Title: Just a Friend (part 3 of 6?)
Author: the Black Rose
Pairing: Athrun x Lacus
Fandom: Gundam Seed
Theme: #17, kHz
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed. This fanfiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this story, or the use of characters owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

AN: Italics are flashbacks. Thanks so much for reading! Love, Rose

Part 3

The first time she said it, I was elated. Then, it made me happy to hear her tell me she loved me, but it also made me ache for a time when she would say it and mean it as more than 'as a friend'. But, after another year went by…

I began to hate those words.

The way I hated every time she introduced me to another girl.

The way I hated every boyfriend she'd ever had.

I hated being trapped. Trapped by my own feelings. Trapped because I couldn't find a way to express them to her.

-

Years later… Years after we first met, after I first realized…how I felt about her. I'm still trapped. Only, now it's a trap of another kind.

"Good morning," Lacus said in a quiet voice.

And so our routine begins again. But, today will be the last time either of us has to repeat it. I hate it, and yet it's safe. It means she's still speaking to me, even if it'll never be the same…

I closed my eyes. I didn't have to glance that way to see her.

She would be wearing jeans. With her hair down to her waist. Light makeup over her natural beauty, and in the sunlight streaming in the classroom windows, I'd just be able to make out the tiny freckles on her nose and under her eyes (the ones she always tried to hide). Her smile was perfect with teeth that weren't exactly perfectly aligned in the center. I was probably the only one to notice…

She would speak to me with her gaze lowered, like she couldn't stand to look me in the eye.

I guess I can't really blame her. I'm mad at me, too.

"Good morning," I said.

Maybe I could tell her that, and sympathize with her about how that Athrun Zala, is such the creep. And maybe she could forgive the part of me that still had sense.

It just wasn't the part of me that had any courage.

"How…" Her voice sounded hesitant and flat. I wondered why she bothered to sit next to me at all. We didn't have assigned seats…

"How was your weekend?"

"Fine." That was a lie. It was miserable, cold, boring. Dearka swung by, but I didn't feel like talking.

"Did you…spend time with friends?"

I opened my eyes and stared at my hands. I risked a glance at where she held hers clasped together on top of the long table that served as our desks. "Not really." Her fingers were thin, small, and completely bare of any jewelry.

My heart skipped a half-dozen beats and I thought it might have actually stopped altogether.

"Do any studying?" Her fingers wrung themselves together into a pattern that looked awkward for her wrists. Sunlight streamed in small slivers through the blinds on the window to her far right and cast a broken shadow on the tabletop. She still wouldn't look at me.

"Yeah." I still didn't look at her.

Thud. Thumpity thud. Great. I was going to have a heart attack before our exam. I held my breath

She bowed her head – I could see the shadow change shape on the table. "You've been quiet…" Her hands tightened their grip on one another. Her knuckles turned white.

I think her fingers had a grasp on my heart. "So have you."

-

Cold air blasted against my skin, and then froze beneath the overhang on the covered patio. Something trickled down the fingers of my right hand. Heat thawed my left cheek and it pulsed in a painful rhythm.

"Athrun!" Dearka threw open the door and ran outside - towards where I was standing – or maybe he was running towards Lacus, or the idiot lying face down on the ground behind me.

"Dude, you're bleeding. What the hell happened?"

"Athrun…" Her quiet voice reached my ears.

The world had long since spiraled out of control. The ground moved higher. I realized I was kneeling. I tried to catch my breath, but the cool air stung all the way through my system. It chilled the alcohol in my veins.

"I hate him."

-

"I…I went by your apartment last week." She had already broken our routine. Was it just for old times' sake? Or maybe…

"It didn't look like anyone still lived there. Are…are you already packed?"

"Yeah." I wanted to look at her. I wanted to face her. I wanted… "I didn't see you."

"I guess you weren't home?"

Damn, I was a coward. I hung my head and settled for answering her questions. "I've had a few interviews. It's kept me busy. I haven't been home a lot."

"Were…" Her fingers untangled themselves and she placed her hands flat – one over the other. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"

-

Dearka chuckled. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and pressed it to the wound on my cheek. "Well, I didn't figure you liked him since you knocked him out cold. I saw him charge out here—"

I grabbed the handkerchief from his grasp and turned away. "He started it."

"And I guess you finished it for him." My friend's usually easy-going voice formed an icy edge.

I snarled and swung around. I sent him a look I hoped was scathing. "Yeah. I did. Do you have a problem with it?"

"Dude. You're drunk." Dearka shook his blond head.

"Damn right." I decided that standing seemed like a lot of effort. And anger was no longer thrumming through my veins. I plopped down on the ground. "I am."

"You don't drink."

I scowled at the pavement. "I do, now."

"Lacus, what the hell's going on?" Dearka's voice rose. He sounded angry – similar to the anger I had felt a few moments ago. I let my head loll back so I could look up at where she towered over me.

I rose to my knees and then back to my feet. The night air was still too cold, and I wanted to go inside. "Lacus?"

She looked at me. Then over at HIM. Her tiny hands curled into small fists – the kind that couldn't hurt anyone – unless she hit the person a hundred times.

When she met my gaze again…

I wished she would have hit me a thousand times, instead.