Chapter 17
Issei tapped his pen idly on his notebook, slouched down in his seat in the middle of the large lecture hall. Ordinarily he wouldn't think of disturbing the people around him by fidgeting like that, but nobody else was paying any attention, either. It was only two minutes until the end of class, and the professor was just wrapping up what been a spectacularly uninspiring lecture.
Normally he enjoyed this class, which was all about how biology and evolution combined to create the ingrained and subconscious responses that differentiated 'males' from 'females'. The stereotypical 'hunter vs. gatherer' viewpoint was only scratching the surface of a truly fascinating subject, at least from Issei's point of view. However, today the professor hadn't seemed much more interested in her subject than most of the students in the room. Issei thought it might just have something to do with the gorgeous day they could all see out the windows, where the cherry blossoms were scattered everywhere and the people outside were laughing and enjoying themselves in the sun.
Finally the buzzer sounded, and there was a sudden surge in the noise level as everyone jumped out of their seats at once and started trying to fight their way up the rows to the one exit from the room. Issei stayed where he was, packing his books away in his bag at a leisurely pace. He didn't have another class for two hours, so he didn't need to rush to be anywhere. He'd rather wait five minutes until the room emptied and avoid the crush at the doors.
"Man, you'd think there was a stampeding herd of elephants in here instead of a group of university students," Sakura commented from his left, amused. He glanced up and smiled at her as she approached. She'd entered the class late, so they hadn't been able to sit together as they usually did.
"Don't you have a lab right after this class?" he asked, curious why she wasn't one of the people pushing to leave the room as quickly as possible. She shrugged.
"Yeah, but I've learned that I'll actually get there faster if I hang around here for a few minutes and wait for the mob to pass." He chuckled at her answer, then leaned over to do up the flaps on his bag.
"Sakura?" he heard a startled male voice exclaim from the side. He froze, eyes wide, still ducked down out of sight. No. His luck couldn't be that bad!
"Ogura!" Sakura exclaimed, confirming Issei's fears. "What are you doing here? I didn't know you even went to this school, let alone took this class!"
Issei turned his head enough to see past Sakura's legs. Sure enough, Jinpachi stood there, backpack slung over his shoulder on one strap, grinning at Sakura. Issei felt his heart skip a beat, and he swallowed. It'd been two years since he'd last seen Jinpachi, and time had been good to the other boy. He'd added a few more inches to his height and put more muscle on his arms and shoulders, and his face had matured from the awkward attractiveness of an adolescent to the firm handsomeness of a young man.
Swearing silently to himself for reacting to the sight of him even after all this time, Issei sat up again and turned away slightly, hoping Jinpachi wouldn't get a good look at his face. He was dressed as a woman today, the same as he had every day since the beginning of school. Sakura had been right about that much; it was much easier to make the transition in a place where nobody knew him. No one expected to see a guy when presented with a beautiful person wearing a skirt, and not one person had ever seen through his deceit, as far as he knew.
Jinpachi, on the other hand, had known him for years. Issei's face had matured too, of course, but if anyone would be able to recognize him despite the long hair, makeup and skirt, it would be Jinpachi. Issei had thought he'd finally put Jinpachi firmly in his past where he belonged, but if his shivery reaction to seeing the other boy was any indication, he wasn't as over Jinpachi as he'd thought he was. And if that was true... having Jinpachi reject him for what he was might very well destroy him.
Sakura and Jinpachi had been talking while all this ran through his head, of course. It finally ocurred to Issei that he really might want to pay attention to what was being said, even if he was faking the polite disinterest of someone whose friend had encountered an unknown aquaintance.
"...lost contact with just about everybody from the base, so it's really good to see you again, Sakura," Jinpachi was saying with an easy, open smile. "In the interest of not repeating past mistakes, do you want to exchange phone numbers or something?"
"That depends," Sakura said, her voice guarded. "Do you want it because you actually want to stay in contact with me? Or..."
"No, I'm not trying to get to Issei through you," Jinpachi cut her off, shaking his head. There was a sort of sad wistfulness in his voice that made Issei's heart squeeze. "He made it pretty clear two years ago that he wants nothing more to do with me. I'm not gonna hound him if he really wants me to leave him alone." Issei barely managed to repress a snort. If only the other boy had any idea... except, of course, Jinpachi realizing he was sitting right there was exactly what Issei was hoping to avoid.
