Holiday- An Instant Star Christmas Story
Chapter 6- Mirror Images
The next few days passed quickly, taking them to December 23, the day Jude was scheduled to perform her annual holiday concert at Children's Hospital. The tradition now dated back three years, since she first won the Instant Star competition. Tommy passed much of this time in personal turmoil, trying desperately to resolve his quandary. Did he want to see his father?
"Should I stay or should I go?" he pondered, quoting the old song lyric.
Resolution appeared impossible. Too many reasons propelled him in each direction.
Desperately grateful for the distraction, Tommy drove his car to the very familiar location of Jude's house. She easily recognized the bright blue Viper from the window, and eagerly came outside as it parked. As befitted the frigid day, she wore her heavy brown leather jacket, and her warm breath caused little smoky puffs in the cold air.
"Hey" she said, greeting her boyfriend with her customary warm smile and even steamier embrace.
He returned both affectionately, but Jude easily noted his preoccupation.
"How are you doing?" she asked. She hadn't seen him much since their day at the mall. They talked, but Tommy had not said anything extensive about his father. Jude knew he thought about it; she wouldn't push him. She knew he would confide in her when he felt ready. Still, the way he looked today concerned her and she needed to ask.
Tommy picked up not just on the inquiry, but on the love surrounding it. A small, quick smile broke through on his harried face.
"I'm ok." he answered. "Thinking a lot..."
"Are you sleeping?" she asked. It didn't look like it.
"Without you?" he replied wryly, then answered.
"Not so much. But some. It's not so bad." he smiled bravely, exhaustion etched on his demeanor.
"So, what have you been thinking about?" she gently prodded.
"My father. It's all so hard. I remember all the reasons I hate him. But ever since the day at the mall, I remember other stuff too. He wasn't always like this. He was good to us once. He loved me. At least I thought so..."
"I'm sure he did." Jude nodded. Tommy had shared his better family memories with her after their shopping trip.
"Why did he change? We were so happy! Why did he have to wreck everything?"
Jude nodded again, on some level, completely identifying with this. She had felt similar emotions after discovering her father's affair. She disclosed this to him.
"I get that. I felt that way, too. After finding out about Dad and Yvette. It drove me crazy. One day, I just had to ask him. Why?"
"What did he say?" Tommy questioned, with genuine interest.
"That things changed. That he couldn't help changing, too. That it wasn't my fault. And that he loved me. He was sorry he hurt me."
Tommy considered this.
"Yep. That fits!" he replied, smirking just a little.
"I'm not saying it's that easy. You know it wasn't for me. And I know it's even harder for you. What my dad did doesn't even compare to yours..." Jude began, slightly defensive.
"I know. I'm not trying to make you feel bad." Tommy clarified.
"Seriously. Tell me more." he urged. "I know you and your dad are okay now. How did you forgive him after that?"
"It wasn't easy, as you know. But somehow, hearing him out made it easier. Answered all the questions playing endlessly in my head like a warped CD, stuck in place. Finally, I could move forward. I guess it was a relief to understand. And to know for sure that it wasn't my fault."
Tommy nodded, his face more serious than Jude had ever seen it.
"That makes sense. I gotta think about that."
"Right now?" Jude asked, as they pulled into the parking lot at the Children's Hospital.
"No" he assured her, smiling lovingly.
"This is your moment. I just want to be there. Watching it. Enjoying it. Enjoying you."
"Oh, no, you're not! You're gonna sing with me! Like you did on the tour!"
"Somehow, I don't know if those duets would be appropriate here."
On the road, they dazzled audiences with smoldering renditions of "Take My Breath Away" and "It Could Be You". Passion drove these performances, rendering them spectacular; they often ended with them locked tightly in each other's arms, oblivious to the crowd for just a few seconds. This was natural, and completely unplanned, surprising Tommy, so used was he to completely controlling his emotions. The spontaneity and genuineness delighted their fans. Quickly, he acclimated to it; he wanted and needed to kiss her then, and didn't care who saw it. It was that simple. Of course, EJ and Georgia loved it, loved the publicity. Tommy and Jude didn't care about that. They just loved each other.
Jude laughed as she answered him.
"No, of course we're not doing that today. Strictly "holiday" stuff now! But you like those songs. At least some of them. I know what's in your CD player at home." she teased.
