Ok! Well, I'm on the countdown...just about three weeks before I move into college! yay! I'm trying to finish this story before I go, so expect frequent updates! Hopefully the same thing that happens to Ritsu in this chapter doesn't happen to me! (...I'm not giving it away yet, though! You'll just have to keep reading!) Well, I don't think it will! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, even though it's sad! Please read and review!
Ring. Ring. Fumbling through the darkness, Ayame stretched half-heartedly for the cell phone. 'Who could be calling at this time of night?' He wondered, barely discerning the glowing numbers on the clock with his bleary eyes. 1:30. Ring. Ring. 'Dammit!' He grumbled as he accidentally knocked over a bottle of nail polish, biting his lip as he heard it roll across the floor.
His fingers finally closed around the ringing appliance. "Hello?" He questioned into the mouthpiece, attempting a cheery tone. "Sohma Ayame speaking."
"Aaya," Hatori's voice came in a solemn whisper. "I need you to come to the Main House." As his request echoed through the phone's earpiece, it became businesslike and almost lifeless.
"Ha'ri, do you have any idea what time it is? I know that my company is so addicting, but could you at least wait until morning?" Laughing awkwardly, the snake tried to disregard the subtle tremble in his friend's speech, pretending that he did not realize the call was in regards to something very serious. But curiosity took over, and he dropped his façade. "It's Akito, isn't it?" He quieted his voice, faking concern for the family leader.
Hatori paused, taking a deep breath. "No, it isn't Akito," he explained in a strained tone. "It's Ritsu."
"Ritsu?" The silver-haired man squeaked, jumping out of bed and running to his closet. As his pulse quickened, he felt a sinking feeling swell in his chest. 'Ritsu? But, what's wrong? Is he sick? No, I saw him a few days ago and he was fine. He just has to be fine.' Mustering some hope, he managed to calm himself as he searched for a suitable outfit. "Is little Ritchan asking for me?" He giggled, suppressing his nervousness.
"Aaya, Ritsu attempted suicide a few hours ago. He overdosed on his depression medication," Hatori interrupted the other man, cutting short his playful laughter. "He's stable, but very distraught. I think it might help him if you stay here tonight."
The snake felt a stab of pain in his heart. 'Suicide?' Closing his eyes, Ayame tried to block out the flood of questions rushing through his mind. 'But, suicide? How could he want to die? Doesn't he realize that I want him to be alive! Why-?' The phone started to slip through his numb fingers, and he clamped his other hand around his mouth to cut off his impending sobs. "But, why?" His words were halted as they forced their way through the lump in his throat.
Hatori's voice softened as he recognized his friend's tears, "I don't know what going on between you and him, but this wasn't your fault, Aaya." Obviously trying to comfort the other man, his tone became careful and concerned. "He found out yesterday that he's being expelled from college."
"Expelled?" The snake gasped, stumbling backwards in surprise. An image of his younger cousin, bent over a canvas with an engrossed look in his eyes, stained his memory. The painting was beautiful. Ritsu had so much talent. "No, that can't be!" He insisted, hiding his face in his hands. "Suicide? Did, did Ritsu want to die because of that? Did he think that that's all his life is worth?" Ayame's words became incoherent as he slipped on his overcoat and hurried to the door. "No! He couldn't. He just couldn't want to die. I need him, Ha'ri."
The echo of Ayame's feet on the wooden floor of the Sohma residence sounded hollow in the nighttime silence. Thud. Thud. 'Suicide?' Another flash of pain attacked him as he approached the makeshift hospital. 'He could've died tonight!' The realization stunned the silver-haired man, and he clenched his fists to keep from crying once more. The thought of living without Ritsu seemed impossible now. 'Even though I hardly noticed him a few weeks ago, now I know how much I need to be with him. He's really special. I can't believe I almost lost him tonight. I would have never gotten the chance to tell him how much I'm in love.'
