SUMMARY: Marth's humourous (I hope) adventures in the real world while he awaits the arival of SSBM. Roy also features heavily. However! This is not a MarthRoy fic by any means. Heck, they don't even know each other very well. Hope you all enjoy.
Hello again all, thanks for all the positive feedback, I appreciate it. Now as you will doubtless remember if you have read the previous chapter, (and if you haven't then go and do that now) we exited on an exciting cliff-hanger which means doom and destruction for our swordsmen. Will thy escape? Why is Marth always irritated? What would Roy like for lunch? All these and similar questions will be answered in this part of the story (yes I did write this afterwards) so if you want to know the story or not, read and review if you would. I'll give you candy? Or not. Maybe a muffin then?
Horrible legal stuff: I own nothing, nothing I tells ya. Except possibly the thoughts in my head and my various online accounts for stuff. I wonder if I still own the story's idea… or if they're now owned by fanfiction. It makes no matter.
Dedication: Hmm, one must have a dedication to keep everyone happy (or at least the person to whom it is dedicated) so I have decided to dedicate this chapter to… Yuki Takashi for beating themselves up for me on a desk. That's always appreciated, even if you didn't come up with ideas for me. (Warning: People who hurt themselves for me (Oo;) will not always be given a dedication. You'll bruise/cut/gash/disembowel/maim yourself for no reason.)
Random fact: The previous chapter was exactly 4000 words long according to Microsoft word. This was unintentional and rather odd. I'll have to think of something vaguely interesting about this chapter for next time now…damn.
Still, I've delayed long enough (I have an obsession with ranting it seems). For those of you who have poor memories, (yes, I know, this chapter took its time) I've left a little bit of the previous chapter in so you can all remember what was going on. So on with the tale:
The door caved inwards suddenly. Both swordsmen stared at the broken timber in horror as a voice called out in loud tones:
"BISHY!"
9 bear-like figures stood framed in the doorway. Marth was horrified to see that some of them were male. With a wild cry of 'GAH!' he leapt into Roy's arms. Roy, by some extraordinary reactions, managed to catch him.
"OMG! HOW KUTE!" said the disturbingly growing crowd in the doorway.
"What the-?" said Marth, not quite understanding what they were implying. Suddenly realisation dawned "It's NOT like that!" he wailed, desperately attempting to escape from Roy's grip. However, rigor mortis seemed to have set in on Roy and he stood stiffly with his mouth open eyes focused on the door.
Marth realised that Roy was not going to let go.
He realised now was time for desperate measures. He attempted to reach his sword at his waist but this was a challenge due to the fact he could not move much of his upper body from Roy's grip.
He wriggled around attempting to reach it but stopped suddenly when he heard the sound of strained and ready-to-tear fabric from his trousers. Marth suddenly realised that if he moved any more his trousers might tear. Though the situation was dire it would not be improved by having torn trousers. He looked up at Roy to see if he might have woken up from his horror-induced coma, however the only difference he could make out from last time was that one of Roy's eyes seemed to be slowly expanding. He looked back at the advancing crowd in the doorway.
"Er… I don't suppose we can talk about this…?" he said hopefully
There was no response from the doorway save the vague sound of drooling. Marth noted that the T-shirts of some of the menacing people had such phrases as 'Otaku', 'Emo forever' and 'I (heart) Bishonen' on them. None of this he quite understood but made a mental note to avoid people who wore this sort of shirt. In fact anyone who wore that colour of pink he would avoid in future. He thought about shouting 'Here! Take Roy he loves his fans!' Could he really sacrifice his 'friend' to make good his own escape? Could he live with the guilt that he had abandoned Roy to his fate? Would not his suffering be worse if he abandoned Roy? Would he be able to take life anymore?
"Here! Take Ro-" he began to shout loudly but was abruptly cut of by a scream from Roy who seemed to have awoken from his catatonic state. He screamed:
"YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY SPLEEN THIS DAY, MINIONS OF DARKNESS."
"Oh gods…" said Marth.
"DIE SERVANTS OF SATAN," yelled Roy, a wild look in his eyes.
