Happy New Year everyone! Year of Shigure...squee!- And much love for the 100 reviews! yay! I never ever thought I'd make it with this story! ;) Thanks to all of you!

Now I have togrovel and beg for your forgiveness! O.O I swear I never intended to abandon this story for so long. But, as many of you probably know, it is not easy to manage a story this long without needing a break sometime, and so I took one. I've written many stories since my last post (most of them appearing on livejournal rather than just like writing there better.XP sorry!) and through that I have developed my writing and practiced many different styles and types of pairings. So I hope I've come back to you with a better product after that long break! I swear the next chapter won't take so long :( I'm sorry! But I hope you enjoy this anyways!

The Sohma house had never looked so lonely in all of Ayame's faintest memories. The early morning sun cast eerie shadows across the tree-lined driveway, striping the gravel path with slashes of gray. The remnants of cherry blossoms lay in heaps across the lawn, their delicate color fading away into the muddy earth. 'All that rain must've pulled them down,' reasoning with himself, the snake attempted a hopeful smile, praying that all the worry had dissolved from his face. Ritsu was not allowed see his fear. Not then. Not when Ayame knew he needed to be supportive.

Glancing across the car seat, the silver-haired man watched as his companion tore at his doughty gray kimono. 'We've come so far, and yet he's insisting on those silly robes again,' the bubbly energy that usually resided at the center of the older man's heart was unreachable as he noted the lines on his cousin's face. He bit his lip, realizing that it was impossible to find his lover in the monkey's lightless eyes. The man that had lain before him only hours before had been a perfect image of beauty: all messy hair and blushing smiles. But that man was gone. He had run away once more.

The silence was choking him. "Oh, sweet Ritchan," swallowing the lump in his throat, Ayame painted a forced smile on his lips, slowing the car as he reached a gentle hand to the other man. "I'm certain she's doing just fine! Hatori tends to get worked up about such trivial ailments. You know how he can be, of course!" The snake's fake laugh sounded anything but comforting as it cracked in the uneasy stillness. He bit his lip, catching his breath before continuing. "Silly Hatori will probably send her home tonight with some medicine, and she'll be better by tomorrow! These things come and go-."

"It's my fault," Ritsu did not even seem to hear his boyfriend's futile attempts at reassurance, instead turning to him with a wretched frown. Worry pained his once-warm eyes. He was crumbling again. Falling back into the world of despair Ayame had tried so hard to bring him out of. "It's all my fault."

"Don't say that!" The anger in the silver-haired man's voice came unexpectedly. But he was desperate. 'I need Ritchan to be OK. I can't lose him like this. I just can't lose him! Not after everything we've done together!' He stopped the car, cringing as he buried his face in his hands, fighting to regain his composure. "Please, please don't say that anymore. You know it bothers me, mon cher. You really must stop saying those things."

The monkey shuddered, rattling the seat as he rested his forehead against the window. "I'm, I'm sorry," he whispered. "But, but it's true. My dad, he, he always tells me I'm making mom ill. I know I am. I-," wiping the tears from his sticky lashes, he whirled back towards the snake, giving him an empty nod. "I made her like this. I know it."

"Oh Ritchan, don't be silly," trying to forget the bony face and sunken-eyed expression Ritsu's mother always wore when standing beside her son, Ayame waved his arm in a motion somewhat reminiscent of ease. "You know it's impossible to make someone get ill. These things just happen sometimes! Trust me, Hatori is a fine doctor. Whatever is wrong with her will disappear by the end of the day! I promise you!"

Unable to wait for his boyfriend's response, Ayame applied his weight to the gas pedal once more. The car rolled towards Hatori's house, the steady rhythm only pretending to be fueled by the driver's certainty. But inside, Ayame's stomach churned with fear. He had to be right about Ritsu's mother. 'Surely my dear Ritchan has nothing to do with this!' The snake leaned back in his seat, shivering as they passed a familiar darkened window at the far corner of the main house. The wraith-like figure peering through the screen seemed to smile knowingly, a chilly smile that sent dread pulsing through Ayame's veins. Akito's smile never meant anything good. But he had to keep believing everything would be fine. He had to keep believing. For Ritsu's sake.

