted Inuyasha so thoroughly on entering the castle that he'd promptly attacked the youngest. If he had been full demon, she thought idly, Inuyasha would have killed all of them easily. He'd done plenty of damage as he was…
That wasn't what bothered her.
"We've the houshi-sama here, of course, and the two slayers, so it's not too dangerous…"
She'd seen the fight, in passing, though it had ended too quickly for her to intervene. She'd seen dozens of such encounters, demons or hanyou or humans leaping at other demons or hanyou or humans in blind rage. She'd seen far worse than the scuffle that morning, yes, but nothing that had affected her quite so badly.
"And of course the miko-sama—" The speaker bit her lips as the women realized she was listening, callused hands resting on her lap as she gazed steadily at the little group without really seeing them. "Forgive us, Kikyou-sama." They bowed as one, and she nodded absently, each gesture so habitual as to be meaningless to her now.
The attack's swift violence hadn't disturbed her in the least. No, another reaction entirely had made her turn and hurry away instead of dealing with the situation and saving Izayoi-sama considerable trouble.
Another maid giggled and dropped her voice further, so that it was only easy to hear and not entirely too loud. "Did I tell you what my husband said to me last night? He wants—"
Her ears tuned them out, time drifting to a halt as her fingers automatically resumed. It was one thing to be familiar with how men and women's minds and bodies worked, of course, in order to be able to dispense advice and arbitrate disputes in addition to her healing duties; it was quite another to realize that that most basic of human reactions had finally, inexplicably targeted her.
She'd been nearly weak-kneed after a single expressive glimpse of Inuyasha. Fear? No, that dizzying heat had been nothing but pure lust.
Her teeth ground despite her best efforts to remain still. She had almost lost herself in that moment, before her sense and her training took over. And for whom—for what? A hanyou. A rude, foul-mouthed, irritating half-breed, and one she was obligated to let live only for his mother's sake. A moment's attraction to a human would hardly have bothered her, much less kept her this distracted; to have thought of Inuyasha that way at all, however, was mortifying. Given her duties and her position itself, it was nothing short of disgraceful.
That wasn't the worst of it. The worst was that that hadn't been the first time he'd been in her thoughts lately, only the most intense thus far. Why else would she allow him to follow her, watch her as she worked and all but stalk her every movement? They both knew they were, if not mortal enemies, firmly on opposing sides. She had the Jewel, he wanted it, and she wasn't going to let him have it, his opinion of which had been made very clear in cursing and then sulking. That should have been the end of it…
Unaccountably, thinking of his childishness made her want to smile, if a bit darkly. No, he would never get his claws on the Jewel. Nothing would induce her to hand it to a demon, or to him, no matter what he might say or try to do.
…Unless…
No. She crushed the notion ruthlessly, knowing he would never agree to use it that way. He only wanted power, not something as trivial as a normal life, and she was a fool to waste time dreaming of it.
Shaken, she shook herself as the flesh along her shoulders prickled, uncomfortably hot with the weight of her hair and thick fabric. Pathetic, really. All this turmoil for a half-breed—
Kagome nearly forced herself awake right there, shaken as she was by the strength of the convictions being repeated without words in Kikyou's head. It made her sick, and angry, and unnerved—the priestess might have told herself in this stray wisp of memory that the incident meant nothing, but Kagome realized just as well as Kikyou had that her reaction to the "slip" wasn't going away, and no reinforcement of her position or prejudices against hanyou would convince her otherwise.
A flare of resentment demanded her attention again, and her sleeping self cried out without knowing it as something dug into her shoulder. Kikyou had moved to scratch beneath her clothes and, when her mind refused to obey its training, nearly tore skin open in order to remaster her thoughts. The sensual lethargy vanished, but the unhappiness persisted, molding itself into palpable sorrow, gentle regret deepening into melancholy deepening into near anguish, driving her nails deeper against her will.
There was no anger or hatred, merely a terrible, stark clarity framing facts she had always taken for granted, growing unchecked from its long-repressed roots as her will to do so faltered. She thought back to her training, when it had been easy enough to resign herself to becoming a priestess, when she had had no idea how dangerous, how exigent, how lonely this life would be. She was female, yes, but her life as guardian of the Jewel forbade her to be human, much less distract herself with thoughts of a normal life, a group of silly women to laugh with during the day, a man to share her sleeping space at night, children to get underfoot and ruin her work and love her…
Nails clenched, then lifted, and the relief from pain also freed her mind abruptly. She almost smiled again, this time in self-possessed amusement, then set her herbs aside and moved her shoulder cautiously to gauge the damage, welcoming the sting of sweat trickling into the split skin. There she went again. Her attention span was becoming as bad as Inuyasha's. Perhaps it was inevitable that he should be in her thoughts: their situations were certainly similar enough—
There. The long-ignored idea had finally emerged, leaving her to size it up head-on for the first time in hopes of being able to banish it for good. That shouldn't prove difficult; after all, how could a powerful, respected human priestess and an unruly hanyou be anything alike? The notion was so ridiculous that she still couldn't quite reject it.
A moment's thought sobered her, as became clear that they were indeed. The Shikon Jewel and her pledge to help Izayoi-sama keep marauding demons at bay tied her to this place; until she was killed or managed to find a powerful, virtuous, and willing replacement to protect the Jewel, her life would be restricted to the same shrine and the same duties. Considering how strongly demons were attracted to the Jewel and how few women with spiritual powers of any strength were likely to be found, much less agree to stay in such a place, it was better not to even bother with that possibility.
Meanwhile, the desire to use the Jewel to erase his human strain bound Inuyasha to the castle just as strongly—here, where he was either scorned or feared by everyone he'd ever known, and the only person who showed him any measure of affection was too busy to see her son more than a few minutes a day. But she was here, and no one elsewhere would likely ever tolerate him, much less love or accept him.
Besides, Izayoi-sama's tenuous position was his only protection against his father's many enemies, in addition to his half-brother and those who simply wanted to see any half-blood dead. As soon as her short human life ended, Inuyasha would lose his status as heir – placeholder, puppet, pet, more like – upon his brother's return. Sesshoumaru had never sworn not to kill him after his father's death, only Inuyasha's mother, guaranteeing that all the hanyou had to look forward to was violent death or a lonely, bitter life as a hunted creature.
There was another layer to the story as well, another small matter that didn't deserve its place in her thoughts. She had heard it whispered more than once that Inuyasha had never showed any inclination to exercise what should have been his rights as a nobleman—namely, he had never taken a lover from the ranks of those beneath him, not any of the servants, the courtiers in residence before his father's demise, nor his mother's personal attendants, who would usually be obligated to obey him in that respect, male or female. That had puzzled her, believing…knowing as she did that demon men were just as insatiable as humans, if not more so; Inuyasha could hardly be an exception unless he had some kind of physical problem, which would have been widely known and snickered over, had that been the case.