Tommy didn't even bother protesting. He knew when he was beat.
"Anything for those kids. Just do me one favor. Don't advertise to the world that I actually like the stuff."
"Bad for the image, right?"
"Exactly. So keep quiet. Or you'll pay for it" he mockingly threatened.
"Just try me, Quincy" she giggled merrily, opening the car door and running inside.
"Jude!"
Both of them turned serious again, as they stood at the hospital's reception desk.
"Jude Harrison. As always, so great to have you here!" Ms. Syms, the recreation director warmly greeted her.
"And I see you brought some help this time." she said, focusing on Tommy.
"Eva Syms, this is Tommy Quincy...". Jude quickly introduced them.
"Nice to meet you. I've been a fan for years." Ms. Syms responded. "The children will be so excited to see both of you. Right this way." she said, directing them down a long corridor.
Jude and Tommy entered a large, colorful room. Cheerful decorations filled the space, including a trimmed, brightly lit tree in the corner. Some children were already assembled in the folding chairs placed in a circle around the room. When they saw the visitors, they immediately clamored for attention.
"Jude! Jude!" they yelled, excitedly.
Jude beamed happily, as she began chatting with the happy young faces.
"We can start in a few minutes. We're still waiting for some more of the kids. I'll go see what's keeping them." Ms. Syms said, excusing herself.
The children continued their gay chatter, all except one. Jude almost missed the small, golden haired little boy, curled up tightly in the window seat in the far corner of the room. With her eyes, she signaled Tommy, who approached the obviously depressed child.
"Hey there" Tommy looked at the boy, flashing his smile that usually instantly drew people to him. This time, it failed. The child curled up protectively in a tight ball, as if he wished to render himself invisible.
"Hi" Tommy tried again, speaking more softly, as his blue eyes sought the younger, but similarly hued pair.
"Are you ok?" he asked kindly.
The little boy remained silent.
"What's your name?" Tommy asked
"Ryan" the youth replied, in the saddest voice Tommy had ever heard.
"Something's bothering you. Isn't it?" he pursued, trying the same soft approach Jude used with him.
"Yes" Ryan's tiny voice whispered.
"Do you want to tell me about it? Maybe I can help."
"I don't think so. Nothing helps!" Ryan cried out in pain.
"Maybe, if we both try together, we can think of something that does. I think we can." Tommy encouraged.
"Really?"
"Yup! So, what is it?"
"My father..." Ryan began.
A cold chill iced Tom's blood; he was performer enough to conceal it.
"I miss him. But I'm not gonna see him again. See this?" he asked, indicating the cast on his right arm.
"Uh-huh. What happened?" Tommy asked, already sensing the answer.
"He threw me down the stairs. I was bad. I didn't listen. But they say it's his fault. It's not. It's mine. Now, he'll hate me! He'll never want to see me again!"
"No. That's not true." Tommy said, responding to the very familiar ache in this child.
"No? How do you know?" Ryan demanded quietly, but firmly.
"Cause, I'm a grown-up, too. Sometimes we do really stupid things. Sometimes we hurt the people we love most. We shouldn't, but we do. And then we stay away from them. Not because we want to. But because we don't want to hurt them again. We don't want to take that chance."
"You hit people, too?" Ryan asked incredulously; it didn't seem possible. The child recoiled in fear.
"No. Never." Tommy quickly reassured him. "But there are other ways of hurting someone. With words."
Ryan nodded, easily understanding that.
"Yeah. My dad does that, too. Calls me names and stuff."
"Great!" Tommy thought, sarcastically. "How many shmucks are there in this world!". He hid this thought from the young boy, thinking instead of a way to comfort him.
"See that beautiful woman there?" Tommy asked him, indicating Jude.
"Yeah. I know she's your girlfriend. I see your picture in magazines!" Ryan grinned, a little sheepishly.
"Yes. She is. Now. But she wasn't always. I said things that hurt her. I thought she hated me. I stayed away from her for a very long time, cause I thought I'd hurt her even more. But that didn't mean I didn't care about her or miss her. I really did."
