It was a cool December evening as Sara Sidle strolled in to the Las Vegas Crime Lab. She had a small package in her hand, wrapped in Christmas paper. The tag on the gift made clear whom it was for: Gil Grissom.
Normally she would take his present to him at his home, but this year, she just couldn't go there. It had been a difficult year for them. The Night Shift had been split up and then brought back together. Nick Stokes had almost been lost. Jim Brass had accidentally killed another officer. And Sofia Curtis had entered all their lives in a way Sara was not comfortable with. She knew she would have to make a statement—now or never.
The gift was also something unusual. In past years she had always given him a book or something that was as equally impersonal. Although she and Grissom had been friends for years, there was still a certain distance between them. A distance Sara was hoping to bridge this year. This year, her gift was personal and symbolic. She only hoped Grissom would get the symbolism.
Already in the lab, Greg Sanders sat in the locker room, clumsily shifting the small box from one hand to the other. He too had a special gift for someone this Christmas.
Greg had liked Sara from the moment Grissom hired her. She wasn't the usual Vegas tart or California Barbie. She was smart and sexy with just the right amount of sarcasm and sass. He'd made advances in the past, but had been spurned. This time, he knew, the gift he had was sure to melt her heart, now if only if could find the right time to give it to her.
A couple minutes later, Sara walked into the locker room with her gift still in her hand. Greg saw it as she walked in—it was hard to miss—but he wasn't discouraged. He knew it was for Grissom even without seeing the tag. But Grissom and Sara exchanged presents every year, that was no lab secret.
"Merry Christmas," Greg greeted Sara.
Sara looked a little startled. She'd been lost in thought and hadn't noticed Greg sitting there. "Oh, hey Greg, thanks. Merry Christmas to you, too."
"Kinda sucks having to work Christmas, huh?" Greg tried to start a conversation.
"Eh, Christmas has always kinda sucked anyway for me," she responded, not really wanting to get into a conversation with him. She had other things on her mind.
Greg mentally slapped his forehead as he quickly slid the gift in his pocket. He'd momentarily forgotten Sara had spent a good part of her childhood in the system. Holidays were probably the worst. And so this wasn't the time for his present.
He was just about to say something else, when he turned and noticed Sara was gone. He must have been deeper in thought than he figured. Just another opportunity lost, he thought, disappointed. Guess I'll just have to give this to her later. He patted the pocket that contained her gift.
Sara had walked out. She needed to find Grissom, to give him his gift, before she lost her nerve or got sent out on assignment. Besides, Greg looked lost in contemplation and probably wouldn't miss her.
She walked down the hall towards Grissom's office. As she got closer, her knees started to weaken. She'd been bold in her attempts before, but never this bold. She also knew this was the last attempt. If he didn't make his intentions clear, he was going to be her New Year's resolution.
With every step she took, her determination grew. She knew he cared about her, she just wasn't sure how much and in what way. She needed to find out. She almost had herself convinced that it was better to be rejected openly then secretly wonder if he felt the same.
When she got to his office, her resolution was drained from her. The door was shut. She knew it was a bad sign, but still tried to shake it off. She was just about to knock when she heard Grissom raise his voice. She couldn't make out what he was saying or whom he was talking to. He was probably arguing with Ecklie again. She knew her gift would have to wait.
She walked back to the locker room to put the gift away. Grissom would probably be in his office until it was time to hand out assignments. She wanted to make sure the gift was safe until the time was right.
Her intuition was right. Before she would get another opportunity to get Grissom alone, it was time for assignments. The graveyard shift sat together waiting on Grissom.
"It's a pretty silent night," Nick joked, as the crew sat, looking bored.
"Ho, ho, ho," Greg mock laughed, placing his hands on his stomach.
Nick turned to Greg and playfully stuck out his tongue.
Greg rolled his eyes. "That is so mature," he responded in his best Valley Girl imitation and then smiled.
Nick mirrored Greg's smile. "There's just something about Christmas that always makes me feel like a kid again."
Before Greg could respond, Grissom came in and the whole group went silent. He was double-checking his list of pending cases.
"Sara, Greg, there's a d.b. in Henderson that has your name on it," Grissom said, barely looking up.
