It's up to you to guess who's having the dream. You'll find out for sure in the next chapter.
Searching For Sanity - Chapter 7
Enju was standing in the conservatory when Shusuran finally found her. The redhead had been looking for her best friend for more than an hour, since seeing Gyokuran talking animatedly to Mokuren. The empath was staring out the windows at the stars and the earth beyond, (Where am I?) her robes clutched tight in her hands and drawn closely around her. (Is this a dream?)
"Enju," Shusuran said, her voice full of relief and worry. "There you are. I've been looking all over for you." (One of the moon dreams?)
For a moment, Enju didn't seem to hear her. Then the long-haired woman turned and smiled at her best friend, (It doesn't feel right...) though not before Shusuran caught the glitter of tears in the empath's eyes. "Shusuran. I'm sorry, were we supposed to do something together tonight? I forgot."
Shusuran just looked at her friend steadily, and Enju fidgeted visibly under her friend's frank stare. (It's too fuzzy, as if it was a memory more distant than just second-hand...) "No," the redhead finally answered, gently. "You were supposed to have dinner with Gyokuran tonight. Did he back out on you again?"
Enju's smile turned brittle, but she shook her head and her voice was light when she spoke. "He had to do something with Mokuren; study some graphs, or something. I'm not sure. He promised to make it up to me in a couple of days."
"And he'll back out of that one too, most likely," Shusuran muttered, getting angry. (It doesn't even feel like a memory...) "He's doing this more and more often, Enju. You shouldn't put up with it!"
The empath stepped forward and laid a gentle hand on her friend's arm. "Shusuran, it's all right. I knew going into this that he didn't love me. I took my chances, and I can live with the consequences." Her beautiful smile was still sad, as if it were only a thin shield against her tears, and Shusuran impulsively reached out and hugged her.
"You deserve better, Enju!" she exclaimed, as Enju sighed and relaxed against her, arms stealing out to hug her back. "You deserve someone who loves you for yourself, not just as a substitute for a woman he can't have!" (If only it were that easy...)
"Who do you suggest, Shusuran?" Enju asked, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Hiragi? Shukaido? Shion, perhaps?" (Oh, dearest Sarjareem, no... I don't even want to think about it...) "I know you're only worried about me, Shusuran, but Gyokuran is the one I love, not them. Besides," she sighed softly, "It's not as if any of the others pay me any more attention than Gyokuran does. If you hadn't noticed, there's something of a limited population here." (Enju never spoke like that... sarcasm was Shusuran's forte, not Enju's...)
"And if there was someone who loved you? Really loved you?" Shusuran asked, her voice strained slightly with the struggle of keeping her emotions buried too deeply for Enju to sense them. "What then?"
"Does it matter?" Enju replied, biting her lip. "Nobody does. I've learned not to dream about things I can't have, Shusuran... it only brings more pain in the end." (We both need to learn that lesson in this life...) "It's hard enough for me to be with someone who desires me but doesn't really love me. I can feel it. At least when Gyokuran thinks of Mokuren when he's with me..." Enju's voice caught on a sob, "at least then I can pretend that love is meant for me."
"He doesn't." Shusuran's voice was edged with ice. (Did he really? How could she stand it? Bad enough to know the man you loved desired another... how much worse would it be to feel it as well?) "Tell me he doesn't."
Enju said nothing, only pulling away and moving back to stand in front of the window again, once more staring out at the stars. Shusuran cursed under her breath, seeing the glitter of the empath's tears threatening to spill over. She took a step forward, trying to think of how to comfort her friend.
"Shusuran... please, just go," Enju said softly, halting the redhead in her tracks. "I know you mean well, but right now it'd probably be easier on both of us if you just leave me be for the moment." The tears she still hadn't released were trembling in her voice, so close to the surface that any little scratch would burst the dam.
