Having Mokuren present also meant that the plants and flowers grew lush and even more beautiful than they would naturally. Most of the inhabitants of the base enjoyed walking among the gardens on their off time.
Of course, Enju thought just a touch bitterly, for many of them that was more because they hoped to catch a glimpse of Mokuren singing to her beloved plants than out of any genuine appreciation for the gardens themselves. Enju had always loved the peace and serenity of gardens, but here on the base she found herself walking among them with a constant sense of apprehension. She never knew when she might turn a corner and find Gyokuran flirting with Mokuren.
It would be so much easier if she could just dislike Mokuren, Enju reflected to herself as she trailed her hand along the feathery fronds of a fern. If she could bring herself to see the other woman as an evil temptress who wouldn't be satisfied until she had the hearts of every male on the base, then it wouldn't hurt so much when Gyokuran continually ignored Enju in pursuit of a woman he could never have.
Nobody could dislike Mokuren, though. Certainly nobody with even an ounce of empathy could believe the woman was anything but graciously disinterested in anyone on the station but Shion. Mokuren did her best to discourage the attentions she received from the others. How could Enju blame Gyokuran for his fascination with a woman Enju herself couldn't dislike no matter how she tried?
That didn't make it hurt any less when Gyokuran turned away from her. Or worse, when he didn't turn away from her, but the image she could see in his heart was of Mokuren.
As if her thoughts had conjured him up, she turned a corner on the path and ran straight into him. He caught her with a startled noise, preventing her from falling, his strong hands closing gently over her arms to hold her up. "Enju!" he exclaimed, and she could feel his happiness to see her through the contact they shared. In some ways that was the worst part; he did care for her in his own way, and if Mokuren hadn't been around she thought he eventually might have come to truly return her feelings.
"Hello Gyokuran," she said, composing herself quickly. He released her when she was steady on her feet, knowing she didn't enjoy unnecessary physical contact, and that helped her to hide the bitterness of the path her thoughts had been wandering on. "I didn't expect to see you out here. Aren't you supposed to be sleeping now?"
"I couldn't sleep," he confessed with a flash of the easy smile that had captured her heart so thoroughly. She felt a thrill of excitement and dismay as he lifted his hand and brushed a strand of hair from her face. She could feel his intentions in that brief moment of contact; he was going to seduce her. By now he knew exactly how best to go about it, with gentle touches here and there until she practically vibrated with her resonance to him. And she, fool that she was, could never bring herself to deny him.
"I'd hoped I might run into you out here," he added, and she bit her lip. He was a good liar; if she hadn't been an empath she'd have believed him. He hadn't been hoping to see her, he'd been hoping to see Mokuren. Since the object of his affections wasn't here, however, she apparently would do. As always.
"Lucky for me I decided to come out tonight, then," she replied lightly, shoving her hurt as deeply into her heart as she could manage. She would take what she could get of him, make one more memory to cling to in the time she spent alone.
"I haven't seen you in a few days," he said, brushing his hand along her cheek again. "I've missed you."
She could have said that he certainly knew where he could have found her if he'd missed her that much; in a space as small as the base was, you almost had to try in order to not see someone for several days running. She could have said that he could have contacted her through half a dozen methods and asked her to meet him, if he'd wanted to see her. She could have said many things, but she didn't. She only turned her head and nuzzled into his hand, saying nothing at all.
"Come back to my room with me," he cajoled, lifting his other hand to cup her face. Leaning down, he brushed his lips over hers, deliberately concentrating on the desire he felt as he touched her. The emotion was transferred to her through the contact and she shivered helplessly beneath him.
"Yes," she breathed as he pulled back. They both knew it was the only answer she could have given him.
He kept her hand in his as they made their way down the corridors to the sleeping quarters. Sometimes she wondered if he was afraid she would change her mind and bolt if she lost physical contact with him; he needn't have worried.
The moment the door closed behind them he had her up against it, kissing her fiercely and passionately. It had been over a week since the last time he'd had her, and she could feel the built up frustration within him. Gently she reached out and soothed his need and agitation, replying to it with her own love and desire. He wasn't an empath, but they'd been together often enough now that there was a link between them formed of her own powers. Feeling her need for him reassured him, though his kiss became no less urgent.
