Hello again various individuals with will strong enough to withstand my nonsense. Once again, sorry for the long time since the last update but I've been busy and because it's taken so long this is an uber length chapter 3000 words longer than originally intended, Instead of my usual opening rant I'm going to talk about a few questions which have been plaguing me while I was writing this. I'll save the rant for the end, be warned.

Firstly: Marth and Roy are Japanese, why would they speak perfectly fluent English? (fluent in the sense, as fluently as I can write the dialogue at 10p.m.-3a.m.)?

Answer: They are fully equipped with the latest translation devices which are small enough to be concealed in the mouth and ear. They translate language and then rebroadcast it into the ear for those of you who know the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, think Babelfish. As for the mouth translator, it's exactly the same except backwards (tail end outwards for babelfishers). I realise this isn't a very good explanation but who except me frankly cares.

Secondly: Where exactly are they?

Answer: Although Japan would probably be the best place for the story to be set, having only been there once I'm not in a very good position to describe life. As a result the story is set in my home country of England. Although set in England I've attempted to avoid culturalisms, but one or two may slip in now and again such as 'pounds' instead of 'dollars', 'yen' etc. Although in truth it could be set almost anywhere.

Thirdly: Why are Marth and Roy so accustomed to some modern appliances put completely oblivious to others?

Answer: Ah - that's a tough one, and I made it so I'm revealing my own stupidity. The reason for this is because basically I'm an idiot and I forget things. However some of the situations are meant for comedy, ignore stupid things like that. Basically - a wizard did it.

Fourthly: Why am I asking myself questions to which I don't really know the answer?

Answer: Because I'm an idiot, it's late at night, I'm under the influence of J-rock and thus stupidity occurs.

Finally: Will anyone read this?

Answer: No.

Well, I'm sorry, even that went on for longer than I suspected it would. Everyone's probably stopped reading already except people who've staggered valiantly through the previous chapters and know my tendency to rant.

This chapter is dedicated to the Donkey sanctuary - as everyone who helped has already received a dedication.

Thanks to Jesta for proofreading (I hope /)

Thanks to for giving me the supermarket idea .

And now, without further ado.

-Chapter the third-

In which Roy discovers the malevolence of closing doors and Marth discovers a disguise.

It was several days later and Marth and Roy had managed to find a new establishment to stay in. They were sitting on the sofas and Marth was browsing through one of the newspapers while Roy whistled tunelessly and stared out of the window at the moon. Marth looked up from the newspaper at the cash jar which stood on top of the wardrobe.

"It's running out Roy." he said

"I know," replied Roy "I haven't eaten as much as I would have liked in the past two days"

"What?" said Marth staring at him

"The food….it's running out" said Roy, looking over his shoulder at the fridge "Yesterday, I only had 3 ice-creams! 3!" he shouted as if announcing a natural disaster "You know what that does to a man!"

"That makes two things then" said Marth dryly, ignoring his rantings. "Wait…" he said doing a hilarious double take, "What does that do to a man?" he queried, wondering how Roy's condition could possibly get worse.

"I….er….I" said Roy jerkily, Marth could almost see the gears turning in Roy's head "I felt incredibly ill and couldn't get up for a long time afterwards" concluded Roy in a blatantly false tone.

"Dear dear" said Marth in what he hoped was a caring voice, from his point of view he could see no downside of Roy being unable to get up for several hours. "I was under the impression you were asleep"

"At THAT time of day?" said Roy, in an attempt at false incredulity "What rubbish you spout Marth Hahahahahahahaha…." his false laugh trailed off

"Mmm…." said Marth in a slightly too sarcastic tone "One a.m. eh? Who in their right mind would sleep at that time?"

"My point e-exactly" said Roy incredulously, surely Marth had noticed his subtlety and lies? It should probably be pointed out at this juncture for those of you readers who have not read the first two chapters (lord knows why) that Roy's deductional skills, especially in the area of detecting sarcasm, are somewhat….sub par. Marth stared at him, unaware of his internal monologue, and the authors comment.

"I guess we'd better go buy some food of some description anyway" said Marth in the vein of someone who doesn't really care but just wants to help out an unfortunate friend, namely Roy, although Marth did not really consider him a friend, more of a punishment for being alive. The truth of the matter was that Marth had become hopelessly addicted to crisps (or chips for our American friends) and also Romantic comedy DVDs.

"Indeed we must" said Roy attempting dramatically, to imitate Marth's tone, the effect was somewhat spoiled however by the fact that he closed his eyes and had raised one hand to his brow in weary resignation. Marth looked at him askance.

"Do you have a headache?" queried Marth, to Roy who was now going red in the face from the drama of it all.

"NO." said Roy, managing to pronounce the full stop while remaining in the same position.

"If you say so" said Marth, returning to his newspaper while Roy turned a curious shade of blue. After a short while Roy realised Marth was not staring in awe at his dramatic pose and deflated.

