--bows humbly in apology-- I know, I'm a bad, bad girl. I promised to update and I didn't. Everything has been insane lately. But fear not! I have not given up. This chapter is a little shorter than I'd like, but that's because what was supposed to be the second half of it has already grown into a chapter of its own. And I like the suspense of this chapter ending, anyway. More to follow soon, I hope... I really, REALLY want to have this done before Oct 31st, so that I don't have a repeat of last year where I got distracted by NaNoWriMo. Speaking of which, if anybody wants to follow what I'm writing there, join the community 'nanowrimounite' on livejournal!
Chapter 20
Issei lay listlessly on his bed, huddled under the scant protection of the covers. He was dimly aware that he hadn't bothered to set his alarm the night before, so the light filtering through the covers probably meant he should get up. It was Thursday, so he had classes. Or had yesterday been Thursday? He'd lost track, and he couldn't quite bring himself to care.
A soft knock on the door interrupted his half-asleep musings, and he slowly opened his eyes. He knew who it was... none of their friends would have disturbed him if his door was closed, so it had to be Sakura.
The door opened and she stuck her head in before he could muster the energy to tell her to go away. "Issei? You awake?"
He made a muffled noise that could have been taken as either denial or assent. She moved further into the room, walking through the thin rays of sun that leaked past the blinds. There was a concerned look on her face as she bent to peer at him. "Are you feeling okay? Did you relapse from that awful flu? I told you that you should have just stayed home and rested..."
"I'm fine," he said, but his voice belied him by rasping. His throat was dry, and he hadn't spoken in a while. He'd buried himself in his room after the confrontation with Jinpachi, and refused to come out.
"Fine? Somehow I doubt it," Sakura drawled in reply, perching on the edge of his bed and reaching out to test the warmth of his forehead. He flinched away from the touch - his shields were ragged and he didn't want to be bombarded with whatever she might happen to be feeling at the moment. Her worried look turned into a frown.
"All right, what's going on?" she demanded. "It's not like you to miss even one class, let alone two day's worth! If you're not sick, then why didn't you come to class today?"
"Two day's worth?" he repeated, somewhat bemused. He shifted enough to see his clock, and sure enough, it read 4:30. Given the sun fighting to come in through his window, it had to be afternoon, not morning. Apparently he'd missed Thursday and Friday as well. He'd lose his scholarship if he kept this up.
He still didn't quite care.
He tried to burrow back into his pillow, pulling his blankets over his head again, but Sakura stopped him by hanging onto the sheets. "Oh, no you don't. Issei, what the hell is going on? What happened after you left class the other day? Did you even go to any of your other classes that day?"
"I really don't want to talk about it," he tried. It was true... he didn't want to talk about it, and had been doing his best to avoid thinking about it since it had happened. He'd always suspected that a third rejection from Jinpachi would crush him beyond repair... that it had gone beyond mere rejection into near violence only made it worse.
She regarded him for a long minute with dark, worried eyes, and he couldn't meet her gaze. "You can't just brood in here about it forever," she replied softly. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that something probably happened with Jinpachi?" Issei nodded slightly after a moment, but he knew she didn't really need the confirmation. He'd spent far too many nights in high school crying on her shoulder over him for her not to recognize the signs.
Sighing heavily, she carefully reached out and brushed a strand of hair off his face. He allowed the contact this time, knowing she would avoid touching his skin. The affectionate gesture even earned her a weak smile. "Whatever happened, you just have to remind yourself that you did just fine without him for two whole years. You'll get past this, too. You're strong."
"I don't feel very strong right now," he replied, but despite himself some of her determined optimism was seeping through him. There were, he reflected, occasional benefits to being an empath. It wasn't just the negative emotions he could be swayed by.
"I know. But you will," she assured him. She brushed her hand against his hair once more, then stood. "Shall I take it you're not coming out with us tonight, then?"
He shook his head, but the small smile he'd summoned for her remained on his lips. She smiled back in return. "All right, you can have the rest of the weekend in here if you need it, but I'm dragging you to class on Monday whether you like it or not!"