That was not the case. It was common knowledge and thus had come to her very soon after her arrival that Sesshoumaru had taken care of that point, with his father's tacit permission, when Inuyasha was still a child. His future had been sealed, like hers, but without any element of choice. Such a lack of freedom was commonplace in this era, not worth getting upset about any more than one should protest the color of the sky. There was no way around it, and no use wasting time or energy in trying.
…But…
Dry blades pierced her hands as fingers crushed herbs involuntarily. Her shoulder began to throb as the sun emerged from behind puffy clouds and sweat gathered anew.
But if there was a way around it…
Both of us, always restricted. If only…if only he would listen to the only solution…we could find new lives, break free…
An image flashed in her mind's eye, so that her last thought was concurrent with a vivid impression of intensely golden eyes staring straight through her. Heat bloomed and slipped through her veins, warming her in a very different fashion than the sunlight; this time, she allowed herself to feel it, closing her eyes for just one moment. Together—
Suddenly, the memory vanished. Kagome's eyes were open and staring at Kikyou, who was kneeling across from her in her empty room. All her questions were answered with a single look into the priestess' face: like the nightmare recollecting her death, what Kagome had just seen was a remnant of Kikyou's past left in her mind, and one she hadn't been shown deliberately, either. Not by Kikyou, at least… Why did what's-her-face pull that out for me? She shook herself. That was awful. I'm almost glad I didn't know the whole story.
"Inuyasha was not permitted to so much as lay hand on any woman, no matter her rank or race," Kikyou said quietly, remaining blank and motionless as Kagome reeled in double shock, first at the volunteered information, and then the impact of the words themselves. "It wasn't stated as such, of course, but Sesshoumaru made it clear that he would kill any female bearing Inuyasha's scent, without question, and Inuyasha never bothered with them, nor any of the men."
Kagome couldn't quite wrap her head around the concept, and wasn't sure she wanted to. "He couldn't…ever? Why would Sesshoumaru care about that? Did he hate him that much? And why the hell would that be any of his business?"
"Neither he nor Touga-sama wanted to take any chance of their blood being further diluted amongst humans, to create more beings despised for their very existence, or of a demon female trying to use him against them. It was a common strategy in those days to seduce a lord's younger son, have the heir and other rivals killed, and then claim blood rights for whichever offspring could be conceived before she was found out." Kikyou folded her hands, calm by all appearances except that betraying gesture; the surreal environment seemed more immediate than usual, as Kagome thought she could almost feel the air's temperature. "No one is certain whether hanyou are able to breed at all, but if Inuyasha had been permitted to try, his problem could very well have been passed on despite all precautions."
That word nearly pushed Kagome right over the edge. "No wonder he's got a complex about that," she said tightly.
Kikyou frowned. "About—"
"About being a freak, about his existence being a mistake or a problem or an accident, about making it easier for everyone if he'd just die or change into something else! Take your pick! No wonder he hates himself so much!" If she had been in her own body, she would have been trembling in sheer indignation. "Everyone treated him like some weird thing they were waiting to get rid of! Even you didn't think it was fair!"
"What other basis do you think I had for proposing to use the Jewel? Boredom?" The room seemed very close all of a sudden as Kikyou's eyes narrowed. "I saw a chance to rid the world of the Jewel and benefit us at once. Inuyasha would no longer be in danger—do you honestly think he would have remained alive a day past his mother's death, much less kept his place as the Western lord? Without his taint, he could have had a normal life, girl, a family and a home with me, free of the Jewel and beneath his brother's notice. Izayoi-sama didn't need him, and Sesshoumaru would have—"
"Oh, come on, even I know that part!" Kagome snapped. "If Inuyasha wasn't there, his mom wouldn't have had any excuse to be there, either, and Sesshoumaru could've kicked her out, let God knows what happen to her, and saved himself the trouble!"
"I will not argue possibilities," Kikyou said levelly, though Kagome could feel that she was also nearing her limits. "You seem to think it was my fault that Inuyasha was treated as he was. Have you ever seen a village reduced to a pile of blood and limbs by a few hungry demons? Or watched a hanyou run down human children as if they were mice? Beliefs you think unfair exist because of creatures like those, and others followed the pattern until it became very clear that only being wary of demons and hanyou keeps humans alive. Do you need any further elaboration, or would you like me to show you what our parents looked like once the ape demons had eaten their fill?"
"Oh, no. That makes perfect sense." Kagome crossed her arms. "So tell me, how many kids has Inuyasha picked off and eaten? How many girls did he take advantage of because he could order them to and he wouldn't get in trouble for sleeping around? And the last time I checked, he couldn't figure out why I'd be upset that he was planning to rip his own guts out to make up for you dying and to make sure we'll all be okay! Of course he's some kind of monster, with a personality like that!"
"That was why he should have been human!" The force of Kikyou's words was palpable, even in this purely nonphysical space. For just a moment, Kagome bore the full brunt of all the feelings she hadn't comprehended before their minds had split: anger, shame, self-disgust and frustration roiled in a terrible, shapeless mass, paralyzing her very mind in sheer hell as a staggering load of guilt rose to the fore. This had been absent from the memory because the specter of Kikyou with which she was in contact contained all these emotions, and more; they were what drove her, all that was left of a strong-willed and intelligent woman Kagome could have respected very much if they had met under different circumstances. Now, all she knew was what the priestess had been through, and the result was not surprising nor pleasant.
Gradually, the mass of negativity withdrew, leaving a few acrid traces that had Kagome groping for a foothold in reality. She barely heard the priestess's next words, and when they hit her, she was momentarily afraid she'd lost her few remaining marbles. "You want to know if I what?"
"If you've contemplated accepting him," Kikyou repeated in her uniquely matter-of-fact tone. "If you feel you could do better, you have the opportunity to try any time."
No acceptable answer came to Kagome's addled mind. Her predecessor continued in the same unruffled fashion: "As I've said, you have more influence over the Jewel than you think. If you think back a little and review certain facts about Naraku and my own behavior, you may very well have an easier time locating him than I believed. It's taken the initiative in contacting you, for one thing…" Anger flickered again. It took every shred of Kagome's willpower not to dive under the bed in anticipation of another emotional bitch-slap. Luckily, Kikyou regained her composure almost instantly. "If you do, you can be rid of him and break the curse, if you wish. The Jewel is the curse's source of power, after all. You need only decide whether the risks outweigh the benefits."
Kagome felt as if she was being pulled in five different directions. "But…I thought you said to wait till Shimoko came back and told us…something, or else we'd screw everything up and tip Naraku off, and we'd never catch him. And…you want me to marry Inuyasha? I thought—"
"You may not have sufficient time. Something has happened without your even being aware of it, and he may decide to stop toying with you and move in for the kill at any moment. That would activate the curse's worst outcome and make things very inconvenient. Also…" Her voice lowered, and Kagome could feel much different emotion in it as she murmured, "It would also hurt Inuyasha much more than I'd ever care to see again. I don't think he'd be able to bear losing you as well."