"So…" he said, Marth looked up and immediately returned to his newspaper, the look of guile was somewhat disturbing on Roy's face. "Let's go to the supermarket then" continued Roy, who assumed Marth was paying attention.

"Roy…" said Marth, irritably thrusting his watch into Roy's face "The time Roy, is eleven thirty p.m."

"And?" said Roy, wondering if Marth was giving him the watch

"There are no decent supermarkets open at eleven thirty p.m. Roy, as you will have doubtless noticed."

"Er.." said Roy nervously

"As you have doubtless noticed" repeated Marth sternly snatching the watch away from Roy's grasping fingers.

"Of….of course" said Roy, wondering if Marth was attempting Jedi mind control (he having watched star wars a few nights ago, they both having discovered the marvels of television) "I'm not an idiot" he said.

"Good" said Marth, Roy stared up in the fervent hope that Marth was going to say 'the force is strong in this one' or a similar comment, however none came. Several minutes later, Roy stood up, having failed in making Marth's paper fly out of his hands using the power of his mind.

"Well then" he said yawning "I'll be off to bed, tomorrow I shall go shopping for ice cream with you Marth" he finished wearily before strolling unsteadily towards his bed.

"Goodnight then" said Marth not looking up from his newspaper "I'll turn in soon"

"Night then" said Roy, laying back on the pillow

'Damn' Marth thought, getting into the other bed a while later 'I need to go to the employment centre tomorrow, that'll mean Roy will have to go to the supermarket on his own. He'd just better behave himself' he thought pulling the covers over himself.

Roy snored loudly, breaking the silence.

Marth had returned from the employment centre only to find the supermarket on fire with a rather jovial looking Roy standing in front of the inferno.

"Heya Marth" he said bouncing up while Marth stared in horror at the flames "Look what I bought!" he said pulling out a trolley from behind him, Marth half dreadingly looked, it was full of Milk cartons.

"You spent all our money...on…on…..MILK?" he raged at Roy who smiled happily.

"Yup, 146 cartons of it" Said Roy, somehow missing the fact that Marth was restraining himself with difficulty from strangling Roy.

"WHY?" said a rabid Marth

"I like milk" said Roy happily, the picture of innocence. Marth needed something desperately to hit, he couldn't hit Roy as Roy was an idiot and irresponsible for his actions. He hit himself instead. As he lay on the floor he thought to himself 'could be worse…he could have just bought window cleaner or something, at least milk is edible…or drinkable at any rate' Roy's face loomed into view from above grinning madly like an extremely fat man having spotted a cake sale.

"GUESS WHAT MARTH!" he said ecstatically

"What?" groaned Marth pulling himself pulling himself up on one elbow

"I SOLD THE MILK" said Roy grinning madly

"WHAT!" Shouted Marth, causing several thousand birds nearby to vacate their nests in shock.

"I traded it ALL for this" smiled Roy as Marth looked on in horror "It's a magic bean, the man said there was only one in the world" Marth looked closer while restraining himself from killing Roy with his bare hands.

"THAT ROY" he screamed "IS NOT A MAGIC BEAN" Roy looked curiously at the 'bean' "THAT ROY" continued Marth savagely "IS A ROCK!"

"Oh…" said Roy staring at the rock in his hands "cool" he said throwing it up in the air. It landed on Marth. Who buried his head in his hands. Roy had begun singing. Several minutes passed and Marth, who was now driven to distraction with Roy's singing looked up angrily.

"Roy!" he snapped "Will you-" He looked in horror at Roy who seemed to have been replaced with a pile of bricks.

"Yes Marth?" said the pile which had now caught fire

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Shouted Marth sitting upright. He opened his eyes, it had been a nightmare. Just a nightmare, he told himself getting groggily out of bed. Roy was not in his bed. 'where can he be?' thought Marth to himself standing up.

At this moment Roy ran in with a bucket of water, he glanced at Marth with an expression of surprise then stared at the floor for a few seconds. He then nodded as if having decided something. He looked up.

"Roy I-" said Marth.

Roy hurled the bucket of water at him. Marth stood in the middle of the floor soaking wet with his hair flopping down in front of his eyes.

"Roy…." he said trembling slightly "What….was….that….for…" he said using all the power he could muster to stop himself from swearing or pushing Roy out of a nearby window.

"Oh" said Roy with a mixture of bemusement and innocence on his face "I thought you were having a nightmare"

A few minutes later Marth had dried off and his anger had cooled somewhat, possibly due to the cold water, proving it had at least been good for something. He now sat on one of the sofas rubbing his hair with a towel while Roy sat on a nearby chair twiddling his thumbs.

"Sorry about that" Roy said after the silence had got to a sufficiently large state of awkwardness.

"Bah" said Marth "It's alright….I did have a nightmare….you were just a little…" he left the sentence purposely unfinished. Unfortunately he had forgotten who he had been talking with. Roy stared at him curiously.

