A/N: My first (probably very shabby) attempt at CI fanfiction. It's a fairly short story that just popped into my head last night. I didn't have anything better to do, so here it is!

Disclaimer: I own the first season on DVD, apart from that, nothing :'(

Reason

New Years Eve in NYC. Was Bobby really looking for answers to questions that didn't exist?

Ch. 1- Contemplation

Bobby Goren sat alone in his living room. He looked at the bottle of vodka on the table, still three-quarters full, or one-quarter empty, depending on how you looked at it. His eyes then roamed to the empty shot glass next to it. He wasn't drunk, probably not even halfway there yet given that the bottle hadn't been full when he'd started on it.

He'd had three or four shots before he'd started contemplating exactly what is was about this time of year that made him feel so depressed and alone in the world. He'd been thinking about this almost every New Year's Eve since he was a teenager. Not every year had been like this though. Some years he'd gone to parties but he just didn't seem to fit in there. Everyone there was just looking to get drunk (and/or stoned) and find someone to spend the night with. His friends weren't bad guys, they would always be there for him, but they just didn't understand him. Not like Alex did.

New Year's Eve, he mused thoughtfully, was supposed to be a time of saying farewell to the old year and welcoming the new one. You're supposed to be looking to the future, not to the past. But moving onto the next year often made people question their accomplishments of the last twelve months. Bobby knew a lot of people would say that he had accomplished a lot of great things, all the murderers, scammers, and other human scum that he had helped lock away. He guessed that that was undeniable. But he couldn't have done any of it without his beloved Alex. His Alex. That's how he liked to think of her anyway. The woman who kept him sane and of this world. Something she might never know. He'd often wondered why she stayed around. One of his most common ideas on the matter was that she pitied him. But then that never really sounded like the Alex that he knew and she didn't seem the type to stay around without a reason. But what was that reason? He'd never come to a conclusion that seemed quite plausible.

Maybe he was just focusing too intently on the problem, or maybe just looking for answers to questions that don't exist. Can't see the forest for the trees.

He slumped back onto the couch, staring at the white ceiling with feigned interest.

Why did everything always come back to her? Back to Alex?

He'd been wondering that for much longer than twelve months now. Ever since he'd realised just how much he needed her. Without her, he didn't think his life would be worth living. He lent forward, resting his head in his hands. Was it really that simple? He knew he loved her, but was he in love with her? This thought caused him to laugh out loud. What a great New Year's Resolution. Definitely not committing that one to paper.

He sighed. Love is an emotion that has the power to be highly simple and extremely complicated, both at the same time.

He loved her, that much was simple, but what love brought to mind for him made it seem so complex. For him, love seemed to go hand in hand with fear, pain, anxiety, regret and rejection. Not to mention that fact that a) they worked together; and b) she was his best friend and the only person that he thought understood him.

Aw hell, he thought, this was going to be one long damned night.