Chapter Eight: Sesshy's Clouded Mind and Mai's Clouded Heart
Praising what is lost makes the remembrance dear. -William Shakespeare

Disclaimer: inu... not mine... sigh...

A/N: Hello! I am in a good mood; don't know why! I'm sorry to all of ya'll reading this if the plot is moving... s-l-o-w-l-y, but this is the last chapter like that. Actually, this chapter is really important to understand Mai and Sesshoumaru's "relationship", but if you don't like just mostly conversation, then might as well skip it. Enjoy!

500 years ago

Sesshoumaru ran still, and it did not look like he intended to stop anytime soon. The rage that was boiling in his blood grew stronger, until he was afraid that the scratching veins underneath his skin might burst from such a pressure. There was nothing left for him to do. He couldn't take much more of this uncertainty, because he felt it was slowly destroying him.

As he neared a village, he heard a voice cry out to him. "Sesshoumaru-san! You came back!" His pace slowed, and he saw the same girl he had met earlier waving to him happily. He growled, but let himself go meet her.

"I am so glad you came back," she said happily. "I have a very special surprise for you." She started to run ahead, calling to him to follow. He slowly came as well, letting his feet guide his unhappy mind.

"Look!" Yukina said, pointing over to where a group of children where playing. "Do you not see someone there that you know?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked, but nothing seemed to be familiar. He looked back at Yukina, and saw her grinning so ecstatically, obviously expecting to be the deliverer of some wonderful news. A sudden urge came over him to just wipe that smile off her face.

But then he heard a loud gasp, and a following silence. "Sesshoumaru!" A voice called, and then something slammed into his legs. He looked down, and saw his own little girl staring back up at him. "Rin," he acknowledged.

She let go of him, and bowed. "I am sorry, but Jaken-sama and I have not seen you in days and days. Jaken was afraid that the old witch had killed you, but I told him that I knew you were still alive." She looked up at him again, and her eyes grew wide. "You... you have changed, Sesshoumaru-sama. Are you a...." she was too afraid of his response to finish the question.

He clenched his fists tightly at his sides, feeling his dull fingernails cut into his skin. "Yes, Rin, I have changed." He looked off towards the distance, staring at nothing in particular. "And I have never hated myself so much." His whisper was so low, only Rin and Yukina could make it out. Both exchanged a glance, worried about the unstable man.

Sesshoumaru stayed there at that village for about two years. He never really fit in with the others, and the only people who tolerated him well were Yukina and her father, and Rin. Even there, she happily stayed beside him, becoming fast friends with Yukina and the other village girls. It was a boring life, but he grew numb soon, and almost forgot the pain that was constantly eating at his heart.

The day finally came when he knew he had to leave. His nights had been plagued with dreams- horrible dreams- of all that he used to be. His conscience had appeared, and with a vengeance, and guilt wracked his soul when he thought about all he had done. But the numbness was satisfying, and he could forget and be indifferent. Except... he didn't want to go on as a shell. So he gave his firm goodbyes, and the next morning he was gone. He wouldn't let himself look back.

Modern Day

Mai couldn't concentrate. School was boring. All she wanted to do was get out and go see him. 'Sesshoumaru', she thought to herself. It was already Wednesday, and she hadn't been to see him since the weekend. Her plans for him were great, but convincing him would be a much different story.

That afternoon, she did go to the park. And he was there, as always, stiff and cynical just like she remembered. A conversation was attempted, but she was the only one who actually put up topics, and he was really more forced than a willing participant. She loved how he could be so cold and uninviting one moment, but then instantly change to being sarcastic and funny. His volatile personality was not like what she was used to, but it certainly made for a fascinating study.

She went to see him almost everyday. Her mother and her sister were getting worried. They had no idea where she went so often; all they could ever get out of her was a simple "I'm going for a walk." Even her three best friends were completely clueless. They were still concerned, but none of them had really mustered the courage to demand that Mai explain herself. The iciness that she had first encountered was melting, and she made it her mission to see him through till the end.

A certain something was definitely beginning. Would it be going to far to say that Mai had a little bit of a crush? No, even to the random people the couple encountered on their walks it was obvious Mai liked him very much. She thought, of course, that she was only worried about him. She thought that there was nothing more to it than her instinct to help. Her heart was clouded, and she could not see how much she cared.

His heart would be difficult to attain at any rate, and whenever she imagined his mysterious smile, or the wind dancing in his long hair, she simply told herself that he wasn't worth her time. All the effort couldn't be worth the result, she instructed her mind. Mai had never been in love, and she didn't think that this new case was any exception. After all, he was just another lonely man.

Sesshy P.O.V.

I'm tired again. Sleep doesn't come easily. Why, after all this time, am I beginning to feel any different? Hope failed me long ago; there is no reason to bring it back now. I do not wish to be stuck like this for the remainder of eternity, but I would be fooling myself to think that that girl could be the one to help me.

