Holiday- An Instant Star Christmas Story
Chapter 10- True Faith
Author's note- Well, readers, as incredible as it seems to me, the end of this story is actually near. Right now, it looks like we've got one more chapter after this one, and then- boom! I can't believe it- I'm actually gonna finish a fic! Woo-hoo! But of course, there's plenty more where this came from (wherever that is... I really have no clue how the heck I did this...)
Ok- one more note. The title "True Faith" comes from yet another 1980's song by the band New Order. It's funny- my friend and I once stayed up one night listening to this song over and over, trying to figure out the words... we couldn't do it. At the suggestion of a friend here, I googled the lyrics, and now I have them. But I still don't really understand it- even knowing the words. So, I figured it was appropriate for this chapter where Tommy tries to understand his dad...
Since I don't know exactly when the last chapter will come out- shooting for before New Year's but it might be the day of... I'd like to wish everyone here an awesome New Year, filled with lots of fun and happiness! Hey, IS is back on here in a month- that's gotta be a good sign! Party on, people!
Read, review and enjoy!
dorothy
Chapter 10- True Faith
Tommy and Jude both smiled as they hurried upstairs to his apartment. Both were eager to escape the bitter cold. However, both had another reason for their haste.
As soon as they got inside, he reached for her, pressing his lips on hers urgently. She returned his kisses with an intense hunger that equaled his own. With the emotional roller coaster Tommy rode the past week, it felt like forever since they had really been together. In fact, it had only been a few days. But that was still too long for them.
Without conscious knowledge of how they got there, they found themselves in Tommy's bedroom. Slowly, carefully, almost reverently, he slipped her clothes from her body, loving every second of his actions. Jude luxuriated in his touch on her bare skin; she only wanted to reciprocate. Her wish soon was granted, as she removed his garments. Finally naked, they both lay down besides each other, pressing their bodies closer and closer.
They made love repeatedly throughout the night, driven by their powerful, seemingly insatiable need for each other. Finally spent, they surrendered to sleep, not awakening until after noon.
"Now this is more like the Jude I know" Tommy teased her, noting the time.
"You oughta talk, Quincy. On tour, you never got outta bed before I did."
"Now, why would I do something stupid like that?" he asked her.
"Good point" she conceded, snuggling happily besides him.
"Mmm, yes. Why would I ever want to move now?" he replied. "I don't"
"Except... I'm starving. Aren't you?"
"Well, yeah." he reluctantly admitted.
He and Jude both pulled on his sweats, and headed to the kitchen.
"I'll make you my special omelet." he offered. "I know you love it."
"Sounds perfect. I'll pour some orange juice and make us some coffee."
With familiarity, they worked together in the kitchen, assembling their meal. They then sat down and enjoyed it together.
"Wonderful, as always." Jude smiled.
"Yeah" Tommy nodded, absently.
"What's wrong?" she responded, noting the worried look that suddenly appeared on his face.
"I gotta admit it. There's another reason I wanted you here with me now. There's something I gotta do that I need you for. A telephone call...:"
"To him?'
"Yes."
"I'm here" Jude replied.
"Good. Cause I'm really gonna do this."
With Jude besides him, Tommy walked into the living room.
"Here goes nothing." he said, inhaling sharply and dialing his father's number.
James Quincy picked up on the first ring.
"Hello. James Quincy." he answered formally.
"Hello" Tommy said, equally reserved.
"Tom? Is that you?" his father asked.
"Yes"
"How are you?"
"Surprised" Tommy replied, truthfully.
"Yeah, I know. It's been a long time. Too long. That's my fault. I should have done this earlier."
These words shocked Tommy. He had never known his father to ever admit when he was wrong, let alone accept blame or responsibility for those mistakes.
"I was hoping we could meet. I really would like to see you." James went on.
"Ok. Today good?" Tommy asked, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible.
"Yes" James confirmed, sensing that it was either now or never.
They settled on a meeting place, choosing a local, but unpopular coffee shop. It would provide them with both the quiet and the privacy this sensitive meeting demanded.
Tommy hung up the phone and Jude looked at him questioningly.
"Well, that's it. Two hours from now." he muttered, joining his girlfriend on the sofa.
She took his hands in both of hers, reassuring.
"It's going to be okay. No matter what. We'll get through this."
"Right now, I just want it to be over."
That feeling persisted in Tommy as he entered the coffee shop. He surveyed the booths, searching for a familiar face, one that once looked almost identical to his own.
It wasn't hard to spot James Quincy in the almost empty room. He sat in the middle of the restaurant, all the way on the left side.
Tommy's body stiffened as he walked the few feet towards him, dreading every step closer to the silver and white formica table.
James Quincy's coloring appeared to now match that table. Once a vibrantly handsome man like his son, the years had faded him. His hair and skin appeared washed out and gray; his once firm jawline had slackened. Yet somehow, he still managed to look imposing. Fear seized Tommy as he finally reached his father.
"Hey" he said, not knowing how to greet the man he so despised.
"Been a long time."
"Long enough" James Quincy commented.
He slid into the booth across from him, as the waitress appeared and they ordered coffee.