His hands moved to the fastenings of her clothes, deftly undoing them and pushing the material away from her body. Hers were no less sure on his clothes; they'd done this often enough that the actions were automatic, requiring no thought. That was just as well, because when he touched her like this all her higher brain functions tended to shut down.
All she could think about was the sure touch of his hands on her skin, the way he ran his fingers over her body as if he were playing an instrument, coaxing every possible nuance of sensation out of her. Caught up in her empathy, she could also feel her own hands gliding over him. It let her find all the best places to touch and tease, and to gauge her caresses to give him the most pleasure possible.
Sometimes she almost wished Mokuren would just give in and sleep with him. Surely when he realized how much better sex with an empath really was, he would return to her? If only it were that easy.
"You're beautiful," he murmured against her lips, then trailed his mouth down over her throat. She gasped, arching her head back to give him better access. His hands tightened around her waist and lifted her, and instinctively she wrapped her legs around his waist to support herself. He carried her to the bed, laying her gently on it and lowering himself to cover her. He should have been too heavy, but he held himself up just a bit on his arms and that was enough to let her breathe.
"Please," she gasped, arching up into him as he ran his mouth over her breast, sucking gently on her nipple and making sparks shoot all through her body. "Gyokuran, please." She couldn't get out anything more coherent than that, struggling to find words in the sea of emotions that threatened to swamp her.
She was already wet for him. How could she not be, when with every touch she could feel his arousal as well as her own? Opening the link between them, she let him share what she felt as well, and he gasped. Someday, she kept promising herself, she would let him take his time and take her the way he would anyone else, rather than rushing things by linking them like this. 'Someday' never came though, because as wonderful as it would have been to draw things out and make them last longer, she could never resist the lure of the sweetness of drowning in the sensations between them.
He entered her slowly, shaking with the restraint needed to hold himself back. The feel of him sinking inside her was enough to take her breath away, as it always did. Sensations rushed at her from both of their perspectives, and she could feel herself filling as well as being filled. Shusuran had asked her once what it felt like from the man's perspective, but Enju had never been able to describe it.
At the moment when he was as deep inside her as he could be he paused, looking down into her eyes in the dim light of his room. His lips moved: a name, though he put no breath behind the movement to give it sound. It wasn't 'Enju'... it never was. She also kept promising herself that someday she was going to look away before this moment so she wouldn't have to see him mouth someone else's name as he took her, but the all-consuming fire in his eyes kept drawing her to watch.
This time however, to her shock the name he silently whispered wasn't 'Mokuren'. She couldn't tell what it was, not that good at reading lips unless she already had an idea of what was being said. Curious despite herself - who else could he possibly be thinking about? The name hadn't been 'Shusuran' either - she deepened the connection between them further.
Now images as well as sensations flooded her. She caught flashes of a dark-haired girl with gentle grey eyes, and though she was certain they'd never met the girl seemed oddly familiar to her. Gyokuran thrust into her and she cried out, the sweeping pleasure shattering the images into a million diamond-edged fragments. Who? she projected the wordless query at him as strongly as she could, and as he thrust again he said the name again, loudly enough for her to hear him this time.
"Issei..."
Gasping with shock, Issei jerked awake and lay panting in the bed, struggling against the desire raging in his system. Waking in the middle of a dream of Enju and Gyokuran together always left him hard and achingly empty at the same time, the memory of Enju's need overlapping his own male responses. It made it hard to think, but he needed to force himself into coherency. This was too important to lose in a haze of mindless hormones.
Beside him he could hear Jinpachi struggling for equanimity as well, his arms tightening around Issei. They were pressed close together in the small bed; Issei had come over for the second night in a row to escape the horrible heat in his own apartment.
A strong hand lifted to run over Issei's face, and he shivered. "Issei," the redhead murmured, his tone one of wonder. Still half caught in the dream, Issei heard his name overlaid with Gyokuran's voice saying "Enju," in the same awed tone.
That tone carried everything either Issei or his past self had ever wanted to hear; a dawning realization that everything Jinpachi or Gyokuran had wanted was already right there in his arms. Something broke inside Issei, or maybe it was something being mended that had already been broken for far too long. With a sob Issei threw himself into Jinpachi's embrace, their mouths meeting in a burst of shared passion.