She's practically a child! Not more than eighteen I would say, and she has the audacity to think that she could heal me. I am beginning to believe she wants to be "friends". I hate that word. Hell, I just hate people in general; I don't do the "friend" thing at all. Ever. She's pushing her luck, and... pissing me off. Hmm, next time I see her, I'll...

Damn it, I think I actually want to see Mai. She's a human, and she always has been. I'm different; I'm better than that. Didn't I decide long ago that I would redeem myself on my own: that I wouldn't need to call for aid? But she... she does offer it willingly. I didn't have to ask. She seems like she looks at me and sees all the way through me.

Do all humans have that power? I still don't understand my fellow creatures. I would have supposed that after being one for five hundred years they would piqued my curiosity. And this damned conscience. When I was... Before, I could just bury it. Humanity does such odd things to the soul. Strange that I finally discovered I was never as bad ass as I would have liked to imagine. Maybe my intelligence increased as well? No, five hundred years is just a hell of a long time to cope with your own sins.

Reflection... oh damn it all, reflection just blows. No one needs to spend this much time alone with themselves. I almost crave social release: conversation, argument, anything really to get this out of my system. I still feel like a giant block of ice. I am numb, and I am almost completely drenched in this alone. But I've never been particularly gregarious, and loneliness is foreign to me. I've always relied on my own instincts.

Blame this on the world, I have no desire to feel guilty. How many times have I wondered why I didn't just listen to that little girl? Why did I have to anger that stupid woman? If I had only... if she hadn't been lying there... But of course, I could reflect all day and my situation still wouldn't change. I am stuck in this immortal, inadequate body. I won't burden that stupid girl with my troubles. She probably wouldn't understand me anyway. And all I need now is someone pitying me. I hate pity.

Looks like I don't have a choice. Here she comes again. Maybe I should move once in a while, the thing always knows exactly where to find me. Probably thinks I live under this damn tree...

Normal P.O.V.

"Hello," she said softly, walking up to him. He was so still, sitting there as though the earth itself could not shake him off. 'I wonder what he's thinking about,' she wondered. 'I'll bet his mind is blissfully blank. Perhaps the thoughts that so obviously haunt him are finally being banished.' Not getting a response from him, she sighed, and feeling bold, sat down beside him. 'I'm lucky he is always here. I hope he doesn't figure out that it's so easy to find him, then he'd definitely move.'

"What do you want Mai?" He asked tiredly. "As you can see, I am in no mood to give consequence to your petty attempts at the redemption of my soul."

"Redemption? Is there something that you still need to atone for?" A brief look of surprise and worry flitted on his face. "No." She sighed again. "Fine. Then at least walk with me." "Oh, so sorry, but I really desire nothing more than to remain here, feeling indolent."

"Why do you talk like that?" "Like what?" he asked, feigning complete innocence. "Your worse than a damn dictionary, and I know you realize it." "My sincerest apologies if your inchoate mind doesn't comprehend my above-elementary level language." His eyes betrayed his faint amusement. "I swear, I think you enjoy teasing me." She looked at him in her best attempt at an exasperated face, but he didn't even acknowledge it with a glance of his own.

"Of course I do," he replied openly. "What other diversions have I? You tend to be an excellent medium for my scarce entertainment." "Very well. I do actually enjoy our talks, whether you care about that or not." "Rest assured, I do not."

She rolled her eyes and stood up. "I have to go," she said. "But maybe I'll see you tomorrow?" He dismissed her with a wave of his hand. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." She rolled her eyes again. "You're losing your touch. Can't think of anything original?" "Oh I can, but all my replies would be wasted on you." "You're just too kind Sesshoumaru." She started to walk away, but she suddenly turned back around.

"Thank you," she said. "For talking to me. I don't care how rude, or how caustic your comments become. You still speak, and that makes me hope. I'm glad we can be friends." He gave an inaudible growl, and hissed, "I am not your friend." She smiled, a common parting gift between them. "Yeah, tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. And as much as I love this cynical repartee, I really have to go. Goodbye!"

S.P.O.V.

I'm much too lenient with that girl. She shouldn't be allowed to talk to me like that. I don't care how much I actually enjoy it. I shouldn't care about her at all...

Mai P.O.V.

He's finally coming around. I swear, I never know what to expect when I meet him. Maybe one day he'll enjoy it as much as I do. We really make a great team. And I do want to see him smile. True kindness can be put off a little longer; I know this is what he needs.

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End A/N: Okies, that's the end of chapter eight. I actually had fun writing this; I loved imagining what goes on in Fluffy's head... and my version is probably far from the truth, but I don't care.

Coming up: Chapter Nine- Finally friends
Sessh: 'Damn, I hate that word.' Our heroes finally... talk some more. Meanwhile, there is very bad news concerning Mai's mother. Warning: Actual plot returning to the story!

Thank you to everyone reading this, I appreciate the time you take out of your day to do it. -A.D.D.