"little what?" asked Roy curiously. Marth sighed.

"-late" said Marth carefully, thinking of several other things he could have said.

"Oh…." said Roy who was thinking about ice cream. Marth sighed again.

"Anyway…" said Marth after a while "You'll have to go to the store without me, I- I have to go to the employment centre"

"Oh…" said Roy, thinking of what flavour would go best with vanilla "cool."

"O.k.?" said Marth in bewilderment "Are you sure?"

"Strawberry would go well." said Roy, nodding in response, his eyes now closed.

Marth's expression could be best shown as: 'oO;' he shook his head, It couldn't go wrong like in his dream, bricks didn't burn that easily…did they? With such misgivings in his mind he slipped quietly out of the door and walked slowly down the stairs to the ground floor.

Roy sat for several minutes considering the best flavour combination, unnoticing of Marth's absence.

"Pistachio" he said at length and stood up. He looked around for his blue haired companion "Ma-arth!" he shouted in an attempt to locate him. There was no reply. After several more attempts at finding Marth, including searching the fridge and dustbins he gave up. 'Maybe he left for the store already' thought Roy, leaping towards the door.

He strolled down the street receiving several odd looks at his bizarre appearance. Eventually he reached the supermarket. Walking like a zombie, staring at the posters of food on the windows he strolled towards it. He eventually reached the door. He stared at the door. It had no handles. He thought in a way which he assumed was cunning.

"Doubtless this is a trap set up by my enemies" was his eventual conclusion. Roy carefully edged towards the door. His motor skills were surprisingly good for someone with a 'low mental agility' carefully, without making a sound, he drew his sword. There was no way a trap like this was going to stop him. He slowly moved around to the front of his nemesis and, with a mighty roar, which caused many of the shoppers inside to drop what they were holding, he leapt, sword falling in a downwards slash in front of him. The majesty of Roy's attack was somewhat spoiled by the fact that the doors were automatic, and, sensing a potential customer's presence, swung open. Roy crumpled to the floor. He twitched slightly.

"A-amazing…" he said staring upwards at the door through his only open eye.

Marth skulked around the back alleys of the city in order to avoid the general populace. As a rule he did not like people of other generations or races, The fact that he had met Roy was proof enough that people were idiots for him. There were also the fan girls, Ugh, the fan girls, bane of his existence. He had never been entirely sure where they had come from or why they admired him in any way. He was a handsome devil of course…heh….Marth grinned to himself, then shook his head in disgust. He fell down on his knees.

"WHY!" he shouted at the sky.

The sky, for reasons best known to itself, did not respond.

"WHY AM I SO BEAUTIFUL!" he wailed in a mixture of self absorption and dramatic emphasis.

The sky again made no reply except for a yowling sound from above.

"WHY AM I CURSED WITH THIS FACE! WHY MU-"

However this time the sky did respond, it responded in the form of a small cat, which, terrified by the noise he had been making, fell from its perch and landed conveniently (and for the purposes of humour) directly on Marth's upturned face.

"Gnyunk?" said Marth trying desperately not to inhale the small fur ball.

The cat yawned and rolled off his nose and into his outstretched arms.

"N-neko?" said Marth to the glee of fan girls everywhere.

The cat yawned and looked up into Marth's eyes.

"Where did you come from?" he asked inquisitively,

The cat bit him on the nose.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Roy was having his own problems, although they were of course not cat related. Roy had now succeeded in getting past the suspicious door and had managed to get panting and bruised from repeated failures. The door had sustained merely a few scratches. Roy's condition was considerably worse. A surprisingly small number of people had noticed him because of the 'shop matrix.'

The shop matrix is a condition which few people know about. When people are in shops the brain pattern alters subtly however in an extremely complex manner. When inside a store, customers forget that there is any outside from the moment the first item is placed in the cart. This is because neurological signals from the receptors to the brain are cut of from the cranium by the small plastic stickers on the fruit produce. It is a well known fact that in a supermarket you should always start with the fruit. The labels always feel slightly wet because they are covered with micro gelatinous molecules which absorb into the hands (or feet if you shop in unusual ways) which proceed in cutting off all remembrance of the outside environment. Supermarket's started doing this as they thought it may increase the amount of time people spend shopping, it was however found ineffective as there is a limited amount of things one needs to buy ever, also, money is limited which can be a problem. A curious question is of course, why did the supermarkets continue to do it. When questioned, the general response was 'force of habit'. Another, and much simpler reason people forget about the outside world is that there are few and generally fogged up windows.

As a result of this highly doubtful and pathetic explanation, almost no one noticed Roy. Except one of the employees, who, not generally having to handle the fruit, was partially immune to the effect of the matrix. He was, however, still under the influence of window lack so only noticed Roy, the final time he opened the door.