Me? "It wasn't your fault," Kagome tried to say, but her thoughts were so jumbled with confusion, denial and sorrow for both priestess and hanyou that almost nothing came out. Is there anything I can do to help them?
The room wavered, tatami rocking beneath their knees as if in an earthquake. "You can't even hide your feelings in your sleep," Kikyou said after a glance around, though she was smiling gently. "The slayer is trying to wake you."
Kagome shook her head. I'm probably mumbling in my sleep or something about how much it sucked to be Kikyou or Inuyasha. "Kikyou, I don't know what you're trying to say. I mean, I never do, 'cause you usually don't want me to, but—"
"Now that you know the reason Inuyasha has reacted to your advances the way he has, you know better than to press him." The priestess was somber again. "You also know that I understand your feelings, but I ask you not to act on them, for both your sakes. Please."
Did she have to remind her about that? "But—"
"Kagome-chan?" The room shuddered more violently.
"Be very careful, and good luck." Kikyou inclined her head.
"But—"
Her eyes were open and inches away from Sango's anxious face the next moment.
"Kagome-chan! What is it?" The slayer released Kagome's shoulders and pushed her own hair out of her face, only to have it fall right back into her eyes as she leaned in closer. "Are you awake? Please say something!"
Again, Kagome's mouth tried to frame words – "I'm fine, calm down" – but couldn't get any sound out.
"I think she needs some water," she heard Shippou say anxiously from nearby. "Should I go get some?"
"Good idea, thank you…. Kagome-chan, what's wrong?"
Kagome could've answered that quite extensively, but when Sango touched her cheek, she suddenly knew why her friend was so worried: tears were still leaking from her eyes almost freely. Wow. I didn't know people could actually do that in their sleep. I thought it only happened in bad soap operas. Maybe I was talking about my tragic past the whole time, too. She tried scrubbing them off with the back of her wrist and was rewarded with the ability to speak: "Ow."
The water arrived shortly. Sango had the wisdom to refrain from pressing her as she drank. Kagome handed her the emptied cup, gave her a wavery smile, and held up one finger. "Thanks. I don't really want to talk about it right now, but I'll tell you two things. One, I had a really bad dream, and two, don't be alarmed by what I'm about to do—oh, I lied. Three, keep Inuyasha away till I'm done. Where is he, by the way?"
"I think he's helping some of the men outside. Several trees fell near the shrine last night, and Kaede can't get in safely," Sango replied. She smiled reassuringly, and Kagome smiled back. "Why?"
Kagome made herself comfortable on her side. "No reason. Cover your ears, Shippou-chan, okay?"
That was all the warning they got. A deep breath, and Kagome suddenly gave a wailing cry that made Sango's hair leap straight up from her scalp. "What in the world—"
But no explanation was forthcoming. Kagome buried her face in her pillow and sobbed unashamedly, making no attempt to silence herself even as footsteps thudded in the corridor and several maids excused their rudeness in seeing whether Kagome-sama was hurt or otherwise needed assistance. Sango had no clue, but thanked them and explained that neither their help nor Inuyasha's was required, so they didn't have to trouble themselves about it.
Unfortunately, as was one of their most highly developed skills, two girls misheard and immediately went to fetch him from outside. After all, they agreed in hushed tones, it was probably his fault anyway.
As everyone familiar with the castle's unique meteorological environment had immediately surmised, Inuyasha went to bed in a rather crappy mood, as he often did when he was forced to think for several hours on end and nothing productive came of it anyway. No other sleepless night in his recollection, however, had ever been quite as bad as this one.
The cause of his unrest seemed simple, asmany oflife's most irritating problems do before one begins to unravel them. He could only work out so many other possible explanations for what the girl had said, and repeat them only so many times in case they might sound more plausible that way; then he had to give up and digest the fact that she'd asked him to get her pregnant, which involved a process he'd never let himself even think of as an option with anyone. Hell, he'd half forgotten it was even possible, he'd so thoroughly removed himself from the thought of a normal relationship in any sense of the word.
Of course, she'd been completely smashed when she said it. Any idiot could've seen that and figured she hadn't known what she was saying. The problem with that theory was that Kagome simply didn't say things she didn't mean, even when her vocabulary was reduced to that of a mentally subnormal three-year-old. Besides, she had willingly approached him before…though he'd had no clue she'd ever wanted to get more serious than a little impulsive face-sucking. How would he?
This wasn't the cause for celebration it would've been for nearly any other male in existence, not for him. If she did mean it, he merely had a whole new problem on his hands, one he didn't know how to begin fixing. Was he supposed to lie and tell her he wasn't interested? Just let it go and hope she didn't remember it at all? Or should he tell her the truth, that he could think of few things he'd like more, but wasn't going to do so for several very good reasons?
For one thing, he'd rather not have her targeted by anything that could smell him on her for the next few days – Kouga's reaction alone might be dangerous, never mind Fluffy's; it would be just like that prick to drop by for no reason and decide to try and invoke that old rule – not to mention the little matter of also being forbidden by the curse to take any steps in that direction till she actually said she'd marry him.
Now there was a guideline Inuyasha had thought moronically unnecessary at the time. It had never even occurred to him that any girl who might get trapped in the curse would be willing to tolerate his company for more than a few minutes a day, much less give herself up to a strange hanyou. Still, he had been told, almost in as many words, not to take any liberties unless he wanted to end the curse unfavorably right there. ...The phrasing almost made him wonder if it would be all right provided she took the initiative, but he rejected the notion irritably before he could like the idea too much.
Even now, when he was actively thinking of it, Inuyasha had had to remind himself that the extra restriction was in place at all, used to Fluffy's stricture as he was. The curse's rules had assumed that he might get carried away with his newfound freedom and destroy his own chances of ever interacting normally with his "guests" long enough to break free unless he knew it was prohibited again; being told that he probably had no qualms about forcing himself on a helpless girl didn't sit well with him, but he'd grown up with worse, and the other guidelines had quickly pushed that little detail to the back of his mind. By the time he'd thought of pointing it out to those who'd spread the rumors about him and Sango immediately after Kagome's arrival, it had been too late: no one would have believed him, and those who did would've merely pointed out all the alternatives they could've been trying anyway.
No, he'd hardly even noticed it, given the circumstances. As far back as he could remember, it had always been given that he couldn't form any kind of relationship, physical or otherwise, without hurting someone purely by the association. The lack of, well, more basic interaction could be annoying sometimes, but the few times he thought about it, he was almost grateful: there was a ready, legitimate excuse to keep to himself and away from all the cringing, backstabbing, brainless girls from whom he would have had to choose anyway—and he didn't even want to think about the men. After several years, the prohibition had become so ingrained that it had taken him hours of chewing over Kikyou's proposal to realize that he'd finally be free of it as a human, a prospect to which he had just begun to dare to look forward to when the whole plan collapsed.