"Err…" said Marth.
"TAKE THIS!" Roy shouted, hurling Marth forcefully at the oncoming creatures whom he believed were out to get his spleen. He did however neglect to remember that the spleen was not all that important.
"Why did I tell him that thing about spleens?" thought Marth on his short trip through the air.
Unfortunately for Marth, Roy had never been very accurate with long ranged weaponry as he had demonstrated at the annual Fire Emblemal Tournament. Roy, despite the fact he was skilled with only several weapons, signed up for every event. With the bow all he managed to succeed in impaling was the children's bouncy castle, which had been several hundred feet behind him. This caused a slight disaster, but the deflated bouncy castle was the least of the Tourney Staff's worries when Roy attempted the cannon targeting event. It took a long time for grass ever to grow in that part of the world again.
Marth impounded heavily with the wall several feet away from the door.
"OOoooooh," said the crowd, including Roy for some reason.
Now that Marth was only a few feet away from the figures they circled menacingly around him. The hands reached forwards to grasp his hair or poke him, silence reigned. Marth knew he had to think fast. He desperately attempted to remember some of the other names on the game application list…
"OH LOOK OVER THERE!" he shouted. "IT'S… er… MARIO!"
"WHERE!" shouted Roy, spinning on the spot. No one else turned around but instead continued to advance towards Marth… he had to try harder…
"OH LOOK OVER THERE!" he tried. "IT'S LINK!"
"WHERE!" shouted Roy, rotating like an autogyro.
"Er…" said Marth, realising that fan girls were not the most intelligent of creatures, "That would be respected bishonen… er… Link… the Hero of Time™?"
"WHERE!" Roy almost certainly did not shout. But everyone else did. Roy merely stood there looking confused, most likely because he had managed to rotate his torso so that it faced the opposite direction from his feet.
"Over… there!" said Marth, pointing at the open doorway. The fan-things all ran through the door; Roy, now utterly confused, ran into the wall next to the door which, from his viewpoint was where Marth was pointing to. Marth winced at the crunch as Roy fell to the ground next to him.
"Pssst… Roy," he hissed. There was no reply
"Roy!" he whispered as loud as he dared as Roy spasmed randomly on the floor.
"What the hell are you doing Roy?" he hissed, as Roy seemed to be attempting to do some sort of waltz with the ground as his partner. Marth proceeded to kick Roy in the shin. Roy sat up.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed for an unapparent reason "NOT NOW… I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY!"
"What?" said Marth, but then realised that there were more important matters at hand. "Shut UP Roy," he whispered, "They'll hear us, follow me."
Roy's brain, confused at the best of times, now seemed to be working in some bizarre way, both sides functioning independently. His body crept stealthily after Marth but for some reason best known to himself his mouth continued to shout random and irrelevant phrases which gave their position completely away.
"THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT FOR ICE CREAM!" he yelled, body moving along the wall as stealthily as possible for a man who's head seemed to have a life of its own.
"Shhhhhh!" said Marth
"AND I SAY NO TO YOU VARLET!" roared Roy, his pupils expanding disturbingly.
"Oh gods…" said Marth, as the door was shattered by a blow from a high heeled shoe.
"THERE WAS NO LINKIE-BISH OUTSIDE!" screamed the mob from the door, almost drowning out Roy who was by now completely out of it and shouting remarks about children stealing from his apple trees.
Marth looked around desperately for some escape route. He spotted the open window and leapt over the sofa towards it. Roy, whose body seemed to think it was Solid Snake, edged cautiously over to the window, stopping briefly to sneak under a cardboard box with a convenient eye slit. The box then continued to edge over towards Marth while the mouth inside the box was completely ruining the point of being in the box in the first place.
"AND ANOTHER THING!" the box vibrated, "YOU TWO NEVER PAID ME FOR THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE"
Marth, ignoring the distraught cries from the box and the wails from the fan-things, was desperately attempting to open the window far enough to squeeze through. He eventually managed it and peered out and down to try and ascertain if jumping would prove fatal. Meanwhile Roy, or possibly the box, seemed to be singing.
