Chapter 2
It was a cold night, even for early January; there was snow on the ground, though not much of it. Issei could see his breath in the air as he stumbled mindlessly along the sidewalk, but he didn't really register the cold despite the fact that he was wearing only a thin cotton shirt.
All other sensations were blotted out by the throbbing pain in his jaw that got worse with every step he took, and he couldn't seem to get his thoughts to follow any sort of logical path. Vaguely, he was aware that he was probably in shock and really ought to do something about his broken jaw and possible broken ribs, but he couldn't follow the thought long enough to find a solution to the problem.
His father had kicked him out. No, his father had disowned him. It was the reference to 'my daughter' rather than 'your sister' that really drove that point home for Issei. Wryly, he wondered if his parents' reactions would have been better or worse if he'd let slip his other secret instead of this one. Was it worse to know your son was gay, or that he believed he was the reincarnation of an alien woman who'd lived hundreds of years ago? Or, for that matter, that he was an empath?
It didn't matter now. Nothing really mattered any more. His life was in pieces, and he didn't know where to even begin to put them back together again. Any thoughts of attending university were gone; he wasn't sure how he was even going to manage to finish high school.
An odd hissing noise from his left drew his attention to the side, and his eyes widened when his sister stepped out from between two bushes and threw herself at him. He cried out as her weight impacted his bruised torso, and she pulled away slightly.
"Issei! It's not really true, is it? Father didn't really throw you out, did he?" Her grey eyes, so like his own, searched his face. Something in his expression must have answered for him, because she let out a sob and buried her face in his shoulder, as she'd often done when they were children.
"They were yelling at each other when I left," she told him, and his eyes widened. His parents rarely fought, as his mother was predisposed to give way to their father in all things. He'd never heard her raise her voice, certainly not to his father. "It's awful, Issei... she wants him to let you come back, but then she wants to send you to a hospital somewhere so they can 'fix' you."
The momentary hope that had formed when she told him his mother wanted him back enough to stand up to their father for it was crushed at her last words. Painfully, he forced himself to speak despite the throbbing in his jaw. "I won't go back," he said firmly. "Not to that. I don't want to be 'fixed'."
Which wasn't entirely true... there had been many times when he'd prayed to Sarjareem to free him from the tangled mess Enju had made of her life when she'd asked to be reincarnated as a male. If it had only been a chance to be 'cured' of this helpless attraction to his own sex, Issei might have taken it, even knowing the sorts of methods that would be employed.
But if they got him into a psychiatric hospital, sooner or later one of the psychologists would discover the secret of the moon scientists. Issei wasn't sure what it would be classified as - delusions, he supposed - but they would never let him be until they had 'cured' him of that, too. And he didn't want to lose his belief in his life as Enju. He knew the moon dreams were real - how else could you explain the fact that they'd all had the same dreams? Or the psychic powers many of them possessed, including Issei himself?
The two siblings stared at each other for a long moment, before his sister sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I know," she said miserably. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to go through that either. But I'm going to miss you so much!" she burst out, her eyes welling with tears.
Words being too painful for him at the moment, Issei just lifted his hand and stroked her hair, as she leaned against him and sniffled. He'd miss her too, irritating as she could be with her unending 'crush' on him.
"I brought your bag," she said when she finally pulled away. She ran back to the bushes, then re-emerged a moment later with a full duffle bag. "I tried to get everything you'd want to take with you. And I stole some money out of mother's purse - it's not much, but it'll get you through a couple of days."
He was touched by her thoughtfulness. If he'd been thinking straight he would have half expected her to come after him to say goodbye, but for her to be practical enough to bring his things with her was a minor miracle. "Thank you," he managed, hugging her carefully once more. "Now, go home, before they realize you're gone."
She nodded and wiped her eyes, turning to head back into the bushes. Just before she vanished, she turned and said, "Call me! Promise?" He nodded and waved, and then she was gone.
He picked up the bag, and started walking again. His thinking was a little more coherent now, at least. His jaw still throbbed though, and talking hadn't helped soothe the pain any. He needed help.