No one had ever intimated that he might be desirable as a hanyou, and sure as fuck not the way he was now. No one had ever been so at ease with him as to make him drop his guard as far as Kagome had in two short months. No one had ever confused him so thoroughly, and as he came inside from a habitual check of the grounds, his head was such a mess that he could barely begin to settle on any aspect of his situation, except that he was confused and thoroughly pissed off.
It wasn't about whether or not he could find a way to sleep with her. That much he knew, at least, because it wasn't going to happen. Sex was a really irritating but nonessential part of the problem here, and not why he was getting angrier every minute he thought about it. The important factor was Kikyou, as it always had been, and his feelings for her, which were still strong as ever. Despite the curse's best efforts, Kagome had known the whole story almost from the beginning – or at least she thought she did, he amended grimly – and proceeded to treat him like a normal person anyway. …No, better than that—she'd gotten angry on his behalf, cried for him and then started cozying up to him for no reason. She knew there was nothing to be gained from it, but did that stop her?
That point nearly drove him insane. She knew he had nothing left here, but that hadn't stopped her from reacting as she did to the idea of him killing himself. Kagome knew that that was his only chance at regaining control of what was left of his life, and his chance to atone for Kikyou's death, and a guarantee of the castle's safety! Why did she have to complicate what should have been the most straightforward, ironclad decision he'd ever made? That stricken look in her eyes alone had shaken his resolve for the barest hint of a second, and he'd almost hated her for it. Now she had to go and remind him again of everything he'd lost with Kikyou's death, not to mention the fact that they were still trapped in this fucking curse! And whose fault was that, anyway?
The answer to that question was too much, too much pain and sorrow to fit in his head and heart. Inuyasha shoved it down before it consumed him, letting anger dominate and baring his fangs as thunder voiced his feelings far distant. Never get what I want, never get what I need, can never do anything about it, my Kikyou dead and suffering, can't even make Kagome happy no matter what I do, and she just sits there and says she wants me to screw her and live! What the fuck am I supposed to do about this? What the fuck can I do? What does she want from me? What do I do now?
The easiest option would be to ignore it. Pretend nothing happened, hope she didn't remember having said anything, and go about their business trying to find and kill Naraku.
And then what? Inuyasha clutched his head in his hands as the second tension headache he'd ever had in his life began to wind around his temples. The weather's loud response did not help. Then what do I do? When I'm gone, Fluffy and the fleabag won't just drop dead and leave her alone. How do I keep from fucking her life up any more than I already have?
He couldn't leave her like that. Inuyasha knew all too well what dealing with Sesshoumaru was like, and he wouldn't inflict Kouga on any but his worst enemies as far as pigheaded, arrogant stupidity went. Even if she found someone else to help integrate the castle with the twenty-first century – Shimoko could only do so much, encumbered with a family of her own and probably less powerful than her father as she was – Kagome would never get away from all this without some serious problems in addition to the ones she'd temporarily left at her family's little shrine.
But the fact remained that she'd dived headfirst into his business where she could've sat back and kept quiet. It wasn't that he didn't know she was just trying to help; that was what was making this so difficult. What girl in her right mind would deliberately entangle herself so completely in his problems that cutting her free was going to be painful for both of them now? Did she think he was looking forward to leaving the first person he'd ever really trusted, a girl stupid and big-hearted enough to care about him and show it? Why did she have to be the one to come here, anyway? This could have been so much easier…
Inuyasha couldn't take any more. Heedless of the driving rain, he willed himself outside and began a long, slippery run roughly parallel to the castle. The fat drops chilled and chafed his skin, but cooled his ardor and a bit of his temper, allowing him to shut himself up for a while. It was maddening to realize that, with the return of some semblance of reason, the first thing he really wanted was to go sit in Kagome's room. Even if That was off limits, she was still a nice armful, after all…
Ugh. There he went again. How the hell had she gotten such a hold on him? He had to make sure she was safe, of course, but—
His eardrums screamed five plaints of murder as the dawn-hidden sky gave a deafening crack. White lanced into his eyes simultaneously, and the acrid smell of burning wood and sap completed the assault a moment later. Shit. Gotta calm down if it's gotten that bad… Concern tempering his ire, Inuyasha threaded his way into the forest and towards the rapidly expiring flames in the severed trunk. It had toppled over and taken several of its kin with it, none long enough to actually reach the castle's outbuildings, but one so close to the shrine that Inuyasha was momentarily afraid of seeing limbs sprawled through the scattered branches. "Oi!" His nose couldn't separate any human scent from mud and tree, but that might change if he got in closer. "Shit…"
"Is someone there?" Kaede's voice came from several feet distant, nearly lost in his ringing ears.
"Out of the way, hag." Inuyasha managed not to sound too relieved, as he could pick out the shapes of torch-bearing men moving towards them through the rain. "You probably want this out of the way, right?"
Kaede obediently moved aside a safe distance, though she watched for a minute or two in some surprise as Inuyasha, instead of simply grabbing the trunk and throwing it haphazardly back into the forest, spoke to the men coming up to him. When a quick search of the downed branches revealed nothing, he gestured for them to come closer and began issuing orders. Little did any of them suspect that he was seizing the opportunity to do something useful, and even he forgot it soon as work commenced.
First, in obedience to their lord's decision, there was a general movement back. Inuyasha easily snapped off the biggest, most ungainly branches to go into rough piles, saving the men hours of uncomfortable, tedious and dangerous work. Then the group split up, some to go fetch tools, a few to drag the branches aside for firewood, and the rest to stand around and dodge flying wood chips as Inuyasha carved up the rest of the tree. No one particularly minded: the servants were spared the worst part of an unexpected chore, and the hanyou got to vent his stress and revel in the physical activity, piddling as it was compared to even the short fight against the bat demons yesterday. One of the very few things he'd like to have back from the old days would be some decent opponents, no cheating monks or stupid wolves…but not if it put Kagome or the others at danger, he reluctantly decided. He'd take what he could get now, including the chance that the bats would come back. Meanwhile, killing dead trees would have to do.
The old priestess stood and watched for nearly half an hour, till her knees decided to remind her of the fact and she found a dry vantage point under a balcony nearby. It was rare to see Inuyasha interacting with his servants for more than a few seconds at a time, and unheard of to see it happen without any degree of unpleasantness; by the cheerful admiration with which the men were treating him as they worked, though, that had to be what was happening. She could only hope that the good luck would hold while they divided up the rest of the wood and cut it into ever-smaller pieces: she hadn't had to take care of any major injuries for several days now. Hopefully, that wouldn't change.
The rain slackened as Inuyasha, looking properly aloof and surly with his hair and clothes soaked, hung around to supervise, stopping to help every so often when the rain diminished to a stubborn drizzle and footing became more difficult for the tired workers. Weariness or not, the undertaking took several minutes longer than necessary, Kaede thought, with the way Inuyasha kept pausing to rub at his ears when he thought no one was looking, then stuffed his hands back into his sleeves as someone turned to address him. The thunder had been more than bad enough for human hearing, to say nothing of how it must have hurt Inuyasha's.
