Catch my breath
The strain could be smelled from a hundred kilometres away, even if you didn´t know what the hell was going on there, you could feel it, far away from home, like they were.
After the last job their dad had sent them after, only a few words have been spoken between the Winchester brothers, the radio was always turned on, very loud, so the silence wouldn´t break them in two.
Sam wanted to talk about the fact that he had pointed a gun to his brother´s head and he had pulled the trigger without even thinking. But now, the regrets and the pain were eating him alive.
He wanted to say something, he knew that Dean wouldn´t accept his apologies, because he remembered all the things he had said and Dean really wasn´t angry at him at all, he was hurt and Sam didn´t know what to say to fix what he had done.
They had been one week haunting nothing, Dean had been looking through the newspaper and hadn´t found any rare accident, he was hoping that dad would send them in the right direction again. But he didn´t, so they ended up in a motel room not knowing where the hell they were going to be the day after.
Dean had gone out right after leaving their stuff in the motel room, without saying nothing but be right back, Sam didn´t have time to answer... So he only waited.
Dean loved to feel the fresh air of the night on his face, so much better than being in the same room with Sam without knowing what to say. Feeling so uncomfortable. It was weird though, they´ve had a lot of arguments, they were brothers, but they loved each other even if they hadn´t been together the last few years. At least he loved him, he wasn´t sure about Sam though. And that was his ghost, the thing that haunted him everyday, the reason why he couldn´t look at his brother in the eye. He was afraid that Sam wanted to talk to him only to end things, end with their looking-for-dad trip and go back to university. He couldn´t blame him though, he had left everything to go with him. His girlfriend had been killed by the same fucking demon who killed their mom. Dean was jelaous somehow, he hadn´t had the chance to do that, always following his dad and taking care of Sam, his way.
Sam was trying to get some sleep when he heard the door, he was there. He could smell him, hear him breathing slowly. When Dean returned from the bathroom he stood up and decided to confront him.
- Dean, we really need to talk, right now - said Sam behind Dean´s back.
- Fuck Sammy, try not to scare the hell out of me when I have a gun in my hands! -
- Well you don´t.
- But I could. We´ll talk tomorrow ok? I´m so tired to do this now-
- No Dean, we are talking now. If you don´t want to talk about it alright, but I´ll take my stuff and I´ll go somewhere else until you´re ready.- Sam stared at Dean -
- Ok, say whatever you have to say, I´m listening -
- I believe I´m not the only one who has to say something, trust me.-
- Sam what´s wrong with you? Seriously, you have been acting so weird since our last job.- Dean knew that his brother wasn´t the only one who had been acting weird, but he didn´t know what more to say.
- You have to be kidding me, I´m the one that has been acting weird? I don´t think so Dean, I´ve been trying to talk about what happened, you know, me almost killing you. Not a big deal for you for what I see. And it seems that you really don´t care.-
- Look Sam, I do care, of course I care. You´re my brother but if you have any problems here I think you should go back from where you came. -
- So this is how it´s gonna be.-
- Oh come on.. what?-
- Everytime we have a problem, you will tell me to stay here without talking about it or fuck off.-
- Exactly that.-
- You know what, I don´t care anymore. If dad´s dead, he´s dead and if he´s alive good for him because I´m starting to think that he is sending us to all these jobs to prove something and if I see him again anytime soon I´ll be the one to tell him to fuck off. -shouted Sam.
As soon as Sam had finished the sentence, Dean took impulse and punched Sam in the face, Sam looked at him in shock for a moment, he wasn´t expecting that and when he reacted both of them fell to the floor starting a fight.
Dean stood up and started to kick her brother´s stomach, actually he wasn´t thinking what he was doing, he didn´t want Sam to go and that made him angry.
Sam couldn´t stand up because of the pain and suddenly Dean realised what he was doing and stopped. He stared at Sam, he looked at him directly in the eyes, he was hurt and it wasn´t because of the physical pain.
Sam tried to stand up and Dean holded him tightly and...
... suddenly Dean´s mouth was on Sam´s, kissing him.
Sam stayed still, of course he wasn´t expecting the fight, but he sure as hell wasn´t expecting Dean kissing him. When Dean backed off, Sam noticed the pain in his eyes, the doubts. And without even thinking he kissed him again and there were mouths and tongues and teeth and the desperation to feel again that touch, as if he had been a long time waiting for it without even noticing.
Dean placed his tongue deeply into Sam´s mouth while he tried to catch some breath, Dean´s breath.
When they separated, they stayed close, breathing falteringly.
Dean opened his mouth to say something but Sam interrupted him.
- Don´t..- said with his eyes still closed.- Are you gonna tell me to fuck off now or later?-
Dean smiled.
- We´d better leave that for later don´t you think?-
- Shouldn´t we talk about this?-
- About what?-
- You´ll never change huh?-
- I won´t. Because I know you don´t want me to. -
Sam laughed.
- So what now?-
- Well I´m planning on reading the newspaper, or... kissing you again and again. You choose.-
Sam kissed Dean again enjoying every second of it.
It seemed that they had finally found each other, because even though they had been together all this time, home was a feeling that had just started coming back.
The end