As soon as Ayame saw his friend, he knew there was trouble. "Oh, dear Ha'ri! Whatever could be the matter so early in the morning?" The seahorse refused to acknowledge his question, instead hanging back in the shadow of his doorway, staring unseeingly towards his cousins as they dashed out of the car. The silver-haired man's heart clenched at the unsmiling expression on the doctor's face. He had truly believed that he would receive some sort of conformation from his best friend's steady gaze, something to put him at ease and give him the strength to comfort Ritsu. 'But he looks so upset,' noting the slight quiver in his friend's lip, Ayame looked away, capturing the monkey's hand in a protective hold. 'This can't be good.'

"Ritsu," Hatori bowed stiffly, stepping out of the way as he urged the couple into his home. His voice sounded as reserved as ever, but something was different. His words faltered as he opened the door to his office; a terrible sign that his steady façade was cracking. Offering the other two men a seat, he avoided Ritsu's gaze, seemingly unable to watch as tears trickled down the younger man's cheeks. "Ritsu, I," he took a deep breath, smiling sadly as Ayame pulled his lover into a protective embrace. "I'm sorry."

Any color that might have lingered on the monkey's cheeks drained at his cousin's words. "No, no," he was panicking, his voice sounding more and more desperate as he twisted against Ayame's body. The snake tightened his grip, trying to ignore the pang in his stomach at the other man's words. "This is all my fault. I, I'm sorry, I know I must've done this, right? It's my fault! I'm so sorry!"

"You should be," the office door creaked behind the seated couple, a new voice interrupting the conversation. Ignoring the doctor's protests, Ritsu's father approached Hatori's desk, his words coming like sheets of snow on a windy night. His eyes narrowed as he met his son's teary stare. "You know this is your fault. She collapsed last night, crying because she was so worried about you. Ever since you were born, you've been nothing but trouble for her. You've changed her. You know you have. She never used to cry before you fucked up our life."

"I," whereas Ritsu had been able to choke out audible sentences amidst the sobs before his father's entrance, at that moment his words became little more than strangled screams. "I'M SO SORRY! Please, please forgive me. I, I didn't mean it!" He smashed his grubby face into his palm, wiping a stream of salty saline across the back of his hand. "I really didn't mean to."

Gasping, Ayame could hardly believe what he was hearing. This man was his boyfriend's father. He was supposed to love and take care of his son. But, in the Sohma family, his behavior really should not have seemed so strange. 'It's just the curse,' the snake reasoned to himself, rubbing desperate fingers across the redhead's back. 'He really doesn't mean what he's saying, of course. I mean, my Ritchan is no trouble at all!' Straightening his chest, Ayame mustered a cheery tone, nudging Ritsu as he rose to his feet. "No, sweet Monkey-chan. You know he's just upset! Let's just all relax and talk this over-."

"You stay out of this, faggot," the man's voice rose suddenly as he stepped forward. His chest heaved with every angry breath he took, his eyes narrowing into a challenging glare. He seized the snake, ripping the couple apart and sinking his fist into the silver-haired Sohma's chest. "You're responsible for this, too. You've changed our son. You've changed him!"

"He helped me," everyone was surprised by Ritsu's interjection. Silence fell over the frustrated group as they turned to stare at the timid monkey. He had just challenged his father. He had just interrupted the one man he was truly terrified of. Ayame could not help but smile slightly at his boyfriend's bold behavior, knowing for sure that the new Ritsu was not lost, but had become even stronger. "He," flushing madly, Ritsu stared at his feet, shifting under his family's stares. His voice squeaked. "He loves me. This, this isn't his fault. It's mine."

"Ritchan?" The silver-haired man jerked away from the other's grasp, rushing towards the redhead and pulling him into a gentle hold. "Sweet Ritchan. It's OK. Your mom will get feeling better soon, and then we can all go talk this over." He ran his slender fingers down the shorter man's back, tracing out the line of his spine with each comforting stroke. Glancing over his trembling shoulders, he noticed Hatori's watchful gaze, shivering slightly at the pain he found in the glittering depths of his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he tried to keep up his bright demeanor. "I'm sure everything will be OK."

Dropping a packet of papers onto his desk, Hatori bustled past the couple and towards the door, giving Ritsu's father a warning stare. "Perhaps you should go back to your wife. We have a few matters we need to discuss privately."