She didn't even think of it as more than a slight nuisance for him, though, not even when two young kitchen servants hurried out, picking their way through the mud and bowing a path through the men to reach Inuyasha. They spoke rapidly, indicating the castle with short hand gestures and moving their heads too fast for him to watch their lips; both girls missed the confusion on his face, and hurried off gladly when he agreed to take care of it, having no idea whatsoever of what they'd been saying thanks to the ringing in his skull.
The sky was considerably lighter, though still overcast, when the ground was more or less cleared. Inuyasha finished accepting thanks and excused the men to go about whatever they normally did in the morning, then sloshed his way over to Kaede. "Should be okay now," he said a trifle too loudly.
Kaede got up and bowed shortly. Then she leaned in closely and motioned with her hand for him to do the same.
"What?" Inuyasha bent over. "You need someOW!"
"There." Undisturbed, the old woman flexed her hands as he frantically brushed at his ears. "Did that not help?"
"Next time you wanna touch me, say somethin' first!" The quick tugs on each furry triangle had popped something inside and eliminated that annoying, cloudy buzz, but it was the principle that mattered. One female constantly molesting his ears was one too many as it was. "Sadistic old bat…"
"Ye may want to check inside." Her voice stopped him cold again on his way to the back of the castle. "I will not pry, but something tells me Kagome may be less than perfectly happy at the moment. Also, is it not unsafe for her to be without protection?"
"Sango's in there," Inuyasha argued, but weakened his point by staring at her for another awkward second, backing up slowly, and then taking off at a quick trot for the nearest side entrance.
Kaede allowed herself a tolerant smile, then adjusted her conical hat and made her way into the shrine, feeling her way around the familiar little space in the early darkness. It was going to be a long day, that…was…what was that?
Frowning, she bent down slowly to more closely inspect a small, dark object draped across her seat, then pick it up and examine the stiff fabric warily. Whatever it was, it didn't look threatening, but it certainly hadn't been here last night. Perhaps Inuyasha might know. I should wait till later to ask, though. Likely it's not important……Wait a moment, this is—
Inuyasha happened upon one of the girls from outside as he was passing by the kitchen. "Inuyasha-sama?" she asked timidly. He paused, and she rushed on, "Has Kagome-sama been able to eat anything yet?"
'Been able to eat'? That didn't sound good. "I dunno. Haven't been in there yet. Why?"
"Well, she was having difficulty breathing before…" She shrugged. "It sounds like most of it's stopped. If you'll excuse my saying so, I've never seen anyone cry so hard in my life."
The last word was delivered to nothing: Inuyasha was gone. She stared, shrugged again, and went to the kitchen. Maybe one of her sisters would know why Inuyasha-sama had ignored them earlier despite Kagome-sama's evident distress; if not, they could figure something out between them. The day was still young.
Kagome's room was quiet, with no sound of any kind audible from the hall. Inuyasha took a deep breath and let it out, willing the chorus of ShitwhatdidIdo to stop repeating itself in his head. He hadn't done anything that he knew of, particularly nothing worthy of a major breakdown, but it wouldn't hurt to…be…sure…that Kagome had the bracelets off. Her smell was very fresh, almost tastable over his niece's stale odor from yesterday morning, and it was doing all sorts of things to his head when he needed it very clear. Dammit, not again. Just think of something else. Anything else. Don't need this crap getting in the way, 'specially when it's not gonna happen. Inuyasha could take it. He'd been all but voluntarily neutered his whole life, and one noseful was not going to break his brain when Kagome was upset and not thinking along the same lines he was.
…There. He was back under control. Inuyasha put a hand on the shoji, inhaled, and let it out, sliding the screen open. "Oi, Kagome. You okkk—"
"You should learn to knock, y'know." Only partly aware that his brain was in roughly three hundred pieces, Kagome crossed her arms defensively. "Where've you been? You're soaked."
"I told you it was immodest," Sango said from between Kagome's legs, stretched out on the bed with her head pillowed on her arms.
"Hey, I happen to be deep-fried, remember? Bikini tops just so happen to not touch anywhere I got burned. I'm being practical." Kagome adjusted her lone upper garment, grimacing, and resumed kneading her friend's shoulders. "How's that?"
"Mmm." The slayer's eyes closed. "Find something else to stare at, Inuyasha. You look like the houshi-sama."
"Sango-chan!" Kagome protested. "He's not that bad!"
"Feh." Inuyasha gave himself a mental punch in the gut and followed Sango's advice. A calico kitten was lying on the bed, curled up on the pillow next to Shippou. "Not those again. How do they keep getting in here?"
"It's my room. If Inu-chan wants to come in, she comes in." Kagome switched to an up-and-down, vigorous series of chopping motions.
The slip was annoying as hell, but at least he'd recovered. Just so long as it didn't interfere with his ability to talk and listen normally…wait. "Inu—what?"
"Inu-chan. It fits her, don't you think?" Her smile was beautifully innocent and pure evil.
"The hell it does! It's a cat!" Inuyasha finally remembered to come in, closing the shoji and bringing a significantly unpleasant smell with his seat on the floor. "Your head's on the wrong way. And where are the rest of those things you call clothes?"
"My head's on perfectly fine, and my shoulders hurt, so I'm just going to stay here and be indecent for a little while," Kagome said reasonably. "Isn't that right, Inu-chan?"
"You—!" He had to bite it off as the kitten stretched under her light stroke, wheezing through its nose in its sleep.
Kagome beamed at him again, then made a rude noise without changing expressions. Oddly, the sound reminded him of his intention in visiting, and he let her think he was eyeing her in irritation, not concern.
Sure enough, her eyes were still red. Beneath the sleeping calico, pillow reeked of sweat…some highly interesting things he was going to ignore, and plenty of tears. Shit. How could he phrase this delicately…? "So, what the hell happened now? Someone die last night without telling me?"
Oops. By the way her whole body twitched, that wasn't it. Sango growled something under her breath that he decided to let slide, considering how much grief he could smell her body giving itself.
"I'm fine, Inuyasha," Kagome said after a significant pause. "I just had some really bad dreams and freaked everyone out when I woke up. Sango didn't sleep that well, either, so I'm trying to knock her out now without her having to take anything."
Inuyasha snorted softly. "Musta been something pretty bad. Smells like you were at it almost all night."
"Appearances aren't always deceiving," she muttered before she could help it. Then, to cover herself and with the subject fresh at hand, Kagome sobered and turned to look at him, smiling apologetically. "It was pretty bad. We've got some new marching orders, too, as soon as we're all up and about. While we're here, though, I'm sorry if I said or did anything weird the other night. I didn't mean to put you in that position, handling the weird drunk girl, so…"
"Yeah, she was crying about you," Shippou said accusingly, unaware that Kagome had gone pale and Inuyasha's heart attempted to turn itself inside out. "What did you do, anywmph!"