Roy noticed him and stood up attempting to look more dignified, After straightening his hair, a feat which took several minutes in itself, he was ready to greet his new acquaintance. He thrust out one arm in a somewhat violent fashion.

'HELLO' he said in his attempt at a friendly voice which was actually exceedingly menacing, he gave a little smile, 'I AM ROY'

The cat sat comfortably inside Marth's tunic, a position which many fan girls aspire to. He considered that in this world, he looked unusual enough, without madly clutching a squirming cat so he had put it somewhere safe. Marth rather liked the cat. After it had landed on his face, he had removed it with some difficulty. His nose was a bit sore but then, some sacrifices are necessary. Marth had always liked cats, he loathed dogs but cat's were different. They took the same, independent, slightly bored and sarcastic view of life as he did.

'Myaow Myaow?' Marth had said to the cat, and felt rather stupid afterwards.

The cat yawned and and settled in his arms.

'A cat eh?' pondered Marth to himself. 'Wonder if I should keep it…' he thought for a while then looked sadly down. 'No…' he had said 'It probably belongs to someone. He prepared to put it on the ground but had then realised it was asleep. Purring gently, 'and wait…wait…'said Marth, It had no collar. Marth thought for a while again. 'Bah…fine, you can stay with me for a while.' he said a length. 'You might make more sensible conversation than Roy…'

Roy considered that maybe the man did not understand.

"I AM ROY" he exclaimed to the world in general. "WHO ARE YOU"

The man stood aghast. Who was this man?

Roy tried again.

"MY NAME IS ROY" he said, spitting a little "WHO MIGHT YOU BE SIR"

"I-I'm Joe" Said the terrified man, wondering if he should call security. "M-may I enquire w-wha-" he managed before being cut off by Roy, who was eerily grinning in what he considered a social manner.

"GREETINGS JOSEPH" he interrupted "HOW MIGHT YOU BE TODAY?"

'Joseph' was somewhat taken aback. "I-I'm o.k.…I guess" he managed.

"DIRECT ME JOSEPH' came the reply.

"?" Said 'Joseph'.

"DIRECT ME TO YOUR SUPPLIES OF-" here Roy paused to consult a small piece of paper "-DELECTABLE FRESH FRUIT AND VEGETABLES."

"…." said Joe

Roy waited patiently. Joe was suffering a mixture of fear and amazement. His mind was working overtime. Many of the questions began with a 'W' in fact there were so many questions circulating his brain that the author couldn't be bothered to write them all out. Instead he turned it into some sort of incredibly irritating game where the readers got to guess all the questions with the one hint that only 5 of them had anything to do with lobsters.

Unaware of any game playing Roy was still waiting patiently. Then, a terrible thought occurred to him.

"My Gods…" he said staring suspiciously at Joe "…Some kind of demon has bound him senseless"

"No…No, I'm only slightly surprised" Joe definitely did not say. He merely made a faint gurgling noise.

Roy stared, his eyebrows slanted downwards. "It's worse than I thought" I growled "It's trying to possess this poor fellow."

Joe's eyes bulged, but against all sensible reasoning he could not say anything.

"Fear not good sir" said Roy "I will free you from this vile beast."

Joe succeeded in getting his wits together enough to do the simplest reflex task, he ran.

Marth had, by means of sneakery and deviosity, should such words exist, arrived at the employment office without being seen. It seemed to him that there had been something overall too easy about his journey and so far nothing had hindered him at all, save the arrival of a small cat.

He made for the door however happened to glance in one of the shop windows before reaching it. He stopped, made a faint noise normally associated with being run over by a tractor and blanched.

There were women in the shop, about 80 were young and the rest looked (if it is possible to look so) unmarried.

Surely, Marth's mind raced, this was some cunning trap laid by fan girls, he was to walk into the shop and be instantaneously pounced upon by hordes of ravaging women. The very idea made him feel faint. He slowly, dejectedly began to walk away from the shop towards the alley from which he had emerged when he stopped, he had seen an old fashioned corner shop…

'Maybe…' he thought smiling slightly 'Maybe…'

He walked into the shop and made for the till.

"AVAST" shouted Roy for no reason other than he had read a comic book about pirates the day before.

His progress after the still fleeing Joe could only be described as 'slow' in the sense that, by the time Roy had managed to navigate the whole store, Joe would have probably reached Africa had he desired to go in that direction. As a matter of fact he was hiding in the 'Staff only' section, waiting for someone else to arrive and save him. Preferably someone rather large and strong.

The reason for Roy's slow progress was that he was attempting, unsuccessfully, to perform two separate tasks, firstly, he was attempting to carry out Marth's instructions and collect all the items on the list. Unfortunately, this was not going well as: his progress was completely random and also he had walked down the same rows of shelves on numerous occasions and, instead of checking to see if he had already collected the item he had seen again, he considered it faster just to grab another. As a result he was carrying about 9 packets of bacon as well as several other of Marth's requests. Also, he had not discovered baskets and therefore was carrying everything by hand. This was problematic due to the second reason his progress was slow.