Finding a park bench, he sat down and set the bag beside him, rifling though it. She'd thrown a change of pants and a couple of his favourite shirts inside, and she'd even remembered socks and underwear. He blushed a little, picturing his sister going through his underwear drawer. At least he'd never kept dirty magazines there, unlike some boys he knew.
His hand brushed something metallic, and he withdrew it with a relieved sigh. She'd gotten his cell phone, and it was fully charged. He was certain his father would call the phone company and cancel the plan at the first opportunity, but it would have to wait until the office opened in the morning. For now, at least, he had the use of it.
He didn't need to use the speed dial to call Jinpachi's cell - it was faster just to punch the numbers in, he knew it so well. It rang twice, before his friend's voice came over the phone. "Ogura."
"Jinpachi..." Issei's voice came out a little mangled; it was getting harder and harder to speak past the pain.
"Issei?" Jinpachi was understandably surprised to hear his voice, especially at this time of night. It had been a long time since they'd been close enough to be calling each other at all hours, and quite some time since the last time Issei had called his friend unexpectedly. "Hey, good to hear from you," the boisterous teen continued before Issei could form another word. "I'm kinda busy right now, though... can it wait until tomorrow?"
"I..." Issei broke off, startled, at the sound of feminine laughter in the background, and a muffled command to 'get off the phone and get back here!' Jinpachi had a girl over? Or were they out somewhere together?
Mistaking his hesitation as agreement, Jinpachi laughed. "Okay. I'll see you in school tomorrow. Later!"
"Jin..." Issei didn't get any more out before the dial tone abruptly returned. Jinpachi had hung up on him. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it in shock. His best friend had hung up on him, just when Issei truly needed him most. There had been a time, not so very long ago, when Jinpachi would have known something was badly wrong just by the tone in Issei's voice when he spoke his friend's name. And now...
Now, he was oblivious. The image of the phone wavered in front of Issei, and after a moment he realized it was because he was seeing it through a lens of tears. A sob escaped him, then another, and then he was crying for real, pulling his knees up to curl around them on the bench, instinctively trying to protect himself from any more pain.
It didn't help, though; the position strained his ribs, making him even more certain they were cracked, if not broken, and his jaw was jarred with every sob. He felt as if he could have just cried forever, feeling completely abandoned, but he forced himself to get a grip before he could hurt himself further. He istill/i needed help, and there was one more possible source for it.
Hands shaking, it took him three tries to get his phone to call Sakura's. If she turned away from him too, he was half tempted to just follow Haruhiko's example and throw himself in the river, even if it meant he'd never be reincarnated. Surely oblivion would be better than existing alone. All at once he had a great deal more sympathy for Shion.
In the past, Shusuran had always been the one Enju turned to for comfort when Gyokuran hurt her by chasing after Mokuren. Issei often found it both ironic and comfortingly familiar that Sakura had become his confidant in this life as well.
"Hello?" she answered her phone, and fresh tears escaped him.
"Shusuran..." Between his strangled sobs and the pain in his jaw, the name was mangled almost beyond recognition. It also wasn't what he'd meant to say, but it certainly got her attention.
"Issei?" she sounded startled, and he could hear music and laughter in the background. "Are you okay? Is something wrong? You sound awful..."
It hurt, more than a little, to know that his friend of only a year had picked up what the boy who had been his best friend for over a decade had missed. But at least she wasn't hanging up on him. "Sakura... I..." It was so hard to force the words out, to admit what had happened and how badly he needed her help.
"Something happen with Jinpachi?" she guessed, sighing. It was a reasonable guess on her part; that was, after all, the reason behind every other tearful phone call he'd ever made to her. "Need a shoulder?"
"I... need help," he confessed miserably. This time he needed considerably more than just a shoulder to cry on... he wished his problem was something as simple as all the past ones had been!
"How far are you from my house?" she interrupted him.
Startled, he replied, "Twenty minutes... maybe?"
"Good. I can be back there in fifteen. Meet me there - nobody else is home," she declared. "I've gotta go if I'm gonna catch the next train. I'll be waiting for you!"