Sara looked a little disappointed and thought about protesting. She had really wanted to give her gift to him before she went out. But now she would have to wait till she and Greg got back from the scene.
Sara and Greg left without hearing the rest of the assignments. They just wanted to get to the scene so they could get back. Greg was glad to get some alone time with Sara.
"Can we ride together?" he asked, knowing once they got to the scene they'd be too busy.
"Sure," Sara reluctantly responded. It was Christmas after all.
On the way to their destination, Greg tried to make small talk, but Sara just wasn't biting. He could tell she had something else on her mind. He didn't want to ask, though, because he just knew it had to do with Grissom. And he didn't want to talk about Grissom; he wanted to give Sara her gift. However, that opportunity never arose before they made it to the scene.
They arrived at the single-story ranch, knowing it had seen better days. The yard was bare dirt, as if grass had never even been there. The wood-rail fence surrounding the postage stamp lot was dilapidated and missing more than a few boards. It seemed the only bright spot was the single strand of multi-colored lights that framed the front window.
Greg shook his head. "That manger is looking pretty good right now."
"No kidding," Sara responded, as they gathered their kits to go inside.
On their way in, they ran into David.
"T.O.D.?" Sara asked.
"A couple hours at most. They body's still warm and rigor mortis hasn't started," David replied.
"Cause?" she inquired further.
David shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing apparent. I'll have to do the autopsy before I can say."
Sara nodded. "Where is the body?"
"Under the tree," he responded.
Both Sara and Greg dropped their jaws.
This time it was David's turn to nod. "Merry Christmas," he morbidly intoned and then left.
Sara and Greg made their way into the small house. Inside, everything was tidy; nothing appeared out of place. Nothing, that is, aside from the body under the decorated tree.
Greg took pictures from his position standing over the body as Sara knelt down to get a few close-ups. After taking some pictures, Greg started to take some more of the room. That's when he noticed a folded piece of paper slightly hidden on the tree. He snapped a few photos of it, then carefully picked it up and read it.
He frowned when he finished reading the note. Sara noticed the note and Greg's look.
"What's that?" Sara questioned.
"Suicide note," Greg responded, turning to look at Sara.
Sara grimaced, not happy to get a suicide on Christmas. She started to look around to see if she could find how she had done it. After a moment, she saw a cup that looked like it had rolled away from the body and under a nearby coffee table. After photographing it, she picked it up and sniffed it.
As Sara did her exploring, Greg really looked at the woman. She lay face up in a long red nightgown. One of her arms was at her side, the other raised by her head. He guessed she was in her late thirties by her face. The tear stains on her cheeks could still be seen. Her blonde hair was splayed under her head, almost like a halo and her blue eyes seemed to look through him.
There was something about the lifeless woman that was familiar, a little too familiar for him. His stomach started to churn.
"Whew!" she exclaimed, quickly removing the cup from under her nostrils. "Someone put a little too much spike in their eggnog."
Greg didn't move at Sara's statement. She was surprised; she'd expected some sort of comment. She looked up at Greg and noticed he was staring at the body with a strange look in his eyes.
"Greg?" Sara tried to break the spell he was seemingly under. "Santa to Greg," she made a slight attempt at humor.
He broke his gaze away from the body and looked at her. He was blinking incessantly, trying to fight back the tears. "Huh?" he responded, his voice weak and shaking.
"Are you ok?" she asked, noting the change in his tone.
"I—I need some air," he quietly replied and then walked out.
Sara was confused at the quick change in his demeanor. He had seen a lot of dead bodies and gory crime scenes; she didn't understand why this bothered him so much. She followed him outside, seeking the answer to her question.
"What happened in there?" she asked Greg, who was sitting on the step outside.
Greg just shook his head, knowing if he tried to answer at that moment his voice would fail.
Sara sat down next to him and gently rubbed his back. Although they'd had their differences, he's always been kind to her. This, she felt, was a small opportunity to repay that kindness.
"I'm here to listen," she said, trying to calm him.
He cleared his throat. He had to get this off his chest. It'd been so long since he'd told anyone. "My mom," he told her, barely audible.