"Thank you, Sakura," he said, and then she was gone, slipping out the door as easily as she'd sidled in. A few minutes later he heard the front door open and close, and he knew he was alone in the apartment.
Oddly, he didn't feel like burrowing again. Sakura had forcibly dragged him out of his brooding, and he didn't want to go back to it if he could help it. He knew she was right - he needed to break this cycle with Jinpachi, and the only way he was going to do that was by getting up and not letting himself fall into his old, heartbroken patterns.
And, he admitted to himself with a grimace, a good place to start would probably be the homework he'd been ignoring for the past two days. Thankfully none of it was due any earlier than Monday, so his grades wouldn't suffer too much for his lapse.
When the phone rang half an hour later, he was so deep in a paper he was only peripherally aware of the sound. Absently he decided to let the machine get it, and went back to work, promptly forgetting all about it.
He didn't remember it until he finally took a break, just as the sun was setting. The gradually growing darkness had strained his eyes until finally he'd had to get up to turn on a light. He spotted the message light on the machine blinking, and tilted his head. It probably wasn't important - one of his friends calling to find out why he hadn't gone out that night, most likely. But then again...
He grabbed a glass of water and wandered over to it, hitting the button to make it play back the message. He nearly choked on the water when the message was in the last voice he'd expected to hear.
"Please don't hang up," his former best friend begged immediately, not even bothering with 'hello'. "I know probably neither of you wants to talk to me right now, but... I..." The redhead's voice was uncharacteristically uncertain, and Issei's hand paused over the 'erase' button.
Don't listen, he told himself harshly. Don't, you'll regret it... just erase it and be done with him! But the message was already continuing, and the battle between his heart and his mind had frozen him in place.
"I just need to apologize. I really... I was really an ass, and I'm sorry, Issei. I still don't know what the hell I did to piss you off so badly in the first place, but I should have known you'd never deliberately lead me on like that. I mean... well, I have no idea what you WERE doing, but I guess... damn it, this isn't coming out right." Despite himself, Issei's lips curved in a slight smile at the sound of the frustration in Jinpachi's voice.
"Anyway, Issei, I just want to talk to you. For real, this time, I promise I'll keep my word. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is see me again, but I just... want to apologize to your face, even though that doesn't begin to make up for what I said the other day."
Issei was incredulous. After everything that had passed between them, Jinpachi thought he'd willingly face the boy again, ever?
"You weren't in class today... I guess you're avoiding me. Hell, that's an egotistic thing to think, isn't it? Maybe you don't care enough one way or the other, and you're away for another reason. But I just want to make sure it's not my fault. I don't want you to lose your scholarship because of me." Issei bit his lip. The Jinpachi he knew would never have even thought to consider himself egotistical. The redhead had changed - but not enough.
"I wanted you to know, I've applied to change schools," Jinpachi continued, and Issei was once more rooted to the spot. Change schools? In the middle of university? Was he insane? "You've worked so hard to get here, and I'm just coasting on my dad's money, so if anybody has the right to stay here, it's you. I don't want to stand in your way. You deserve better than that. So I'm going. I'll probably never see you again." Issei's heart clenched tightly at the thought, and he sternly told it to behave itself. "Like I said, I just want to see you one last time, to apologize... and say goodbye."
He heard Jinpachi take a deep breath, then the redhead added, "I'll be in the park outside the west part of campus until dark, by the fountain. If you're willing, just come, I'll be there waiting. If I don't see you... then I guess this is goodbye. Assuming you didn't delete this message before I got past the first 'please'." There was a sigh, then a loud 'click', and Issei stood staring at the machine in disbelief.
He's changing schools... because he doesn't want to be in MY way? He's admitting he was the one at fault? And realizing that he's sometimes self-centered? The world is coming to an end...
Either that, or he'd fallen asleep over his textbooks. He pinched himself, and winced when it hurt. Great. That meant the world really was coming to an end.