"Well, all right, then," Sakura replied, her tone thawing somewhat. "I don't see why not. It's good to see you again, too." They each scribbled their contact information on a page in their notebooks, then tore them out and traded them.
"I have to go, I've got a lab I'm going to be late for," Sakura declared, hefting her own bag up to her shoulder. She glanced behind her at Issei, one eyebrow raised. "You coming?"
Issei was torn between standing to follow her out, and thus drawing attention to himself, or staying where he was and risk being left alone in the room with Jinpachi. After a moment of hesitation he nodded and stood, picking up his own bag.
"Hey, wait, aren't you even going to introduce me?" Jinpachi asked, one eyebrow raised. "It's hard enough to meet pretty girls on this campus, Sakura, it's not fair if you haul one off without even giving me a chance." He smiled at both of them, and Issei felt his face flush as his heart skipped a beat.
He's... he's flirting with me? he thought, incredulous. He'd seen Jinpachi flirt with plenty of girls before, of course; the redhead had been good at it in high school, and was even better at it now. Of course, Issei was a little biased, so it wasn't exactly difficult for Jinpachi to get the reaction he was expecting. He felt like he was back in one of the fantasies he'd had so often in high school, when he'd dreamed of Jinpachi flirting with him instead of the girls.
Of course, he thinks I am a girl, Issei reminded himself, ordering his heart to calm itself. If Jinpachi had realized who he was talking to, the last thing he'd have been doing was flirting. Still, it felt so good to have some of that charming attention directed at him, at last.
He realized finally that Sakura was giving him a slightly quizzical look, as if asking him what he wanted her to do. He blinked, and projected a sense of confusion and resignation on a tight band to her alone. At least, he'd meant to only send confusion and resignation; somehow some of the mixed terror and elation he was feeling leaked over into it as well.
Her eyebrow rose a little higher, but she turned back to Jinpachi as if she hadn't noticed a thing. "Ogura, this is Nakayama Isako, my roommate," she said, giving the name everyone but her now knew Issei by. "Isako, Ogura Jinpachi, an old friend of mine. We go way back," she added, managing to get just the right amount of dry ironic humour into the words to make it sound like she was talking to someone who had no idea about their past lives.
"Pleased to meet you," Jinpachi said, bowing slightly. Issei returned the polite gesture, though he was still completely unable to bring himself to meet Jinpachi's eyes when he looked up.
"It's nice to meet you, too," he replied, suddenly intensely grateful for the hours of voice training he'd put himself through to ensure nobody would discover his secret because of his voice.
Jinpachi looked like he might say more, but Sakura grabbed Issei's wrist and tugged him out of the row of seats, into the aisle. "And now we really have to go, because I'm going to be late," she said firmly. "It's good to see you again Ogura."
They made their escape while Jinpachi was still blinking in surprise at the sudden departure. The moment the doors closed behind them it was Issei's turn to tug Sakura along as he bolted for the front doors of the building, wanting to get well out of sight before Jinpachi followed them out.
Sakura ran with him, not protesting, though he could feel her radiating reassurance and concern at him through their linked hands. Issei didn't slow down until they were two buildings away and he was getting a stitch in his side.
When they finally dropped back to a walk, Sakura led him over to one of the park benches under the many trees on the campus and made him sit down. Issei didn't exactly argue, feeling a little dizzy and more than a bit shaky.
"Are you okay?" she asked him, crouching down in front of him and looking up into his eyes. He gave her a tremulous smile.
"You really are going to be late for your lab if you don't go right now," he reminded her, sidestepping the question. Was he okay? He wasn't sure. How was he supposed to define 'okay'?
"I'm already late, and the teaching assistant that runs that lab likes me, he won't get mad at me for being a little more late," she asserted, patting his knee. "Now answer the question. Are you okay?"
He sighed, and slowly slumped over until his head was resting in his hands, his elbows braced on his knees. "I don't know," he admitted. "It never really occurred to me that I might just run into him by accident one day."
"You're shaking," she observed, moving her hand so she was stroking his shoulder instead.