"That's enough, Shippou-chan, thank you," Kagome said sweetly, with such a deadly air that the kit nodded rapid-fire till she let him go and then scrambled under the bed. She sat got up and down on the edge of the bed, knees crossed as she regarded Inuyasha more calmly. "Just forget about it, Inuyasha, okay? All I did was some emotional laundry. Think of it that way."
Confusion threatened again. He couldn't go through that again, not so soon, with her right here…but he had to ask: "What do you mean?"
"Easy. I got a lot of old clothes and stuff with stains and food and crap on it that some people never washed, so I did it for 'em. Replace clothes with feelings, and you get the idea. The stains are still there, but at least they smell a lot nicer." She raised her hands in a matter-of-fact gesture. "Get it?"
Inuyasha thought he did. "Hell no, I don't get it! You never make any fucking sense!"
"An auspicious start to the day," Miroku's voice cut in smoothly from the hall. He slid open the shoji. "Good morning, dearest Sango, Inuyasha, and hello, Kagome-sama. They—that is, you're looking well. How did you all sleep?"
"It's not even noon, and you already have a death wish, houshi-sama?" Sango's eyes were still closed, but they didn't have to be open for her to know how he'd be received right about now. "I slept very poorly, thanks to no one in particular."
"I see." The monk frowned, glancing at each of them in turn, and visibly came to a decision. "Then we'll see how you farein more comfortable surroundings. Please pardon me, Kagome-sama…" Somehow, his staff remained out of the way long enough for him to cross the room, pick Sango up and adjust her to their mutual satisfaction. "If you'll excuse us."
"Houshi-sama, this is ridiculous. What's everyone going to say? I'm not crippled, just a little tired. Put me down." The complaints had a halfhearted ring to them, though, and as Miroku maneuvered the shoji closed behind him, her head was already nestled against his shoulder in a distinctly un-rebellious fashion.
"Damn. Didn't even think of her," Inuyasha muttered, demurring at Kagome's glare. "C'mon, she's been okay in a little heat before, and she usually gets sick at night anyway, you said."
"It was hot in here last night," Kagome pointed out, "and that wasn't the only thing. I stressed her out, too, plus she got sick when she got a whiff of this stuff." The small grey bottle appeared in her hand from under the pillow. "I like it, but sometimes weird smells just make you feel bad when you're pregnant."
"Geez. Hope I didn't kill her." The smell of wet hanyou was not pleasant, and he knew it. "So where are those brace-things?"
"Bracelets? I think they're around here somewhere…" Crap, she'd forgotten all about them. "Sorry. Let me look for ow ow ow." She had moved too fast to peek over the side of the bed and instinctively froze halfway. "Shippou-chan, do you see any?"
"Yeah, here you go," the kit replied, holding one silver loop out from underneath the mattress.
"Gimme that." Inuyasha snatched it away and perched on the edge of the bed, motioning her back without touching. "Lie down and quit moving, Kagome, or you're gonna find some way to kill yourself by accident."
"Can't find the other bracelets like this," Kagome mumbled, stiffly turning onto her stomach.
"Forget those for a minute. Everything smells like you anyway, and it's not gonna kill me." With his angry reminders about That fresh in mind, Inuyasha found he could almost entirely ignore her scent's side effects and just enjoy having the rest of it back. That was partly what had made him so angry, he now realized: he'd been afraid their friendship would be ruined. Not so, apparently, thank everything that might accept credit. "Now stay still and quit finding ways to hurt yourself. Got it?"
"I'll go see if they've made her breakfast yet," Shippou piped up from the floor.
"Good idea, runt." He'd be nice again and let the kid get away from the smell of wet dog for a while.
"You sure you don't mind?" Kagome asked cautiously as the shoji closed, leaving them alone save for the sleepy kitten. If he could smell everything she'd been feeling last night, she might as well ask the Jewel to get the ground to swallow her right now.
"I said to forget it." His haori sleeves were too wet to keep his hands in. Inuyasha rested them on his knees and assessed her nearly bare back as professionally as he could. "You don't look all that red. Does it still hurt?"
"Yeah. It doesn't stop for a couple of days after it fades, and it'll probably look worse when there's more light." She held up the grey bottle, examining the makeshift lid she'd tied on to keep the strange gel from spilling. "This stuff would help, but Sango can't do it and Shippou's not coming back till you dry off, and my arms don't go that way…"
He couldn't stop a snort. "I stink that bad, eh?"
"Yeah," she admitted. "But I probably smell worse most of the time. I don't think I've taken a good bath in a couple of days now. You can probably smell every molecule of dirt on people anyway, right?"
"Worse than me? No way. You smell better dirty than most humans do after they soak for hours." Inuyasha wondered if she was hinting at something, or if his imagination was acting up.
Kagome flushed, hiding her double-red face amongst the bunched sheets. "I do not. I've been sweating like a pig with gland problems, and besides, I can smell myself, and it's stinky. So there."
He would've left it if she'd just accepted the compliment. But nothing could be that easy with her, he remembered with an exaggerated eye-roll. "If you say so. I can smell a fart downwind from a mile off, so you'd think I'd know, but whatever you wanna think is fine."
"Oh, really?" She turned her head, chin pressed into her shoulder to watch him sideways. "Okay, then, fine. I smell like a fart."
"No! That's not what—" Inuyasha growled as she began giggling. "Look, you don't stink, all right? You don't smell like a fart. You're more like…like…"
"Like what?" she pressed, amusement fading under his scowl. This oughta be good. I'll probably be sorry I asked.
"I dunno. It's hard to put it in words. Scent's too basic for that. You smell someone, and you just kinda feel whatever you feel when you think of 'em. It works the other way, too. If it smells like rotten fish somewhere, I think of Sesshoumaru, except I don't see him, I just want to kill something.'" Kagome giggled again, wrinkling her nose at the mental image. "See how that works?"
She nodded. "So, going on that, what does…say, Shippou smell like?"
"Annoying" was the prompt response. "Never stays in one place for more than two seconds, too much fur, and he doesn't keep it clean enough. And he's got you on him a lot from when you feed him, which you do too much, by the way."
"I'll be sure to include starving in his daily beatings from now on. …What about Miroku?"
"The bouzu? Good guy. Keeps to himself more than you'd think, and he bathes more than most guys around here. You've probably figured out that his drooling all over everyone in sight's just for fun, Sango's got him by the nuts anyway…. He's in a lot of pain nowadays from that thing on his hand, too."
"Really?" That took a lot of the fun out of the conversation. How do I keep forgetting about that? Some friend I am… "That's awful."
"Yeah, Sango's always worrying about him. She's not feeling that great, either. I didn't even know she was knocked up; I figured she was sick, and it was weird 'cause she never gets sick. Toughest woman I ever met. Not like some girls, always getting burned or cut or puking all over the place…"
"Pffft on you. …Okay, just for that…" Kagome got up on her elbows, wincing. "What about me?"
Inuyasha stared back at her. His expression was unreadable, and his voice neutral, when he spoke almost half a minute later. "Clean."