A slanting sunbeam crept up far enough to strike him in the face through the window, and he blinked. He glanced out the window at the setting sun automatically - then panicked. Jinpachi said he'd wait until dark, and the sun was already settled heavily on the horizon. He had to decide right now whether or not he wanted to go.
Of course, the choice should have been obvious... he shouldn't set one foot out that door. Seeing Jinpachi again was the worst thing he could do right now. He'd just break his heart all over again, especially if Jinpachi was actually nice to him. Right now he was just as angry as he was heartbroken - if that changed, he wasn't sure how he'd handle it.
And on top of all that, he hadn't been out of bed in two days, hadn't showered, his hair was a mess, and he wasn't wearing any makeup. There was no way in hell he was leaving the apartment in this state. An ironic smile crossed his face as he realized just how utterly feminine that thought had been.
Then again... closure was one of those things they liked to emphasize in his psych courses as being good for you. And this was probably his last chance to ever see Jinpachi again...
He was moving before he'd even finished the thought. He growled at himself for being so controlled by his heart, but he knew it was really the only thing he could do. One last glimpse, one last memory to lock away in his heart where he could treasure it decades from now. He had so many, and yet so few.
He threw on the first clothes that came to hand - a pair of loose jeans and a shell pink scooped-neck top made of soft cotton. He didn't even bother to run a brush through his hair, gathering it up in his hands and twisting it into a quick ponytail with a hairband he grabbed off his desk. He looked like a dishevelled wreck, but he didn't have time for anything more if he was going to catch Jinpachi.
It had been a long time since he'd really put any effort into staying in shape. His metabolism was naturally fast, and it wasn't since he'd studied martial arts with Jinpachi that he'd really done any sort of exercising. As a result he was badly out of breath by the time he reached the entrance to the park, and it had taken him longer to get there than he'd expected. It was already dark; the streetlights were coming on one by one, and there weren't many people on the paths of the small park.
Heart beating in his throat, he made his way to the fountain. Would Jinpachi still be there? Had he stayed late? Had he left early? Had he even really come at all?
Issei rounded the corner, and stopped short. Before him, the fountain arc up twenty feet in the air, the water lit from below by coloured lights submerged in the fountain. The play of the water almost hid the shadowed figure sitting on the edge, but Issei didn't need to see him to know who it was. He could feel the faint brush against his shields, his heart, that was Jinpachi's soul trying to connect to his on a level neither of them had ever been able to control.
Chapter 20
Issei lay listlessly on his bed, huddled under the scant protection of the covers. He was dimly aware that he hadn't bothered to set his alarm the night before, so the light filtering through the covers probably meant he should get up. It was Thursday, so he had classes. Or had yesterday been Thursday? He'd lost track, and he couldn't quite bring himself to care.
A soft knock on the door interrupted his half-asleep musings, and he slowly opened his eyes. He knew who it was... none of their friends would have disturbed him if his door was closed, so it had to be Sakura.
The door opened and she stuck her head in before he could muster the energy to tell her to go away. "Issei? You awake?"
He made a muffled noise that could have been taken as either denial or assent. She moved further into the room, walking through the thin rays of sun that leaked past the blinds. There was a concerned look on her face as she bent to peer at him. "Are you feeling okay? Did you relapse from that awful flu? I told you that you should have just stayed home and rested..."
"I'm fine," he said, but his voice belied him by rasping. His throat was dry, and he hadn't spoken in a while. He'd buried himself in his room after the confrontation with Jinpachi, and refused to come out.
"Fine? Somehow I doubt it," Sakura drawled in reply, perching on the edge of his bed and reaching out to test the warmth of his forehead. He flinched away from the touch - his shields were ragged and he didn't want to be bombarded with whatever she might happen to be feeling at the moment. Her worried look turned into a frown.
"All right, what's going on?" she demanded. "It's not like you to miss even one class, let alone two day's worth! If you're not sick, then why didn't you come to class today?"
"Two day's worth?" he repeated, somewhat bemused. He shifted enough to see his clock, and sure enough, it read 4:30. Given the sun fighting to come in through his window, it had to be afternoon, not morning. Apparently he'd missed Thursday and Friday as well. He'd lose his scholarship if he kept this up.