With that she hung up, and he was once more left with a dial tone in his ear. This time, though, it had been preceded by an offer of help, even if it wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting.
Sighing, he slid his phone into his pocket and grabbed his bag, heading for the train station. She'd obviously been out doing something, probably at a party or out with her friends. The contrast between her willingness to ditch everything and help him without even knowing the problem, and Jinpachi's hasty brush-off, made his heart ache.
It was time, past time, he realized, for him to reassign the title of 'best friend'. Sakura had earned the title a while ago, but he'd clung to his status as 'Jinpachi's best friend', that being the closest he could get to the boy he loved. He wondered if Jinpachi still thought of Issei as his best friend, or if the redhead had long since stopped thinking of him that way. That thought, too, hurt him deep inside. It was a night for pain, it seemed.
The train ride was interminable; breaking his usual habit, he'd sought out a seat, feeling like he might faint with each jolt of the cars over the tracks. It was getting harder to think again, as he sank deeper into misery and despair. He wasn't even sure what he'd hoped Jinpachi and Sakura could do to help him; they could offer sympathy and comfort, but it wasn't as if they could fix the situation for him. Still, he got himself through the endless minutes of the ride by reminding himself that Sakura waited for him at the end, and that she at least would not hate or abandon him.
He didn't bother to get a cab from the station to her house. It was only a few blocks, and he'd need the money later, to survive. Walking proved more difficult than he'd expected, however, each breath sending stabs of agony into his chest as his ribs protested. He was going back into shock again, he suspected, when he realized the throbbing pain in his jaw felt oddly distant and unrelated to him.
He almost walked right past her house, but some instinct made him turn his head just in time to see the sign on the gate outside. Opening it he staggered forward, the bag slung over his shoulder seeming heavier with each step. He pressed the doorbell, then leaned against the door for the added support it offered, trying not to give in to the black spots that were dancing in front of his eyes, threatening to overwhelm his vision.
The door abruptly opened away from him, and he heard Sakura's startled exclamation as she caught him and helped him stay upright. "Issei? You idiot, why were you leaning against the door?"
Then he stepped far enough into the light for her to see his face, and her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, gods! What happened, Issei? What, did you kiss him again and he punched you?"
"It wasn't... Jinpachi..." he grated out past the pain. "Father... threw me... out..."
"They found out?" she asked, and he nodded slightly. "Oh no. Oh, Issei... I'm so sorry. Maybe he'll change his mind after he's thought about it for a while."
Issei shook his head, knowing his father would never change his mind about something so fundamental to his beliefs. The action made him dizzy, however, and he realized he was getting lightheaded. "Hurts," he whimpered.
"I bet," she agreed sympathetically. "That's one hell of a bruise." She lifted a hand to probe at it, not realizing it was anything more than discoloration. He flinched away from the light touch almost violently, gasping as the bones shifted and pain exploded through his skull.
Her eyes went wide again. "Issei! Is your jaw broken?" He nodded slightly, panting and leaning against the wall for support. "You... you idiot, you shouldn't have come here, you should have gone to a hospital and had me meet you there!"
Which was, of course, exactly what he should have done, he realized, but he hadn't been thinking rationally. Still wasn't, if it came to that. "Come on," she declared, digging through a drawer in a table near the door. She emerged with a ring of keys. "My parents left the car behind when they went on their trip, so I could use it if I had an emergency. I'd say this qualifies. I'm taking you to a hospital."
She grabbed him by the wrist and marched out the door, slamming it behind her with enough force to make him wince. He hoped that anger wasn't all directed at his stupidity. Having Sakura truly angry with you was an experience nobody ever wanted to have.
"Issei..." she glanced back and saw the way he cringed, and her eyes softened. "Oh, Enju. You never learn, do you? Not about love, and not about me. I'd never hurt you, you should know that." She touched his uninjured cheek gently, then her eyes hardened again and she tugged on his wrist. "Now, let's go! Before I throw you over my shoulder and carry you there!"