Pausing at the familiar door to Hatori's office, he took a deep breath before entering. He was afraid, because he knew he would see the man he loved in pain, and he did not quite know how he should react. 'I'm really bad with these things,' he reminded himself sheepishly, remembering his many failed attempts at helping his brother. 'But I just have to let Ritsu know how important he is. I need to show him how I feel.'
Stepping over the thresh hold, Ayame shivered at the eerie scene before him. He saw Hatori bustling around the room in a stark white coat while Ritsu's mother stared downwards with an empty look in her eyes. As the frail woman leaned over the bed, she seemed to form the words "I'm sorry" with her waning lips. However, Ayame heard nothing.
From the corner, Akito watched with a slightly smug look on his face, becoming the first to take note of the silver-haired man's presence. "Well, well, snake," the family leader snickered, appearing completely insensitive to his traumatized companions. "Have you decided to join in on the fun?"
Disregarding the god's callousness, Ayame hurried towards the bed, catching sight of the redhead's form under a pile of blankets. "Little Ritchan?" He was surprised at the weakness of his own voice, coughing to cover up the wounded crack in his words. Rushing to the other man, he knelt at the bedside, his blood growing frigid as he studied his cousin.
"Ayame-san?" Ritsu whispered shakily, lifting a pale hand to his face. The moonlight cascading from a nearby window seemed to make his skin almost translucent, giving him an ethereal glow. His eyes were concave and removed, only slightly reflecting emotion as he turned away from the older man's gaze. "Please don't look at me, Ayame-san," he shivered with self-pity, hiding behind a mass of disheveled hair. "I'm not worth your time."
"Oh, Ritchan! Don't say such silly things!" Plastering an assured smile on his face, he tried to conceal how shocked he was by the other man's tragic appearance. The monkey was like a ghost to Ayame: icy, emotionless, and pallid, and the snake had to struggle to keep his stomach from churning. 'He looks like he's already dead,' grimacing internally, the silver-haired man wiped a tear from his cheek before burying his fingers in the other man's tresses. "Why did you do this to yourself, my sweet Ritsu?"
"Be, be, because," stuttering, the younger Sohma fought to catch his breath, "I'm such a nuisance to everyone around me. I fail at everything I do. I'm just, I'm just," he dissolved into a fit of tears, "worthless."
Interrupting the men's conversation, Ritsu's mother reached a timid hand to comfort her son. "Shh, Shh," she ran her bony fingers down the cross dresser's arm, looking to Ayame with a worried expression on her face. "Don't cry. Don't bother Ayame-san with your problems." Meeting the silver-haired man's stare, she quickly added, "I'm sorry about all of this. I'm so sorry."
"Not to worry! No need to apologize to me," the snake rushed to correct her, taken aback by the woman's self-conscious attitude even in spite of Ritsu's condition. "I'm sorry this happened to you and your son. I was just so stunned when I found out! I was simply horrified that my Ritchan would try to take his life," returning his attention to the bedridden monkey, Ayame's voice became silky, "You know how much I care about you."
Stammering, Ritsu looked to his mother with a lightless blush, "I, I-."
Stepping forward, Hatori helped the worried woman to her feet. "I think it might be best if we let Ayame have some time alone with Ritsu," glancing at the family leader, he added, "You too, Akito-san. You need to get some sleep or you'll be ill in the morning," leaving no room for protest, he nodded knowingly in his flamboyant friend's direction before leading the two reluctant onlookers toward the door. "I'll be back to check on him in a few minutes."
As Ayame watched the retreating silhouettes, he was struck by Ritsu's mother's fragility. 'She looks so old. So ill,' he realized with fleeting inquisitiveness as he returned to the redhead's side. "Oh, Ritchan, do you know how much you worried me?"
"I'm sorry!" Gasping with panic, the monkey buried his face in his blanket. "I just didn't want to bother you anymore. I've failed at everything in life. It's over. My existence only troubles the people around me. I'm so sorry!"