The second reason was that Roy was convinced he had been transported into the realm of some demonic lord. He did not question why demon lords would be attempting to sell cylinders of Pringles or cucumbers yet concluded that they were all there for some evil purpose. As a result every time he encountered something which was not on Marth's list, he slashed at it with his sword in the hope this would weaken the chaotic influence. Due to the fact there are several hundred items not on shopping lists in supermarkets this happened every few seconds. This of course caused problems to Roy as it meant that he found it hard to carry all the items while slashing. While many would have proceeded to leave the collected items somewhere before going on a rampage down several rows, Roy on the other hand preferred to carry everything and throw it in the air whenever he encountered something 'evil' to free his hands for slashing. He then of course had to pick everything up before progressing half a step and catching sight of another 'evil' to be vanquished.

The trouble was…there was just so much of it…

It had to be said that the sight of a man with a paper bag on his head was unusual in any circumstances, however it is even rarer when the aforementioned individual enters an employment office. The individual was Marth. Having procured a paper bag from the nearby greengrocers, Marth had worn it to hide his self (and many fan girl) proclaimed 'stunning visage' from onlookers. This would have been a reasonably good plan save that Marth had neglected to put eyeholes in. He was immediately aware of this when he put it on, but by then it was too late as he was already inside the office.

'Mmph' cursed Marth, revealing another of the bag's defects.

The women stared at the obvious lunatic in the doorway, Marth was now struggling desperately with the bag and attempting to make eye holes by poking the general area where they should be. He succeeded eventually, however in a typical manner he succeeded in pushing his finger through to his eye.

"MMAHMMMMMMMMAHH!" screamed the bag headed maniac.

Fortunately for Marth no real damage was done and he could now at least see however was not planning on making another eye hole any time soon, he hazarded a mouth hole and managed to create one without injury.

"Ahem…" he said, testing his new speaking hole.

The staff stared at the lunatic.

"Any chance of a job?" Marth said nervously

Roy had now moved past fruit and was heading towards spices via vegetables hacking and slashing packets of asparagus (pausing only to pick up another tin of tomatoes) whilst screaming something about 'Vengeance' though what the asparagus had ever done to him was unclear.

Another thing which was unclear, at least to Roy, was why a) he was even in the store, and b) why he was attacking innocent produce. He came to the conclusion that once a job had been started, it should be finished and continued to the lettuce.

An old woman's trolley bumped into him

"Attack me from behind eh!" shouted Roy, whirling round in a flurry of cloak

"TAKE THAT VILE FEIND" he screamed out of force of habit, cleaving the trolley in two.

The old lady, who's eyesight was awful, as is sadly the case in many elderly folk, though generally better than they make out surveyed Roy with interest, he was obviously one of the shop assistants come to assist her with her trolley (which she failed to notice was now in half) .

"Oh hello" she said, peering at Roy

"I'LL RIP OUT YOUR IN-" screamed Roy before noticing the old woman, he paused in mid swing, time stood still for several seconds, Roy lowered his sword and bowed.

"Good morrow to you venerable one" he said, politeness to the elderly having been one of the only things he had taken up at school…except space.

"Oh" said the old lady smiling slightly "What a polite young man you are"

"What may I do to assist milady" said Roy bowing even lower, knowing that it was one of the laws of nature stated that old women indubitably had quests and tasks for knights such as himself to perform.

"Oh well, you could help me with my shopping you know, isn't that what you fellows normally do?"

Roy, who had been under the impression that a general task for knights such as himself was to slay dragons, rescue princesses and kill tyrants, missing the old woman's confusion as to his profession, was somewhat confused by this but made up for it by bowing even lower, this would have been impressive, had not he succeeded in hitting his head on the floor on the way down.

"Are you alr-" began the old woman in concern, but Roy sprang up

"A QUEST! A QUEST!" he shouted and grabbed a nearby trolley, lifting it into the air with a strength which he seemed to have received from passion for quests and airlifting it in the direction of the meat counter before replacing it back on the ground with a mighty crash.

"Fear not venerable one" he said to the old woman before smiling at the camera (had there been one) causing a cliché sparkle on his teeth "Roy is here!"

"And who might he WHOOH!" said the old woman as Roy picked her up as if she were a rag doll and placed her carefully in the trolley before seizing the handles.

"Is this some sort of new store policy?" said the old woman, utterly confused.

"No" came the reply "It's my policy" said Roy. His eyebrows came down into a frown, veins stood out on his neck and muscles, he began to scrape a foot along the ground and snorted slightly, to sum up he looked very angry.

He was not however, merely preparing himself, for the push.

The push happened.

The world turned into a blur.

Marth was now, quite comfortably seated on a chair in a little cubicle, the bag still on his head. Some kind of argument seemed to be going on in the main office of the employment centre, the argument seemed to involve a lot of raised voices and pointing at him.