"My heart is pounding so hard I feel like it's going to burst," he replied, lifting his head slightly to look at her. "I was so scared he was going to recognize me!"
"Issei, I don't think your own mother would recognize you now," Sakura told him firmly. "Your face has changed since you matured, your voice is completely different, and it's not like you have really memorable colouring or something. Grey eyes aren't that unusual, not with all the mixed blood babies that were born after the American occupation post World War Two."
"My mother never knew what Enju looked like!" Issei reminded her, feeling the edges of hysteria creeping up on him. Now that Jinpachi knew Sakura was in the class, chances were good he'd want to sit with her. And even if Issei avoided sitting with her from now on, if Jinpachi decided to try pursuing 'Isako'...
Sakura moved to sit beside him, and hugged him tight. "It'll be okay. You do look quite a bit like her, but you and I see it because really, subconsciously we expect to see the resemblance. The last thing he's going to be expecting is to run into someone who looks like the lover he had briefly in a past life. And don't forget, it's not like he's even working from a full set of memories. He may not even remember Enju's face clearly."
"I remember Gyokuran's face," Issei objected. "And he and I shared the same dreams for a long time, remember?"
"Yes, but Enju was just as obsessed with Gyokuran as you are with Jinpachi," she reminded him with a small smile. "How many hours did you spend memorizing his every facial expression when you were in high school?"
"Uh..." He blushed as he was forced to concede the point. Enju had spent a lot of time watching Gyokuran, committing every detail about him to memory. He sincerely doubted Gyokuran had done the same. At least, not for Enju. He'd be willing to bet Jinpachi remembered Mokuren's face as clearly as Issei remembered Gyokuran's.
"There you go," she concluded triumphantly. "He's not going to recognize you, Issei, unless you slip and give yourself away by mentioning your past or something. You'll be fine."
"I guess you're right," he agreed, feeling the fear slowly starting to ebb. He was still a little shaky as the happiness of having Jinpachi flirting with him remained, but he wasn't about to fall apart any more.
"Good. And now I really do have to go, before I miss the whole lab," Sakura declared, standing and patting his shoulder. "Go get some lunch, treat yourself to something nice. You can afford it," she cut off his automatic objection before he even had a chance to open his mouth. "I know your budget as well as you do, and you're ahead this month."
"All right, all right," he conceded, laughing. "I'll see you at home tonight after classes are done."
"That's the spirit," she said, and grabbed her bag from where she'd dropped it. "See you later!"
He watched her run off towards the science buildings, waiting until she was out of sight before he picked up his own bag and started walking towards one of the little off-campus cafes he'd found. It was one of his favourites, and it had a small outdoor area for patrons to sit at. It was such a beautiful day that he wanted to stay outside.
It wasn't long before he was sliding into the chair of the last unoccupied outdoor table, beating a young couple to it by only moments. He shrugged apologetically at them as he felt their disappointment. Ordinarily he might have let them have it, but he was indulging himself at the moment, as per instructions, and he wanted to sit outside.
He'd finished his sandwich and was just starting to savour his cheesecake, absorbed in reading a research paper that had been assigned to him as homework, when the familiar voice spoke from beside him for the second time that day. "Hey," Jinpachi said, making Issei jump and look up, wide-eyed. The redhead gave him a wry smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Nakayama, right?"
Issei nodded silently, heart pounding again, wondering what god of the perverse had caused him to run into Jinpachi twice in one day after not seeing him for over two years.
"Uh, this is gonna sound kind of forward of me, but would you mind if I shared your table?" Jinpachi asked sheepishly, holding up his tray as if in explanation. He nodded at the rest of the tables. "Everywhere else is full, and I'd really rather not sit inside."
Issei couldn't deny the crowded condition of the patio area, but he still couldn't believe Jinpachi was asking to sit with him. It wasn't that he didn't believe the other boy could be that bold, because he of all people knew better; he was just wondering what on Earth he'd done to earn this sort of karma, and what god he was going to have to pray to in order to get rid of it.
He opened his mouth to say that of course he minded! He was studying, he didn't want to be bothered, and he especially did not want to be drawn into talking to Jinpachi. He couldn't honestly claim that he didn't want to have Jinpachi flirting with him, because a large part of him wanted it very much, but he still knew it would be a fantastically bad idea.