"But you guys worked it out?" Ryan asked, curious
"Yeah. Cause we wanted to. Cause we love each other. I'm not saying it's easy. Or that things are exactly the same for you and your dad. Your dad hit you. No adult should ever do that to a child. Not ever. He did something wrong. That's not your fault. And it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He's staying away so he won't hurt you again. But it may not always have to be like that. You may see him again, someday. Give it time. It may work out." Tommy soothed.
"Really?" Ryan asked, still skeptical.
"Yeah. Meantime, let's see if we can't find something to cheer you up a little. What makes you happy?" Tommy asked the child.
"I dunno" he replied.
"Shall I tell you something? Sometimes, when I'm sad, I like to sing. It makes me feel better. Wanna try that?"
Ryan nodded.
"Ok. What Christmas song is your favorite?"
"I like "Rudolph""
""Rudolph" it is. We're gonna sing that next. Just for you. But, you gotta help us. Ok?"
"Ok"
Tommy took his hand and led him back towards the circle. Jude and the other children were already singing. After they finished their rendition of "Jingle Bells", Jude turned to them.
"Ok. We got a special request here from Ryan. For that famous red-nosed reindeer! You all know who I'm talking about?"
"Rudolph!" the children all screamed.
"Yeah! That's him." Tommy smiled. "Well, we're gonna sing that song. And Ryan here is going to be our special helper, he said, placing Ryan's fingers on the guitar and covering them with his own.
"Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer..." he began, nodding to the child.
"Had a very shinny nose... And if you ever saw it... You would even say it glows!" the pair sang together.
Jude signaled, and the rest of the children all joined in.
"All of the other reindeer. Used to laugh and call him names! They never let poor Rudolph... Join in any reindeer games..."
Holiday spirits rose as they finished that song.
"That was great!" Tommy cheered. "And let's give it up for our very talented guitar player, Ryan!". The child's face radiated pure joy, as everyone applauded.
The two hours scheduled for the concert flew by. Tommy and Jude really enjoyed their time with the children and especially hated to see this performance end. But it had to; these kids really needed their rest.
"Wonderful! Just great!" Ms. Syms beamed, obviously thrilled.
"Jude, fantastic as always! And Tommy- what can I say? I really want to thank you for what you did for Ryan. He's been here for a month now, and I don't think anyone here ever saw him smile before. I don't know how, but it's as if you two really understand each other."
"I think we do." Tommy said softly.
"Oh" responded Ms. Syms simply, not wanting to pry.
"Well, it was a pleasure! Hopefully, I'll see both of you here again soon!"
"Yes. Definitely." Tommy answered her first, and Jude nodded in confirmation.
"Great. Happy Holidays! The best to you both and to your families!"
"The same to you and everyone here!" Jude and Tommy bestowed similar holiday wishes to the hospital staff.
Hand in hand, they returned to the car. When they reached it, Jude stopped, throwing her arms around Tommy, hugging him as closely as she could.
"Hey. What's that for?" he asked, surprised, but clearly delighted, as his arms tightened around her.
"You know" she smiled. "That was amazing. What you did for Ryan. What was bothering him, anyway?"
"Let's just say, his father and mine have something in common." Tommy responded, his mood darkening.
"Tommy..." Jude drew back, so she could see his face. Her hand stroked his icy cold cheek.
His eyes bored deep into hers.
"It's okay, Jude. Really, it is. "
She looked at him in disbelief.
"It was hard to listen to him. Even harder to talk to him. But it felt good to help that kid. Damm good!"
"What did you say to him, anyway? You didn't tell him about your dad?"
"No, of course not. That wouldn't help him. I still don't know how that's gonna turn out..." Tommy paused.
"So? What did you say instead?'
"That what his father did was wrong. But that it wasn't his fault. That sometimes people do really stupid things and hurt people they love- their feelings, if not their body. But also that sometimes, if they want to, they can work it out. Cause they love each other."
Jude's gloved hand sought Tommy's bare fingers.
"Is that what you really want?" she asked gently.
"It was. With you" he smiled softly, remembering. "With my dad, I still don't know. I really doubt that's possible. I still hate him. I can't imagine that changing. He's scum! Worse than that! But there are things I want to know. And somehow, talking to Ryan, I felt stronger. Like I could deal with seeing him now, if I wanted to."
"You can." she assured him
"Thanks." he said and hugged her again, feeling her shivering.
"You're freezing. Come on. Let's get outta here!" he said.
They got into the Viper and started for home.