Growing bored he began to poke things on the desk in front of him. A while went by and then there was a loud commotion in the office and a figure was almost certainly pushed out. It tottered nervously into the cubicle before closing the door.

A, Marth had to admit, attractive young woman, who looked younger than him sat down opposite Marth with extreme caution.

'Don't panic, don't panic' thought Marth to himself 'She's more afraid of you than you are of her…' then he realised that this only applied to bears and resumed panicking.

He then realised the young woman was also trembling, though not nearly as much as him.

"H-hello…" she said, extending an unsteady arm towards him "I'm Suzie, how c-can I help"

"Err….hello" said Marth in what he had attempted as a low baritone voice, however due to his nervousness it came out as a gruff squeak "I-I-I am…err…" he hesitated "…Barry" he concluded shaking the proffered hand as if it was a lion's paw.

Roy's passage with the trolley through the store made 'Ben Hurr' look like a kindergarten egg and spoon race. Little bits of the linoleum floor were actually beginning to melt under the wheels.

The old lady, having got over the original shock of the speed was now quite beginning to enjoy the ride, oblivious of the swathe of destruction her vehicle was causing.

"Now this reminds me of my first trip to the fair ground" She said to no one in particular "There was this big roller coaster…"

Roy, ignoring her monologue was somehow succeeded in picking up the items the old lady had asked for as they blazed past the shelves. Exerting himself to such an extent that veins began to stick out in places where they were not in fact believed to exist.

Smashing through a pile of carefully piled tinned peaches for comic effect Roy screeched to a halt. There was something about the air which reminded him of something…it was…very cold.

"ICE CREAM!" he screamed and headed for it

"Oh no dear, don't care for ice cream" said the old woman "it makes me teeth ache"

Roy ignored this and with lightning speed hurled several tubs into the cart.

"Err…you can let go now" said Suzie to 'Barry' who was still gripping her hand as if his life depended upon it

'Barry' quickly withdrew his hand as if bitten.

"And…err…" continued Suzie, attempting to be brave "How can I help you today?"

"Y-yes, well…" squeaked Marth, failing to be brave "I was looking for work…"

"I see…" said Suzie, wondering what kind of job a man with a bag on his head would be after

There was a silence, an awkward one, on a scale of one to ten of awkwardness this ranked about 7. Suzie attempted to bridge the gap.

"Do you have any specific skills?"

'Marth mumbled something, Suzie decided to disregard her question.

Another pause. The awkwardness ranking went up to 9.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions Mr…Err..Mr?…."

Another pause

"…Barry" said the now self proclaimed 'Barry Barry'

The ranking somehow exceeded the scale and rose to 11

"I see" she said "Well Mr. Barry…can you drive?"

"A chariot" Marth heard himself say and inwardly smacked his forehead

"Sorry?

"Err…I mean no I cannot….I cannot drive a kar" said Marth, unused to the word

"No experience with vehicles then?"

"No" said Marth cautiously "I have never been in a kar.

She gaped at him.

She wrote something on the piece of paper with reference to Barry Barry and looked up at Marth.

"Any musical ability whatsoever?" she queried hopefully, he looked odd enough to be some kind of musician.

"Well, I have been told I play a passable lute" said Marth equally hopefully.

More gaping and scribbling from Suzie.

Marth realised that this was going somewhat wrong, and there was no way to prevent the downwards spiral.

Roy had succeeded in almost finishing shopping, he had procured everything on the old lady's (who was still perched in the trolley) list as well as several tubs of ice-cream and, having remembered his original task, had returned to where he had met the old lady to dump the pile of Marth's requested items in the trolley before remembering there was one thing he had not got. A new DVD for Marth.

He headed rapidly for the section and screeched to a halt…it seemed there were many DVDs on sale. Now…Roy racked his brains…there had been a genre, it was, what was it? He couldn't remember. Ah wait! He had got it…Romance….Preferably romantic comedy. He then realised that both words were too long for him to recognise. He had to try and pick up on clues.

"R….R….R" muttered Roy where was an 'R' he found one…Two words….One beginning with R…this must be the comedy romance section. He plucked a DVD from the as it had a fellow wearing a cape on it and Roy was rather a fan of capes. He pocketed it, having no room in the trolley and prepared to march towards the exit, not understanding the concept of paying, he had after all been brought up in a society where money didn't really matter. However, even if he had wished to pay his way was blocked by security guards at the end of the aisle.

The guards had finally come, having been called by Joe with the information there was a 'Lunatic, possibly escaped' on the loose in the store, however once called it had taken them little time to find Roy, they simply had to follow the trail of destruction.

"Curses…creatures of darkness have intercepted us just as we reach our goal" said Marth to the old woman realising he could not fight as both hands were occupied with the trolley.