The dream had already opened the connection between them as wide as it had ever been. Issei lost himself in it, feeling not just two sets of sensation but four. When Jinpachi's hand ran along his chest, he could feel the redhead's slightly rough fingers over the flat planes of muscle there, but he could also feel Gyokuran's hands tracing over the contours of Enju's soft breasts.
It was dizzying, and he wasn't sure from one moment to the next which perspective he was in. There was urgency in Jinpachi's touch, but there was also the love that Enju had never felt from Gyokuran. He latched onto that as a focus, using it to remind himself where and who he was.
"Please," he whispered, the words an echo of what Enju had said in the dream. "Jinpachi, please."
"Anything," the redhead answered hoarsely, leaning down to kiss him. "Anything, Issei. This time we're going to get it right, I promise."
"Then take me," Issei begged, hardly even aware of what he was saying. Some tiny part of him recognized that he was probably asking too much, that he would scare Jinpachi off again and ruin this timeless, wonderful moment. He couldn't help himself; he ached with Enju's need and his own, and could feel both Jinpachi's and Gyokuran's desire. It was too much and not enough all at once, and he felt like he might die if they didn't finish what had been started so long ago.
Jinpachi hesitated, and Issei felt his heart break when the redhead pulled away. "No," he ground out, and Issei could see what looked like burning determination in his eyes. "No, damn it. Not now, not like this."
Unable to help himself, Issei sobbed with need and the pain of rejection. Was this it, then? If Jinpachi couldn't take him when they were so closely bound to Gyokuran and Enju, would he ever be able to?
To Issei's surprise, his boyfriend leaned in and hushed his cries with a fierce kiss. "Not like this," Jinpachi repeated gruffly. "I want our first time to be because I want you, not because I'm seeing her in you and fooling myself into thinking you're a girl. This is between me and you, Issei, not Enju and Gyokuran."
Then he shocked Issei completely by reaching down between them and running his hand along Issei's weeping erection. The touch shattered the phantom of Enju that had been clinging to Issei, a sensation so intense and so uniquely male that the memory of his female self couldn't stand against it.
Suddenly it was just the two of them, Issei and Jinpachi alone together and firmly grounded in the present. "That's better," Jinpachi declared hoarsely, and leaned down to kiss Issei again. He didn't pull his hand away, and though his touch was hesitant Issei sensed no traces of repulsion in the other boy. Jinpachi would always prefer women to men and would probably never look twice at any other male, but Issei was female in all but the most important detail. And now, finally, Jinpachi had overcome his conditioned responses enough not to be scared off by that one difference.
"Yes," Issei said, arching up against him and throwing himself open to the connection between them. "Yes, please, Jinpachi. I'm yours, please."
"I'll hurt you," Jinpachi said, uncertainly. "Won't I? Damn it, Issei, I don't know what I'm doing. Isn't there something I'm supposed to do first, to keep from hurting you?"
Laughing breathlessly, Issei hooked his arms around the redhead's neck and leaned up to kiss him again. "You must have hand lotion or something," he said knowingly. He might have the soul of a female, but he'd had the body of a teenage boy. "That will be enough."
Groaning, Jinpachi somehow managed to push himself away from Issei and stumble out of the bed. Issei lay there aching for the feel of him, concentrating on steadying his breathing and trying to keep himself as contained as he could. A smile played briefly over his lips as he realized they were about to thoroughly test Jinpachi's assertion that a bit of empathic spillover wouldn't bother anyone in his dorm.
It felt like an eternity before his boyfriend finally returned, clutching a tube of hand cream. It wasn't the most ideal thing they could have used, and Issei made a mental note to find something more appropriate at the first opportunity. Right now he wasn't about to say 'stop' even if they hadn't had anything but spit to use as lubrication.
Jinpachi's hands were shaking as he fumbled with the cap, and Issei took it from him. He squeezed the cool lotion onto his hand, then looked up and met the redhead's eyes. Holding their gazes locked together, he reached down and smoothed the lotion over Jinpachi's cock, feeling the shock of the touch resonating in his own body through their link.
"Issei," Jinpachi breathed, and his eyes drifted shut as he fought for control. He swallowed hard, and Issei's breathing was no less ragged than his. "Gods, Issei."