Staring out, Marth spotted some conveniently positioned cardboard boxes down below; he wondered if there would be enough there to stop agony as his spine imploded on the pavement. It didn't look like it. There had to be another way out of the room which wasn't filled with fan creatures.
"JUST ONE CORNETTO! GIVE IT TO MEEEE, IF YOU REGR-" Roy sang (completely off key) before extremely suddenly coming to a complete halt.
Complete silence seemed to fill the room. Everyone stared at the box. It was not moving. Suddenly, very slowly it began to shake, almost unnoticeably at first but gradually rising to resemble a blender containing several frogs. The box didn't go red of course. Or did it…? Marth swore the box seemed to be changing colour to a strange fiery orange. The shaking increased to the level that the frogs had been changed into a rhinoceros. The box was by now bright red. Everyone watched it nervously.
It proceeded to explode.
Bits of flaming cardboard rained from the ceiling and there stood Roy, the colour of his face now almost the same as that of his hair. He seemed now to be in one mind. Unfortunately for everyone, it was the side that his head had taken before. He seemed for some reason now extremely angry.
"HOW DARE YOU?" he roared "HOW DARE YOU DARE TO TRY AND STEAL MY SPLEEN?"
"Why DID I tell him that?" said Marth, slapping his forehead and attempting to figure out the previously unresolved debate.
"MY SPLEEN IS MY OWN!" Roy continued to screech at the now positively shocked fan-girls, "I BELIEVE IT IS MY OWN, MINE, NOT YOURS, AND IF YOU THINK IT'S YOURS-" he cried, his hand edging towards his trusty sword, "THEN I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!" He drew the aforementioned weapon.
"Oh hells…" said Marth, having remembered why he had started the whole spleen thing. Roy was advancing menacingly towards the fan-girls. Now it was there turn to cower. Roy raised his mighty long sword…
…And was pulled backwards through the window by Marth who considered that if he was going to die, he might as well take the moronic Roy with him. He would have someone to laugh at from heaven. Unless of course Roy got in too, but then Roy had committed hedgehogcide... However, now he was technically going to be responsible for Roy's death… so that would mean they'd both end up in hell. Marth was beginning to regret his decision now. But living with Roy was a hell anyway, surely the real hell couldn't be much worse. In fact may-
Marth's train of thought was cut short by him impacting with the boxes below. They seemed more resilient than at first they had appeared. They slowed Marth's fall and as it happened he did not break his spine on the pavement. He lay amidst the boxes and thought:
"Well, at least it didn't hurt that mu-"
Roy landed on him.
"GAH!" cried Marth, being crushed by Roy. The fall didn't seem to have affected Roy in the least. He instantly leapt to his feet and shook his fist at the window high above.
"THINK YOU CAN RUN FROM ME EH?" he bawled upwards and ran towards the fire escape. He was just beginning to mount the first flight of steps when something blunt hit him across the back of the head.
"Hmm… that was vaguely pleasurable," said Marth, standing behind him with a wooden board in his hand.
A few minutes later, Marth was to be seen running through the streets of the city with the prostrate Roy over his shoulders.
"Still… on the plus side," he thought, "That blow to the head isn't likely to have done much damage, it's not as if he had anything valuable in there…"
Roy was stirring awkwardly on his shoulder; he seemed near to waking up.
"I hope he's in a saner frame of mind than before," Marth thought as he rounded the corner into an alley. "Although at least we're rid temporarily of those fan-girls. But on the minus side the police are probably after us now, and that's worse….much worse." He rounded the corner "Although…" he mused, "it is Roy they're really after… maybe if I just leave him here… then I'll kill two birds with one stone and then I'll be able to go my own way. Nothing to distract me… just Marth, Marth, Marth… Marth… Marth…"
"Marth," said a voice.
"Marth," said the voice from behind him again.
"Wha?" said Marth, turning round.
"Marth," said the voice behind him again.
"Oh…" said Marth, taking Roy off his shoulders. "I see you're up then"
"Yup," said Roy, the shadow of the old grin returning to his face.