'Ritchan, please stop crying!' Ayame silently pleaded, pulling the other man into a forced embrace. 'You aren't a failure. What can I say to convince you that you are important?' He ran his fingers down Ritsu's shivering spine, biting his lip in an attempt to remain strong. "You must calm down or you'll hurt yourself even worse. Just relax, dear Monkey-chan."
"I don't care if I hurt myself. I, I just want to die," Struggling in vain against the snake's touch, he finally succumbed, falling numb in the other man's arms. "Please leave, Ayame-san. I'm bothering you. I'm so sorry. I've ruined your life already."
'Does he really think so lowly of himself? How could anyone feel that way? No matter how many mistakes I make, I still value my life. How could he feel self-loathing when he is such an amazing individual?' Holding back tears as he listened to the younger man's angst, Ayame stared at the redhead in disbelief. "You haven't ruined my life, Ritsu! Why would you even think such a thing?"
"Because I embarrass you all the time!" Cringing, the cross dresser's eyes swelled with depression. "You do such nice things for me, and I try to be nice to you, too, but I always make mistakes! I'm just so stupid! I embarrassed you in front of all our cousins when we were children, and then I embarrassed you at the play, and at the restaurant. I don't deserve to be cared for by anyone! My existence is shameful!"
"We all make mistakes, Ritchan. I've even made a few myself, and I'll regret them for the rest of my life," Brushing a stray lock of silver hair from his face, Ayame continued quietly. "I've hurt you, and my brother, and I've disgraced my parents. But that doesn't mean I want to stop living. I can't correct my mistakes if I'm dead, now can I?"
"But it's different for you!" Ritsu insisted with a rare burst of assertiveness. "You're so good at everything you do, and everyone loves you. If you died tonight, the entire family would go into mourning, but if I vanished, no one would really care." He dissolved into sobs, his lips trembling violently. "I'm just a burden."
"I would care if you died, Ritchan! I need you! I love being with you! Do you think I would spend so much time with someone who bothered me?" Attempting a chuckle, Ayame smiled cheeringly. "We have different talents, of course. I am simply more outgoing than you are, but you have a talent that I envy. You're kindhearted and selfless. You sincerely care about other people's feelings more than your own. That's so difficult for me," letting his voice drop, he soothed his hand across the monkey's forehead. "You aren't a burden at all. You're a wonderful friend."
The redhead closed his eyes, trying to block out Ayame's concerned stare. "I just wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to be a better person, to live on my own and stop bothering my mother. But it's over. They're making me leave college. They told me," hiding his eyes in the palm of his hands, he spilled a fresh batch of tears down his cheeks, "they told me I'm a disturbance to other students. And I know I am! I'm so sorry that I can't be as confident as you are, Ayame-san!"
"Your life isn't over at all, Ritsu!" Scolding his cousin gently, the snake racked his brain for some way to console him. "You are still so talented! Your paintings are stunning, and I know your teachers will regret letting you go! Just because you aren't graduating college doesn't mean you can't make it on your own." He gestured dramatically, offering Ritsu a charming smile. "You know that I never even attended college, of course. I simply did not find it necessary because I was already brilliant at my work. You're such a gifted artist, you don't need lessons either!"
"No, no," Ritsu shook his head, dimly protesting the other man's flattery. "I'll never be able to have a job. I'm just too stupid. I always mess up." Stealing a glance in Ayame's direction, he made eye-contact, wordlessly conveying the honesty in his statement. "I," he hesitated, fighting to find his voice. "I just don't know what to do, Ayame-san." Watching his cousin's expression brim with concern, he gasped, clamping his hands over his mouth. "But don't worry about it! It isn't your problem! I'm so sorry for troubling you!"