"…Clean?" Should she be disappointed, or relieved? "Did the laundry thing throw you off that much?"
He made an impatient noise. "Stupid. When I smell you, I think of not having to worry about what you think about me, 'cause most people can't wait to get away from me. I'm a hanyou, so I'm impure by definition…you know, like a walking, talking piece of crap. You never make me feel like you have to go take a bath as soon as you can get away from me. You piss me off, and you do sweat a lot, but you're supposed to do that—sweat, I mean. Point is, I like your scent. It makes me think of being relaxed, and I don't get that much. You got that?"
"Oh." Her face was warmer than ever, but Kagome didn't want to break off Inuyasha's slightly annoyed but very earnest gaze. "Yeah. Thanks."
"Thanks?" He blinked. "For what?"
"For telling me that. Sometimes I think all I do is cause you a lot more trouble than I'm worth." Kagome had to look away now, or she was going to give away a bit too much for Inuyasha to have to deal with. That's right, he doesn't know that Kikyou told me…I think. …Crap, that's right, I have to tell them—
"You don't." His tone made her look around sharply, which in turn made her stiffen and drop right back down. "You moron, I told you not to move!"
"Shut up. …What're you doing?" He had taken the grey bottle from her. "Inuyasha?"
"Will it work if I just let some drop on there?" More of the bottle itself fell to the floor, new lid and all, as he cut it open and examined the contents again. Fixing her back was the least he could do after he'd shortchanged her scent's description. It wasn't his fault for not being good with words, but…
"It might. Try it." Just use your hands, unless you think touching me is somehow going to force you into…well… Thoughts of how this scenario could end flitted through her mind. If this was a romance novel…. Crap. "Just try it."
"I heard you the first time, wench." Without warning, Inuyasha leaned over and dribbled a thin line onto the reddest area, right belowthe choker. His right ear flicked uncomfortably at her yelp. "No stuff, then?"
"No! I mean, no, yes stuff. It's just really cold." She paused, screwing up her courage. Not being able to see him helped a little, but not much. "Could you spread it around a little? I don't want it getting in my hair."
It was nowhere near her hair, which was bundled up well off her neck. Inuyasha weighed his options…and grunted an assent. "Lemme know if I nick you." This is stupid. We've gotten a lot closer, and nothing happened. …Nothing much.
The bluish gel was cool on his callused fingertip, warming almost instantly as he applied feather-light pressure to stroke the stuff away from her hairline and down her shoulder. Her sigh was so appreciative that Inuyasha paused, glanced at the bottle, then leaned over again and let a huge blob drop right onto her neck.
"AAAUGH!" was her not-as-appreciative response.He got up, set the bottle down on the floor and seated himself closer to her head. "What? I thought it was supposed to help."
"That's cold!" Kagome nearly growled as he began smoothing it over her shoulders. "And you were telling me not to use too much of it, remember?"
Inuyasha shrugged, adding his thumb to the finger spreading the gel. "Shimoko'll be back soon. She'll probably give you some more if you ask."
"Yeah…" The will to argue was quickly eroded by the cool tingle on her inflamed skin. Her eyelids decided to close up shop, muscles relaxing all over her body in agreement. "Whatever this stuff is, I think I'm in love. Get some a little further down, please?"
He complied. "Feels weird. Wonder what's in it."
"Mmm. Less talk, more stuff."
She wasn't serious about that, of course, but they lapsed into silence anyway. On second thought, it was probably for the best; her sleep-deprived, emotionally drained mind vastly preferred to contemplate how nice it was to not have to move or think and just lay there instead while Inuyasha covered her in whatever-it-was. Minus the sunburn and the smell of half-dry hanyou, it would've been quite erotic; still, Kagome could think of ten thousand worse ways to spend her time, and she sleepily reminded herself that coming on to him was a no-no. Things They Don't Tell You In School, Number 83: sex can be more trouble than it's worth. …Well, they probably do tell us that, except no onepays attentionbecause we're stupid kids.
Meanwhile, Inuyasha was enjoying Kagome's enjoyment and wondering whether her skin felt so soft because of the gel, or because she was human and their bodies were about as durable as wet rice paper. Either way, he found himself brought up a little short when he ran out of shoulder to cover, with a generous glob of blue stuff left on his forefinger. "Kagome."
She forced her eyes open. "Hmm?"
"You want some of this somewhere else?" Inuyasha moved back so she could sit up. "Yeah, your face got torched, too. Here." He swiped the rest off her neck and held it up.
"Oh. Good thinking." Kagome carefully gathered the remnants on his fingers onto hers, then smeared her face with it. "Bet this is thrilling you to death. Maybe you should go check how the guys are doing outside."
"Nah, they just needed help getting the trunk out of the way. They've been working without me breathing down their necks since they got here. 'Sides, something's still after you, remember?"
Wow. She'd actually forgotten about that, too. "Yeah, yeah, that. Speaking of which, where's Shippou? I'm starving."
Inuyasha scowled. "I'm serious, Kagome. I'm surprised nothing's happened already as it is."
"Well, it's been raining, right? The kugutsu can't move around much as it is now. Just stay grumpy and we'll be fine." She winked at him. Then she did it again, and again. "Ow. I think I got some in my eye."
"Stupid." If she wasn't going to take the threat seriously… Maybe 'cause she didn't dream about her getting skewered by one of those things. "You should stay in here for a couple of days, till Shimoko gets back and we figure out what to do—if nothing happens before then, anyway."
"And if I don't die of boredom first." Her eye slowly came back open. "Did I get it all, or is there blue on my face?"
"Hold still…" Using one knuckle, claws' business ends curled away, Inuyasha delicately edged a stray line off the side of her nose. "There." He wiped it off on her cheek; that would have been that, except his knuckles lingered for a moment of their own accord, fingers uncurling just a tad against her jaw, and Kagome unconsciously leaned into it, resting her own hand on his forearm.
For no reason he could have pinned down, that tiny gesture dropped the bottom from Inuyasha's stomach. It was almost catlike, completely spontaneous and so affectionate that he hastily withdrew his hand in alarm.
"What's wrong?" Had even that much unsolicited touching weirded him out? Kagome cocked her head. "Inuyasha?"
All the heat that had been working its way from her skin flooded back as he raised his hand again and skimmed his thumb across her cheek, resting his palm against the side of her head awkwardly for a second. "You…"
There went her heart again—it was going to wear her ribs down if this kind of thing kept happening. "I…what?"
Plenty of things came to mind: she was beautiful, he was happy to be here, he didn't get her, nothing was going to happen because of lots of reasons… "You smell really…clean."
Beat of silence. "…You…said that."
He blinked. "No, I didn't. I said that's what you make me think of."
"Oh." Was there a difference? Did it matter? His hand was drifting away from her face, almost reluctantly. She lightly took hold of his wrist, nuzzled the rough palm and brought it away to clasp between her smaller, softer ones. "And you, Inuyasha, your smell…"
Oh, crap. The scent was going straight to his head. All he could do was stare at his hand—what was it with her and playing with his hands? And ears, and hair and everything else… "Yeah?"