"You look good, Tom"
"Thanks" he replied, unable to return the complement.
"So. How've you been?"
"Good. Really good."
"Things really do seem to be going well for you. I still see your picture in all the papers.'
"Yeah. Well, don't believe everything you read."
"What shouldn't I believe? That you are an extremely successful producer. That you're an excellent songwriter. That you have a beautiful and talented girlfriend who obviously loves you very much."
"I didn't come here to talk about Jude! Or myself!" Tommy finally snapped.
"You got me here. Said you wanted to talk. So, talk!" he said, enraged.
James Quincy sighed.
"I did want to talk. I do. It's just hard to start..."
Tommy glared at him.
"I miss you!" James suddenly blurted out. "I made a lot of mistakes. I don't even know where to begin with you."
"Oh, you don't. How about telling me the truth! Why? Why did you do it? Any of it? All of it! The drinking. And..." Tommy stopped abruptly, unable to verbalize the other horrible things that his father had done.
"You want an explanation?"
"Yes!"
"I owe you that. But it's not easy..."
"Try it!" Tommy barked at him.
"It doesn't make things right. I spent years, in groups, in therapy, trying desperately to understand any of it. How I could damage my own wife, my own son, like that?"
"And what wonderful conclusion did you finally reach?" Tommy smirked, sarcastically.
"That I was weak. And angry."
"Angry? Why? What the hell did mom ever do to make you angry! She killed herself trying to please you! She did almost everything you ever asked of her!"
"Except with me." Tommy realized, suddenly feeling guilty.
"She helped me. Took me to auditions, lessons, practices. She wanted me to perform. But you didn't..." he silently mused.
James Quincy's gravelly voice interrupted his private thoughts.
"That's all true. It wasn't about her. It was about me. I was never angry at her. Or you. I was... angry at myself."
"Why?"
"I just... felt trapped. I always have. From the day I was born, everything was decided for me. I would be a doctor. Not just a doctor, but a great surgeon, just like my own father was. Even if I didn't want to. Even if I hated it. But I had no choices, ever. Even with your mother..." James' voice trailed off uncertainly.
Tommy wouldn't let him off that easily.
"You started this. You finish it!" he insisted.
"Tom, don't get me wrong. You gotta understand. I loved your mother. I really did. But before her, there was someone else. I was completely in love with her. I wanted us to spend our lives together. But my father didn't approve. Among other things, he thought she was too young and not good enough for the family. He demanded I stop seeing her, or he'd throw me out. And worse. I was young too, and scared. He drank too. He'd beat me, badly. Far worse than anything I ever did..."
Tommy listened carefully, absorbing the truth about the grandfather he never knew. His interested expression encouraged James Quincy to continue.
"I was stuck in a life that didn't fit. I was miserable. I didn't know how to deal. Somewhere, I started coping the only way I knew how. The way my own father did."
He took a deep breath and continued, staring at his son.
"I envy you."
"What?" Tommy questioned, completely confused.
"I envy you. You stood up to me. You went for what you really wanted; you still do. I couldn't do that. And I hated you for it. For being so much stronger than I ever was."
"You hate me? Nice!" Tommy sneered.
"No. No, it's not that simple! I love you! I always have! I just resented you for being the person I couldn't be. Even as a child you were the better man. And I hated myself for feeling that way. And for what I did to you. And to your mother. But I didn't know how to stop it..."
"You're kidding. You expect me to feel sorry for you!" Tommy ripped into him, disgusted.
"No, not that"
"So, what the hell do you want from me?"
"I don't know. It doesn't seem like I deserve anything."
"You don't!" Tommy snorted.
"I just wish things could be different. I wish I could somehow be a part of your life. You've done so well. Without any help from me."
Tommy didn't know what to say. His father continued.
"I guess... I want you to know how proud of you I am. Not just for what you've done, although that's certainly impressive. But for not falling into the same trap I did. For being strong enough and smart enough not to make my mistakes."
"About all this... I really don't know what to think. I appreciate it. It's good to hear... it answers a lot of my questions." Tommy replied, fairly.
"But I honestly don't know where we can go from here."
"Well... I guess that's gotta be up to you, now. I owe you that choice. Like I said, I'm not entitled to anything- your love, your trust, or even to be a part of your life. But I can't help wanting all that."
James Quincy then echoed the sentiments Stuart Harrison expressed to Tom the previous day.
"You're my son. You're a part of me. And I love you. I don't expect you to say that back to me. But you should know how I feel."
"Thanks" Tommy replied.
"It's your call, then. You know how to reach me. If and when you want to,"
"Thanks. It was good to see you. Really."
"You too, son"
He extended his hand to Tommy, who shook it. James Quincy then reached for the check with that same hand.
"Thank you" he said quietly, staring at his son intently, as if wanting to remember every single part of him, as if he'd never see him again. Then he turned and walked away.
Tommy just sat, his hand curled around his now cold coffee cup, as he tried to digest it all. One line kept replaying in his head.
"You went for what you really wanted; you still do. You are stronger than I was. A better man."
Relief and release coursed through him, as he quickly rose from his seat, suddenly urgently needing to return to Jude.