It was a cold night, even for early January; there was snow on the ground, though not much of it. Issei could see his breath in the air as he stumbled mindlessly along the sidewalk, but he didn't really register the cold despite the fact that he was wearing only a thin cotton shirt.
All other sensations were blotted out by the throbbing pain in his jaw that got worse with every step he took, and he couldn't seem to get his thoughts to follow any sort of logical path. Vaguely, he was aware that he was probably in shock and really ought to do something about his broken jaw and possible broken ribs, but he couldn't follow the thought long enough to find a solution to the problem.
His father had kicked him out. No, his father had disowned him. It was the reference to 'my daughter' rather than 'your sister' that really drove that point home for Issei. Wryly, he wondered if his parents' reactions would have been better or worse if he'd let slip his other secret instead of this one. Was it worse to know your son was gay, or that he believed he was the reincarnation of an alien woman who'd lived hundreds of years ago? Or, for that matter, that he was an empath?
It didn't matter now. Nothing really mattered any more. His life was in pieces, and he didn't know where to even begin to put them back together again. Any thoughts of attending university were gone; he wasn't sure how he was even going to manage to finish high school.
An odd hissing noise from his left drew his attention to the side, and his eyes widened when his sister stepped out from between two bushes and threw herself at him. He cried out as her weight impacted his bruised torso, and she pulled away slightly.
"Issei! It's not really true, is it? Father didn't really throw you out, did he?" Her grey eyes, so like his own, searched his face. Something in his expression must have answered for him, because she let out a sob and buried her face in his shoulder, as she'd often done when they were children.
"They were yelling at each other when I left," she told him, and his eyes widened. His parents rarely fought, as his mother was predisposed to give way to their father in all things. He'd never heard her raise her voice, certainly not to his father. "It's awful, Issei... she wants him to let you come back, but then she wants to send you to a hospital somewhere so they can 'fix' you."
The momentary hope that had formed when she told him his mother wanted him back enough to stand up to their father for it was crushed at her last words. Painfully, he forced himself to speak despite the throbbing in his jaw. "I won't go back," he said firmly. "Not to that. I don't want to be 'fixed'."
Which wasn't entirely true... there had been many times when he'd prayed to Sarjareem to free him from the tangled mess Enju had made of her life when she'd asked to be reincarnated as a male. If it had only been a chance to be 'cured' of this helpless attraction to his own sex, Issei might have taken it, even knowing the sorts of methods that would be employed.
But if they got him into a psychiatric hospital, sooner or later one of the psychologists would discover the secret of the moon scientists. Issei wasn't sure what it would be classified as - delusions, he supposed - but they would never let him be until they had 'cured' him of that, too. And he didn't want to lose his belief in his life as Enju. He knew the moon dreams were real - how else could you explain the fact that they'd all had the same dreams? Or the psychic powers many of them possessed, including Issei himself?
The two siblings stared at each other for a long moment, before his sister sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I know," she said miserably. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to go through that either. But I'm going to miss you so much!" she burst out, her eyes welling with tears.
Words being too painful for him at the moment, Issei just lifted his hand and stroked her hair, as she leaned against him and sniffled. He'd miss her too, irritating as she could be with her unending 'crush' on him.
"I brought your bag," she said when she finally pulled away. She ran back to the bushes, then re-emerged a moment later with a full duffle bag. "I tried to get everything you'd want to take with you. And I stole some money out of mother's purse - it's not much, but it'll get you through a couple of days."
He was touched by her thoughtfulness. If he'd been thinking straight he would have half expected her to come after him to say goodbye, but for her to be practical enough to bring his things with her was a minor miracle. "Thank you," he managed, hugging her carefully once more. "Now, go home, before they realize you're gone."
She nodded and wiped her eyes, turning to head back into the bushes. Just before she vanished, she turned and said, "Call me! Promise?" He nodded and waved, and then she was gone.
He picked up the bag, and started walking again. His thinking was a little more coherent now, at least. His jaw still throbbed though, and talking hadn't helped soothe the pain any. He needed help.