"Deary me" said the old lady, clutching her handbag tightly "I blame modern music"

Roy, for whom the harp was practically the latest in musical development, did not really understand but spun round to try and escape out of the other end of the aisle. This end was also blocked by guards.

He craned his neck…where was the nearest exit? He spotted one almost opposite him about two aisles away. There was only one way to reach it.

The guards advanced slowly

Roy spun the trolley round to face the shelves of DVDs. He summoned his reserve energy, someone was shouting something and the guards were running towards him, the old woman waved her handbag like a race starting flag. Veins stood out on Roy's neck. He pushed.

The trolley smashed through the aisles.

DVDs flew everywhere, but Roy was unaware. The trolley hurtled like a juggernaut through the shelves until the exit flew into sight. The doors were automatic and began to open. They were too slow.

The trolley smashed through the doors and into sunlight, and freedom!

Meanwhile, unaware of the drama and blatant low budget special effects going on in the supermarket. Marth had almost concluded the interview.

"W-Well Mr. Barry…" said Suzie "I'm afraid it's going to be very hard to find a job for you, you seem to have no real applicable skills and I'm afraid I can't find the school you say you attended on the records."

"Mmm…" said Marth staring at his boots.

"All that's left is garbage pickup or some other kind of community service…" Said Suzie

"I guess that beggars can't be choo-" he began. The cat chose this moment to dig it's claws into Marth's chest.

Marth screamed

Suzie screamed

'Mr. Barry' had, from Suzie's point of view, leapt up from his chair with a scream and was now proceeding to do some kind of elaborate war dance whilst keeping up perpetual cries indistinguishable between rage and agony. He was also blocking the door and this was a soundproof room, it was just him and her. Then she noticed his stomach.

Marth's shirt bulge, due to the cat was quivering, the animal having been awakened by Marth's cries, and now, finding itself in an enclosed area was absolutely terrified and was doing a mix between desperately attempting to escape and tearing at anything available with it's claws. Marth was screaming like a xenophobic in a united nations conference. His stomach viewed from the outside looked like something from 'Alien' and there he seemed to be making preparations for destroying everything in the room, thus Suzie's terror could hardly be seen as unusual.

She fumbled around for the alarm button un the drawer and pulled it out.

"STOP!" she shouted desperately "STOP OR I SUMMON THE POLICE!"

Marth stopped instantly, standing on one leg he looked like some sort of exceedingly pathetic bird. His stomach however did not as the cat tore at him, Marth winced, Suzie noticed.

"THAT'S IT" she cried "I'm calling the police, there's nothing you can do, you're obviously an escaped lunatic.

Marth clasped the cat at his stomach. It stopped. He saw the world suddenly in slow motion, there was the cat, wriggling out of his tunic and dropping onto the floor, there was the button, there was Suzie's finger coming down, down towards it. Nothing could stop it. Marth would soon be in jail. Nothing could stop-

Wait…

Marth's mind raced, there was one chance, it would be a big chance and it would mean risking something much worse than jail…it would be risking endless torment. But she was quite a nice woman, and she seemed trustworthy. It was the only chance he had, and if he was going to do it, he would have to do it now.

Marth's internal struggle resolved itself…

He flung his hand up to his head and tore off the bag.

Suzie's finger was still coming down on the button, she looked up triumphantly at the lunatic.

She gasped, the finger stopped.

She was lost in his eyes.

Unaware of my failed attempts at writing a vaguely romantic (if clichéd) scene (romantic COMEDY of course (not 'new release' as Roy might think it)) Roy was standing outside the old lady's house and assisting her in bringing shopping to the door. Fortunately for Roy the lady had had no idea of what had happened over the past several minutes having been crouched in the trolley. The last of the groceries were placed on the doorstep by Roy.

"Oh you're such a good boy" said the Lady smiling at Roy.

"My pleasure" said Roy, wondering how much experience he had got for doing the quest, and why he had discovered no magical items along the way.

"I'm sorry, I don't really have anything to give you" said the Lady sadly

"Your happiness is thanks enough" said Roy chivalrously.

"You could come over and have dinner one night, now does that sound as a reward?" said the old lady.

"It would be an honour" said Roy, wondering how a magical item could be hidden in a meal

"Have you got a… young lady friend to bring along?" said the old lady, "I always make too much as it is"

Roy knew no women in this universe, he wondered it the lady might be referring to one of the fan girls but dismissed the idea, Marth? He was not, to Roy's knowledge, a lady.

"I don't think so…" said Roy awkwardly "I do have a good friend though, would it be alright if he came along?"

"Oh certainly, certainly." said the old lady happily "now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and have a little lie down. Is Tuesday evening a good evening for you and your friend?"

"I expect so." said Roy

"I'll see you and your friend on Tuesday then alright?"

"I shall wait for it with interest" said Roy setting off down the road.

"One more thing!" shouted the Lady from her doorway "I never did ask your name"

"Roy!" shouted Roy back.

