No Reason
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei belongs to Yoko Matsushita and that's it.
Picaro: Warnings! That's my first YnM fic, so please be gentle. I wrote it together with Ryuke-Chan aka Naoe, after going through the translations and having a very weird idea. It's also totally AU 'cause Matsushita-san hasn't continued the Gensoukai chapter till now. *sniff* Anyways, Please review! ^_^
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry....
"You failed."
...
"As expected, you didn't pass the test."
"….."
….Tsuzuki, …Riko…I'm so sorry. ...I failed you…
… I was too weak.
I stare at the small figure of Kurikara RyuOh as he kept hovering in front of me, tears continuing to come. Damn tears. Why do I have to cry just now, out of all possible times? It was as if they were the final evidences of my weakness. Why do I have to cry in front of _him_?! I've failed Ryu-Oh's test from the beginning on as gloriously as one can. How could I meet their expecting eyes now, after this disaster? I was so sure that I could make it…That I _would_ make it, gaining Kurikara as my shikigami and prevent the upcoming war. – To make good for all I've done to those people.
How could I ever look straight into Tsuzuki's face again, after this failure… I honestly don't know. Riko…please forgive me. Your sacrifice, I've wasted it. You trusted me that much that you even gave your life for me, even after I threatened you that worse. I feel dirty now. Dirty, worthless and useless. Just a disturbance. … SohRyu should have killed me. That would have caused everybody less trouble. Especially Touda… The fire-serpent was probably heavily wounded because of my foolishness. They were right. Kurikara was really nobody to be gained….. I should have listened to them. And now – Now I've probably made everything all the worse, _again_. All that just because of my idiotic lusting for power, because I wanted to be able to be the protecting one for once instead of having to get protected and watch my friends suffer in that order…
I sob silently, just half out of exhaustion of the test. How could I explain…? Pressing my eyes tightly shut, I try to calm down, keep at least a minimal bit of dignify in front of Ryu-Oh… I fail miserably. The tears just won't stop coming, as SohRyu's words repeat themselves in my head. It's your fault! Crouching down even more, I'm not able to keep a soft whimper from escaping my lips. Pitiful…And _I_ wanted to command the Ryu no Kami? I nearly laugh at that thought. No wonder Kurikara wasn't willing to accept me. Now the others have to pay for my stubbornness.
A gentle touch on my shoulder tears me out of my self-blaming. Looking up, I can feel my eyes widen in surprise as I find myself staring directly in Kurikara's face. He stares back at me, both of his eyes wide open and wearing an unreadable expression in them, even for me. For a silly moment I found myself wondering if Ryu-Oh's right eye was actually seeing or if it was blinded when he had got that scar. Baka! That's not the right time for that! Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts. Kurikara's close presence was unnerving me, not only because he was probably the most powerful shikigami in the whole Gensoukai and yet wore the appearance of a kid (Well that was also quite irritating, but back at the matter at hand). What was really getting to me were the emotions I received from him.
Even as an empath I wasn't able to decipher what the shiki was feeling. It was honestly unnerving. His red eyes were fixed on my face, showing neither compassion nor anger, as his hand lingered on my shoulder, airily and gentle as if he knew how much the touch affected me. The eerie red eyes lingered for a bit longer on me, then he blinked, his look fixating on something behind my head which I couldn't see. As if reacting to an inner impulse, he suddenly bent forward, his arm hesitatingly sneaking around my shoulders. Now I'm sure. He knows about how other peoples' touches effect me. I freeze.
He leans more forward until I can feel his hot breath -(he's a fire shiki, after all)- on my ear. My tears had long by subsided. Frozen, I'm too stunned to react in any way. – And yelp as suddenly a sharp set of teeth dug themselves into the soft flesh of my earlobe! He bit me! Kurikara RyuOh bit me into my ear!! Please imagine that; the mighty KouRyu Kurikara RyuOh, con to a god and equal till higher in power than even SohRyu, the most powerful of the four gods, bit me in my fucking ear!! To say that I was surprised would be the understatement of my life. Or afterlife, depending on how you want to see it.
Reacting by instinct, I yelp, push the shikigami quickly away from me and jump back at the same time, bringing a secure safety distance between us. I already said that I was surprised. Well, guess what, Kurikara seemed to be at least as surprised by his actions as me.
Lifting a hand to his bloodied lips, the seemingly young shiki stared at me. For a long moment we just stood there, staring disbelieving at each other. His right eye was closed again, allowing me a good sight at the scar running over it. I really wonder where he got it from, considering that Touda hadn't even been able to scratch him… Turn of thoughts again! Fortunately, the Kouryu seemed to be as clueless about what to do next as I am. Turning his back abruptly on me, he mumbled. "Gomen."
I blinked at him, flabbergasted. "What?" The short-haired shiki whirled back at me. "Sorry, I said! Saa, are you shinigami all so deaf or is it just you?!" "Uh…" I could just stare at him. What the heck-? Kurikara gestured with his hand, looking slightly irritated. "Look, I didn't intend to bite you!! It just – came into my head, somehow." He shrugged.
"Just that you don't make anything up ´bout that, you hear! It means nothing!!" I was now definitely positive that he was as shaken about it as I. Blinking at him slowly, I nod my head. "Urm, alright." He planted himself in front of me, staring up into my eyes in intimidation. Somehow the difference in size between us was ridiculous.
"Since you failed the test, we can go back now!" I felt the change of air as he summoned a wormhole again. Seconds later, I felt myself getting tugged through it with Kurikara right next to me. We landed a fair amount of distance between where I was sucked in. Kurikara gave me a last indignant look. "That was it, then!"
"Yeah… I guess, that was."
He turns to go. I hesitate, I don't know why, before calling him back. He gives me an unnerved look. He looks quite annoyed by now. Ignoring his body language, I bow deeply.
"Later…When I've grown stronger. Will you test me then again?"
He gapes at me as if I've grown a second head. Looks rather silly, actually. But it's not the time for that. Expecting, I stare at his face. For a second, a somehow sad expression crosses his youthful face. Wistful. But before I can react, the look vanishes and is replaced with a fierce one.
"I already told you…"
"I can't stand humans!!"
With that, he leaves. Being left staring after him, I can feel one of those seldom, little smiles cross my eyes.
He didn't say no.
A chance. After all, I still have a chance. And I'm determined to use it. That's a promise to myself.
~ ~ ~ ~ Kurikara's POV ~ ~ ~ ~
I shake my head, wondering what got over me when I bit him. I _bit_ the boy, for crying out loud! And as I leave, he still asks me. For a moment, I stop, longing for the companionship, the happiness of old times. But I can't go back now; the world has changed since I was last here. So I put on an angry face and stare at him directly before carrying on the façade I've kept up for who-knows-how-long.
I feel over my two swords silently, taking comfort in their presence. If I hadn't created them and imbued them with spirits, I don't think I could ever have kept sane here. I suppose I should have tested that other shinigami – Tsuzuki, I believe – in order to get out, but it didn't feel right. And now, when this…. _child_ challenges me, I accepted… and he fails. And yet, I don't blame him for failure. I've known failure too many times. He'll probably come back, once more to challenge me, try to take me as his shikigami. If he wins then, I shall go with him, for I know, somehow, that he will accept me. And perhaps, in time, I will accept him.
______________
CONTINUE . . . ?