"She looks like your mom?" Sara tried to clarify, a little surprised at the mention of his mother. He never really talked about his family—none of the CSIs did.
Greg shook his head, trying to shake away the sadness. "It's not just that she looks like my mom," he paused, taking a deep breath. "My mom…she, uh, she…" he didn't know how to say it, but Sara was getting an idea.
She thought about stopping him and telling him she understood. She thought better of it, though, because she realized he might need to get this out. She didn't want to hinder his chance to get some relief.
After another deep breath, he continued, "I was 12. It had been a rough year. I had just gotten home from school on the last day before winter break." Greg stopped again, trying to get a hold of his emotions.
He remembered how excited he'd been to be out of school for the next few weeks. He looked forward to the time with his parents. He looked forward to the time to spend on his experiments.
Sara could see the hurt in his eyes. "You don't have to continue if you don't want to," she said softly.
He looked at her and then picked up his story again. "She was lying on the couch, not breathing. There, uh, there was a glass and an empty pill bottle on the end table. I called 911 immediately, but…" he wiped the tears from his eyes. "She was gone before the ambulance even got there."
"I'm so sorry, Greg," she replied, putting an arm around his shoulders.
He let out a shaky breath. "It was a shitty Christmas that year, but I've tried to make the best of the holiday since. I never wanted her sadness to over take my happiness."
Until that moment, Sara had never appreciated Greg's unending optimism. She now understood his constant cheerfulness and his constant change. Greg was full of surprises.
"If you can't come back in, it's ok," Sara tried to be helpful.
Greg breathed another wavering sigh. "No, I need to go back in." He stood up, brushing off his pants. He didn't want to have to explain to anyone else why he couldn't do his duties.
Sara stood, too. "Ok, let's go."
They went back inside and finished processing the scene in silence. Sara wanted to offer more comfort to Greg, but wasn't sure how. She didn't know how to address a hurt that was so old. So she just let it slide.
Greg was kind of glad Sara let the subject go. He didn't know how to explain his feelings. He didn't really understand his own reaction to something he thought he'd made peace with. But, he realized, the death of his mother was something he'd never be over.
The ride back to the lab was quiet as well. Sara wasn't sure what to say and Greg was just at a loss for words. He wanted to give her the present, but didn't know how to transition from what had happened to the gift. He could feel it burning a hole in his pocket.
Back at the lab, Sara dropped her evidence off with the respective departments. While handing off the cup to Hodges she noticed Grissom in a small lab off to the side by himself. She quickly went back to her locker and retrieved the gift. She didn't want the opportunity to pass her by. This time luck was on her side and he was still alone when she got back.
She knocked on the doorframe, hiding the gift behind her back. "Hey Gris, you got a minute?"
He looked up from his microscope, "Sure, what's up? How was the d.b.?"
She took a few steps into the small room, keeping the gift behind her. "Apparent suicide," she replied. "Found the note and everything. I have to wait for trace and the autopsy before I know for sure, though."
Grissom frowned. No one liked news of a suicide on Christmas. "That it?"
She pulled the gift from behind her back and handed it to him. "I know things have been crazy lately, so I wanted to give this to you now."
He took the gift and placed it on the table next to his microscope. "Thank you," he replied. "I'll open it when I get home."
"Well, I was hoping I'd get to see you open it," she said.
"Oh, ok," he responded, as if the thought of opening it there hadn't even crossed his mind.
He removed the paper and opened the small box underneath. It revealed a jade scarab. He took it out and looked it over. "A heart scarab," he identified it. "It's beautiful."
He turned it over to read the inscription, but it was a bit dark where he was sitting so he could view the microscope better. He got up and moved to a lamp on a table opposite him. When he did this Sara noticed he was standing under some mistletoe someone must have hung to be festive.
She gathered all her courage and took a step towards him. She figured if she kissed him and he wasn't receptive, she could blame it on the mistletoe. If he were receptive, well, that would be its own reward. She pressed her lips to his.
He was stunned. He hadn't expected a gift, let alone a kiss. He'd had feeling for her for a long time, but had never admitted how much he cared for her to anyone, not even himself. But when their lips touched, it was as if all the pieces to the puzzle of his heart fell into place. He slid his arms around her and pulled her closer.