"When did you wake up?" Marth asked, glancing around the alley.
"Wake up?" said Roy who was now back to the old innocent grin.
"Yeh, you know, when did you… wait…. you didn't wake up?"
"Nope," said Roy, his eyes now closed as he smiled at Marth.
"You mean you weren't even knocked out when I hit you over the head?" said Marth, irritated.
"Nope!" repeated Roy.
"Well why the hell did you make me carry you all this way?"
"My legs were tired."
"How could your legs be tired? You hardly used them."
"Oh you know… they just were, I figured you wouldn't mind," said Roy happily.
"Yes…" said Marth, sarcasm positively dripping from him, "I didn't mind one bit"
"Oh good," said Roy, to whom sarcasm was just another word he couldn't spell. "While you were carrying me I had some time to think."
"Miracles will never cease," said Marth dryly.
"And I came to a conclusion," continued Roy, completely ignoring Marth
"And what would that be?"
"Marth…" said Roy slowly, "Rhymes with Yarth."
"WHAT?" Marth practically screamed at Roy.
"Marth rhymes with Yarth."
"Yarth ISN'T EVEN A WORD!" said Marth, slapping his head.
"Oh…" said Roy happily, "My mistake."
"Anyway," said an irked Marth, glancing round again, "We need to find somewhere to stay."
"If only we hadn't fallen on those boxes… we could have lived in them."
"I don't live in boxes Roy…"
"Really? They're very comfy."
"Well… I am a prince and… wait… you lived in a box?"
"No."
"Then how would you…?" Marth asked, staring at Roy "Gar… never mind. Let's just get going."
Marth and Roy were next to be seen walking down an almost deserted street somewhere near the centre of the town. They had passed down the back alleys and had avoided detection. The police sirens had faded away and Roy decided it was now about time to declare:
"Marth," he said, "I am hungry."
Marth stared at him. "Well…" he said after a while. "What do you want me to do about it?"
"Maybe we could go and buy some food."
Again Marth stared. "You expect me… us… to go back into… plain view… where we can be seen by police, fan-girls and possibly more people like you?"
"What do you mean plain view?" Roy asked curiously
"Well, have you ever heard of surreptitious shopping?"
"No… and what do you mean people like me?"
Marth ignored him "You want us to go back into danger and peril, horror and doubtless more violence, evil and disturbing problems just to get you something to eat?"
"Yup… I'm in the mood for a muffin," Roy said happily.
"A… a… a… a… a…" Marth stuttered.
"Or possibly some cheesecake." Roy continued
"…Muffin?" Marth finished.
"Yup," replied Roy, "I'm just in the mood for one."
"Or… cheesecake?" said Marth, in a mixture of shock and disgust.
"Yup. I particularly like the type where the icing just curls up over the-"
But Roy's speech on the merit's of cheesecake was cut short by Marth saying: "I'm not going to get you to shut up until I feed you am I?"
"Nope," said Roy grinning like a bibliophiliac in an warehouse.
"Alright then… come on," Marth sighed. "But remember, we have to be careful… NOT THAT AGAIN THOUGH!" he shouted as Roy began to sink back into his Solid Snake pose.
"Oh…" said Roy, looking sadly at the floor
"Come on then," said Marth, flinging his cape out as he strode away.
"Will there be time for some bagels as well?" asked Roy following him
"NO!" said Marth, rounding the corner.
Another few corners later Marth and Roy ended up at a small café as far into the city centre as they dared venture. Roy stared up at the shiny steel walls which had attracted him in the first place.
"I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T Café," he spelled out. "Internet Café"
"What's an internet?" asked Marth confusedly
"Maybe it's a type of muffin!" said Roy, licking his lips.
"Or maybe not," concluded Marth
Marth peered through the darkened windows of the café while Roy studied the outside menu.
"Look Marth," he suddenly declared. "They serve muffins!"
"Alright then…" said Marth, who was now being tugged through the doorway by the ravenous Roy, "…we'll eat here."