Finding a park bench, he sat down and set the bag beside him, rifling though it. She'd thrown a change of pants and a couple of his favourite shirts inside, and she'd even remembered socks and underwear. He blushed a little, picturing his sister going through his underwear drawer. At least he'd never kept dirty magazines there, unlike some boys he knew.
His hand brushed something metallic, and he withdrew it with a relieved sigh. She'd gotten his cell phone, and it was fully charged. He was certain his father would call the phone company and cancel the plan at the first opportunity, but it would have to wait until the office opened in the morning. For now, at least, he had the use of it.
He didn't need to use the speed dial to call Jinpachi's cell - it was faster just to punch the numbers in, he knew it so well. It rang twice, before his friend's voice came over the phone. "Ogura."
"Jinpachi..." Issei's voice came out a little mangled; it was getting harder and harder to speak past the pain.
"Issei?" Jinpachi was understandably surprised to hear his voice, especially at this time of night. It had been a long time since they'd been close enough to be calling each other at all hours, and quite some time since the last time Issei had called his friend unexpectedly. "Hey, good to hear from you," the boisterous teen continued before Issei could form another word. "I'm kinda busy right now, though... can it wait until tomorrow?"
"I..." Issei broke off, startled, at the sound of feminine laughter in the background, and a muffled command to 'get off the phone and get back here!' Jinpachi had a girl over? Or were they out somewhere together?
Mistaking his hesitation as agreement, Jinpachi laughed. "Okay. I'll see you in school tomorrow. Later!"
"Jin..." Issei didn't get any more out before the dial tone abruptly returned. Jinpachi had hung up on him. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it in shock. His best friend had hung up on him, just when Issei truly needed him most. There had been a time, not so very long ago, when Jinpachi would have known something was badly wrong just by the tone in Issei's voice when he spoke his friend's name. And now...
Now, he was oblivious. The image of the phone wavered in front of Issei, and after a moment he realized it was because he was seeing it through a lens of tears. A sob escaped him, then another, and then he was crying for real, pulling his knees up to curl around them on the bench, instinctively trying to protect himself from any more pain.
It didn't help, though; the position strained his ribs, making him even more certain they were cracked, if not broken, and his jaw was jarred with every sob. He felt as if he could have just cried forever, feeling completely abandoned, but he forced himself to get a grip before he could hurt himself further. He istill/i needed help, and there was one more possible source for it.
Hands shaking, it took him three tries to get his phone to call Sakura's. If she turned away from him too, he was half tempted to just follow Haruhiko's example and throw himself in the river, even if it meant he'd never be reincarnated. Surely oblivion would be better than existing alone. All at once he had a great deal more sympathy for Shion.
In the past, Shusuran had always been the one Enju turned to for comfort when Gyokuran hurt her by chasing after Mokuren. Issei often found it both ironic and comfortingly familiar that Sakura had become his confidant in this life as well.
"Hello?" she answered her phone, and fresh tears escaped him.
"Shusuran..." Between his strangled sobs and the pain in his jaw, the name was mangled almost beyond recognition. It also wasn't what he'd meant to say, but it certainly got her attention.
"Issei?" she sounded startled, and he could hear music and laughter in the background. "Are you okay? Is something wrong? You sound awful..."
It hurt, more than a little, to know that his friend of only a year had picked up what the boy who had been his best friend for over a decade had missed. But at least she wasn't hanging up on him. "Sakura... I..." It was so hard to force the words out, to admit what had happened and how badly he needed her help.
"Something happen with Jinpachi?" she guessed, sighing. It was a reasonable guess on her part; that was, after all, the reason behind every other tearful phone call he'd ever made to her. "Need a shoulder?"
"I... need help," he confessed miserably. This time he needed considerably more than just a shoulder to cry on... he wished his problem was something as simple as all the past ones had been!
"How far are you from my house?" she interrupted him.
Startled, he replied, "Twenty minutes... maybe?"
"Good. I can be back there in fifteen. Meet me there - nobody else is home," she declared. "I've gotta go if I'm gonna catch the next train. I'll be waiting for you!"