"Yes," Issei said, in answer to the multitude of questions and pleas implicit in Jinpachi's tone. "Please, Jinpachi. Now."
He fell back against the pillows, looking up as Jinpachi positioned himself over him. He tried to put all of his trust and longing into his eyes to soothe the other boy's misgivings and apprehensions, and projected his love and desire over their link as strongly as he could. Jinpachi shuddered and leaned down so their foreheads rested together.
"As good as that feels, you might want to ease up a bit," he whispered hoarsely. "Or you're going to make me embarrass myself, damn it."
Laughing softly, Issei stopped trying so hard to share his feelings and just let the link connect them without any effort on his part. Jinpachi pressed against him, and Issei caught his breath at the sharp sense of pressure and almost pain.
Then it was pain as Jinpachi forced himself inside, and they both cried out at the shared sensation. "Don't stop," Issei said, clutching at the other boy's shoulders. "Gods, don't you dare stop now!" It hurt, yes, but he could sense a promise of pleasure lurking behind the pain. If he could just let his body adjust to the sensation of being split nearly in half, or so it seemed, he was sure the pain would fade and leave nothing but the pleasure.
Taking a deep breath, Jinpachi eased himself further in. They were both trembling, and Issei did his best to focus on what Jinpachi was feeling rather than his own body. "You're so tight," the redhead gasped, rocking another half inch deeper inside him. "I can't believe... it feels so different. So good."
If Issei had ever wondered whether Jinpachi had already had experience with girls, that answered his question. He found he didn't care as much as he'd thought he might; Jinpachi was with him now, and that was all that really mattered. The fact that he could feel Jinpachi's awe at the intensity of sensation created by being inside Issei didn't hurt, either.
Some lingering instinct of Enju's made him look up as Jinpachi came to rest all the way inside him at last, and the redhead looked back at him with dazed eyes. "Issei," he murmured, almost too soft to hear, and tears of joy welled up in Issei's eyes.
Immediately Jinpachi's expression turned to dismay. "You're crying! Damn it, I am hurting you too much. Issei..."
Laughing through his tears, Issei hushed him with a kiss. They both gasped as the movement rocked them together, every tiny shift causing a flood of sensation to pass between them. "It doesn't hurt," he assured his boyfriend, and he was speaking the truth. The worst of the pain had passed, leaving only a somewhat uncomfortable feeling of fullness. The promise of pleasure still lingered beneath, and he tilted his hips up to try to encourage Jinpachi to move.
Lowering his head to bury his face against Issei's shoulder, Jinpachi gave in to his urging and the needs of his own body. He withdrew almost all the way, making Issei gasp at the sudden feeling of emptiness. When he thrust back in again they both shuddered with the intense pleasure of it. Issei's tight heat felt indescribable wrapped around Jinpachi's cock, and the friction between their bodies where Issei's cock was trapped was enough to send spikes of pleasure shooting through him.
Slowly Jinpachi moved over him, his pace as deliberate as he could manage. They both wanted to draw it out, this first time between them, but they both knew neither of them was going to last long at this rate.
With a grunt Jinpachi changed his position slightly, altering the angle he was thrusting into Issei. On the next thrust Issei nearly screamed with sudden, unexpected pleasure, his vision going white at the edges with the sheer intensity of it. Jinpachi froze, trembling on the edge of release from the shared sensation, and they panted for air.
"It's a good thing your anti-conditioning worked, because I'm going to be completely ruined for anything else after that," Jinpachi choked out, making Issei laugh breathlessly. "What the hell was that?"
"Prostate," Issei told him, feeling dizzy with pleasure and need. "One small compensation for being stuck in this body. Do it again, Jinpachi!"
Unable to resist, Jinpachi pulled out and thrust in again, rubbing against the spot that sent ecstasy singing through their blood. And again, then once more, and then they were both lost in the sharp peak of orgasm shared between them.
Issei clutched at Jinpachi, totally lost in the ecstasy flooding through the link. For a long moment he completely lost track of himself, uncertain which of the sensations he was awash in were his and which were only shared.