They were shown to a round table by a waitress who stared at their unusual dress. They sat down and took note of the two strange machines in the centre of the table at which they were seated. They consisted of a box part with a large piece of what looked like glass in the centre. Then coming off the sides were two cords. One led to a rectangular board with lots of buttons on, each with a letter of the alphabet inscribed upon it. The other led to an oddly shaped semi-oval with two buttons on it. Neither of the swordsmen had seen anything like these odd contraptions before and were therefore naturally nervous. Roy poked the one nearer him.
"What does it do?" asked Roy.
"I have no idea," said Marth, admiring his reflection in the glass.
Roy continued to poke the glass with one hand. He eventually grew bored of this and moved onto the two objects which were attached to the main box. First he tried the board. He tried poking the button with 'R' for Roy on it repeatedly and then moved onto 'M' to see if it would give him a muffin. It didn't. Roy, now growing bored of this secondary device moved onto the final object. It had two buttons. Surely one of them must do something. He picked it up and viewed the underside to check if there were any more buttons underneath. Re read he label 'V11-Mouse"
"Gee…" he remarked to Marth who was studying the menu "Mice sure have changed"
Noting there were no buttons on the underside moved back to the top. He pressed the right hand button…nothing happened. Disappointed, he pressed the left one. The box gave off a low whine at which Roy pulled himself as far away from it as possible, as may be wise for one who seemed to have a tendency to making things explode. Then his face lit up as the screen lit up.
"Marth!" he said, poking his companion "Look!"
"Hmm?" said Marth boredly "Not now Roy, I'm reading the menu… you're the one who wanted a muffin"
Roy, all thoughts of muffins gone from his mind stared at the strange screen. It now had a moving picture of a coin being placed into a slot with an arrow pointing to the side of the window. Roy looked, there was a slot. He fished around in his pocket and drew out a bunch of miscellaneous coins. He took the one which most resembled the coin in the animation and inserted it into the slot. By some extraordinary coincidence the coin which Roy had inserted, one Alterian gold piece was exactly the same weight as a one pound coin which the machine required. 'Blip' said the machine, at which Roy cringed, and then it purred into action.
It came up with four boxes on the screen. One said 'internet', one 'e-mail', one 'Word' and one 'shut down'. Roy studied these boxes carefully. He misread 'e-mail' as 'evil' so avoided it. 'Word' didn't sound very exciting and Roy had never liked words anyway. 'Shut down' he disliked as he did not want to stop the wonderful machine now that he had got it going. 'Internet' seemed the only option. Besides, he was still curious to find out what one was.
He poked the screen at the box labelled 'internet' with his finger. Nothing happened. It looked like he had to use the strange devices again. Having the most faith in the device which had started the machine he picked it up and proceeded to tap the screen at the 'internet' button with it. Again nothing happened. This having done nothing Roy waved it up and down in the vain hope it would do something. Unsurprisingly it didn't. He placed it down on the table and drew back as he noticed a small arrow on the screen moving as he did so. He waited. Nothing happened to the arrow. He cautiously moved the 'mouse' across the table. The arrow moved with it. He grinned.
A while later Roy was getting used to the machine. Marth, however, was still reading the menu, undecided as to what to have, and had not noticed Roy's activities. Thanks to trial and error, Roy had worked out what the mouse buttons did, as well as the keyboard and was repeatedly typing 'Roy' in the address bar only to get continuous 404 errors. These Roy did not quite understand. However, he eventually spotted a button named 'Google'. This he misread as 'Gurgle'
"Can it make noises too?" he wondered to himself pressing the button with the arrow.
The Google window opened and Roy stared at it suspiciously. It was too uncolourful for his liking. In the hope of making more pictures appear on the screen he pressed 'Images' but could see no visible difference. He tried clicking the white bar thinking it might make something happen. The cursor appeared. Roy was now versed enough in computers to know that he could now type in the box. Maybe it was some sort of ordering bar. Maybe you typed in your order and it was given to you. He typed in 'Muffin', expecting one to come out of the computer. Sadly it didn't, but the screen lit up with pictures of muffins.
"WOW," said Roy out loud.