He still didn't quite care.
He tried to burrow back into his pillow, pulling his blankets over his head again, but Sakura stopped him by hanging onto the sheets. "Oh, no you don't. Issei, what the hell is going on? What happened after you left class the other day? Did you even go to any of your other classes that day?"
"I really don't want to talk about it," he tried. It was true... he didn't want to talk about it, and had been doing his best to avoid thinking about it since it had happened. He'd always suspected that a third rejection from Jinpachi would crush him beyond repair... that it had gone beyond mere rejection into near violence only made it worse.
She regarded him for a long minute with dark, worried eyes, and he couldn't meet her gaze. "You can't just brood in here about it forever," she replied softly. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that something probably happened with Jinpachi?" Issei nodded slightly after a moment, but he knew she didn't really need the confirmation. He'd spent far too many nights in high school crying on her shoulder over him for her not to recognize the signs.
Sighing heavily, she carefully reached out and brushed a strand of hair off his face. He allowed the contact this time, knowing she would avoid touching his skin. The affectionate gesture even earned her a weak smile. "Whatever happened, you just have to remind yourself that you did just fine without him for two whole years. You'll get past this, too. You're strong."
"I don't feel very strong right now," he replied, but despite himself some of her determined optimism was seeping through him. There were, he reflected, occasional benefits to being an empath. It wasn't just the negative emotions he could be swayed by.
"I know. But you will," she assured him. She brushed her hand against his hair once more, then stood. "Shall I take it you're not coming out with us tonight, then?"
He shook his head, but the small smile he'd summoned for her remained on his lips. She smiled back in return. "All right, you can have the rest of the weekend in here if you need it, but I'm dragging you to class on Monday whether you like it or not!"
"Thank you, Sakura," he said, and then she was gone, slipping out the door as easily as she'd sidled in. A few minutes later he heard the front door open and close, and he knew he was alone in the apartment.
Oddly, he didn't feel like burrowing again. Sakura had forcibly dragged him out of his brooding, and he didn't want to go back to it if he could help it. He knew she was right - he needed to break this cycle with Jinpachi, and the only way he was going to do that was by getting up and not letting himself fall into his old, heartbroken patterns.
And, he admitted to himself with a grimace, a good place to start would probably be the homework he'd been ignoring for the past two days. Thankfully none of it was due any earlier than Monday, so his grades wouldn't suffer too much for his lapse.
When the phone rang half an hour later, he was so deep in a paper he was only peripherally aware of the sound. Absently he decided to let the machine get it, and went back to work, promptly forgetting all about it.
He didn't remember it until he finally took a break, just as the sun was setting. The gradually growing darkness had strained his eyes until finally he'd had to get up to turn on a light. He spotted the message light on the machine blinking, and tilted his head. It probably wasn't important - one of his friends calling to find out why he hadn't gone out that night, most likely. But then again...
He grabbed a glass of water and wandered over to it, hitting the button to make it play back the message. He nearly choked on the water when the message was in the last voice he'd expected to hear.
"Please don't hang up," his former best friend begged immediately, not even bothering with 'hello'. "I know probably neither of you wants to talk to me right now, but... I..." The redhead's voice was uncharacteristically uncertain, and Issei's hand paused over the 'erase' button.
Don't listen, he told himself harshly. Don't, you'll regret it... just erase it and be done with him! But the message was already continuing, and the battle between his heart and his mind had frozen him in place.
"I just need to apologize. I really... I was really an ass, and I'm sorry, Issei. I still don't know what the hell I did to piss you off so badly in the first place, but I should have known you'd never deliberately lead me on like that. I mean... well, I have no idea what you WERE doing, but I guess... damn it, this isn't coming out right." Despite himself, Issei's lips curved in a slight smile at the sound of the frustration in Jinpachi's voice.
"Anyway, Issei, I just want to talk to you. For real, this time, I promise I'll keep my word. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is see me again, but I just... want to apologize to your face, even though that doesn't begin to make up for what I said the other day."