Making a decision, Shusuran deliberately stepped forward and made that scratch by wrapping her arms around Enju from behind. (Shusuran never did know when to leave well enough alone...) The empath stiffened in her arms, almost struggling against the hold, but Shusuran held on tight. Finally Enju's body relaxed, shaking with the sobs she still refused to give voice to.
"You're wrong," Shusuran told her, turning her captive so they were face to face. Enju looked up at her, pale hair flowing gently in the breeze from the air filters, tears making her eyes shine like opalescent gems. "You're wrong. There is someone who loves you, more than life itself."
And before she could change her mind or let fear take control, Shusuran ducked her head and kissed Enju, full on the lips. At the same moment she released the iron barriers she'd learned to build around her own heart, letting the empath sense her best friend's true feelings for the first time ever.
Enju gasped at the sensation, and Shusuran promptly took advantage of the involuntary gesture, sweeping her tongue into Enju's mouth. She was aggressive, but also gentle, knowing that this might very well be her only chance to experience this. At any moment, Enju would come to her senses and push her away, and their friendship would probably be ruined forever.
She'd promised herself that she would never tell the beautiful woman how much she loved her, (What? Shusuran was in love with Enju?) knowing that, trapped as they were amongst such a tiny population, the strain between them upon her rejection would put an unbearable tension on the already touchy dynamics in the group. (Not that those kinds of considerations ever stopped any of the males from throwing themselves at Mokuren like animals in rut, thoughtless of the consequences...)
The kiss lasted only a moment, for Shusuran dared not make it longer than that. But that moment was pure heaven, and so the seconds it lasted felt both like an eternity, and a fleeting blink of time. It could only have been made better if Enju had been participating, instead of standing there rigid in shock, but there were some dreams that just weren't meant to be. Truly, she had no call to be lecturing Enju about obsessing over people she could never have.
She pulled back, an apology already on the tip of her tongue. More than anything she wanted not to lose Enju's friendship, her trust... if she could only, somehow, convince the empath that it had been nothing but a momentary aberration...
To her shock, before she'd pulled away more than an inch, Enju's lips were pressed against hers again, bold and insistent. The smaller woman's body was tight against hers, their breasts and legs rubbing through the layers of fabric in their robes.
This had to be a dream. (This is a dream. But is it a memory? Or only a dream? Why would I dream about something like this?) Only in her dreams would Enju respond like this, as if she were willing and eager for the caress.
"Shusuran," Enju breathed when they finally parted enough for speech. "Why did you hide this from me? It must have been so hard for you..."
Shusuran was trembling, and with their bodies so close she knew the empath could feel it physically as well as psychically. "I was afraid," she admitted, her voice harsh with fear and lust. "Afraid of losing you forever. I thought I would be happy with your friendship." (Oh, Sarjareem, we really do just keep making the same mistakes over and over, don't we? Why can't we learn?) "But I can't stand to see him making you so unhappy. It breaks my heart to see you cry."
"You love me," Enju said, a sense of wonder in her voice, as if she was amazed that anyone could feel such an emotion towards her. Shusuran could only nod, the lump in her throat too large to speak around, knowing how lonely and loveless Enju's life must have been for such a thing to seem amazing to her. And Gyokuran hadn't helped the problem, damn him.
"I do," she finally managed to say. Her eyes were locked on Enju's, and for the life of her she couldn't look away. She felt as if she was being pulled into their bright depths, drowning in Enju's soul.
"Let me feel it again?" Enju whispered, leaning a little closer. Her expression was entreating, yearning, a child reaching out for a treat she'd never thought to possess. "Please? It felt so good... Shusuran, love me, please?" (Wait... no, this can't be right...)
"Enju..." It came out as a croak, and Shusuran had to swallow and try again. "Enju, are you sure? Once done, we can't undo this. We can still walk away now and pretend it never happened." Actually, she doubted that last part, but they would at least be able to try. "Do you even know what you're asking for?"