They lay together for a long moment, the pleasure ebbing slowly and leaving only a sleepy lassitude and sense of extreme contentment between them. Issei felt like he could have happily stayed like that forever, if they could only have frozen that moment in time.
"What... what was that?" Jinpachi finally asked, lifting his head enough to look into Issei's eyes. The moonlight coming faintly through the blinds over the window was just enough for them to be able to see each other, and from the slightly bewildered look on the redhead's face Issei thought it was safe to assume he wasn't asking about the sex they'd just had. "That dream. Gyokuran was thinking of you. That can't have been a memory, can it?"
So Jinpachi had shared the same dream he had. Not surprising; they'd often shared the moon dreams even when sleeping apart in their own beds, and the close contact between their naked bodies now would have ensured they would dream together tonight.
No more certain of what had happened than his boyfriend was, Issei shook his head. "I don't know," he replied breathlessly, still partly lost in pleasure. "Until that last moment it was the same as one of the encounters between them we've already remembered together." He could have described in intimate detail every moment Enju and Gyokuran had ever shared, and that had definitely been one of them.
"I think," he finally ventured, trying to force his mind to work properly through the sensation of Jinpachi against him, "I think maybe our own subconscious minds leaked over into the dream, because the connection between us is so strong now. We've never shared a dream of them together when we were this close before, have we?"
"No," Jinpachi agreed, slowly withdrawing from him. Issei shivered with a sense of loss and sudden emptiness, and Jinpachi gathered him close in an impulsive hug. "No, the first time we dreamed of them having sex we were apart, and you never stayed at my house after that."
"I was too afraid of what I might do if you were right there in front of me when I woke up from that," Issei confessed, blushing as he lowered his eyes. "I could tell from the way you talked about it that you hadn't reacted as strongly as I had. That was when I first started to realize that my feelings about you might not be entirely appropriate."
He was surprised when Jinpachi ran a hand through his tangled hair, smoothing it back off his face. "And then you kissed me on the roof, and I broke your heart, didn't I?"
"You only finished what had already started," Issei whispered, unable to look at him. "Most of me knew I didn't have a chance with you. I just had to find out for sure, or I'd have spent my whole life wondering if it was only that you were as scared to say anything as I was."
"Issei. I'm sorry," Jinpachi said, rubbing their cheeks together briefly before pulling away. "There are so many ways I could have handled that better. Looking back on it now I could kick myself for the way I hurt you. Not just then, but damn near every day after that."
Taking a deep breath, Issei lifted his head and gave his boyfriend a watery smile. "It hurt, but maybe it was all for the best," he said softly. "If things hadn't happened the way they did, we might have kept our friendship but lost the chance for this."
Nodding slowly, Jinpachi looked down at him thoughtfully. They'd kicked the sheets off in their passion, and now Issei lay exposed before him. Jinpachi just looked at him for a long moment, and Issei held his breath, uncertain of what the emotions he was sensing meant.
Reaching out, Jinpachi tucked Issei's long dark hair back behind his body. "Jinpachi?" Issei asked uncertainly. Right now his hair was the only thing that made him look particularly feminine.
"I just... need you to be Issei instead of Isako for just a moment," Jinpachi murmured. "I need to know - and you need to know - and I need to make this up to you."
Swallowing hard, Issei stayed still and let Jinpachi hide his hair. He was trembling, feeling exposed in a way that simply lying naked in front of his boyfriend hadn't made him feel. Finally Jinpachi stopped and just looked at him. Issei couldn't read his expression at all, his eyes shadowed with his thoughts.
He could have read the redhead's emotions through their link, of course, but Issei found he was too scared to do so. If Jinpachi concluded that he wasn't ready or willing to face Issei as he truly was, Issei didn't want to know about it.
Then, to his surprise, Jinpachi leaned in and kissed him, slow and gentle. "I love you, Issei," he said firmly, and Issei couldn't help but feel the wave of love Jinpachi projected at him. "I reacted like a childish asshole back then, but I'll make it up to you." He smiled ruefully as he put a little distance between them again. "I'll always be more comfortable when you're Isako, but at least now you know I'm not going to run away again."
"Thank you," Issei whispered, rolling onto his side and embracing the other boy tightly. Jinpachi had changed so much from the brash, thoughtless boy he'd been back then, and Issei loved him all the more for it.