Looking utterly defeated, the man gave Ayame one last, cold glare before whipping around and stomping into the empty hallway. "Good riddance," muttering under his breath, the snake eased the redhead against his chest, cupping him against his body as he tried to soothe the shivers racking his delicate form. Gathering the gray silk of the kimono in his hands, he pulled Ritsu closer, whispering in his ear as he struggled to maintain his hopefulness. "Shh, shh, everything's fine now. Oh, dearest Monkey-chan, I love you so much."

Waiting until Ayame released his boyfriend and helped him into a worn chair, Hatori stared down at his desk, taking in the mounds of paperwork as he seemed to evaluate his course of action. "Ritsu," his voice went stoic, the business-like manner an easy mask for any inner turmoil he was facing. Brushing a stray strand of hair from his face, the doctor offered his younger cousin a glass of water. "Here, you might need this." He turned to Ayame, giving his friend a penitent smile. "I really regret having to tell you this, but I'm afraid it's my job."

"Tell him what?" Interrupting, Ayame became more and more impatient with each passing second. The concern in the seahorse's eyes made his stomach churn, and it took all of his strength to stay seated in that office. All he wanted to do was to leave; to take Ritsu back home and pretend that none of this was happening. But he knew he could not do that. He could not run away from this like he had so many other difficult situations. He had to listen, and stay here by Ritsu's side. He had to be mature and serious for once. Because he loved him. "Oh, Ha'ri-."

"Ritsu, your mother has been suffering from stress-related illness for many years. I'm sure you're well aware of that." Hatori straightened up, pacing slightly as he fingered a packet of useless notes. "You also might have noticed that her condition has been worsening over the past few months."

"I know, that's my fault!" Ritsu squealed, burying his face in his hands. "That's all my fault. I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry for doing this."

The doctor shook his head, placing one hand on the monkey's shoulder. "There's nothing you could have done to prevent it, I'm afraid. She brings the worry on herself. It was out of your power to stop her." Hatori fixed his gaze on a nearby wall, licking his lips as if he was struggling to find the right words. "However, in spite of my recommendation for rest and my belief that recovery is up to her, they have requested," his voice faltered as he clasped shaky hands behind his back, "other means of treatment."

"What, what do you-?" Ritsu turned to Ayame, tears brimming in his eyes as he leaned back into the other man's hold. He looked so drained, so helpless and wretched as the stark lighting etched shadows across his frowning face. "What will happen to her?"

The seahorse coughed slightly, covering his lips with the tips of his fingers as he studied his silver stethoscope. "Your, your mother," his voice broke uncharacteristically, a single tear leaking down his cheek. Ayame could not stand to watch his trustworthy friend crumbling before him. It broke his heart, because he realized the man must know something he did not. Something tragic was about to happen to his boyfriend, and he could not do anything to stop it. He gasped shakily, looking to the doctor as he heard the older man fighting for breath. "Your mother and father have decided to have her memory erased."

"What?" Ayame sprang to his feet, lunging towards the desk with a wild look of disbelief glimmering in his eyes. "No, Ha'ri, you can't be serious. You can refuse her, of course. You can't just-."

"Akito has already reaffirmed the request," Hatori's cheeks blanched as he watched the monkey crumble to the floor. "There's nothing more I can do. I-."

"She, she wants to forget?" Whispering between sobbing fits, the redhead bit his lip, trembling as he tasted the salt on his face. "She, but, she, I," rolling up into a ball on the cold tile floor, Ritsu's body tensed unhealthily under Ayame's caresses. He pulled away, lost in his own misery. "But, but, I love her."

The snake watched him, trying to understand the utter shock that was ravaging his lover inside and out. But he could not even imagine what it would feel like to vanish from someone's life forever. Nineteen years were about to be stolen from Ritsu, and he had to live knowing that all this was happening because his mother chose for him to disappear. His heart ached for the monkey as he tried to find some way to commiserate, but he could not find the strength. Words couldn't even describe the whirlpool of emotions he found churning deep within the redhead's watery stare. He could not do anything as his boyfriend fell apart. "I know, sweet Ritchan. I know."

Francais avec Ayame #14

mon cher- my dear

next chapter...the conclusion! whee!