The empath smiled and leaned forward, kissing Shusuran almost shyly, her tongue darting out to taste the other woman's lips before pulling back again quickly. Her hand was anything but shy, however; slender fingers brushed over Shusuran's nipple and returned to play, making the redhead moan into her friend's mouth. (What is she doing? What are they doing? This never happened! Did it?)
"Touch me, Shusuran," Enju invited, her voice a low husky purr entirely uncharacteristic for her. Was this what she sounded like for Gyokuran in bed? Or was this a side of the empath that only Shusuran had provoked? The thought made Shusuran weak in the knees.
Valiantly, she tried one last time to assert common sense. "You'd be cheating on Gyokuran, Enju... for all that he chases after Mokuren, he's never actually done anything with her."
"He would in a heartbeat, if not for Shion," Enju replied, capturing Shusuran's nipple between her fingertips and pinching gently, making the taller woman gasp. "How could I go back to him, after feeling this? I thought I was happy, feeling his love for Mokuren and pretending it was meant for me. But feeling love that iis/i meant for me... I don't think I could stand to go back."
That was all Shusuran needed to hear for her passion to overcome her common sense. Drawing away abruptly, she captured Enju's torturous hand, and tugged her towards the door. "Not here," she ordered. "My room. Come on!"
Breathless and giggling, they ran through the halls, ducking around corners to hide if any of the others approached. Shusuran felt light as a feather, as if a weight that had been pressing her down all her life had been lifted. If she'd been any lighter, she thought she'd be able to fly.
The moment the door cycled shut behind them Enju was in Shusuran's arms again, the taller woman pressing her back against the wall as she nipped and licked her way down the empath's throat. (Why am I dreaming this? I have to wake up...) Enju moaned, loudly enough that Shusuran was grateful for the excellent soundproofing in the base's walls.
Then Enju arched her back, offering herself to Shusuran, one leg sliding between the taller woman's, and Shusuran forgot all about the presence of the others on the base. In fact, she forgot about anything at all except Enju, and the amazing, impossible feeling of the empath against her.
"Enju, I love you," she murmured into her friend's ear, and Enju shivered.
"I love you too, Shusuran," she replied. "I can feel your desire so strong it's drowning me. Hurry! I can't wait..."
Unspoken between them was the knowledge that Enju had never desired a woman before this moment, that she was reacting more to Shusuran's feelings than to any desire of her own. (This is wrong, this is such a bad idea...) Shusuran knew that the wise thing to do would have been to step back, to leave until they'd both cooled down enough to talk about it rationally. But damn it, she'd been waiting so long, wanting so long, and now all her hopes and dreams were being handed to her on a silver platter... how could she resist? (Don't do it, this is a mistake...)
Ignoring her conscience, Shusuran moved to strip Enju of her robes, the empath's smaller hands fumbling awkwardly at Shusuran's clothes as well. Enju was clearly hesitant and uncertain, unused to undressing another female; Shusuran pulled away just long enough to unclasp the pins holding her robes together, and let them fall gracefully to the floor.
She stood nude before the woman she loved, who was staring back at her, clothes half off. (She's so beautiful...) "Enju," she said, her voice throaty with desire. She beckoned, and Enju took a step away from the wall, letting her robes fall completely to the floor.
A moment later they were locked in another embrace, Shusuran guiding them to the bed, pushing Enju over onto her back on the soft mattress. "I'll make you feel so good, you'll never regret it," she promised, kneeling over Enju to trail her mouth over the empath's breasts. Enju's long, pale hair was spread out beneath her like a silken backdrop, framing the glowing perfection of her equally pale skin.
Shusuran licked delicately at one engorged nipple, making Enju shudder and cry out beneath her. Enju's breasts were small, just the perfect size to be held in one hand, and Shusuran kneaded at them with a gentle touch.
She was so focused on doing all the things to Enju she'd only had a chance to dream about before, that she actually jumped slightly when the hesitant fingers brushed her nipple again. Looking up, she saw Enju looking back at her wide-eyed, as the pale hand explored Shusuran's darker skin tentatively. (Oh, Sarjareem, it feels so good, even if it is only a dream...)