"Shh Roy," said Marth still studying the menu. "I'm trying to think."
Roy looked at the vast selection of muffins and wondered which one he would have. He eventually selected the most chocolate-filled one he could find and clicked it. He was disappointed when nothing happened except the image became larger.
A short while later, Roy had established that you could not actually get muffins or any other foods from the machine and was now attempting to think of other things to input into the search bar. The machine had thwarted his earlier attempts to get a picture of himself so he typed 'Roy' in the bar. Many pictures appeared, none of which looked remotely like him. He sighed and looked across at Marth to ask him what to search for, then reconsidered. Marth was a much more unusual name than Roy and there was sure to be a picture of him somewhere. He typed in Marth and pressed 'search'. Unfortunately for him, most likely due to his lack of computer skills, and vast amount of absent-mindedness, he had forgotten to erase the word 'Roy' from the box first so ended up with a search saying 'RoyMarth'. This he did not notice but browsed the results.
"There's one with some blue in it..." he thought. "That could be Marth." He looked closer; it also seemed to have some red in it. He couldn't quite make out what the image was of, it was too small. However, remembering his experience with the muffin pictures, he clicked once to enlarge the image.
Another while later, Marth had finally continued studying the menu.
"OK, Roy," he said, not looking up, "I think I'm going to have a cheese and ham sandwich. There are a few muffins here; there's a chocolate one, a blueberry one and something called and 'apple cinnamon' muffin, but I'm not exactly sure what one of those is. Which do you want?"
There was no reply.
"I said there's a chocolate one, a blueberry one or an apple cinnamon one," Marth repeated.
Again, there was no reply.
Marth looked up over the menu, fearing that his companion had left in search of a muffin. But Roy was still there, his eyes fixed on the screen.
"Roy?" said Marth curiously. He looked at Roy's face. It was twisted in horror and disgust. The best description of it would be 'OO;' as words could not really sum up the expression.
"Er… Roy?" said Marth weakly. "Anything the matter…?"
Roy didn't respond but remained frozen, his eyes transfixed to the screen. What had he been looking at? Marth moved round the table to get a better view of what Roy was looking at.
He stopped. A hideous view met his eyes.
There was a large picture, filling the screen. It was a artistic rendition of him embracing Roy and sharing a passionate kiss happily with him set on a background of flowers. The title read: Swordsmen's Passion.
Marth's expression now matched Roy's. i.e. OO;
Marth and Roy hurriedly left the café, having been saved from the horrific vision by the fact the machine had run out of money and shut down.
Neither of them said anything for a long while. Eventually, after about an hour of aimless wandering, Roy spoke up:
"Marth…" he said, "I-I'm sorry."
Marth turned to him. "It's OK, Roy; I know it wasn't your fault."
"Thanks Marth… I didn't mean to."
"I know," said Marth. "Still… at least we know what to be careful of…"
"Yeh…" said Roy
There was another long silence. Marth suddenly stopped in the middle of the street.
"Come on then Roy," he said, now smiling slightly. "We need to find us a new place to stay."
He strolled off round the corner quickly, his cloak blowing out behind him in the wind leaving Roy alone in the deserted street. Roy looked up slowly from the ground, his red hair wafting across his eyes.
"I never did get that muffin," he said, before quickly walking after Marth.
END OF PART TWO
Huzzah! That's another chapter done then. I know it could be seen as an ending point but it's not, there will be a part three, four etc. Now, I'm not one of those irritating people who says 'I will only continue if you review me' but that's not to say that I dislike reviews... Therefore I'd be happy if you (like Roy) learn how to use the mouse and click the small purpley button in the bottom left corner, and then type something. What is entirely up to you. Positiveness is always good, but I do like constructive criticism and of course plot ideas are always good as it saves me the trouble of having to think - horror - or fail to do so. Flames will be given to Roy, and he of course becomes dangerous when near fire. I hope you all enjoyed it even though there's a severe lack of cliffhanger in this one, still, there is some vague sexualness in this chapter for all you people who enjoy that kind of thing. Still, read and review and then go and do something else.
Until then…
Sezan