"You…" Kagome leaned in closer, then a little closer, till he could count the creases in her lips and discern smaller bits of blue on her skin. She had a slight case of morning breath; it would have been mildly unpleasant coming from someone else. "I just have one question, and I want you to be honest, please, as a favor to me."
That's not fair…! Did she know that he'd agree to pretty much anything right now if it would get him out of this? "Y…" He had to swallow. "Yeah? What?"
Kagome smiled, allure undiminished by her wrinkled nose. "How often do you wash your haori?"
He could hardly restrain his disgust with the whole proceedings. Yesterday had been highly amusing, a large part of which had stemmed from anticipation of today's discoveries and their reactions to it—but not yet. Instead, that stupid copy – that pathetic shell – was at it again, verbally sparring with the hanyou in the most inane fashion imaginable. If his present form had allowed him a stomach, it would have been knotted with the effort of remaining quiescent instead of rising to kill them both and have done with it.
…No, he had waited this long, and he would control himself a little longer. Just a little longer, he cautioned himself, drawing his presence down deeper and smaller lest one of the idiots somehow detect him. He had learned the value of patient, careful planning, and even more patience in waiting for those plans to come to fruition. He would not lose his temper or make any rash decisions, as he knew Inuyasha would soon do, to both his and that worthless girl's ruin. It was all a matter of time and patience, really, both of which he possessed in abundance. Strange, how no one had ever—
"I thought as much."
Panic surged, scattering other thoughts like frightened sparrows. One wild moment had him teetering on the edge of escape, leaping from his hiding place into safety rather than face that voice's owner at long last. But he halted just in time, self-possession returning almost instantly as he recalled his physical location and how exposed he would be in leaving it at that moment, with the Jewel's power strangely resistant to him since the previous night. Instead, his equilibrium intact, he was able to reply with bland, mute urbanity in seconds: Kikyou. How pleasant to hear your voice after listening to this brainless trollop for so long. Have you been well?
There was the slightest of pauses; cautious in death, as in life, he thought with grim amusement. "What are you waiting for?" she finally asked.
Amusement grew; he wished for a mouth and the satisfaction of his favorite smirk, an expression that had infuriated his enemies to no end. His silent voice conveyed the same sentiment almost as well, though. What other deadline would I await, dear priestess? They have perhaps twenty days left by my count. I wouldn't miss the outcome for anything in the world, except of course—
"Spare me. You know full well that I am now beyond even your grasp." He let a flicker of his annoyance show; there was no point in hiding it, as they both knew it was true. "Like you, though, I retain…certain interests here. Your opinion of my reincarnation means nothing to me, nor do your plans for her…unless they might affect Inuyasha. Dare I assume that they might do just that?"
The smile was back in his empty words now: Beyond my grasp? Naturally. All the more reason to know that I couldn't possibly do any damage to you…or improve upon Inuyasha's situation, of course. He reveled in her imperceptible flinch, the briefest possible moment of pain shown and just as quickly buried. Still, I disapprove of waste, and the method of your death was something quite special to Inuyasha. Little point in devising a new one, with such a nostalgic possibility so close at hand. How would he like it if I were to reuse it…no, to let him reenact it?
"You're bluffing."
Am I? Look closely at them, Kikyou. Your beloved Inuyasha has been proven innocent, and so been rewarded with the right to die for you in turn—but what about that girl? You lacked the benefit of knowing your future with Inuyasha and still conducted your part in the debacle with all the dignity I so…admired, while she throws herself at him for anything he might spare before meeting you again. Such a desperately misguided little thing…as Inuyasha has also noticed. What will his answer be when she begins to truly understand the situation and reacts with even less forbearance than what you've observed?
"I give you last chance to speak before I destroy you!"His laughter rang through the depths of their tiny world, echoing in ever-louder, soundless waves till he could hardly regain his composure from unfettered glee. I hardly know how to answer! Pardon me, dear Kikyou, but I would have expected such a response from Inuyasha, not you! Still radiating dark merriment, he had only to pause a moment to organize his thoughts. If you had the power to destroy me utterly, you would have done so much longer before, and if you cannot kill me all at once, you know better than to waste time in trying! His tone dropped, amusement more spiteful now. And in order to try, you would have to have the power to hurt me. Without your precious Jewel under rein, that would hardly be possible, would it? …Now, there's no need to get angry. I know you wouldn't kill me now even if you had the chance. And why, as that lovesick little whore might ask?
"You seem unusually intent on her physical state. As I recall, you never had to stoop to impugning a woman's virtue before." It was her turn to be amused as her target gave himself away with a slight reaction. "Jealous, are you? Again?"
Because you're as curious as I am. Unadulterated malice snaked through the words. What will do you if I am rooted out and she propositions Inuyasha directly? For that matter, what will he do? The dog has a new mistress, one with flesh and blood, willing to share it any time he asks. Why should he remain loyal to a long-dead tangle of impure thoughts quite unsuited to the woman he wanted in your life?
"Begone." That was all he knew before the Jewel suddenly flared, knocking him back into dark insensibility; but that was all he needed to know. For Kikyou had been listening, Naraku knew with immense satisfaction, even as he fell. And if she had shown a fatal weakness in trusting Inuyasha before, what would she do now as an angry ghost? What would the girl do, and Inuyasha?
Whether Kikyou liked it or not, events were in motion, having been set thus over five hundred years ago. Oh, yes, not even she could take the sheer joy of watching lives fall apart in a shower of blood and tears from him, not now.
All he had to do…was wait.
A/N: …Yo.
Announcements: this chapter is underedited because I'm leaving for my cousin's wedding and then vacation right after that, and doing so in a few hours – why do I never write these things under the influence of at least some sleep? – not to mention an icky sore throat, probably from work and all the sick people therein.
I know a lot of y'all have left your e-mails along with questions, comments, candlestick maker, and so on, but…well, frankly, I never remember to answer, and then I feel horribly neglectful, plus some of these things bear repeating for everyone's edification. Sooo I went and started a LiveJournal community,neverendingfic (just like that, no underscores), where I will make a big ol' Q and A as soon as I get 'round to it. Whee.
In the meantime, I have a night job with long hours and am moving to school in a few weeks. This chapter took so long because I've been backtracking like crazy, trying to marshal my little outline and all the stuff that threw itself in without being invited and account for everything as it all starts to think about coming together, and I'd much rather have a few of you act as if I wait so long between updates purely for amusement – I don't, by the way – than crank out a big mess of plot holes to placate everyone. This chapter was largely born of the need to let you all know I live…and to plug my community, once I get back and start poking at it properly.
Lastly, if you like reading Fruits Basket fics, try a purdy newish one on this site called "A Bump in the Road," as I am beta-ing it and it therefore doesn't suck mwa ha ha ha hubris time for bed now.