Making a soft noise of encouragement in the back of her throat, Shusuran turned her attention to Enju's neglected nipple. Slowly she slipped one of her legs between the empath's, rocking upwards so that her thigh put pressure on the other woman's clit. Enju cried out and writhed beneath her, causing her to rub against Shusuran's thigh again.
The sound and feel of her made Shusuran's breath catch, and she felt dampness gathering between the lips of her vagina. She'd already been turned on, but this was bringing her to new heights of arousal. Dizzily, she wondered what the final explosion would be like, if just the beginning of the foreplay was this intense.
Enju shifted again, lifting one of her legs so that her thigh brushed Shusuran in turn. She rocked her hips, granting them both the friction they craved, and Shusuran lunged up to capture her lover's lips in a fierce kiss. (Can anything really feel that good? Is it really like that between two people who love each other?)
She could feel Enju's wetness on her skin now, warm trickles of it sliding down over the curve of her thigh, onto the sheets. The musky smell of sex was heavy in the air, and the room rang with the sound of their moans and cries. Feeling she would surely burst if she let this continue much longer, Shusuran reluctantly drew away, making Enju whimper and reach for her.
"Hush, love, I'm not leaving," she promised, resettling herself squarely between Enju's thighs. For a moment the empath resisted, pressing her thighs against Shusuran's waist, trying to close them. (Don't, don't do it, this is a mistake, you'll only regret it...) Shusuran just waited patiently, nibbling at the edge of Enju's jaw, letting her feelings of love and desire flow from her heart much as her fluids were flowing from her body.
Finally Enju relaxed, her legs falling to the sides and allowing Shusuran to settle more firmly atop her. The redheaded woman slowly began her path down her lover's body, using hands and teeth and tongue to lavish attention on every available inch of Enju's body.
The empath squirmed and moaned beneath her, biting down on the side of her hand to stifle her loudest cries. Shusuran wondered briefly about that - was it a natural tendency? Or something she'd learned? Either way she wished the woman would let herself express her pleasure, but at the moment Shusuran wasn't about to push her luck by demanding specifics.
When she reached Enju's crotch she bypassed the mass of curly hair there, moving on to alternately bite and suck at the soft flesh of Enju's inner thigh. The muscles quivered beneath her mouth with a mixture of tension and arousal, and it made Shusuran feel powerful every time Enju's leg jerked slightly in reaction to Shusuran's teasing.
When she reached the foot she was kneeling on the floor beside the bed, Enju's ankle firmly clasped in her hands. She licked at the delicate toes, making the other woman laugh breathlessly. "Shusuran, please," Enju begged sweetly, her voice hoarse with desire.
"Please what, love?" Shusuran asked wickedly, rising up from her crouch so that she was leaning over Enju again, her arms braced on either side of the empath's waist, her breasts brushing Enju's core with every breath she took. (Who knew Shusuran was such a tease?)
"Please!" Enju said again, tossing her head. "Please, I need you, I need this..."
"All you ever had to do was ask," Shusuran told her softly, drawing back again. Pushing Enju's thighs a little further apart with her hands, she leaned in and nuzzled through the fragrant curls between them, inhaling the intoxicating scent that was Enju's arousal.
The empath was wet enough that the tops of her inside thighs were slick, and Shusuran carefully licked it off the delicate skin, enjoying the taste of it. Enju's fists clenched in the sheets as she gave up trying to muffle herself. Her cries grew louder and more impatient with each swipe of Shusuran's tongue, until finally Shusuran took pity on her.
Parting the curls with her fingers, she drew her tongue along the revealed slit, revelling in the wetness and the way Enju's hips jumped beneath her hands in an effort to bring her close. Enju was gasping now, and Shusuran knew her lover was already close to the edge. (I shouldn't be so aroused by this, it's only a dream, but oh, my body doesn't care...) Small wonder; after years of lusting after her best friend while confined to celibacy, Shusuran herself was wound tighter than a spring, and ready to burst. Enju, feeding off both her own body's responses and Shusuran's emotions, must be twice as badly off.