"Well then Roy" said the Lady, putting her glasses on "Thank you"

"Most welcome" bowed Roy, his head striking the pavement.

"I'm sure you'll find a young lady soon" shouted the old woman laughing "Mark my words"

Roy, unsure how to mark words headed off towards home, clasping Marth's shopping in his arms.

Marth strolled out of the employment centre, bag once more on his head, grinning underneath it, the kitten safely stowed under his tunic, again asleep. Suzie had been most reasonable, after gawping at him for several minutes she had made a kind of gurgling noise and sat down in the chair dropping the alarm on the floor.

Marth had waited for her to calm down and then explained. He didn't explain everything, just the bits about why: a) he had been wearing a bag and b) he had a cat in his shirt.

Marth had been quite impressed, she had understood. She had also acted surprisingly calmly except staring at him in a slightly unnerving manner.

The rest of the session had been something of a blur and had involved lots of crossing out and re-scribbling on his application form before she handed him a piece of paper with instructions to a job interview.

Marth had a job.

He had bid farewell to Suzie to which she mumbled embarrassedly about hoping to see him again and twisting the end of her skirt. Marth didn't quite get the hint and had replaced cat, bag and strolled out happily.

Inside, Suzie tottered back into the main office, as unsteadily as she had come out.

"Well?" asked one of the accountants "How did your session with the escaped loony go then?"

"Mmmh…" said Suzie vacantly and fainted smiling

"That bad eh?" said the Secretary who was standing by the water dispenser.

Marth reached home slightly after Roy. Roy heard him coming in and bounced up to him grinning happily.

"Marth! Marth! Marth!" he said merrily

"Mmm?" said Marth, for once happy enough to listen

"I got your stuff" said Roy

Marth looked over at the table, expecting to see several hundred milk bottles. He was pleasantly surprised, most of the things he had requested seemed to be there. He would have preferred it to be in bags and slightly less squashed, but from Roy, it was certainly a good effort.

"Well done" he said

"Oh and your DVD!" said Roy, pulling it out of his pocket.

Marth looked. He looked again to be sure.

"Roy…" he said slowly

"Yes?" said Roy

"I may be mistaken" said Marth carefully, so as not to spoil the mood. "But I was not under the impression that…'Batman' was a romance story, let alone a comic one.

"It was from the Romantic Comedy section" said Roy surprised "I think you'll find it is"

Marth let it pass the day had been too good to dwell on such matters.

On the television there seemed to be some sort of newsflash about a small and centralised tornado having hit a shopping store in town, Roy hurriedly switched the television off.

"So…" he said, attempting to change the subject "How was your day?"

"I got a job" replied Marth

"Congratulations!" said Roy happily "As what? Dragon slayer? Paladin?"

"I'm not entirely sure myself" said Marth "A 'model'"

"What's one of them?" asked Roy

"No idea" said Marth, equally confused, "I'll look it up in the dictionary I got when we arrived"

"Good idea" said Roy looking hungrily at one of the tubs of ice cream.

Marth flicked through the pages of the dictionary, K, L, M - M, Me, Mi, Mo - Mo. Marth scanned down the lines of words until….ah there it was, 'Model' -object "No" he mused

Ah, there it was "Model" -profession. He read the description. He read it again. And again. He began to tremble

"So? Know what a model does yet?" asked Roy, ice cream spoon half way to his mouth.

Marth's scream caused an avalanche a very long way away.

-End of part three-

So there we go, another chapter, another plot development and romance worthy of that in Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix (ahem). I hope that reading this story has not been a waste of your valuable time and would greatly appreciate feedback. If you laughed your head off, tell me why with a review, after spending several weeks in the serious injury ward of your local hospital for head reattachment of course. If you hated it and heartlessly kicked your computer screen in (possibly because you are a Marth and/or Roy fan girl/boy) then tell me why (how I do not know, it's hard to operate a computer with a screen which has been smashed). HOW? You ask…well, you press the little purpley button on the bottom left of your screen and give me a review. Surely it can't be THAT hard. I appreciate ideas, criticisms and of course praise . Flames will be used to used to light money for using to light cigars when the DVD of this comes out and I'm rich and famous. Not that it will…another dream shattered. Anyhow thanks for reading, unless you're someone who reads just the author's ending chapter drivel and I'll try to update sooner next time (this will not happen.)

So, in the words of Minsc in Baldur's Gate II:

You will not speak of sweet Dynaheir in this fashion! Terrible hamster justice will be wreaked upon you! GO FOR THE EYES, BOO, GO-

author is hauled away by paramedics to the psychiatric hospital

Farewell.

Ps. I would like to point out that this chapter was completed on new years eve. It is almost 12pm here in England and on the stroke of 12 I shall save this and not edit it until posting on fanfiction. So, I, Sezan would like to wish a happy new year to you all.