With that she hung up, and he was once more left with a dial tone in his ear. This time, though, it had been preceded by an offer of help, even if it wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting.
Sighing, he slid his phone into his pocket and grabbed his bag, heading for the train station. She'd obviously been out doing something, probably at a party or out with her friends. The contrast between her willingness to ditch everything and help him without even knowing the problem, and Jinpachi's hasty brush-off, made his heart ache.
It was time, past time, he realized, for him to reassign the title of 'best friend'. Sakura had earned the title a while ago, but he'd clung to his status as 'Jinpachi's best friend', that being the closest he could get to the boy he loved. He wondered if Jinpachi still thought of Issei as his best friend, or if the redhead had long since stopped thinking of him that way. That thought, too, hurt him deep inside. It was a night for pain, it seemed.
The train ride was interminable; breaking his usual habit, he'd sought out a seat, feeling like he might faint with each jolt of the cars over the tracks. It was getting harder to think again, as he sank deeper into misery and despair. He wasn't even sure what he'd hoped Jinpachi and Sakura could do to help him; they could offer sympathy and comfort, but it wasn't as if they could fix the situation for him. Still, he got himself through the endless minutes of the ride by reminding himself that Sakura waited for him at the end, and that she at least would not hate or abandon him.
He didn't bother to get a cab from the station to her house. It was only a few blocks, and he'd need the money later, to survive. Walking proved more difficult than he'd expected, however, each breath sending stabs of agony into his chest as his ribs protested. He was going back into shock again, he suspected, when he realized the throbbing pain in his jaw felt oddly distant and unrelated to him.
He almost walked right past her house, but some instinct made him turn his head just in time to see the sign on the gate outside. Opening it he staggered forward, the bag slung over his shoulder seeming heavier with each step. He pressed the doorbell, then leaned against the door for the added support it offered, trying not to give in to the black spots that were dancing in front of his eyes, threatening to overwhelm his vision.
The door abruptly opened away from him, and he heard Sakura's startled exclamation as she caught him and helped him stay upright. "Issei? You idiot, why were you leaning against the door?"
Then he stepped far enough into the light for her to see his face, and her eyes widened in horror. "Oh, gods! What happened, Issei? What, did you kiss him again and he punched you?"
"It wasn't... Jinpachi..." he grated out past the pain. "Father... threw me... out..."
"They found out?" she asked, and he nodded slightly. "Oh no. Oh, Issei... I'm so sorry. Maybe he'll change his mind after he's thought about it for a while."
Issei shook his head, knowing his father would never change his mind about something so fundamental to his beliefs. The action made him dizzy, however, and he realized he was getting lightheaded. "Hurts," he whimpered.
"I bet," she agreed sympathetically. "That's one hell of a bruise." She lifted a hand to probe at it, not realizing it was anything more than discoloration. He flinched away from the light touch almost violently, gasping as the bones shifted and pain exploded through his skull.
Her eyes went wide again. "Issei! Is your jaw broken?" He nodded slightly, panting and leaning against the wall for support. "You... you idiot, you shouldn't have come here, you should have gone to a hospital and had me meet you there!"
Which was, of course, exactly what he should have done, he realized, but he hadn't been thinking rationally. Still wasn't, if it came to that. "Come on," she declared, digging through a drawer in a table near the door. She emerged with a ring of keys. "My parents left the car behind when they went on their trip, so I could use it if I had an emergency. I'd say this qualifies. I'm taking you to a hospital."
She grabbed him by the wrist and marched out the door, slamming it behind her with enough force to make him wince. He hoped that anger wasn't all directed at his stupidity. Having Sakura truly angry with you was an experience nobody ever wanted to have.
"Issei..." she glanced back and saw the way he cringed, and her eyes softened. "Oh, Enju. You never learn, do you? Not about love, and not about me. I'd never hurt you, you should know that." She touched his uninjured cheek gently, then her eyes hardened again and she tugged on his wrist. "Now, let's go! Before I throw you over my shoulder and carry you there!"