Issei was incredulous. After everything that had passed between them, Jinpachi thought he'd willingly face the boy again, ever?
"You weren't in class today... I guess you're avoiding me. Hell, that's an egotistic thing to think, isn't it? Maybe you don't care enough one way or the other, and you're away for another reason. But I just want to make sure it's not my fault. I don't want you to lose your scholarship because of me." Issei bit his lip. The Jinpachi he knew would never have even thought to consider himself egotistical. The redhead had changed - but not enough.
"I wanted you to know, I've applied to change schools," Jinpachi continued, and Issei was once more rooted to the spot. Change schools? In the middle of university? Was he insane? "You've worked so hard to get here, and I'm just coasting on my dad's money, so if anybody has the right to stay here, it's you. I don't want to stand in your way. You deserve better than that. So I'm going. I'll probably never see you again." Issei's heart clenched tightly at the thought, and he sternly told it to behave itself. "Like I said, I just want to see you one last time, to apologize... and say goodbye."
He heard Jinpachi take a deep breath, then the redhead added, "I'll be in the park outside the west part of campus until dark, by the fountain. If you're willing, just come, I'll be there waiting. If I don't see you... then I guess this is goodbye. Assuming you didn't delete this message before I got past the first 'please'." There was a sigh, then a loud 'click', and Issei stood staring at the machine in disbelief.
He's changing schools... because he doesn't want to be in MY way? He's admitting he was the one at fault? And realizing that he's sometimes self-centered? The world is coming to an end...
Either that, or he'd fallen asleep over his textbooks. He pinched himself, and winced when it hurt. Great. That meant the world really was coming to an end.
A slanting sunbeam crept up far enough to strike him in the face through the window, and he blinked. He glanced out the window at the setting sun automatically - then panicked. Jinpachi said he'd wait until dark, and the sun was already settled heavily on the horizon. He had to decide right now whether or not he wanted to go.
Of course, the choice should have been obvious... he shouldn't set one foot out that door. Seeing Jinpachi again was the worst thing he could do right now. He'd just break his heart all over again, especially if Jinpachi was actually nice to him. Right now he was just as angry as he was heartbroken - if that changed, he wasn't sure how he'd handle it.
And on top of all that, he hadn't been out of bed in two days, hadn't showered, his hair was a mess, and he wasn't wearing any makeup. There was no way in hell he was leaving the apartment in this state. An ironic smile crossed his face as he realized just how utterly feminine that thought had been.
Then again... closure was one of those things they liked to emphasize in his psych courses as being good for you. And this was probably his last chance to ever see Jinpachi again...
He was moving before he'd even finished the thought. He growled at himself for being so controlled by his heart, but he knew it was really the only thing he could do. One last glimpse, one last memory to lock away in his heart where he could treasure it decades from now. He had so many, and yet so few.
He threw on the first clothes that came to hand - a pair of loose jeans and a shell pink scooped-neck top made of soft cotton. He didn't even bother to run a brush through his hair, gathering it up in his hands and twisting it into a quick ponytail with a hairband he grabbed off his desk. He looked like a dishevelled wreck, but he didn't have time for anything more if he was going to catch Jinpachi.
It had been a long time since he'd really put any effort into staying in shape. His metabolism was naturally fast, and it wasn't since he'd studied martial arts with Jinpachi that he'd really done any sort of exercising. As a result he was badly out of breath by the time he reached the entrance to the park, and it had taken him longer to get there than he'd expected. It was already dark; the streetlights were coming on one by one, and there weren't many people on the paths of the small park.
Heart beating in his throat, he made his way to the fountain. Would Jinpachi still be there? Had he stayed late? Had he left early? Had he even really come at all?
Issei rounded the corner, and stopped short. Before him, the fountain arc up twenty feet in the air, the water lit from below by coloured lights submerged in the fountain. The play of the water almost hid the shadowed figure sitting on the edge, but Issei didn't need to see him to know who it was. He could feel the faint brush against his shields, his heart, that was Jinpachi's soul trying to connect to his on a level neither of them had ever been able to control.