"All right," he heard himself say, much to his own shock and dismay. Traitor! he accused his subconscious, or whatever part of his mind had driven him to agree. All he got in response was another increase in his heart rate at the sight of the broad smile Jinpachi favoured him with in return.
"Thanks!" the redhead exclaimed, setting his tray down and sliding into the chair across from Issei. "I was glad to see someone I even kind of knew out here; I figured I was so late I'd never get to sit outside."
Knowing that some sort of polite conversational response was expected of him, Issei murmured, "It's too pretty to be inside. The cherry trees are beautiful this year."
"They always are," Jinpachi agreed. "And somehow, every year is better than the one before."
Issei made a polite noise of agreement, and there was silence for a while as Jinpachi pulled out his own textbook and set to making inroads on his lunch. Issei couldn't decide whether he was more grateful or disappointed that the redhead apparently really had just wanted a place to sit, and wasn't trying to flirt with him.
He returned to his own reading, but found himself utterly unable to concentrate. When he realized he'd just read the same paragraph three times without understanding a single word, Issei gave up and just watched Jinpachi, letting his long hair fall over his face to hide the fact that he was looking.
Finally curiosity got the better of him. "What are you studying?" he asked, after several minutes of trying to puzzle out the kanji on Jinpachi's textbook from upside down and sideways.
His old friend looked up and blinked, obviously taking a moment to reorient himself to the real world. "Ah... business, actually. I'm majoring in economics. Like half the other guys here," he added with a laugh.
"Really?" Issei was surprised. "I'd have thought you'd go into one of the sciences." Even as the last word left his mouth, he realized he'd just slipped up as Sakura had warned him not to do. He'd implied that he'd considered what Jinpachi would take at a previous time, and worse yet, he'd based his subconscious assumption on knowing that Gyokuran had been a scientist, and had loved his work. "That is, you just seem like... a science sort of person," he added lamely, clenching his hand in his lap.
"I love science, actually," Jinpachi agreed, sounding surprised. "But the truth is, my dad agreed to pay for my education if I went for a masters in business. It was an offer I couldn't really afford to pass up. I've never been the greatest student in the world, so my grades weren't that high."
That made sense, though Issei felt a little sorry for his old friend. Jinpachi would probably make a very good businessman, but he'd never be as happy in that profession as he might have been as a scientist.
"What about you?" the redhead asked, turning the question around. "What're you reading so intently over there?"
Issei blinked down at the pages he'd been reading, and paled slightly. Of all the things he had to be studying when Jinpachi asked him that question... "It's, uh, an essay on genetic factors versus conditioning in forming gender identity," he admitted reluctantly. "It's research for my psychology term paper." It wasn't exactly a dead giveaway to his secret, but there was always a part of Issei that was afraid somebody might someday question why he was so interested in the topic of gender identity.
"Psychology, huh?" Jinpachi said, picking the more obvious topic to discuss. Issei breathed a silent sigh of relief. "So you're joining the masses of students who stick a psychology minor onto their degree? What is everybody's fascination with that subject, anyway?"
"Actually, psychology is my major," Issei replied. Jinpachi raised an eyebrow at him.
"Really? I hadn't really pegged you as the type to want to sit around all day listening to other people whine about their problems, and ask them circular questions to try to lead them to the conclusions they ought to be smart enough to come to on their own," the redhead said dryly.
"I'm not," Issei agreed, the corners of his mouth twitching. "I'd probably kill somebody by the end of my first week." Actually, the idea of being a clinical psychologist made him shudder; as an empath, dealing with mentally disturbed and emotionally overwrought people all day long was the worst kind of nightmare he could imagine.
"So why are you studying it, then?" Jinpachi asked, now truly curious. "You got rich parents who'll just let you study whatever you want?"
"I wish," Issei replied, snorting softly. "I'm here on a full scholarship. You have no idea how difficult it is to keep my grades high enough that I don't lose it, and still have some semblance of a life."
That made Jinpachi sit up and stare at him. "Full scholarship? Are you serious?" Issei blinked and nodded. "Holy shit. All right, I'm officially impressed. I always figured the people who got those things were the kind of geeky little nerds who never see daylight because they spend every waking minute locked up in the library, hunched over their research." He laughed, and Issei had to laugh with him.