The tip of her tongue nudged the swollen knob of flesh at the top of Enju's slit, and the empath screamed in pleasure and release. Slick liquid dripped from her body as her orgasm made her body pulse with ecstasy, and Shusuran's lower face was quickly covered in it. She didn't pull away, continuing to tease gently at the nub as Enju's body convulsed, bringing a second orgasm hard on the heels of the first.
Only when Enju's whimpers became pained did she withdraw, knowing the empath's body had gotten too sensitive to bear any more direct stimulation. She snagged a corner of the sheet and wiped her face with it, smiling as she crawled up to lie beside her panting lover.
"Oh, Shusuran..." Enju gathered the energy from somewhere to roll over and throw herself in Shusuran's willing arms. The smaller woman was sobbing softly with the overwhelming feelings of it all, and Shusuran stroked her back slowly, ignoring her own throbbing body in favour of comforting her lover.
"Are you all right, love?" Shusuran couldn't entirely keep her frustrated desire from showing in her voice, but she thought she did a fair job of modulating it.
At least, she thought she had until Enju chuckled softly and replied, "I will be once I've done the same for you and you stop vibrating at me."
Shusuran flushed, grateful for the darkness in her room, though she knew Enju would sense her embarrassment. "I suppose it's pointless trying to hide anything from you when we're in such close contact?" she asked wryly.
"Rather," Enju agreed, shifting so that one of her hands was free to trail down over Shusuran's side and hip. The redhead shivered, more than ready to just skip over the previews and go right on to the main event. Getting Enju off had been perhaps the most arousing experience of her entire life; she didn't need any more foreplay than that.
Sensing her desperate need, Enju didn't hesitate as her hand slid over the curve of Shusuran's hip, fingers tangling in the dark red curls she found. Shusuran groaned and spread her legs, holding Enju's upper body to her tightly with one hand while she clutched at the blanket with the other. "Oh, Sarjareem, Enju... please don't tease me, I've waited too long, I can't stand it..."
"I won't tease," Enju promised, inserting one finger into the folds of Shusuran's flesh. The tip rubbed over Shusuran's clit, making her gasp and cry out in mindless need. (Please, Sarjareem, free me from this dream! I can't take this...) Having found something that worked, Enju apparently decided to stick with it, running her finger over that small bump of flesh again and again, occasionally varying the strokes by circling around it for a few moments instead.
Shusuran was crying out in a rhythm to match Enju's fingers, the cries becoming strangled each time Enju changed her pace. Each shift in rhythm caused her to fall away from the peak as her body switched gears, then just as she was climbing again Enju would change back to her first pattern. It was driving Shusuran into mindless frustration at an amazingly rapid pace.
"I thought... you said... you wouldn't... tease!" she panted, jerking her hips in an attempt to maintain some sort of constant friction.
"Oh, is this teasing?" Enju asked, her voice holding nothing but innocent surprise. Her expression matched her voice, save for the wicked glint in her eyes. (That's not Enju, she wouldn't behave like that, this must be a dream, and only a dream...) "I'm sorry, I'm just trying different things to see what works best."
Shusuran growled and grabbed for her lover's wrist, intending to force the woman to bring her over the edge if necessary. Enju laughed and snatched her hand out of reach, leaving Shusuran panting, desolate, on the verge of tears.
Then it was her turn to scream as Enju brought her hand back and attacked Shusuran's clit with three fingers, rubbing with a hard, steady pressure that sent her skyrocketing towards the pinnacle. With a second, choked scream, Shusuran went tumbling over the edge into the oblivion of ecstasy, darkness creeping over her vision as she thought she might pass out from the sheer intensity.
"I love you," Enju's whisper followed her into the darkness, and she clung to it as reassurance that this really had happened, and wasn't only a dream. (But it was a dream! This never happened, it couldn't have... could it?)