When he moved his arms, she was sure he was going to push her away. So when he slid his arms around her waist, she was pleasantly surprised. His kiss was everything she'd dreamed, but it was too short. They quickly pulled away when the heard a noise outside the lab and Sara turned around quickly enough to see the shoes of the person hurrying away.
She turned to Grissom and smiled at him. He smiled back. It was a moment neither of them would ever forget.
"Want to get something to eat after shift?" she didn't want the moment to pass.
Grissom cleared his throat before answering, "Yes."
Her smile widened. It was going to be a good Christmas after all.
The noise they heard was Greg. He had been looking around for Sara and stumbled upon the lab just as she and Grissom had kissed. He was taken aback by the sight of it and froze for a moment. Then he tried to quickly get away, bumping a table in the process.
He was disappointed. He had truly hoped this would be the year he finally got Sara to take notice of him. He reached into his pocket to retrieve the present. He figured there was no use in giving it to her now; he was just going to throw it away. Only, the present wasn't in his pocket. Shit! He thought as he started to retrace his steps. I hope no one else finds it! But hope was not on Greg's side that night.
Sara got into her car to retrieve some paperwork she had forgotten. As she got in her car, she noticed a small wrapped package on the passenger side seat. She looked at the package, but there was no nametag on it. She figured the way it was placed in the seat it must be for her, but just in case, she was very careful in removing the paper.
Underneath the paper she found a cassette tape that did have her name it. It is for me, she thought as she opened up the case. She hopped in her car and turned the key to the accessory function. Then she popped the tape into her player.
After a few moments of silence, she heard a few sounds of someone moving around. And then there was a voice.
"I know I'm not the best songwriter, or singer, or guitarist, but here goes," she recognized the voice as Greg's. She was intrigued. She didn't know Greg had musical talents.
She heard a guitar start to strum and then a slightly gritty voice start to sing, "I often sit and wonder what lies behind your beautiful eyes. I want to know what you see. Do you look at or look through me? Oh I could get lost, but at what cost? Do you know? Do you know what you do to me? Do you know? Do you know what you do to me?"
A tear slid down Sara's cheek as the song continued. Greg's voice was beautiful and the words heartfelt. She knew it was the most beautiful song she would ever hear.
After the song was over, she rewound the tape and put it back in the case. She then carefully rewrapped the gift and put it in her pocket. She knew she had to give it back before she could admit to hearing it.
She grabbed the files she had been searching for and walked back in to the lab. A moment after she walked back in, she literally ran into Greg, dropping the file in her hands. When she bent down to pick it up, she noticed his shoes. He had been the one who'd seen her and Grissom kiss. Now she was positive she couldn't admit to hearing it.
"Hey, you didn't happen to find a gift in your car, did you? I had a present for my girlfriend in my pocket and dropped it," Greg asked, trying not to give away his not-so-secret secret.
Sara was a little disappointed. She had secretly hoped he let her keep it. But she knew she couldn't blame Greg for not wanting her to have it now. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the gift. "Is this it?" she questioned.
Greg felt a small bit of relief at seeing his gift still wrapped. "Yeah, that's it," he answered, quickly taking it from her. "Thanks," he added and walked away.
Sara stood in the hall for a moment. Her disappointment grew with each of his steps. It was a touching song and now she'd never be able to admit she'd heard it. However, she knew it was for the best. She had finally gotten the reaction she was seeking from Grissom and giving up the song was a small price to pay.
She finished the shift with little fanfare. She spent the rest of it processing the evidence from the suicide and writing up the reports. She was trying to be as busy as possible to make the time go by quickly. She couldn't wait for her meal with Grissom. It was finally a Christmas she would remember fondly.
Greg spent the rest of the shift in much the same way, finishing up work from earlier. His work, however, was done with a certain degree of sadness. He'd finally put his heart into something, the song, and now it would never reach its intended target.
What he didn't know, of course, was that the song had reached his target. And it had accomplished the goal he'd set out; it touched Sara's heart and made this Christmas special.