"Sometimes I feel like it," he acknowledged. "I'm studying to be a research psychologist, not a clinical psychologist." Seeing Jinpachi's blank looked, he elaborated, "Research psychologists are the ones who devise the experiments and surveys to try to broaden our understanding of why the human mind works and develops the way it does. Clinical psychologists are the ones who take the results of that research, and apply it to try to help real people."
"Okay, I get it," Jinpachi nodded. "I can see the appeal of that. Hell, that's why I'm in that class we share. The human mind is so fascinating, isn't it?"
"It is indeed," Issei said. Glancing at his watch, he sighed as he saw the time. He needed to head back to campus if he didn't want to risk being late for his next class. He was surprised to realize he was genuinely reluctant to leave Jinpachi's company; at some point during their conversation, he'd lost some of his fear around the other boy. In fact, he realized with a small shock, he'd been looking Jinpachi straight in the eyes for the last several exchanges, and talking freely without a single thought for whether his old friend might recognize his voice.
"I should go," he said, then glanced down and saw that he'd forgotten the last of his cheesecake. "As soon as I finish this," he amended, and scooped up a forkful.
Jinpachi didn't return to his studying, watching Issei instead. "Do I know you from somewhere?" he asked abruptly, a curious tone in his voice.
Issei managed not to freeze or drop his fork, but it was a near thing. He had been too careless. Damn it! "You realize that pickup line is so old, they can carbon date it?" he replied, grateful that his voice came out light and amused. If he could brush it off, maybe Jinpachi would drop it.
The redhead flushed, the pink in his cheeks clashing with the orange of his hair. "That did sound incredibly cheesy, didn't it?" he agreed ruefully. "I mean it, though. I keep getting this feeling that I should recognize you. Where did you go to high school? Maybe I saw you in the halls or something."
"I went to Sakura's high school," Issei answered, trying to convince his pulse not to increase any more. If his heart beat any faster, he was sure Jinpachi would notice it fluttering frantically in the hollow of his throat, and wonder what on earth he was so nervous about. "And I'm certain I'd remember it if I'd ever seen you before," he added, wincing slightly as he realized that now he sounded like he was flirting.
Jinpachi laughed and raised a hand to the back of his head in embarrassment. "Thanks, I think," he said. "I guess I'm wrong."
Relieved, Issei finished off his cheesecake and started gathering up his things. He stood and picked up his bag, eyes fixed firmly on what he was doing. He was startled when a strong hand reached out to rest on the bag, keeping him from picking it up. He raised his eyes to Jinpachi's, nervous again.
The redhead was giving him a slightly bashful smile. "At the risk of sounding both forward and cheesy again... would you like to go to the pub crawl that's happening this weekend?"
Issei blushed furiously, and for a moment was seriously afraid he might faint. Jinpachi was asking him on a date. How many fantasies had he had of that moment?
And no matter how much he wanted to say yes, he knew he didn't dare. Getting into any kind of relationship with Jinpachi would be the stupidest thing he could possibly do. Not only would he end up breaking his heart over him all over again, Jinpachi could hardly fail to realize that Issei wasn't the girl he seemed to be if they ever got much beyond just kissing.
At the thought of kissing Jinpachi, he blushed even harder. "I'm... I'm already going," he stammered, grabbing for any excuse he could think of. "With Sakura and a bunch of other girls from class. You're welcome to join us." What? He hadn't meant to say that. What had possessed him to add that?
Jinpachi tilted his head, giving Issei a sweetly sincere look. A tiny part of Issei was forced to wonder how long he'd practiced that look in front of the mirror; 'sweet' wasn't a natural expression for Jinpachi. It did succeed in making him look both charming and sexy, however. "I was kind of thinking maybe we could go together," he clarified. "You'd still see Sakura and the others there."
"Then I guess the reverse is also true," Issei replied, his mouth somewhat on autopilot while his brain was gibbering and spinning in little circles. "So I'll see you there."
With that he tugged his bag out from Jinpachi's hand and clutched it to his chest like a shield. He spun fast enough that both his hair and skirt flared out around him in a move that unfortunately probably looked deliberately sexy to Jinpachi. Then he fled, not daring to look back, wondering just when the god of the perverse was going to let go of his life.