Ayame searched his mind for some advice to offer the younger man, but nothing came to him. "Don't say those things, sweet Monkey-chan! I'm sure you could find a job!" He paused, giving the redhead a chance to reply, but continued as soon as he saw that Ritsu intended to stay silent. "You could, well, you could paint portraits in the park! Or you could help your mother at the onsen!" His stomach fell as he noted the disappointment on his companion's face. "Or," in a hasty attempt to encourage his depressed cousin, the suggestion escaped his lips automatically, "you could come work for me at my shop!"
"What?" Ritsu face brightened for a moment, but then fell under a new shadow. "Oh no! I just couldn't! I would ruin your business! I'm not good enough to work with you, Ayame-san! I shouldn't be imposing on you like this! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
"But Ritchan, business has been doing so well, and it is really too much for Mine and I to manage!" Inventing a story in his mind, he backed his lie with a gleeful tone. "Yes, I was just thinking the other day that it would be marvelous to have another assistant to aid in my many projects, and I believe that you would be just perfect for the job!"
Biting his lip, the redhead blushed in his uneasiness. "But, but, I'm sure you could find someone better than me! I just couldn't burden you with my presence!"
"Oh, no, no, no! You're just perfect" Ayame nodded his head, finally appreciating the magnitude of his impulsive decision. 'Little Ritchan would be with me every day?' His heart leaped at the idea, and a giddy grin spread across his face. 'I would have so many opportunities to get to know him better! This is marvelous! He could even-,' a tingling sensation spread through the silver-haired man's veins as a pleasing thought came to his mind, 'move in with me.' Displaying an inflamed sense of determination, his voice reached a crescendo. "You could even share my apartment! I wouldn't want you to endure such a long commute every morning!"
"No!" Ritsu replied a bit too loudly. His blush deepened as he struggled to continue. "I couldn't! I'm sorry!"
"Of course you could!" Ayame argued, becoming very persuasive. "I have a spare room, and I'm sure that I could convince Akito to allow the move. I would love to share my house with you! I just get so bored living there all alone!" Pouting, he hoped to charm the monkey into accepting his offer. "You wouldn't want me to be bored, now would you, little Ritchan? Will you refuse my generous hospitality like that?"
Looking torn, Ritsu buried his face in his hands. "I, I'm sorry," he sniffled, biting his lip. "If it isn't any trouble I'd, I'd really love to come stay with you." His flush seemed to glow as he hurried to add, "but only if you want me to, Ayame-san."
"Of course I want you to! I simply cannot wait for you to move in!" He offered the other man a sparkling grin, waving his arms around majestically. "Oh, it will be fantastic! You could even start work this weekend if you get feeling better!" The silver-haired man beamed at Ritsu, sighing as his chest filled with pleasurable warmth. "I cannot wait!"
"Ayame-san?" A slight smile played on the monkey's lips as his eyes filled with adoration for the other man. Sliding a hand through his hair, he whispered warily. "Why are you always so nice to me?"
"Because," watching the younger man's face, Ayame felt his pulse quicken. In the redhead's gaze he saw love, excitement, and, above all, trust. 'This is it. He's opening up to me,' smiling as he noted the delight in his heart, the silver-haired man nodded with satisfaction. 'This is the real Ritsu. The one that I've been searching to find! And he's even more beautiful than I expected!' He leaned forward, letting his fingers dance through the monkey's shining tresses. "Can't you see it, my Ritchan? Haven't you realized what I'm feeling inside? I'm in love with you."
No language lessons in this chapter...it never happens in the depressing parts of the story!
Were they both in character? Aaya is difficult to write when he's being serious:(
Thanks to all my beautiful reviewers! To answer some of your questions...Luna, there won't be a lemon, but there'll be some lime action in a later chapter...ColdHeartFrozen (I think I got that right!) I'm not going to say if Ritchan will paint Ayame yet...because that would give away my ending...but I promise that the portrait painting and the sex won't occur in the same chapter...that reeks too much of a DiCaprio Kate Winslet Titanic thing! XP
Next time...see what Ritsu says about Aaya's confession!